Some people living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals believe that nowadays people have a better quality of life than previous centuries. I agree with this announcement for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay.
The reason firstly is the development of the medical industry. Developing of medical industry helps people improve their health. Many medicines appear helps improve many sicks. While previous centuries medical industry do not many innovation, humans have many problems about health, and they could not live. For instance, people invented a drug to treat influenza, but not before. That is a reason helps people now have a better quality of than previous centuries.
Furthermore, Innovation technology also helps people have a quality life. Nowadays, everyone could use modern apparatus such as transportation or for their life. These apparatus helps they easily move everywhere. On the other hand, Previous centuries, modern technology should they move do not fast, and everything is slow to develop. Technology plays an essential role in helping people have better lives.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the announcement that individuals have a better quality of life than previous centuries. Therefore, innovation in the medical industry and technology support a lot of people now.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many individuals believe" -> "Many people believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is often used in formal writing, but "people" is more commonly used in academic texts to refer to humans in general, making it more suitable for this context.
"nowadays people have a better quality of life than previous centuries" -> "currently, people enjoy a better quality of life compared to previous centuries"
Explanation: "Currently" is more precise and formal than "nowadays," and "enjoy" is more appropriate than "have" to describe the positive aspect of life quality.
"I agree with this announcement" -> "I concur with this assertion"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "assertion" is a more precise term than "announcement" in academic writing.
"The reason firstly is" -> "The first reason is"
Explanation: "The reason firstly" is grammatically incorrect. "The first reason" is the correct form.
"Developing of medical industry" -> "Advancements in the medical industry"
Explanation: "Advancements" is a more precise and formal term than "developing," which is vague and less specific.
"helps people improve their health" -> "enhances health outcomes"
Explanation: "Enhances health outcomes" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact on health.
"Many medicines appear helps improve many sicks" -> "Numerous medications have been developed to treat various illnesses"
Explanation: "Numerous medications have been developed" is more precise and formal than "many medicines appear helps improve many sicks," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"previous centuries medical industry do not many innovation" -> "the medical industry of previous centuries has not seen significant innovation"
Explanation: This correction clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language.
"humans have many problems about health" -> "people faced numerous health issues"
Explanation: "People faced numerous health issues" is more formal and precise than "humans have many problems about health."
"they could not live" -> "they were unable to survive"
Explanation: "Were unable to survive" is more formal and specific than "could not live," which is somewhat colloquial.
"people invented a drug to treat influenza, but not before" -> "the development of a drug to treat influenza was a significant innovation"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the statement, avoiding the awkward and informal phrasing of the original.
"helps people now have a quality life" -> "enables people to lead a better life"
Explanation: "Enables people to lead a better life" is more formal and precise than "helps people now have a quality life."
"everyone could use modern apparatus such as transportation or for their life" -> "everyone can utilize modern devices such as transportation and appliances for daily life"
Explanation: "Utilize" and "appliances" are more precise and formal than "could use" and "apparatus," and "daily life" is clearer than "for their life."
"These apparatus helps they easily move everywhere" -> "These devices facilitate easy movement"
Explanation: "Facilitate easy movement" is more concise and formal than "These apparatus helps they easily move everywhere," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"Previous centuries, modern technology should they move do not fast" -> "In previous centuries, modern technology was not as advanced"
Explanation: This correction clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure and content.
"Technology plays an essential role in helping people have better lives" -> "Technology plays a crucial role in enhancing the quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhancing the quality of life" is a more precise and formal expression than "helping people have better lives."
"Therefore, innovation in the medical industry and technology support a lot of people now" -> "Therefore, innovations in the medical industry and technology significantly benefit many individuals today"
Explanation: "Significantly benefit many individuals today" is more formal and precise than "support a lot of people now," and "innovations" is plural to match the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by agreeing that people in the 21st century have a better quality of life compared to previous centuries. However, it only partially covers the topic. The writer mentions two main reasons: advancements in the medical industry and technology. While these points are relevant, the essay lacks depth and fails to explore the extent to which these advancements have improved quality of life. For example, the discussion on medical advancements is vague and does not provide a comprehensive view of how these improvements compare to past centuries.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should elaborate on the specific improvements in quality of life, perhaps by discussing various aspects such as health, education, and living standards. Including counterarguments or acknowledging areas where quality of life may not have improved would also provide a more balanced response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, agreeing with the prompt. However, the clarity of this position is undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that distract from the argument. For instance, phrases like "this announcement" and "a reason helps people now have a better quality of than previous centuries" are unclear and confusing.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using clear and precise language. Revising awkward phrases and ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with clear topic sentences for each paragraph would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to medical advancements and technology, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of a drug for influenza is too vague and lacks context or significance. The discussion on technology is similarly underdeveloped, lacking specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and evidence for each point made. This could include statistics on life expectancy, specific technological innovations, or comparisons of living conditions between centuries. Expanding on each point with relevant details will help to substantiate the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the quality of life in the 21st century compared to previous centuries. However, there are moments where the writing becomes unclear, leading to potential deviations from the main argument. For instance, the phrase "modern technology should they move do not fast" is confusing and detracts from the main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the argument. Avoiding vague or confusing language will help keep the writing clear and relevant. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing can help ensure that all points made are directly related to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but requires significant improvement in clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on elaborating ideas, providing specific examples, and ensuring clear language will enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that individuals today enjoy a better quality of life compared to previous centuries. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses medical advancements, but the explanation is somewhat muddled, lacking a clear progression of thought. The transition from discussing the medical industry to specific examples is abrupt, which disrupts the logical flow. The second body paragraph introduces technological innovation but similarly lacks a coherent structure, with sentences that do not connect smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Following this, the supporting sentences should build on that idea systematically. For example, when discussing medical advancements, the writer could first outline the general improvements in healthcare, followed by specific examples, and then conclude with a statement linking back to the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The introduction is clear, but the body paragraphs lack distinct separation of ideas. The first body paragraph attempts to cover multiple points about the medical industry without clear transitions, while the second paragraph merges technology with quality of life without a strong thematic connection. This can confuse readers about the main points being made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the argument. It would be beneficial to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details. Additionally, the writer should consider using more structured transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "furthermore," and "on the other hand." However, the range is limited, and the devices used are sometimes applied incorrectly or awkwardly. For example, "on the other hand" is used in a context that does not present a contrasting idea, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to choppy sentences that disrupt the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "for example," "consequently," and "however." Practicing the correct context for these devices is crucial; for instance, "on the other hand" should only be used when presenting a contrasting viewpoint. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which would enhance cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear argument and some effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a range of vocabulary, such as "medical industry," "innovation," and "quality of life." However, the range is limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "better quality of life" and "medical industry." This indicates a reliance on a narrow set of terms rather than a broader vocabulary that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "better quality of life," phrases like "enhanced living standards" or "improved lifestyle" could be used. Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to health and technology, such as "healthcare advancements" or "technological innovations," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "announcement" is used incorrectly; it should be replaced with "statement" or "claim." Additionally, "sicks" is not a correct term; the appropriate word would be "sicknesses" or "illnesses." The phrase "helps they easily move everywhere" is also awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary in context and using resources like thesauruses or vocabulary lists can help. Practicing sentence structure to ensure clarity will also aid in precise communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Developing of medical industry" (should be "The development of the medical industry"), "sicks" (should be "illnesses"), and "apparatus helps they easily move" (should be "apparatus helps them easily move"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can also help catch errors. Additionally, reading more widely can enhance familiarity with correct spelling and usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly improve the Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, phrases like "The reason firstly is the development of the medical industry" and "Innovation technology also helps people have a quality life" reflect a basic structure without variation. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "helps people improve their health" and "helps they easily move everywhere" indicates a reliance on similar sentence patterns, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Many medicines appear helps improve many sicks," you could write, "Many new medicines have emerged that significantly improve the treatment of various illnesses." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can add variety. Practicing sentence transformation exercises and reading more complex texts can help develop this skill.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "Developing of medical industry helps people improve their health" should be corrected to "The development of the medical industry helps people improve their health." The phrase "Many medicines appear helps improve many sicks" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "Many new medicines have appeared that help improve various illnesses." Additionally, the use of "do not many innovation" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "did not have many innovations." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, also affect readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review the rules of subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, ensure that nouns are preceded by the appropriate articles (e.g., "the medical industry" instead of "medical industry"). Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as proofreading essays for common errors, can significantly improve accuracy. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, it suffers from limited grammatical range and multiple inaccuracies. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the overall quality of writing can be significantly enhanced.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that nowadays people have a better quality of life than in previous centuries. I concur with this assertion for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay.

The first reason is the development of the medical industry. The advancement of the medical industry helps people improve their health. Many medicines have been developed to treat various illnesses. While in previous centuries the medical industry did not see many innovations, humans faced numerous health problems, and they were unable to survive. For instance, the development of a drug to treat influenza was a significant innovation that enables people to lead a better life than in previous centuries.

Furthermore, advancements in technology also help people enjoy a better quality of life. Nowadays, everyone can utilize modern devices such as transportation and appliances for their daily life. These devices facilitate easy movement. On the other hand, in previous centuries, modern technology was not as advanced, and people could not move quickly; everything was slow to develop. Technology plays a crucial role in enhancing the quality of life.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the assertion that individuals have a better quality of life than in previous centuries. Therefore, innovations in the medical industry and technology significantly benefit many individuals today.