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Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In fact, people argue that instead of allocating funds to tax, the government necessarily invests medical system. Others believe that there are many prioritized areas, which need spending on money from the government.

On the one hand, health care should receive funds as it affects the development of a nation. The medical system is involved in the welfare of society. Without good health, individuals can not work productively, create finance, or cover their living, resulting in not only not contributing to the nation but also a host of pressing issues for society. The country having a quality medical system certainly will create a workforce with welfare, which promotes the economy of the nation. In addition, prioritizing health care can foster social equality. Everyone, regardless of their economic status, has access to necessary medical services, which helps in reducing health disparities and promoting fairer.

On the other hand, there are pressing issues such as education, and infrastructure that require funding. Regarding education, the priority of education enhances educated and skilled workers, leading to foster economic growth and innovation. Japan invests in the nation’s education, for instance, this helped the country to become one of the most economically successful in the world after a decade. In terms of infrastructure, the development in this area can support the transportation system, stimulate trade, and create job opportunities. It is obvious to recognize that the quality roads assist communism in delivering goods, and groceries to various locations inside and outside the country. Therefore, citizens stand a chance for the occupation that decreases social burden.

In conclusion, I posit that It is necessary to allocate funds to the country’s health care due to its paramount importance for the whole society. Apart from this, the development of the nation also depends on many fields such as education, and infrastructure, which also should be paid attention to by the government.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "instead of allocating funds to tax" -> "instead of allocating funds to taxation"
    Explanation: Replacing "funds to tax" with "funds to taxation" corrects the use of language. "Taxation" refers to the system of imposing taxes, which aligns better with the context of allocating resources.

  2. "which need spending on money from the government" -> "which require government expenditure"
    Explanation: "Spending on money" is redundant and less precise. "Require government expenditure" maintains formality and clarity while eliminating wordiness.

  3. "individuals can not work productively" -> "individuals cannot work productively"
    Explanation: "Can not" should be written as one word, "cannot," for formal writing.

  4. "creating finance" -> "generating income"
    Explanation: "Creating finance" is ambiguous. "Generating income" is clearer and more appropriate in this context.

  5. "not only not contributing" -> "failing to contribute"
    Explanation: The double negative makes the sentence unclear. "Failing to contribute" maintains the meaning without confusion.

  6. "which promotes the economy of the nation" -> "thus promoting the nation’s economy"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and conciseness while maintaining the intended meaning.

  7. "can foster social equality" -> "can nurture social equality"
    Explanation: Using "nurture" instead of "foster" maintains the context of promoting social equality in a more sophisticated manner.

  8. "which helps in reducing health disparities and promoting fairer" -> "which aid in reducing health disparities and promoting fairness"
    Explanation: "Helps in" can be replaced with "aid in," and "fairer" can be improved to "fairness" for better structure and formality.

  9. "there are pressing issues such as education" -> "pressing issues like education"
    Explanation: "Such as" can be replaced by "like" to enhance the sentence’s flow and maintain formality.

  10. "Regarding education, the priority of education" -> "Regarding education, prioritizing"
    Explanation: Reducing repetition and making the sentence more concise and coherent.

  11. "enhances educated and skilled workers" -> "cultivates educated and skilled workers"
    Explanation: "Cultivates" adds a nuanced touch, emphasizing the development of skilled workers in a more sophisticated manner.

  12. "Japan invests in the nation’s education, for instance, this helped the country" -> "For instance, Japan’s investment in education helped the country"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better clarity and flow.

  13. "It is obvious to recognize that the quality roads assist communism" -> "Quality roads facilitate the movement"
    Explanation: Replacing "assist communism" with "facilitate the movement" provides a clearer description of the roads’ function without the confusing reference to communism.

  14. "stand a chance for the occupation that decreases social burden" -> "have opportunities for occupations that reduce social burdens"
    Explanation: Rephrasing for better clarity and precision.

  15. "I posit that It is necessary" -> "I argue that it is essential"
    Explanation: Substituting "posit" with "argue" and rephrasing for a more formal expression of the claim.

  16. "due to its paramount importance" -> "owing to its paramount significance"
    Explanation: Replacing "due to" with "owing to" and refining the wording for a more formal tone.

  17. "which also should be paid attention to by the government" -> "which also warrant government attention"
    Explanation: A more formal and succinct expression to convey the idea that these areas also need governmental consideration.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the importance of allocating funds to health care and acknowledging other prioritized areas for government spending, such as education and infrastructure.
    • How to improve: While the essay does touch on the importance of education and infrastructure, it would benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view and a clearer indication of the author’s opinion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position by expressing the belief that funds should be allocated to health care due to its paramount importance. However, the expression of the opinion could be more emphatic and consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement to make the author’s position more explicit, and consistently reinforce this stance throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas adequately. It discusses the impact of a quality medical system on the nation’s development, social welfare, and equality. It also provides examples related to education and infrastructure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay, provide more specific examples and elaborate further on the consequences of not prioritizing health care or other areas. This will add depth and richness to the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the allocation of government funds to health care and acknowledging other priority areas. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making it challenging to grasp the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity in expression. Refine sentence structure for better coherence and understanding, ensuring that each point contributes directly to the topic.

Overall Comments:
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, providing a balanced discussion on the allocation of government funds. To improve, the author should explicitly state their opinion, maintain a consistent stance, provide more specific examples, and enhance clarity in expression. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammatical and structural issues will further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably clear organization, albeit with some challenges. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the opposing views on government spending, but the ideas lack clarity due to sentence structure and language issues. Each paragraph focuses on a different priority area, health care, education, and infrastructure, providing arguments for their importance. However, transitions between these paragraphs could be smoother for better coherence.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring sentences for clarity and coherence. Use cohesive devices like transitional phrases ("Moreover," "On the contrary," "Furthermore") to connect ideas between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph is dedicated to a distinct point and aligns with the overall argument flow.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to utilize paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited due to inconsistent development and lack of a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. While ideas on health care, education, and infrastructure are present, their presentation within paragraphs could be more refined for coherence and readability.

    • How to improve: Focus on developing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, introducing the main idea at the beginning. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on and exemplify the main idea. Aim for a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain the logical progression of arguments.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, but their use is sporadic. There’s a need for more varied and consistent utilization to improve the essay’s coherence. For instance, while transitioning between contrasting viewpoints (health care versus education/infrastructure), the lack of cohesive markers weakens the flow of ideas.

    • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, diversify the use of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, transitional phrases) throughout the essay. Use these devices not only within paragraphs but also to link different sections and ideas, aiding the reader in following the argumentation and creating a smoother flow between thoughts.

Improving coherence and cohesion involves refining the essay’s structure, employing clearer paragraph organization, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence, ensuring a more cohesive and logically connected piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. For instance, the repetition of certain words, such as "welfare," "nation," and "priority," suggests a limited range. The use of synonyms and varied expressions would enhance the lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To widen your vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different ways to express key ideas. For example, instead of consistently using "welfare," you can use terms like "well-being," "prosperity," or "health." This will not only showcase a broader vocabulary but also add nuance to your arguments.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses imprecise vocabulary, leading to unclear or vague statements. For instance, the phrase "foster economic growth and innovation" lacks specificity, and terms like "communism" in the context of road assistance may not be the most accurate choice. Precision in vocabulary will strengthen your arguments.
    • How to improve: Strive for clarity by selecting precise words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "foster economic growth," provide specific examples or mechanisms that contribute to economic development, such as "promoting entrepreneurship" or "investing in research and development." Similarly, use terms that accurately represent concepts, avoiding potential misconceptions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as "Instead of this, the development," where a missing word affects the sentence structure. While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, refining spelling accuracy would enhance overall writing quality.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling, consider proofreading your work carefully. Reading your essay aloud can help identify missing words or grammatical errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and seeking feedback from peers or educators can contribute to better spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing before submission will further enhance your spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are used, but there’s a lack of complex structures. For instance, the sentence, "Without good health, individuals cannot work productively, create finance, or cover their living, resulting in not only not contributing to the nation but also a host of pressing issues for society," showcases a complex structure, but more variety could be introduced.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences, use varying sentence lengths, and experiment with different sentence types (e.g., conditional sentences, relative clauses) to add sophistication and fluency to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies, such as errors in subject-verb agreement ("individuals can not work productively") and article usage ("create finance"). Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing that affect clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofread your essay to catch awkward phrasings, and consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to identify and rectify errors. Be especially mindful of verb forms to maintain grammatical accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is generally correct, but there are some issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences and inconsistent punctuation within the essay. For example, the phrase "Apart from this, the development of the nation also depends on many fields such as education, and infrastructure, which also should be paid attention to by the government" lacks proper comma placement.
    • How to improve: Focus on consistent comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Review punctuation rules for commas, semicolons, and periods. Ensure that each punctuation mark serves its intended purpose, aiding clarity and flow. Regular practice and proofreading will help refine punctuation skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a good range of structures, but improvements in grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency would contribute to a higher band score. Consider revising for clarity, precision, and varied sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In fact, people argue that instead of allocating funds to taxation—which requires government expenditure—the government should necessarily invest in the medical system. Others believe that there are many prioritized areas that need government spending.

On the one hand, health care should receive funds as it profoundly affects the development of a nation. The medical system is intricately linked to the welfare of society. Without good health, individuals cannot work productively, generate income, or cover their living expenses, resulting not only in a failure to contribute to the nation but also in a host of pressing issues for society. A country with a quality medical system will certainly create a workforce with well-being, thereby promoting the nation’s economy. Additionally, prioritizing health care can nurture social equality. Everyone, regardless of their economic status, has access to necessary medical services, aiding in reducing health disparities and promoting fairness.

On the other hand, there are pressing issues such as education and infrastructure that require funding. Regarding education, prioritizing it cultivates educated and skilled workers, leading to foster economic growth and innovation. Japan’s investment in education, for instance, helped the country become one of the most economically successful in the world after a decade. In terms of infrastructure, development in this area can support the transportation system, stimulate trade, and create job opportunities. Quality roads facilitate the movement of goods and groceries, providing citizens with opportunities for occupations that reduce social burdens.

In conclusion, I argue that it is essential to allocate funds to the country’s health care owing to its paramount significance for the whole society. Apart from this, the development of the nation also depends on many fields such as education and infrastructure, which also warrant government attention.

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