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Some people say that eating meat is bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that eating meat is bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While there is a school of thought of intaking meat is detrimental for one's well-being , some people suppose that the returns are more highly justifiable . I am in favor of the latter and the following paragraph would evident my asertation.
On the one hand , the drawbacks of consuming meat should not be underestimated . Chief of these reasons is that there are inhenrently potential risks assciated with consuming certain types of meat , such as processed meat high in saturated fats , which are linked to heart diseases and certain cancers . For instance , processed foods like bacons , sausages and hot dogs have been linked to increased risks of heart disease and cancer due to their high sodium and nitrate content . A study conducted by the World Health Organization points out that there is a 10 % increase of cancer-related diseases when consuming processed food.
Nevertheless, i believe that the advantages of eating meat far outweigh the downsides.Firstly , Meat provides essential nutrients like protein ,vitamin B12, iron ,which are crucial for various bodily functions and may contribute to a balanced diet. Take for example, red meat is a valuable iron , which is essential for transporting oxygen in the circulatory system. Furthermore, beyond its nutritional prowess , the cultural significance of meat consumption should be considered as well. In the vast majority of cultures globally , meat serves as a staple , deeply entrench into their dietary pratices and cultural identities. More specific , Mediterranean diet as a prime testament. It is a place where dishes like grilled fish or lean cuts of meat are intrinsic to communal gatherings and celebrations. This cultural resonace not only underscores the significance of meat as a dietary component but also fosters social connection and preserves traditions.
In conclusion, whilst I concur that the drawback of overconsuming meat is deteriorated for people' s well-being , i assert that eating meat could do more good than harm for health if we eat with moderate content.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "intaking" -> "consuming"
    Explanation: "Intaking" is not a commonly used word and sounds informal. "Consuming" is a more appropriate and formal term in academic writing, conveying the action of eating or taking in food.

  2. "returns are more highly justifiable" -> "benefits are more justifiable"
    Explanation: "Returns" here seems unclear and doesn’t fit well in the context. "Benefits" is a clearer term to express the positive aspects of consuming meat, and "more justifiable" maintains the intended meaning while sounding more formal.

  3. "asertation" -> "assertion"
    Explanation: "Asertation" is a misspelling. "Assertion" is the correct term, indicating a confident and forceful statement, aligning with academic language.

  4. "inhenrently" -> "inherently"
    Explanation: "Inhenrently" contains a misspelling. "Inherently" is the correct term, meaning existing as a natural or basic characteristic.

  5. "assciated" -> "associated"
    Explanation: "Assciated" is a misspelling. "Associated" is the correct spelling, indicating a connection or link between consuming certain types of meat and potential risks.

  6. "bacons" -> "bacon"
    Explanation: "Bacons" should be singular, as "bacon" refers to the food item itself. The singular form is more appropriate in this context.

  7. "due to their high sodium and nitrate content" -> "owing to their high sodium and nitrate content"
    Explanation: "Due to" is less formal. "Owing to" is a more sophisticated phrase that better fits academic writing.

  8. "a 10% increase of cancer-related diseases" -> "a 10% increase in cancer-related diseases"
    Explanation: The preposition "in" is required to convey the rise "in" cancer-related diseases properly. Additionally, "diseases" should be "cases" for clarity.

  9. "advantages of eating meat far outweigh the downsides" -> "benefits of consuming meat outweigh the drawbacks"
    Explanation: This change provides a more direct and formal way to express the superiority of the positive aspects of meat consumption over the negative ones.

  10. "bodily functions" -> "bodily processes"
    Explanation: "Processes" is a more specific term in academic writing and aligns better with the context of the sentence.

  11. "Take for example" -> "For instance"
    Explanation: "For instance" is a more formal expression to introduce an illustrative example.

  12. "is a valuable iron" -> "provides valuable iron"
    Explanation: The phrase needs rephrasing for clarity. "Provides valuable iron" better conveys the idea that red meat is a source of essential iron.

  13. "entrench into" -> "entrenched in"
    Explanation: "Entrenched in" is the correct phrase, denoting something deeply established within a particular context, culture, or practices.

  14. "dietary pratices" -> "dietary practices"
    Explanation: "Pratices" contains a spelling error. "Dietary practices" is the correct term, describing the customary manner of eating or nutritional habits.

  15. "cultural resonace" -> "cultural resonance"
    Explanation: "Resonace" is a spelling error. "Cultural resonance" refers to the deep impact or significance of culture and aligns with academic language.

  16. "deteriorated for people’ s well-being" -> "detrimental to people’s well-being"
    Explanation: "Deteriorated" is not fitting in this context. "Detrimental to people’s well-being" better communicates the negative impact of overconsuming meat.

  17. "if we eat with moderate content" -> "if consumed in moderation"
    Explanation: "Eat with moderate content" is unclear. "If consumed in moderation" is a more precise and academically suitable phrase to convey the idea of moderation in meat consumption.

Overall, these suggested improvements aim to enhance the essay’s formality, clarity, and precision, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "While there is a school of thought of intaking meat is detrimental for one’s well-being, some people suppose that the returns are more highly justifiable. I am in favor of the latter, and the following paragraph would evident my asertation."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It would be more effective if you state your position more explicitly. Consider rephrasing for better coherence: "While some argue that consuming meat is harmful to health, others believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Personally, I support the latter perspective, and the following paragraphs will substantiate my assertion."
    • Improved example: "While some argue that consuming meat is harmful to health, others believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Personally, I support the latter perspective, and the following paragraphs will substantiate my assertion."
  2. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, I believe that the advantages of eating meat far outweigh the downsides. Firstly, meat provides essential nutrients like protein, vitamin B12, iron, which are crucial for various bodily functions and may contribute to a balanced diet."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The development of the first supporting point lacks depth. To improve, provide more specific examples or elaborate on the nutrients mentioned. For instance, you could mention the role of protein in muscle development or elaborate on the importance of vitamin B12 for nerve function.
    • Improved example: "Nevertheless, I firmly believe that the advantages of eating meat far outweigh the downsides. Firstly, meat provides essential nutrients like high-quality protein, crucial for muscle development. For instance, the amino acids in meat contribute to the repair and growth of muscle tissues, supporting overall physical health."
  3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, whilst I concur that the drawback of overconsuming meat is deteriorated for people’ s well-being, I assert that eating meat could do more good than harm for health if we eat with moderate content."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is somewhat confusing and does not effectively summarize the main points. It’s crucial to restate your position and provide a concise summary of your key arguments. For instance, rephrase to clarify your stance and briefly recap your main supporting points.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential drawbacks of excessive meat consumption, I firmly maintain that moderate meat intake can contribute positively to one’s health. The nutritional benefits and cultural significance of meat consumption underscore its value in a balanced diet and cultural practices."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task with a clear position, but there is room for improvement in coherence, depth of development, and clarity in the conclusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The writer organizes information in a generally logical manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay progresses logically from discussing the drawbacks of consuming meat to presenting the benefits. There is an attempt at paragraphing, but some issues with cohesion and coherence are evident.

In terms of cohesive devices, the essay uses them effectively, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. For example, in the first paragraph, the phrase "the following paragraph would evident my asertation" contains a grammatical error and disrupts the smooth flow of ideas. Additionally, there is inconsistency in referencing, and the transition between ideas could be smoother.

Paragraphing is used, but not always logically. For instance, the second paragraph appears to be a continuation of the first, leading to a lack of clear separation between distinct ideas. Furthermore, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Review and revise sentence structures for clarity and grammatical correctness.
  2. Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices and refine their application for smoother transitions between ideas.
  3. Pay attention to paragraph organization, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and follows a logical progression.
  4. Proofread to eliminate errors and enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. There’s an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary and expressions, though some inaccuracies occur. The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of meat consumption, utilizing vocabulary related to health, nutrition, and cultural significance. However, there are errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay that slightly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice accuracy, ensuring proper spelling and word formation. Aim for a wider range of vocabulary, using more varied and precise expressions to convey ideas. Proofreading and careful selection of words can significantly improve the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While there are instances of complex structures, there are also errors that slightly reduce communication. For example, there are grammatical errors such as "intaking" instead of "consuming," "asertation" instead of "assertion," and punctuation errors like missing spaces after commas. Despite these errors, the overall structure is coherent, and the majority of sentences are error-free.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and eliminating common errors. Pay attention to word choice and spelling accuracy. Additionally, proofread the essay to catch punctuation mistakes and ensure clarity. Strive for more consistency in using complex structures while avoiding errors that may hinder understanding.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some argue that the consumption of meat is detrimental to one’s health, others believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. I align with the latter perspective, and the ensuing paragraph will substantiate my assertion.

On one hand, we must not underestimate the potential drawbacks of consuming meat. A significant reason is the inherent risks associated with certain types of meat, particularly processed varieties high in saturated fats. These fats are linked to heart diseases and certain cancers. For example, processed foods like bacon, sausages, and hot dogs have been associated with an increased risk of heart disease and cancer due to their elevated sodium and nitrate content. According to a study by the World Health Organization, there is a 10% rise in cancer-related diseases when consuming processed foods.

However, I firmly believe that the advantages of eating meat far surpass the downsides. Firstly, meat provides essential nutrients such as protein, vitamin B12, and iron, which are crucial for various bodily functions and contribute to a balanced diet. For instance, red meat is a valuable source of iron, essential for oxygen transport in the circulatory system. Moreover, beyond its nutritional benefits, the cultural significance of meat consumption should be acknowledged. In the majority of cultures worldwide, meat serves as a dietary staple deeply ingrained in their practices and cultural identities. A prime example is the Mediterranean diet, where dishes like grilled fish or lean cuts of meat are integral to communal gatherings and celebrations. This cultural resonance not only underscores the importance of meat as a dietary component but also fosters social connections and preserves traditions.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge that the overconsumption of meat can be detrimental to one’s well-being, I maintain that eating meat can bring more benefits than harm to health if done in moderation.

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