Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.
Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with.
Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.
A topic that leads to the argument today is make choices to try new things or keep doing what people feel familiar with. Numerous views from situations are made, thus I am going to give some questions to discuss about each option.
For instance, when is it? If it is when a holiday time after long year work or when we need an adventure, new places should be chosen. Mostly is not ready to travel same tourist attractive as last time or exploit a location where they have experienced. Likewise, if they would like to gain the knowledge, new book is a brilliantly decision and to a foodie, new menu and restaurants are they should try. When people are in the mood of develop themselves, they are tend to discovery things if there are opportunities.
Though other people keep choosing familiarity and the question is who are they going with. If it is a occasion to invite the family to dinner, better choose a familiar place to go so that no risk will be happen. And private stories must be told to close friends who wholly know the problem, simply people prefer to repeat same things because they feel safe, the repetitive is their consoling limit.
Opposite to people who always want to venture new food and beverage, others have custom to drink coffee every morning, eat same food for whole week or rewatch a movie several times. Undoubtedly, the reason is mostly their habit or even hobby, I am an example for eating Vietnamese noodles five times a week, certainly, because it is fascinating.
However, there is a perspective that people who attempt to new things are extroverted and others are introverted but no evidence supports it until now.
In conclusion, no manners of choosing new or familiar things is good or bad, nor a person character does not effect to the decision. People have the right to make themselves comfortable as find themselves among doing what they love.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- "make choices" -> "making choices"
Explanation: "Make choices" is grammatically correct but sounds slightly less formal. "Making choices" is a more refined and active construction, aligning better with academic writing conventions. - "Numerous views from situations are made" -> "Various perspectives arise from different situations"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "Numerous views from situations are made" can be simplified to "Various perspectives arise from different situations" for better readability and formality. - "brilliantly decision" -> "excellent decision"
Explanation: "Brilliantly" is an informal adverb. Replacing it with "excellent" maintains the positive connotation while enhancing formality. - "to a foodie" -> "for food enthusiasts"
Explanation: "To a foodie" is too colloquial for academic writing. "For food enthusiasts" is a more suitable and formal alternative. - "they are tend to discovery things" -> "they tend to discover new things"
Explanation: "They are tend to discovery things" is grammatically incorrect. "They tend to discover new things" is grammatically accurate and maintains formality. - "no risk will be happen" -> "no risk will occur"
Explanation: "No risk will be happen" is grammatically incorrect. "No risk will occur" is a more precise and formal expression. - "simply people prefer to repeat same things" -> "people simply prefer to repeat the same things"
Explanation: Placing "simply" before "people" disrupts the sentence structure. "People simply prefer to repeat the same things" maintains clarity and formality. - "repetitive is their consoling limit" -> "repetition is their source of solace"
Explanation: "Repetitive is their consoling limit" lacks clarity and sounds awkward. "Repetition is their source of solace" is a clearer and more formal expression. - "have custom to drink" -> "have a habit of drinking"
Explanation: "Have custom to drink" is not idiomatic in English. "Have a habit of drinking" is a more natural and formal phrasing. - "Undoubtedly, the reason is mostly their habit or even hobby" -> "Undoubtedly, the primary reason is their habit or even hobby"
Explanation: Adding "primary" enhances precision and formality, providing a clearer indication of the main reason. - "until now" -> "to date"
Explanation: "Until now" is slightly informal. "To date" is a more formal alternative commonly used in academic writing. - "no manners of choosing new or familiar things" -> "no method of choosing between new and familiar things"
Explanation: "No manners of choosing new or familiar things" is grammatically incorrect. "No method of choosing between new and familiar things" is a more precise and formal expression. - "nor a person character does not effect to the decision" -> "nor does a person’s character affect the decision"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Nor does a person’s character affect the decision" is grammatically accurate and maintains formality. - "People have the right to make themselves comfortable as find themselves among doing what they love." -> "Individuals have the right to seek comfort in pursuing their passions."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and is grammatically incorrect. "Individuals have the right to seek comfort in pursuing their passions" is a clearer and more formal expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding trying new things versus sticking to familiar ones. It discusses various situations where people might prefer one over the other, such as during holidays or when seeking personal development.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more structured approach to addressing all parts of the question. Provide more balanced arguments and examples for each perspective, discussing not just when each option might be chosen but also why individuals might prefer one over the other in different contexts.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position favoring both trying new things and sticking to familiar ones, without strongly leaning towards either side. It acknowledges the merits of both perspectives but does not clearly articulate a personal opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, establish a stronger thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic. Maintain this position consistently throughout the essay, providing arguments and examples to support it while acknowledging counterarguments.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to trying new things and sticking to familiar ones but lacks depth in elaboration and support. For example, while it mentions situations like holidays or personal habits, it does not delve deeply into the reasons behind these preferences.
- How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and reasoning. Develop each point more thoroughly to strengthen your arguments and engage the reader more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the attitudes toward trying new things versus sticking to familiar ones. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as mentioning extroversion and introversion without directly tying them to the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a stronger focus on the main topic throughout the essay. Avoid tangential discussions unless they directly contribute to supporting your main arguments or addressing the prompt’s requirements.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas. To improve the score, focus on structuring the essay more effectively, clearly stating your position, providing deeper analysis and support for your arguments, and maintaining a consistent focus on the topic throughout. Keep practicing and refining your writing to achieve a higher level of coherence, depth, and relevance in your essays.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It attempts to address the prompt by discussing both attitudes towards trying new things and sticking to the familiar. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, with transitions between points being abrupt or unclear. For example, the introduction could be more succinct and directly address the two attitudes mentioned in the prompt. Additionally, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is often unclear, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, it’s essential to have a clear and concise introduction that directly addresses the prompt and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Using transitional phrases and logical connectors can also help to improve the coherence between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing are inconsistent. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to confusion and lack of clarity, while others lack coherence within the paragraph itself. For instance, the second paragraph discusses different scenarios without clear separation, making it difficult to discern the main points. Moreover, the concluding paragraph introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the main arguments.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or aspect of the argument, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning to introduce the point. Supporting details and examples should then be provided to develop and clarify the main idea. It’s also essential to ensure coherence within each paragraph by maintaining a logical progression of ideas and using transitional phrases where necessary. Finally, the concluding paragraph should summarize the main points discussed in the essay without introducing new information.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some attempts to use cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "for instance," "likewise," "though") and pronouns (e.g., "they," "others," "it"). However, their usage is limited, and there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices employed throughout the essay. This results in a somewhat repetitive and monotonous writing style, with transitions between ideas often feeling abrupt or forced.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, it’s crucial to diversify the range of cohesive devices used in the essay. This can include not only transitional phrases but also pronouns, conjunctions, and other linking words (e.g., "however," "in addition," "consequently"). Using a variety of cohesive devices can help to create a smoother and more cohesive flow of ideas, guiding the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they connect ideas seamlessly and naturally.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. There are instances where synonyms are used effectively, such as "adventure" for trying new things and "familiarity" for sticking to the known. However, there is a repetition of certain words and phrases throughout the essay, which limits the breadth of vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of "new" and "familiar" could be diversified for a richer lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, try to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "new" and "familiar," explore alternative terms such as "novel" or "unfamiliar" for variety. Additionally, aim to include specialized vocabulary related to the essay topic, such as specific types of food or activities.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. There are instances where vocabulary is used accurately to convey meaning, such as "adventure" and "repetitive." However, there are also instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "make choices" instead of "choose" or "tend to discovery" instead of "tend to discover." These inaccuracies slightly detract from the clarity of expression.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting the most fitting words to express ideas clearly. Instead of using phrases like "make choices," opt for more concise terms like "choose" or "decide." Be mindful of verb forms and ensure they align with the context of the sentence. Additionally, consider consulting a thesaurus to find precise synonyms that capture the intended meaning accurately.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mixed level of spelling accuracy. While many words are spelled correctly, there are several instances of misspellings or typographical errors that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Examples include "decision" spelled as "desicion" and "occasion" spelled as "occaision." These errors, although not pervasive, indicate a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submitting the essay. Additionally, utilize spell-checking tools or dictionaries to verify the correct spelling of words, especially those that are commonly misspelled. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for errors systematically can significantly improve spelling proficiency over time.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence lengths and beginnings, but the diversity is limited. Simple sentences dominate, with occasional compound sentences. More complex structures such as conditional sentences or relative clauses are lacking. While some sentences are clear and effective, others suffer from awkward phrasing or ambiguity, impacting readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and effectiveness, strive to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences like conditional sentences (e.g., "If…then…" constructions), relative clauses (e.g., "which," "who" clauses), and passive voice constructions where appropriate. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays noticeable issues with grammar and punctuation accuracy. Errors include subject-verb agreement problems (e.g., "is it?" should be "when is it?"), tense consistency issues (e.g., "they are tend" should be "they tend"), article misuse (e.g., "a occasion" should be "an occasion"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas, incorrect use of apostrophes). These errors hinder comprehension and detract from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing and practicing key grammar rules. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper article usage. Additionally, refine your understanding of punctuation rules, ensuring correct placement of commas, apostrophes, and other punctuation marks. Proofreading your writing carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors, improving the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The topic under discussion today revolves around making choices between trying new things and sticking with what feels familiar. Various perspectives arise from different situations, so I will present some considerations for each option.
Firstly, timing plays a crucial role. During holidays or when seeking adventure, opting for new experiences is ideal. Most people aren’t keen on revisiting the same tourist spots or exploring familiar locations. Similarly, those inclined towards knowledge acquisition would benefit from diving into a new book, while food enthusiasts should explore new menus and restaurants. When individuals are in the mood for personal growth, they naturally gravitate towards discovering new things whenever opportunities arise.
On the contrary, some individuals prefer familiarity. Consider who they are spending time with. For family gatherings, opting for familiar places reduces the risk of unwanted surprises. Similarly, personal stories are best shared with close friends who understand the situation fully. Many people find solace in repeating familiar routines because it provides a sense of security; repetition becomes a comforting anchor in their lives.
In contrast to those who constantly seek new culinary experiences, others have set habits like having coffee every morning, eating the same food all week, or rewatching movies. Undoubtedly, such habits stem from personal preferences or even hobbies. For example, I, myself, enjoy Vietnamese noodles five times a week simply because I find them fascinating.
However, there’s a perspective that individuals who embrace new experiences are extroverted, while those who prefer the familiar are introverted. Yet, there’s no conclusive evidence supporting this notion.
In conclusion, neither choosing new experiences nor sticking with the familiar is inherently good or bad. Likewise, a person’s character doesn’t dictate their choices. Everyone has the right to seek comfort and fulfillment by engaging in activities they enjoy and feel comfortable with.
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