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Some people say that we do not need printed newspapers anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that we do not need printed newspapers anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is argued that conventional newspapers are no longer essential in our day-to-day- lives. Personally, I totally agree with this statement, given that printed traditional newspapers will potentially impact citizens’ living standards and further having many other forms of media offer more effective alternatives, such as reading e-paper.
First of all, it is understandable as to why I believe that using newspapers could adversely affect inhabitants' earnings. To be specific, the enormous cost incurred to printed paper publications daily could put a strain on government coffers, which could unwittingly lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, and reduce social welfare, thereby forcing numerous ordinary individuals, especially those who are economically marginalized, having to pay a huge amount of money on this service. Hence, this trend could make them to struggle even more to earn a living.
Secondly, I am convinced that there is further evidence to suggest that reading news online could be a better option than printed publications as demonstrated above. This is perfectly exemplified by the fact that thanks to the ubiquity of digital newspapers that enables numerous internet consumers to easily access a large amount of information updated in real-time. In reality, they could provide up-to-the-minute information about events that are happening domestically and globally, thereby assisting users to always update current news, a facet that paper news is often hard to gain.
In conclusion, there are sufficient grounds to accept the view that using printed publications is no longer a necessity in our life. It is my genuine belief that we would have more effective options to research information.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Personally, I totally agree" -> "Personally, I wholeheartedly agree"
    Explanation: Replacing "I totally agree" with "I wholeheartedly agree" adds a more formal and emphatic tone to the statement, aligning with academic style.

  2. "further having many other forms of media offer" -> "furthermore, various other forms of media offer"
    Explanation: Substituting "further having" with "furthermore" and rephrasing the sentence enhances coherence and formality. "Various other forms of media" is a more precise and academic expression.

  3. "First of all, it is understandable as to why I believe" -> "Firstly, it is evident why I believe"
    Explanation: Using "Firstly" instead of "First of all" and replacing "it is understandable as to why" with "it is evident why" streamlines the expression, making it more concise and formal.

  4. "To be specific, the enormous cost incurred to printed paper publications daily" -> "Specifically, the substantial daily costs associated with printed paper publications"
    Explanation: The suggested revision replaces the colloquial "To be specific" with "Specifically" and employs more formal language, such as "substantial daily costs associated with," to enhance academic tone.

  5. "put a strain on government coffers" -> "place a burden on government finances"
    Explanation: Substituting "put a strain on" with "place a burden on" contributes to a more formal tone, and "government finances" is a more precise term than "government coffers."

  6. "which could unwittingly lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, and reduce social welfare" -> "potentially resulting in budget deficits, tax increases, and a reduction in social welfare"
    Explanation: The revised version employs more formal language, replacing "unwittingly lead to" with "potentially resulting in," and uses more precise terms like "budget deficits" and "tax increases."

  7. "thereby forcing numerous ordinary individuals" -> "thus compelling numerous ordinary individuals"
    Explanation: Substituting "thereby forcing" with "thus compelling" enhances the formality of the expression while maintaining clarity.

  8. "having to pay a huge amount of money on this service" -> "having to allocate significant funds to this service"
    Explanation: The suggested revision uses more formal language, replacing "pay a huge amount of money" with "allocate significant funds," which is more suitable for academic writing.

  9. "I am convinced that there is further evidence to suggest" -> "I am convinced that additional evidence supports"
    Explanation: Substituting "there is further evidence to suggest" with "additional evidence supports" results in a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "In reality, they could provide up-to-the-minute information" -> "In practice, they can offer up-to-the-minute information"
    Explanation: The suggested revision replaces the informal "In reality" with "In practice" and provides a more formal alternative for "could provide" with "can offer."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question by presenting a clear opinion and providing reasons to support it. However, the explanation of how printed newspapers impact citizens’ living standards is somewhat vague, lacking specific examples or details.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could benefit from providing concrete examples of how the cost of printed newspapers affects government coffers, leading to budget deficits or tax hikes. Additionally, the impact on economically marginalized individuals could be illustrated with specific instances or statistics.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that printed newspapers are no longer necessary. The language used to express this position is clear and unequivocal.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay’s clarity, consider refining and expanding the rationale for the stated position. Provide more nuanced reasoning or examples to make the stance more convincing.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some ideas are presented vaguely, such as the impact of printed newspapers on citizens’ earnings.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on ideas with specific details and examples. For instance, elaborate on how the cost of printed newspapers could lead to budget deficits and impact social welfare. This will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the necessity of printed newspapers and the advantages of digital alternatives. However, there are moments where the reasoning could be more focused and specific.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Refine the discussion about the impact on citizens’ earnings to maintain a more focused and relevant argument. Avoid general statements and provide concrete examples to bolster the essay’s relevance to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective. To improve, the writer should focus on providing more specific examples and details to support their points and ensure a more focused and relevant argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with a clear thesis statement in the introduction, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that present supporting points. The progression of ideas is easy to follow, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider reinforcing the link between ideas within paragraphs and ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs. For instance, explicitly connect the impact on citizens’ living standards discussed in the first body paragraph with the advantages of digital newspapers discussed in the second paragraph.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to clarity and coherence. However, there’s room for improvement in the introduction, which could be more concise and directly lead to the thesis statement.
    • How to improve: Revise the introduction to provide a brief overview of the main points without delving into details. Clearly present the thesis statement immediately after the introduction to provide a roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For example, the use of "First of all" and "Secondly" in the body paragraphs helps guide the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay does use cohesive devices, diversifying the range of connectors could further improve coherence. Experiment with a variety of transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to consistency in the use of these devices throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on reinforcing the logical connections between ideas, refining the introduction for conciseness, and experimenting with a wider range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating phrases such as "conventional newspapers," "adversely affect inhabitants’ earnings," "enormous cost incurred," "economically marginalized," and "ubiquity of digital newspapers." However, there is a lack of variety and depth in vocabulary usage. The essay could benefit from more nuanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to media, economics, technology, and society to add depth to the discussion. Utilize synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and diverse word choices to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at specific vocabulary use but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "enormous cost incurred" could be more precisely described with specific financial terms or quantifiable details to bolster the argument. Furthermore, while the essay tries to articulate the impact on economically marginalized individuals, the description remains somewhat generalized, lacking in precise vocabulary to convey the intricacies of economic struggles.
    • How to improve: Work on using specialized terminology that precisely articulates the financial implications, such as "operational expenses," "financial burdens," or "economic strain." When discussing marginalized individuals, employ terms like "socioeconomically disadvantaged" or "financially vulnerable," offering a more specific and vivid portrayal of their predicament.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "coffers" (misspelled as "coffers," should be "coffers") and "make them to struggle" (awkward phrasing, could be "compel them to struggle"). Overall, the spelling accuracy is satisfactory but could benefit from a more thorough review to eliminate minor mistakes.
    • How to improve: Utilize proofreading tools or allocate more time for careful proofreading to catch minor spelling errors. Additionally, focus on refining sentence structures to improve overall clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument supporting the obsolescence of printed newspapers, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary diversity, precision, and meticulousness in spelling. Enriching the vocabulary with more specialized terms and refining the precision of language usage would significantly enhance the essay’s lexical quality. Additionally, allocating sufficient time for meticulous proofreading can further elevate the overall quality of written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to incorporate different sentence constructions, such as compound and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the sophistication and diversity of sentence structures. For instance, the essay predominantly relies on simple sentences and could benefit from more complex structures like inverted sentences or conditional clauses to enhance fluency and coherence.
    • How to improve: To elevate the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms. Experiment with using conditional clauses, inversion, and varying sentence lengths to add nuance and depth to your writing. This can contribute to a more sophisticated and engaging essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of minor errors that slightly affect the overall fluency. For example, in the phrase "printed paper publications daily," the use of "daily" seems redundant. Additionally, the phrase "having to pay a huge amount of money on this service" could be refined to "having to pay a significant amount for this service."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review your sentences for redundancy and clarity. Pay attention to prepositions and conjunctions, ensuring they are used appropriately. Proofread your essay to catch any minor errors that might impact the precision of your language.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation; however, there are instances where punctuation could be refined for better clarity. For instance, in the sentence "It is argued that conventional newspapers are no longer essential in our day-to-day- lives," there is an unnecessary hyphen between "day-to-day" that disrupts the flow. Additionally, there is a missing comma in "To be specific, the enormous cost incurred to printed paper publications daily could put a strain on government coffers."
    • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation for improved readability. Ensure that punctuation marks, such as hyphens and commas, are used correctly and consistently. Pay attention to sentence structures to determine the appropriate placement of punctuation marks for clear and effective communication.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, fine-tuning sentence structures and addressing minor errors can elevate the essay to a higher band score. Keep practicing and experimenting with different sentence forms to enhance the richness and precision of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate about the relevance of traditional printed newspapers in today’s world. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree with the notion that their necessity has diminished, primarily because of the financial impact on individuals and the availability of alternative media formats.

Firstly, it is evident why I believe that relying on newspapers could adversely affect people’s financial situations. Specifically, the substantial daily costs associated with printed paper publications place a burden on government finances. This could potentially result in budget deficits, tax increases, and a reduction in social welfare, compelling numerous ordinary individuals, especially those economically marginalized, to allocate significant funds to this service. Consequently, this trend might exacerbate the struggles of those trying to make ends meet.

Furthermore, various other forms of media offer more effective alternatives to printed newspapers. In practice, they can offer up-to-the-minute information, unlike traditional papers. Digital newspapers, for instance, enable easy access to a vast amount of real-time information, both domestic and global. This accessibility assists users in staying updated with current events, a facet that paper news often lacks.

In conclusion, I am convinced that additional evidence supports the view that the use of printed publications is no longer a necessity in our lives. The availability of more efficient options, such as digital platforms, provides ample reasons to rely less on traditional printed newspapers for accessing information.

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