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Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that cultural traditions are compromised when they are used as profit-driven attractions for tourists. By contrast, others believe that monetizing these traditions is the only way to preserve them. This essay will illuminate both sides of the controversy prior to stating my own standpoint.
On the one hand, some advocates for the former view often cite that commercializing traditional customs leads to losing authenticity. To be more specific, when traditions are transformed into tourist attractions, they may be simplified, distorted, or even appropriated to cater to the demands of the market. This can result in a loss of their original meaning and significance. Not only does the pursuit of profit inappropriately modify traditonal values but it also adversely affects the environment. Some irresponsible behaviors of tourist damaged natural attractions. For instance, Ha Long Bay – one of the most famous attractions in Vietnam is facing risk of being polluted by trash released in the coasts.
On the other hand, some others have been supporting for the latter view that monetizing from cultural traditions can also be a means of preserving them. By generating revenue through tourism, local communities can invest in the preservation and promotion of their cultural heritage. Additionally, commercialization can help to raise awareness of these traditions and attract visitors from around the world, which can contribute to their continued practice and transmission to future generations.
In recapitulation, while both of the aforementioned sides have their own truth, I personally opine that commercializing cultural traditions should be operated in a respect and thoughtful way. Because of that, government and local authorities have to have policies about exploiting traditional values for tourism to promote tourist aspects and also preserve cultural traditions.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.

  2. "compromised" -> "altered"
    Explanation: "Altered" is a more precise term in this context, as it specifically refers to the modification of cultural traditions, whereas "compromised" can imply a negative impact on integrity or quality, which may not be the intended meaning here.

  3. "profit-driven attractions" -> "commercial attractions"
    Explanation: "Commercial attractions" is a more specific and formal term that directly relates to the economic aspect of tourism, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  4. "prior to stating my own standpoint" -> "before presenting my perspective"
    Explanation: "Presenting my perspective" is a more formal expression than "stating my standpoint," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise in an academic context.

  5. "often cite that" -> "often argue that"
    Explanation: "Argue" is more appropriate than "cite" in this context, as it directly indicates the act of presenting an argument, which is more relevant to the discussion of opinions.

  6. "leads to losing authenticity" -> "results in a loss of authenticity"
    Explanation: "Results in a loss of authenticity" is a more formal and precise way to express the consequence of commercialization, aligning better with academic style.

  7. "Not only does the pursuit of profit inappropriately modify traditonal values but it also adversely affects the environment." -> "Not only does the pursuit of profit inappropriately modify traditional values, but it also negatively impacts the environment."
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses "negatively impacts" instead of "adversely affects" for a more formal tone and precise expression.

  8. "Some irresponsible behaviors of tourist damaged natural attractions." -> "Some irresponsible behaviors by tourists have damaged natural attractions."
    Explanation: Correcting "behaviors of tourist" to "behaviors by tourists" fixes the grammatical error and clarifies the subject of the sentence, enhancing readability and formality.

  9. "Ha Long Bay – one of the most famous attractions in Vietnam is facing risk of being polluted" -> "Ha Long Bay, one of Vietnam’s most renowned attractions, is at risk of pollution"
    Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical structure and uses "at risk of pollution" for a more formal and precise expression, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "facing risk of being polluted."

  10. "some others have been supporting for the latter view" -> "others support the latter view"
    Explanation: Simplifying "some others have been supporting for" to "others support" removes redundancy and enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  11. "monetizing from cultural traditions" -> "monetizing cultural traditions"
    Explanation: Removing "from" corrects the prepositional error and aligns with the correct usage in this context, enhancing the grammatical accuracy.

  12. "In recapitulation" -> "In summary"
    Explanation: "In summary" is a more conventional and formal phrase than "In recapitulation," which is less commonly used in academic writing and may be considered overly formal or archaic.

  13. "government and local authorities have to have policies" -> "governments and local authorities must establish policies"
    Explanation: "Must establish" is more direct and formal than "have to have," and "governments" is plural to encompass both national and local authorities, improving the precision and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the commercialization of cultural traditions. The first paragraph outlines the concerns about losing authenticity and the negative impacts on the environment, while the second paragraph presents the counterargument that monetization can aid in preservation and awareness. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of both views, particularly in the conclusion, where the author briefly mentions their opinion without fully integrating it into the discussion of both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. Consider adding specific examples or case studies that illustrate the consequences of both commercialization and preservation efforts. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points discussed and clearly articulate the author’s stance in relation to the arguments presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that commercialization should be conducted respectfully. However, this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the author acknowledges both sides, the transition between discussing the negative impacts and the potential benefits could be smoother to maintain a cohesive argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, use transitional phrases that link the discussion of both views back to the author’s opinion. For example, after discussing the negative aspects of commercialization, explicitly state how these concerns can be mitigated through responsible practices. This will help to create a more integrated argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, but the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, the point about the loss of authenticity is introduced but not fully explored. Similarly, while the benefits of monetization are mentioned, they lack detailed examples or evidence that could strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, include specific examples or data that illustrate the points made. For instance, referencing successful case studies where tourism has positively impacted cultural preservation could provide a stronger foundation for the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the negative consequences of commercialization with more detailed examples would enhance the overall depth of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of environmental impacts feels slightly tangential to the main argument about cultural traditions and could be better integrated into the discussion of authenticity.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of how commercialization affects cultural traditions. If introducing a new idea, such as environmental concerns, clearly tie it back to the main argument to reinforce relevance. This will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer transitions, and more focused arguments to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views regarding the commercialization of cultural traditions. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effectively used, but the transition to the opposing view could benefit from a more explicit contrast, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast."
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more varied transition phrases to signal shifts between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the negative impact of commercialization on traditions, while the second presents the potential benefits. However, the concluding paragraph could be more developed. It briefly summarizes the arguments but lacks depth in articulating the writer’s opinion.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main points discussed and clearly stating your opinion with a more nuanced explanation. Consider adding a sentence that reflects on the implications of your viewpoint, which would provide a more satisfying closure to the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "by contrast," "not only… but also," and "for instance." These help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "some others have been supporting for the latter view" is somewhat awkward and could be streamlined for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," and "in addition." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and natural. For instance, instead of "some others have been supporting for the latter view," you could say "others support the latter view."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner. By refining transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "compromised," "profit-driven attractions," "monetizing," "authenticity," and "cultural heritage" showcase the writer’s ability to use topic-specific language effectively. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "traditions" and "cultural traditions," which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing to enhance lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "traditions," you could use "customs," "heritage," or "practices." Additionally, using phrases like "cultural practices" or "historical customs" can add variety and depth to your vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "irresponsible behaviors of tourist" should be "irresponsible behaviors of tourists" to correctly pluralize "tourist." Furthermore, the term "operated in a respect and thoughtful way" is awkward; "operated in a respectful and thoughtful manner" would be more precise and grammatically correct.
    • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that nouns are used in their correct forms (singular/plural) and that phrases are grammatically sound. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward constructions. Additionally, consider using a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives for common words.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "traditonal" (should be "traditional") and "coasts" (should be "coast"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may impact clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then read through your essay carefully, looking specifically for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but be cautious as they may not catch all contextual errors. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used words in your essays can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, attention to precision, variety, and spelling will further enhance the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases like "when traditions are transformed into tourist attractions" and "while both of the aforementioned sides have their own truth" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced (e.g., "On the one hand" and "On the other hand"). This can make the writing feel formulaic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases used for contrasting views. Instead of relying solely on "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," try alternatives such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," and incorporate more varied sentence beginnings. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enrich the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "some advocates for the former view often cite that commercializing traditional customs leads to losing authenticity" could be more clearly stated as "some advocates of the former view often argue that commercializing traditional customs leads to a loss of authenticity." There are also punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "Ha Long Bay – one of the most famous attractions in Vietnam is facing risk of being polluted by trash released in the coasts," which should be corrected to "Ha Long Bay – one of the most famous attractions in Vietnam – is facing the risk of being polluted by trash released on the coasts."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing with exercises can help solidify understanding. For punctuation, it would be beneficial to study the rules regarding the use of commas and dashes, ensuring that they are applied correctly to enhance clarity and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that cultural traditions are compromised when they are used as profit-driven attractions for tourists. By contrast, others argue that monetizing these traditions is the only way to preserve them. This essay will illuminate both sides of the controversy before presenting my perspective.

On the one hand, advocates for the former view often cite that commercializing traditional customs results in a loss of authenticity. To be more specific, when traditions are transformed into tourist attractions, they may be simplified, distorted, or even appropriated to cater to market demands. This can lead to a loss of their original meaning and significance. Not only does the pursuit of profit inappropriately modify traditional values, but it also negatively impacts the environment. Some irresponsible behaviors by tourists have damaged natural attractions. For instance, Ha Long Bay—one of Vietnam’s most renowned attractions—is at risk of pollution due to trash released along its coasts.

On the other hand, others support the latter view that monetizing cultural traditions can also be a means of preserving them. By generating revenue through tourism, local communities can invest in the preservation and promotion of their cultural heritage. Additionally, commercialization can help to raise awareness of these traditions and attract visitors from around the world, which can contribute to their continued practice and transmission to future generations.

In summary, while both of the aforementioned sides have their own merits, I personally opine that commercializing cultural traditions should be conducted in a respectful and thoughtful manner. Therefore, governments and local authorities must establish policies regarding the exploitation of traditional values for tourism to promote tourist attractions while also preserving cultural traditions.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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