Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others, however, say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There have been arguments over the possible impacts that computer and electronic games might have on the young. Although there is some truth to the belief that playing games on computers and other electronic devices enhances certain skills, I believe that playing such games is a waste of time.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some people consider video games as a tool to sharpen some important skills. First, many games, such as science or puzzle games, stimulate young players’ brains and sensitivity, which allows those players to cultivate their creativity and problem-solving skills. Other games as memory games, for example, have to recall locations, events, or names to move to the next levels. Second, People playing computer games have the opportunity to learn a wide range of skills and abilities, like Counter-Strike, requires tremendous focus and extremely fast reflexes to complete stages in those games. With reflexes and concentration capability improved, players can demonstrate more effectively daily tasks that specifically require those enhanced skills.
On the other hand, I would argue that spending time on video games is a waste regardless of the possibility of skill development they might offer. Young people are supposed to study properly either at school or at home, and this form of entertainment is a grave detriment because Electronic and computer games are highly addictive. Many people spend a huge amount of their time sitting in front of their computer screen and playing video games. Consequently, this results in the reduction of time for study, which should be people’s top priority at their age. Furthermore, skills sharpened by computer and electronic games can also be acquired by several other healthy, educational, and less time-consuming options, such as reading books or participating in sports clubs.
In conclusion, it seems to me that having a few skills enhanced by playing video games cannot justify the fact that it is a waste of time.

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Errors and Improvements:

"young" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Young" is a bit informal in this context. "Young individuals" maintains formality while accurately referring to the demographic in question.
"there is some truth to the belief" -> "there is validity to the assertion"
Explanation: "Some truth to the belief" is slightly vague. "Validity to the assertion" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"I believe that playing such games is a waste of time" -> "I contend that engaging in such games constitutes a squandering of time"
Explanation: "Waste of time" is a colloquial expression. "Constitutes a squandering of time" offers a more formal and precise alternative.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is more suitable for informal discussions. "Firstly" maintains a formal tone while introducing the first argument.
"Other games as memory games" -> "Additionally, memory-based games"
Explanation: "Other games as memory games" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Additionally, memory-based games" offers a clearer and more concise description.
"require" -> "requirement"
Explanation: "Require" could be slightly more formal as "requirement."
"tremendous" -> "significant"
Explanation: "Tremendous" is a bit informal. "Significant" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.
"extremely fast reflexes" -> "rapid reflexes"
Explanation: "Extremely fast reflexes" is redundant. "Rapid reflexes" is more concise and maintains clarity.
"those games" -> "such games"
Explanation: "Those games" is slightly repetitive. "Such games" serves as a suitable replacement.
"Consequently" -> "As a result"
Explanation: "Consequently" is slightly informal. "As a result" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is appropriate but "Moreover" adds variety to the transition phrases.
"having a few skills enhanced by playing video games" -> "the enhancement of a few skills through video game play"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward. The revised version offers smoother syntax while conveying the same idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of electronic and computer games on young people. It discusses the potential benefits of such games in skill development while also presenting the opposing view that playing these games is a waste of time.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, providing more nuanced exploration and possibly incorporating real-life examples or studies could strengthen the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance against the idea that playing electronic and computer games is beneficial, asserting that it is a waste of time. This position is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While clarity is commendable, acknowledging potential benefits more explicitly and then refuting them could add depth to the argumentation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding both the potential benefits and drawbacks of playing electronic and computer games. It supports these ideas with examples such as the types of skills developed through gaming and the addictive nature of these games.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, providing specific examples or statistics could enhance the persuasiveness of the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, discussing the merits and drawbacks of electronic and computer games for young people. However, there are slight tangents, such as the mention of healthy alternatives like reading books or participating in sports clubs.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, it’s advisable to minimize digressions and ensure all points directly contribute to the discussion of the topic at hand.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument against the value of playing electronic and computer games for young people. To enhance the response, deeper analysis, additional support through examples or studies, and maintaining a strict relevance to the topic could be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing the argument. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, transitioning smoothly from one point to another.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a more explicit roadmap of the essay’s structure in the introduction. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, aiding the reader in following the argumentation more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with each paragraph discussing a single main idea. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide additional support or analysis for the points presented.
- How to improve: Aim for more consistent paragraph length and depth of analysis across the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting evidence or examples to strengthen the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (‘although’, ‘on the one hand’, ‘on the other hand’, ‘furthermore’, ‘in conclusion’) and pronouns (‘this’, ‘those’, ‘it’). These cohesive devices help to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay does use cohesive devices effectively, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently within and between paragraphs to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with varied expressions and terms. For instance, phrases like "stimulate young players’ brains," "tremendous focus," and "highly addictive" show effective use of vocabulary to convey different nuances and ideas related to gaming.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where possible. For example, instead of "huge amount," using "significant portion" or "substantial time" could add depth. Additionally, varying sentence structures and introducing more academic or formal vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., cognitive development, educational enrichment) would strengthen the lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "skills sharpened by computer and electronic games can also be acquired by several other healthy, educational, and less time-consuming options" is somewhat broad. It could benefit from specifying exactly which skills (e.g., cognitive abilities, problem-solving aptitude) and delineating clearer distinctions between gaming skills and other forms of learning.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise terminology to delineate between different types of skills and their acquisition methods. Use specific examples or studies that distinguish gaming skills from those acquired through traditional education or other activities. This will enhance clarity and depth of argumentation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally strong throughout the essay. Common words and technical terms are spelled correctly, such as "computer," "electronic," and "addictive."
- How to improve: Maintain this level of accuracy by proofreading carefully and using spell-check tools. Be cautious with less common or complex terms that might require verification.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary and spelling accuracy appropriate for a Band 7 score in Lexical Resource. To achieve even higher, focus on expanding the range of sophisticated vocabulary, refining precision in expressing ideas, and consistently maintaining spelling accuracy across all terms used. This will contribute to a more nuanced and polished presentation of arguments in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it employs complex structures like "Although there is some truth to the belief that playing games on computers and other electronic devices enhances certain skills, I believe that playing such games is a waste of time," showcasing the ability to handle complex ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s expression, consider integrating more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or inversion for emphasis. For example, incorporating sentences like "Had it not been for the addictive nature of electronic games, their potential benefits might have outweighed their drawbacks" would add depth to your argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "People playing computer games have the opportunity to learn a wide range of skills and abilities." Here, "People playing" should agree with "have" as "People" is plural.
  Additionally, some punctuation errors are noticeable, like the lack of a comma after introductory phrases, as seen in "Furthermore, skills sharpened by computer and electronic games can also be acquired…"
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Regular practice with identifying and correcting such errors will be beneficial. Moreover, review the rules regarding comma usage, particularly concerning introductory elements, to ensure clearer and more precise punctuation. For instance, "Furthermore, skills sharpened by computer and electronic games can also be acquired…" would be improved with a comma after "Furthermore" to enhance readability and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

There have been debates surrounding the potential impacts of computer and electronic games on young individuals. While there is validity to the assertion that playing such games can enhance certain skills, I contend that engaging in such games constitutes a squandering of time.

On one hand, there are several reasons why some people view video games as beneficial for skill development. Firstly, many games, such as science or puzzle games, stimulate young players’ brains and sensitivity, enabling them to cultivate creativity and problem-solving skills. Additionally, memory-based games require players to recall locations, events, or names to progress to higher levels. Moreover, games like Counter-Strike demand rapid reflexes and tremendous focus, which can improve players’ abilities to handle daily tasks requiring such skills.

On the other hand, I argue that spending time on video games is wasteful, regardless of the potential for skill development they may offer. Young individuals should prioritize proper study, either at school or at home, and indulging in electronic entertainment is detrimental. Electronic and computer games are highly addictive, leading many to spend excessive amounts of time in front of screens, thus reducing time available for study—a critical requirement at their age. Furthermore, skills sharpened by gaming can be acquired through various other healthy, educational, and less time-consuming activities, such as reading books or participating in sports clubs.

In conclusion, while it’s true that video games can enhance a few skills, this does not outweigh the argument that they are a waste of time.