Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Art has long been regarded as a subject that cannot be seen in everyday’s life, yet can instantly captivate people whenever it comes into view. With such a distinctive nature, arts is now suggested to be extensively promoted in cities and towns as a way of enhancing their appeal. From my perspective, I agree that the government should expand the budget for the arts field because of two major benefits it brings to a country, which are economic development and cultural-historical promotion.
To begin with, introducing more artworks into towns and cities helps facilitate economic improvements. Indeed, displaying paintings or statues in the public could attract more people to visit the places. People are willing to pay to see those masterpieces, as these are not commonplace sights. Moreover, with the help of social media, news is spread widely and could easily reach people from other cities or countries, thus engaging more attention of people in the artistic expressions. Take Hanoi as an example, the city government is now encouraging opening up more creative spaces or exhibitions to promote local art works. The plan is a success as the city attracts not only local people but also a large number of tourists within and outside Vietnam. With the increasing number of visitors, Hanoi authority has reportedly seen an improvement economically and financially in the year 2023.
Besides, not only does the economy witness a rapid advancement by promoting art works, local culture also receives diverse recognition when arts is paid more attention to by the government. Studies have indicated that information visualized through art works such as paintings, can captivate people more effectively than in written forms. As a result, portraying cultural and historical facts through art forms is a plausible way to make people understand more about a place. Hanoi has implemented a public exhibition where the city’s historical timeline is told through a series of paintings. The project has accomplished its goal of making past time events more comprehensible to the audiences. Respondents noted an improved practical understanding of Hanoi, and they found it easier to digest the information through pictures rather than reading from books.
In summary, even though art is not a human's basic need, it still plays a crucial role in not only improving each individual’s life but also in benefiting a place’s economy and culture. Promoting art works is a compelling approach to gain numerous profits, therefore, increasing the government's budget to bring art closer to the public should be encouraged.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"everyday’s life" -> "everyday life"
Explanation: The term "everyday’s life" includes an unnecessary possessive form. Using "everyday life" is more concise and aligns better with formal writing conventions.
"arts is" -> "art is"
Explanation: "Arts" is a plural form, whereas the sentence requires a singular form to agree with the verb "is." Changing it to "art is" ensures subject-verb agreement.
"From my perspective" -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, personal viewpoints are typically avoided for objectivity. Removing this phrase maintains a more neutral tone.
"which are economic development and cultural-historical promotion" -> "namely, economic development and cultural-historical promotion"
Explanation: Using "namely" helps introduce specific examples and adds precision, which is more fitting in an academic context.
"displaying paintings or statues in the public could attract more people" -> "exhibiting paintings or statues in public spaces could attract more people"
Explanation: "Displaying in the public" could be rephrased to "exhibiting in public spaces" for a more formal and precise expression.
"masterpieces" -> "works of art"
Explanation: While "masterpieces" is not incorrect, using "works of art" is a more formal and versatile term suitable for academic writing.
"more creative spaces or exhibitions" -> "additional creative spaces or exhibitions"
Explanation: Adding "additional" instead of "more" provides a clearer emphasis on the increment, enhancing the sentence’s formal tone.
"city attracts not only local people but also a large number of tourists" -> "city attracts both locals and a significant number of tourists"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and conciseness by using "both locals and a significant number of tourists" instead of "not only local people but also a large number of tourists."
"economically and financially in the year 2023" -> "economically in the year 2023"
Explanation: Using both "economically and financially" is redundant in this context. Removing "financially" maintains the intended meaning more concisely.
"Studies have indicated that information visualized through art works such as paintings" -> "Studies have indicated that information conveyed through artworks, such as paintings,"
Explanation: The term "visualized through artworks" can be simplified to "conveyed through artworks," maintaining the academic tone while being more concise.
"portraying cultural and historical facts through art forms" -> "depicting cultural and historical facts through artistic mediums"
Explanation: Using "depicting" instead of "portraying" and "artistic mediums" instead of "art forms" elevates the language while maintaining clarity and formality.
"past time events" -> "historical events"
Explanation: "Historical events" is a more precise and conventional term for events from the past in an academic context.
"making past time events more comprehensible to the audiences" -> "making historical events more comprehensible to audiences"
Explanation: Simplifying "past time events" to "historical events" and removing the article "the" before "audiences" results in a clearer and more concise sentence.
"even though art is not a human’s basic need" -> "while art may not be a fundamental human necessity"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence using "while" instead of "even though" and replacing "a human’s basic need" with "a fundamental human necessity" maintains formality and clarity.
"Promoting art works" -> "Promoting artworks"
Explanation: "Artworks" is a more standard term compared to "art works," retaining formality without altering the meaning.
These revisions enhance the essay’s academic tone by using more precise, formal, and appropriate vocabulary while ensuring clarity and conciseness.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a thorough analysis of the prompt, addressing both the economic and cultural-historical aspects of promoting art in towns and cities. Each part of the question is adequately covered, with clear examples and explanations.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of potential counterarguments. This would add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in support of increasing government spending on art. The thesis is well-defined in the introduction and consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly restating the thesis in the conclusion. This reinforces the essay’s stance and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas are well-presented, developed, and supported with relevant examples. The essay effectively illustrates the economic benefits of art through the example of Hanoi and provides a compelling case for the cultural-historical significance of art.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider exploring potential challenges or criticisms related to the economic and cultural impacts of promoting art. This adds complexity to the argument and demonstrates a more thorough examination of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the economic and cultural benefits of promoting art in towns and cities. However, there is a slight deviation in the introduction when discussing the captivating nature of art. While this adds engagement, it could be more directly tied to the economic and cultural aspects.
- How to improve: Ensure that all introductory points directly contribute to the central argument. In this case, connect the captivating nature of art more explicitly to its potential economic and cultural impacts.
In summary, the essay effectively addresses the task response criteria, offering a well-structured and coherent argument in favor of increased government spending on art. To improve further, consider acknowledging counterarguments, restating the thesis in the conclusion, exploring potential challenges, and ensuring all introductory points directly contribute to the central argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two major benefits of promoting arts: economic development and cultural-historical promotion. The body paragraphs follow a cohesive structure, with each paragraph focusing on one of these benefits. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between the introduction and the body paragraphs, which could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing a brief roadmap in the introduction, explicitly stating that the essay will explore economic benefits in one body paragraph and cultural-historical benefits in another. This helps readers anticipate the structure.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs are quite lengthy, such as the second body paragraph, which discusses economic benefits. Breaking down these paragraphs into smaller, more focused units would enhance readability and create a more balanced structure.
- How to improve: Aim for a more consistent paragraph length. Consider dividing longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each addressing a specific point. This creates a more visually appealing and digestible format for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including transition words (e.g., "to begin with," "besides," "in summary") and pronouns (e.g., "these," "those," "this"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay and guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions between ideas could be refined for greater clarity.
- How to improve: Pay attention to the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to create smoother connections between ideas. For example, consider using words like "furthermore" or "moreover" to reinforce the progression of the argument.
Overall, this essay effectively addresses the coherence and cohesion criteria for IELTS Task 2. To further improve, focus on enhancing the transition between the introduction and body paragraphs, balancing paragraph lengths, and refining the use of cohesive devices for seamless connections.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "captivate," "distinctive," "extensively," and "plausible." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further. The use of some words, like "improvement" and "advancement," is repeated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of consistently using "improvement," try variations like "enhancement," "progress," or "development" to add depth to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, particularly in discussing economic and cultural aspects. However, there are instances where more specific and nuanced terms could enhance clarity. For example, using specific economic terms like "revenue" or "financial gains" instead of the general term "improvement" would add precision.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in your vocabulary. Identify key terms related to economic and cultural discussions and use them judiciously. For instance, replace generic terms with more specific ones that accurately convey the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. Instances of correct spelling are predominant, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation.
- How to improve: Continue practicing vigilant proofreading to catch any potential spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to further enhance accuracy. Consistent attention to detail in spelling will contribute to a polished and professional final product.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably diverse range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, and the use of transitional phrases contributes to coherence. However, the essay tends to rely on some common sentence structures, and there is room for more complexity and sophistication in sentence construction.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns, such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and varied narrative.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. There are, however, a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be strengthened, and some sentence structures may require closer attention to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that they align in number and person. Also, review complex sentences to ensure that they are structured in a way that eliminates potential confusion. For example, in the sentence "Studies have indicated that information visualized through art works such as paintings, can captivate people more effectively than in written forms," consider rephrasing for clarity: "Studies have indicated that information visualized through art, such as paintings, can captivate people more effectively than written forms."
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation, including the use of commas, periods, and apostrophes. However, there are occasional instances where the punctuation could be refined for increased precision and flow.
- How to improve: Pay attention to the correct placement of commas, especially in complex sentences. For example, in the sentence "With the increasing number of visitors, Hanoi authority has reportedly seen an improvement economically and financially in the year 2023," consider adding a comma after "Hanoi authority" to enhance clarity: "With the increasing number of visitors, Hanoi authority, has reportedly seen an improvement economically and financially in the year 2023." Additionally, ensure consistent use of commas in lists and between clauses for smoother readability.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a generally varied sentence structure, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence patterns and refining punctuation for enhanced clarity. Keep practicing different sentence structures and pay close attention to grammatical details to further elevate your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Art, often considered a rarity in everyday life, possesses a unique ability to captivate individuals instantly. The suggestion to extensively promote art in cities and towns, enhancing their overall appeal, is one I support. This is primarily due to the dual benefits it offers a country—namely, economic development and cultural-historical promotion.
Firstly, the introduction of more artworks into towns and cities can significantly contribute to economic growth. The public display of paintings or statues can attract a greater number of visitors, willing to pay to witness these exceptional creations. Such unique sights, coupled with the influence of social media, allow news to spread widely, capturing the attention of people from various cities or countries. For instance, in Hanoi, the city government’s initiative to encourage additional creative spaces or exhibitions has proven successful. This strategy not only attracts local residents but also entices a substantial influx of tourists, both domestic and international. Consequently, the economic and financial status of Hanoi has reported notable improvements in the year 2023.
Furthermore, the promotion of artworks does not only catalyze economic advancement but also contributes to the recognition and understanding of local culture. Studies have shown that conveying information through artworks, such as paintings, is more effective in captivating audiences compared to written forms. By depicting cultural and historical facts through artistic mediums, a place becomes more comprehensible to the public. Hanoi, for instance, implemented a public exhibition narrating the city’s historical timeline through a series of paintings. This innovative approach successfully enhanced the audience’s practical understanding of Hanoi, making historical events more accessible. Respondents acknowledged an improved grasp of information through visual representations rather than traditional written sources.
In conclusion, while art may not be deemed a fundamental human necessity, its pivotal role in improving individual lives and contributing to a place’s economy and culture cannot be overstated. Promoting artworks emerges as a compelling strategy with multifaceted benefits, warranting an increase in the government’s budget to bring art closer to the public.