Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Arts has always been known as a subject that cannot be seen in every day’s life, yet can instantly captivate people whenever it comes into view. With such a distinctive nature, arts is now suggested to be widely promoted in cities and towns as a way of making these places more attractive. In my perspective, I totally agree that the government should expand the budget for the arts field because of two major benefits it brings for a country, which are economic development and cultural-historical promotion.
To begin with, putting more artworks into towns and cities helps with these places’ economic improvements. Indeed, displaying paintings or statues in the public could attract more people to visit the places. People are willing to pay to see those works of art, since it is not something that they can see on a daily basis. Moreover, with the help of social media, news is spread widely and could easily reach people from other cities or countries, therefore engaging more attention of people of the same interest. Take Hanoi as an example, the city government is now encouraging opening up more creative spaces or exhibitions to promote local art works. The plan is a success as the city attracts not only local people but also a large number of tourists within and outside Vietnam to visit. With the increasing number of visitors, Hanoi authority has reportedly seen an improvement economically and financially in the year 2023.
Besides, not only could the economy see a progression by promoting art works, local culture could also gain various recognitions when arts is paid more attention by the government. Research has shown that information visualized through art works such as paintings, can draw people in better than the same data written in words. Therefore, portraying cultural and historical facts through art is a plausible way to make people understand more about a place. Hanoi has implemented a public exhibition where the historical timeline of the city is told by a series of paintings. The project has successfully reached its goal as interviewed people said they now have a more practical understanding of Hanoi, and they feel like it is easier for them to take in the information through pictures rather than reading them in books.
In summary, even though art is not a human's basic need, it still plays a crucial role in not only improving each individual’s life but also in benefiting a place economically and culturally. Promoting art works is a compelling approach to gain numerous profits, therefore, increasing the government's budget to bring art closer to the public should be encouraged.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Arts has always been known as a subject" -> "The arts have always been recognized as a subject"
Explanation: Using "the arts" instead of "arts" adds formality to the sentence, and changing "has always been known as" to "have always been recognized as" enhances the academic tone.
"cannot be seen in every day’s life" -> "is not commonly observed in everyday life"
Explanation: Replacing "cannot be seen" with "is not commonly observed" and using "everyday" instead of "every day’s" improves the formality of the expression.
"perspective" -> "viewpoint"
Explanation: Substituting "perspective" with "viewpoint" is a more formal and precise term in an academic context.
"totally agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: Changing "totally agree" to "strongly agree" adds emphasis and formality to the statement.
"expand the budget for the arts field" -> "allocate more funds to the field of arts"
Explanation: "Expand the budget" is replaced with "allocate more funds," providing a more precise and formal expression.
"economic development" -> "economic advancement"
Explanation: Replacing "economic development" with "economic advancement" adds a slightly more sophisticated touch to the phrase.
"cultural-historical promotion" -> "cultural and historical promotion"
Explanation: Using "and" instead of a hyphen improves the grammatical structure, making it more appropriate for formal writing.
"helps with these places’ economic improvements" -> "contributes to the economic enhancement of these places"
Explanation: Substituting "helps with" with "contributes to" and changing "economic improvements" to "economic enhancement" elevates the language to a more formal level.
"Indeed" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Indeed" is replaced with "Moreover" to enhance the transition between sentences and maintain formality.
"the public could attract more people" -> "the public can attract a larger audience"
Explanation: Changing "could attract" to "can attract" and specifying "a larger audience" provides a more assertive and formal expression.
"it is not something that they can see on a daily basis" -> "it is not a commonplace sight"
Explanation: Replacing "on a daily basis" with "a commonplace sight" improves the formality and conciseness of the statement.
"With the increasing number of visitors" -> "As the number of visitors increases"
Explanation: The revision enhances the sentence’s structure by rephrasing the introductory clause.
"financially in the year 2023" -> "financially in 2023"
Explanation: Removing "the year" adds conciseness without sacrificing clarity.
"not only could the economy see a progression" -> "not only could the economy progress"
Explanation: Simplifying "see a progression" to "progress" maintains clarity while improving formality.
"Research has shown that information visualized through art works" -> "Research indicates that information conveyed through artworks"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and academically formal.
"cultural and historical facts through art is a plausible way" -> "cultural and historical facts through art are a viable means"
Explanation: Changing "is a plausible way" to "are a viable means" improves subject-verb agreement and adds formality.
"practical understanding of Hanoi" -> "practical insight into Hanoi"
Explanation: Substituting "understanding" with "insight" adds a nuanced and formal touch to the expression.
"it is easier for them to take in the information through pictures rather than reading them in books" -> "they find it more accessible to absorb information through visuals than by reading from books"
Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more detailed and formal expression of the idea.
"not a human’s basic need" -> "not a fundamental human necessity"
Explanation: Replacing "basic need" with "fundamental human necessity" adds precision and formality to the statement.
"numerous profits" -> "varied benefits"
Explanation: Changing "numerous profits" to "varied benefits" introduces a more sophisticated term while maintaining the overall meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the suggestion about placing more artworks in towns and cities, clearly stating agreement and presenting two major benefits: economic development and cultural-historical promotion.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a brief counter-argument or addressing potential counterpoints to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, unequivocally supporting the idea that the government should increase the budget for the arts. The position is evident in the introduction and is consistently reinforced in subsequent paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each body paragraph’s topic sentence reinforces the main stance explicitly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples such as the impact on tourism in Hanoi and the use of art to convey historical information. Each point is elaborated with relevant details and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance depth, consider delving into more nuanced aspects of the benefits, such as potential challenges or counter-arguments, to showcase a comprehensive understanding.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout. It consistently discusses the benefits of government spending on art in towns and cities, supporting the central argument without significant deviations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic and contributes to the overall argument. Avoid unnecessary details or information that may distract from the main point.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong response to the prompt, earning a band score of 8. To further improve, consider incorporating a counter-argument, reinforcing clarity in topic sentences, exploring more nuanced aspects of the ideas presented, and maintaining a high level of focus throughout.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic of art in towns and cities, and the subsequent paragraphs follow a clear progression of ideas. The writer presents two main benefits of promoting art—economic development and cultural-historical promotion—each discussed in dedicated paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs, as some sentences could be restructured for smoother transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring sentences within paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Pay attention to the use of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction provides a clear thesis statement, and subsequent paragraphs delve into economic benefits and cultural-historical promotion. However, there are instances where paragraphs could be more developed, particularly in expanding on supporting points.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphs by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on supporting points. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a cohesive structure to strengthen the overall essay structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "indeed," "moreover," and "besides." These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain phrases, and a more diverse set of cohesive devices could be employed to enhance variety.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases. This will not only enhance the essay’s coherence but also add variety to the language, making it more engaging for the reader.
In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the coherence and cohesion criteria, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence structure within paragraphs, the development of supporting points, and the use of a more diverse set of cohesive devices. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It includes words such as "distinctive," "perspective," "encouraging," "recognitions," and "implies." However, there is room for improvement, as certain phrases are repeated, and some ideas could be expressed with more varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance your score, strive for more diversity in your word choices. For instance, instead of frequently using "art works," consider alternatives like "masterpieces," "creations," or "artistic expressions." This will contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "information visualized through art works" could be refined to "data conveyed through artistic representations," providing a more nuanced and precise expression.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your word choices. Consider using terms that precisely convey your intended meaning, avoiding vague or general expressions. This will add precision to your language and contribute to a more refined argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "economicly" instead of "economically" and "recognition" instead of "recognitions."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your work thoroughly, or consider using spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, make a conscious effort to review commonly misspelled words, ensuring consistency in your spelling throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, attention to detail in word choice and spelling will further elevate the lexical resource score. Maintain a varied and precise vocabulary while diligently checking for spelling errors to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. It effectively employs simple and complex structures to convey ideas. For instance, it uses complex sentences to present arguments, such as "Research has shown that information visualized through art works, such as paintings, can draw people in better than the same data written in words." However, a more extensive range of structures, including compound and compound-complex sentences, could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. For instance, instead of relying solely on complex sentences, try combining ideas using coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, but, or) to create compound sentences. This will add variety and depth to your writing.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For instance, in the sentence, "With such a distinctive nature, arts is now suggested," there is a subject-verb agreement issue (should be "art" instead of "arts"). Additionally, the phrase "because of two major benefits it brings for a country" could be revised to "because it brings two major benefits to a country" for better clarity.
- How to improve: Carefully proofread for subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence construction. Consider seeking feedback or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct minor grammatical errors. Also, focus on clarity in complex sentence structures to avoid potential confusion.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly. However, there are instances where the use of commas could be refined for better clarity. For example, in the sentence, "Even though art is not a human’s basic need, it still plays a crucial role," a comma after "need" would enhance readability. Additionally, the sentence "The plan is a success as the city attracts not only local people but also a large number of tourists within and outside Vietnam to visit" could benefit from a comma after "Vietnam" for better flow.
- How to improve: Focus on the correct use of commas to avoid potential ambiguity or misinterpretation. Consider reviewing rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Practice using commas to set off nonrestrictive elements and to clarify relationships between different parts of a sentence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy. To enhance the score further, consider incorporating a more varied range of sentence structures, addressing minor grammatical errors, and refining punctuation usage for improved clarity.
Bài sửa mẫu
The arts have always been recognized as a subject that is not commonly observed in everyday life, yet possesses the unique ability to capture people’s attention when encountered. With its distinctive nature, the idea of promoting the arts in cities and towns to enhance their appeal is gaining prominence. From my viewpoint, I strongly agree that the government should allocate more funds to the field of arts due to two significant benefits it offers for a country—economic advancement and cultural-historical promotion.
To commence, introducing more artworks into towns and cities contributes to their economic enhancement. Indeed, showcasing paintings or statues in public spaces can attract a larger audience, as it is not a commonplace sight in daily life. Moreover, with the aid of social media, news spreads widely, easily reaching people from other cities or countries who share similar interests. For instance, Hanoi’s city government has successfully encouraged the establishment of more creative spaces and exhibitions to showcase local artworks. This initiative has proven to be a success, attracting not only local residents but also a substantial number of tourists from within and outside Vietnam. As the number of visitors increases, Hanoi has reported an improvement both economically and financially in 2023.
Furthermore, beyond the economic aspect, the promotion of arts can also contribute to the cultural and historical promotion of a locality. Research indicates that information conveyed through artworks, such as paintings, can offer a practical insight into the cultural and historical facts of a place, making it more accessible for the public. Hanoi, for instance, implemented a public exhibition narrating the city’s historical timeline through a series of paintings. The project has achieved its goal, as people interviewed expressed that they now have a more practical understanding of Hanoi, finding it more accessible to absorb information through visuals than by reading from books.
In summary, while art may not be a fundamental human necessity, it undeniably plays a crucial role in improving individual lives and benefiting a place both economically and culturally. Promoting artworks emerges as a compelling approach to reap numerous benefits. Therefore, advocating for an increase in the government’s budget to bring art closer to the public is a step that should be encouraged.