Some people say that reading newspapers and watching TV news is a waste of time because it has no direct connection with people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that reading newspapers and watching TV news is a waste of time because it has no direct connection with people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently, in the world with the technology features, a big proportion of individuals still use newspapers and TV programs as a reliable resource of catching up with present situations in the country or world. However, one’s believe that there is no worth in that means of getting information as it does not have links with ordinary people. In my opinion, newspapers and TV news cannot provide relevant data of locals’ lives for capturing ’s attention; thus, these tabloids do not correspond to reality.

First of all, a huge part of the production of newspapers and TV news is controlled by the country’s state. Therefore, it delivers only one-sided points of views with censorship which will make a positive outcome for the government. So, residents can be biased toward the credibility of this kind of information that makes them implausible to believe. It is known that home news must be profitable to prevent the creation of a rift, as it can raise vexed questions about current negative moments by the authority. Consequently, they are making efforts not to touch on these topics creating only positive notion about life in their country.

Moreover, the international news airs most of the broadcast, as the government intends to convince locals to have a specific stance on situations towards other countries. People have to take a wait to get local news; what makes newspapers and TV news are inconvenient to use. Besides, home news still cannot consist of opposite outlooks of the state, even there are about local incidents and occasions connecting to humans’ day-to-day life.

In conclusion, I reckon there can be an one solution: residents shall mix resources of information, using social networks and the authority-approved websites, TV programs, and newspaper, for absorbing diverse pieces of data to make up own outlook on something about present encircling events.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Currently, in the world with the technology features" -> "Currently, in the technological era"
   Explanation: The phrase "with the technology features" is awkward and unclear. "In the technological era" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the contemporary context.

2. "a big proportion of individuals" -> "a significant proportion of individuals"
   Explanation: "Big" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Significant" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.

3. "one’s believe" -> "one believes"
   Explanation: "One’s believe" is grammatically incorrect. "One believes" is the correct form of the possessive pronoun "one" with the verb "believe."

4. "there is no worth in that means of getting information" -> "there is little value in these methods of obtaining information"
   Explanation: "There is no worth in that means of getting information" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There is little value in these methods of obtaining information" is grammatically correct and more formal.

5. "does not have links with ordinary people" -> "does not engage with ordinary people"
   Explanation: "Have links with" is an informal and vague expression. "Engage with" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

6. "cannot provide relevant data of locals’ lives for capturing ’s attention" -> "fails to provide relevant data about local lives to capture attention"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

7. "these tabloids do not correspond to reality" -> "these sources do not accurately reflect reality"
   Explanation: "Tabloids" is too informal and specific for this context. "Sources" is more general and appropriate for academic writing.

8. "a huge part of the production of newspapers and TV news is controlled by the country’s state" -> "a significant portion of the production of newspapers and TV news is controlled by the state"
   Explanation: "A huge part" is informal and imprecise. "A significant portion" is more formal and precise.

9. "delivers only one-sided points of views" -> "presents only one-sided viewpoints"
   Explanation: "Points of views" is grammatically incorrect. "Viewpoints" is the correct term.

10. "will make a positive outcome for the government" -> "will yield a favorable outcome for the government"
    Explanation: "Make a positive outcome" is somewhat informal and vague. "Yield a favorable outcome" is more precise and formal.

11. "implausible to believe" -> "unlikely to believe"
    Explanation: "Implausible" is not the correct term here; "unlikely" is the appropriate adjective for describing the probability of believing something.

12. "home news" -> "local news"
    Explanation: "Home news" is an unclear and informal term. "Local news" is the standard term in journalism and academic contexts.

13. "take a wait to get local news" -> "wait to receive local news"
    Explanation: "Take a wait" is grammatically incorrect. "Wait to receive" is grammatically correct and clearer.

14. "what makes newspapers and TV news are inconvenient to use" -> "which makes newspapers and TV news inconvenient to use"
    Explanation: "What makes" is grammatically incorrect in this context. "Which makes" is the correct relative pronoun.

15. "consist of opposite outlooks of the state" -> "present opposing viewpoints of the state"
    Explanation: "Consist of opposite outlooks" is awkward and unclear. "Present opposing viewpoints" is more precise and formal.

16. "even there are about local incidents and occasions connecting to humans’ day-to-day life" -> "even though there are reports about local incidents and events affecting daily life"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision clarifies and corrects the grammar.

17. "I reckon there can be an one solution" -> "I propose that there is one solution"
    Explanation: "I reckon" is too informal and vague. "I propose" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the perceived ineffectiveness of newspapers and TV news in providing relevant information to people’s lives. The writer presents a clear argument against the value of traditional news media, citing issues such as censorship and bias. However, the response could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic. While the writer expresses a strong opinion, they do not sufficiently acknowledge the potential benefits of news consumption, which could provide a more nuanced perspective.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including a brief discussion of the positive aspects of newspapers and TV news, such as their role in informing the public about important events. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and allow for a more balanced argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that newspapers and TV news are not valuable sources of information. This stance is supported throughout the essay, particularly in the first two body paragraphs. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat contradictory suggestion about mixing information sources, which could confuse the reader regarding the writer’s overall position.
  • How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should ensure that the conclusion aligns with the main argument presented in the body of the essay. Instead of suggesting a mixed approach, the conclusion could reaffirm the stance against traditional news media while emphasizing the importance of seeking diverse information sources.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the limitations of newspapers and TV news, such as censorship and the lack of local relevance. These points are extended with explanations about how they affect public perception. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened with specific examples or evidence, which would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
  • How to improve: The writer should incorporate specific examples or statistics to support their claims about censorship and bias in news media. For instance, referencing studies that illustrate the impact of state control on news reporting would provide a stronger foundation for the argument and make it more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the argument that newspapers and TV news are disconnected from people’s lives. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the focus shifts to the inconvenience of accessing local news without a clear connection to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the central thesis. They could streamline the discussion by clearly linking the inconvenience of accessing local news back to the argument that traditional media fails to meet the needs of the public. This would help maintain a tighter focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the usefulness of newspapers and TV news, structured around two main points. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion, while the subsequent paragraphs elaborate on the reasons for this stance. However, the organization could be improved; for instance, the transition from the first to the second paragraph lacks a clear connective phrase that would help the reader follow the argument more smoothly. The introduction of new ideas in the second paragraph feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and could benefit from being split into two distinct paragraphs. The first could focus on the government control of news, while the second could address the international news coverage and its implications. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a balance between paragraph length and content depth. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea supported by examples. Consider using a clear structure: a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. This will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "in conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "therefore" is used to connect ideas but could be varied with alternatives like "as a result" or "thus" to enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. Additionally, the use of pronouns and demonstratives could be more precise to avoid ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Incorporate synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents to maintain clarity. For example, instead of saying "these tabloids," specify "these newspapers and TV programs" to reinforce the connection between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "reliable resource," "censorship," and "implausible." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat limited or repetitive, such as the use of "news" and "information" multiple times without variation. For example, phrases like "home news" and "local news" could be expanded to include synonyms or related terms, such as "regional updates" or "community reports."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "news," they could use "coverage," "reporting," or "bulletins." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or more sophisticated terms could elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "one’s believe" instead of "one’s belief," and "a huge part of the production" which could be more accurately phrased as "a significant portion of news content." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion or misinterpretation of the writer’s intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. For example, revising "there is no worth in that means of getting information" to "there is little value in this method of obtaining information" would enhance clarity. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise terms can help refine vocabulary choices.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "one’s believe" (should be "belief"), "vexed questions" (which is correct but might be better expressed as "contentious issues"), and "an one solution" (should be "a solution"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing exercises focused on spelling could help reinforce correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By expanding their vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "First of all" and "Moreover" indicates an attempt to structure the argument logically. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness. For instance, the phrase "one’s believe that there is no worth" should be "one believes that there is no worth," which disrupts the flow and clarity of the argument. Additionally, the sentence "what makes newspapers and TV news are inconvenient to use" contains a grammatical error and could be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more effectively. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can enhance coherence. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Moreover," the writer could use alternatives like "In addition" or "Furthermore" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, focusing on constructing grammatically correct complex sentences will help convey more nuanced thoughts.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "one’s believe" is incorrect and should be "one believes." The phrase "creating only positive notion about life in their country" lacks subject-verb agreement and should be "creating only a positive notion." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, hinder readability. The phrase "as it can raise vexed questions about current negative moments by the authority" is convoluted and could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying common grammatical errors in their writing. Regularly proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, will improve clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, studying examples of well-structured sentences can provide insight into proper grammar usage and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to present a coherent argument, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, in the technological era, a significant proportion of individuals still use newspapers and TV programs as reliable sources for catching up with current situations in the country or the world. However, one believes that there is little value in these methods of obtaining information, as they do not engage with ordinary people. In my opinion, newspapers and TV news fail to provide relevant data about local lives to capture attention; thus, these sources do not accurately reflect reality.

First of all, a significant portion of the production of newspapers and TV news is controlled by the state. Therefore, it presents only one-sided viewpoints with censorship that will yield a favorable outcome for the government. As a result, residents can be biased toward the credibility of this kind of information, making it unlikely for them to believe it. It is known that local news must be profitable to prevent the creation of a rift, as it can raise vexed questions about current negative moments by the authorities. Consequently, they make efforts not to touch on these topics, creating only a positive notion about life in their country.

Moreover, international news dominates most broadcasts, as the government intends to convince locals to adopt a specific stance on situations concerning other countries. People often have to wait to receive local news, which makes newspapers and TV news inconvenient to use. Additionally, local news still does not present opposing viewpoints of the state, even though there are reports about local incidents and events affecting daily life.

In conclusion, I propose that there is one solution: residents should mix sources of information by using social networks, authority-approved websites, TV programs, and newspapers to absorb diverse pieces of data and form their own outlook on current surrounding events.