Some people think certain buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent you agree or disgaree

In contemporary times, there have been numerous controversies surrounding whether or not it is worth preserving old buildings rather than others. From my own perspective, although there are vital implemented policies associated with facilities conservation, I strongly believe that people should pay attention to maintain and renovate other ones.

To begin with, it is indisputable that old infrastructure possesses their own cultural and ethnic value. To be more precise, most constructions are established to symbolize and express various purposes, which may significantly contribute to the historical records of civilization and development marks. Preserving those artificial areas also play a key role in maintaining and respecting our humans’ advancements, so as to express their own patriotism and ethnic pride of each region. Investing efforts and fundings on this activity makes conditions for the government to promote and educate the public on exploring and understanding the deep messages of history via practical heritages.

Besides these possible justifications on preserving old buildings is necessary, it is acknowledged that others should receive the attention of both the relevant authorities and individuals. Promptly reinforcing modern facilities is the economical and effective measure in order to reduce the amount of money and challenges resulting from the time-destroyment. Specifically, productively renovating these amenities is the opportunity to maintain the beauty and appearance for each country, which could affect the economic impacts by boosting photography tourism.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that antique structures are crucial for conservation, whilst other buildings also deserve the public attention. As far as I am concerned, the government should spend effective funds on old facilities and modern ones in order to maximize the value from both areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary times" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In the contemporary era" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the introduction.
"numerous controversies" -> "numerous debates"
Explanation: "Debates" is more specific and academically appropriate than "controversies," which can imply a negative connotation that may not be intended in this context.
"vital implemented policies" -> "important implemented policies"
Explanation: "Vital" is somewhat overused and can be vague; "important" is more precise and maintains the formal tone.
"people should pay attention to maintain and renovate other ones" -> "individuals should prioritize the maintenance and renovation of other structures"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "prioritize the maintenance and renovation" is more specific and formal than "pay attention to maintain and renovate." Additionally, "other ones" is vague; "other structures" is more precise.
"old infrastructure possesses their own" -> "old infrastructure possesses its own"
Explanation: "Its" is the correct possessive pronoun to use with "infrastructure," not "their," which is incorrectly used here.
"most constructions are established to symbolize and express various purposes" -> "many constructions are built to symbolize and serve various purposes"
Explanation: "Built" is more accurate than "established" in this context, and "serve" is more precise than "express" in describing the functions of constructions.
"Preserving those artificial areas also play a key role" -> "Preserving these artificial areas also plays a key role"
Explanation: "Plays" should be singular to agree with the singular subject "area," and "these" is more appropriate than "those" in this context.
"Investing efforts and fundings" -> "Investing efforts and funds"
Explanation: "Funds" is the correct noun form, not "fundings," which is not a standard term.
"makes conditions for the government to promote" -> "facilitates the government’s promotion"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more precise and formal verb than "makes conditions for," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"Promptly reinforcing modern facilities" -> "Promptly upgrading modern facilities"
Explanation: "Upgrading" is more specific and appropriate than "reinforcing" in the context of improving facilities.
"the economical and effective measure" -> "an economical and effective measure"
Explanation: "An" is the correct article to use before a singular noun, and "economical" should be "economic" to refer to relating to economics.
"time-destroyment" -> "destruction over time"
Explanation: "Destruction over time" is a clearer and more formal expression than the awkward and incorrect "time-destroyment."
"productively renovating these amenities" -> "effectively renovating these amenities"
Explanation: "Effectively" is more appropriate than "productively" in this context, as it directly relates to the efficiency of the renovation process.
"boosting photography tourism" -> "boosting tourism through photography"
Explanation: "Boosting tourism through photography" is a clearer and more grammatically correct phrase than "boosting photography tourism," which is awkward and unclear.
"antique structures are crucial for conservation" -> "historic structures are crucial for conservation"
Explanation: "Historic" is more precise and academically appropriate than "antique," which can imply a negative connotation of being old-fashioned or outdated.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of preserving old buildings and the need to focus on modern structures. The writer presents a balanced view, acknowledging the cultural significance of historical buildings while also arguing for the preservation of contemporary architecture. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I strongly believe that people should pay attention to maintain and renovate other ones" suggests a degree of disagreement, but it lacks a definitive stance on the overall question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more direct response to the prompt, such as "I agree that certain buildings are more worth preserving, but I also believe that modern buildings deserve attention," would clarify the writer’s stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that values both old and modern buildings, but the clarity of this position fluctuates. The introduction suggests a strong belief in the importance of modern buildings, yet the conclusion implies a more balanced view. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently use language that reflects their viewpoint throughout the essay. Phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can be used to reinforce their stance. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each paragraph supports this position without introducing conflicting ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of preserving both old and modern buildings. For example, the discussion on the cultural value of old infrastructure is well-articulated, and the economic benefits of modern renovations are introduced. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about boosting photography tourism is mentioned but not elaborated upon with examples or data.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on tourism related to historical sites or case studies of successful modern renovations. Each idea should be fully developed in its own paragraph, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the preservation of buildings as per the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the economic impacts of modern buildings without directly linking it back to the preservation argument. This can create a sense of disconnection between the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of preservation. They could use transitional phrases to link ideas back to the main argument, reinforcing how each point contributes to the overall discussion of what buildings are worth preserving.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing clarity, consistency, and support for arguments would elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the preservation of buildings, with a discernible structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting arguments. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of old buildings to advocating for modern facilities feels abrupt. The ideas could be more effectively linked to create a smoother progression of thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using signposting language to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help clarify the transition between discussing old and modern buildings. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis can strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, while the second and third paragraphs delve into reasons for preserving old buildings and the need to focus on modern facilities, respectively. However, the second paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be split into two distinct paragraphs to better delineate the points being made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a clear structure within each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that ties back to the main argument. For example, the second paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on the cultural significance of old buildings and the other discussing the economic rationale for preserving modern structures.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Besides," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas and indicate the structure of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "it is acknowledged that others should receive the attention" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Moreover," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. For example, when transitioning from the discussion of old buildings to modern facilities, explicitly state how the two are interconnected in the context of preservation efforts.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potentially higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary times," "cultural and ethnic value," and "photography tourism." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, phrases like "old infrastructure" and "modern facilities" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific terms that convey deeper meaning or nuance.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider incorporating synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of "old infrastructure," one might use "historical edifices" or "heritage structures." Additionally, exploring academic or technical vocabulary related to architecture or cultural preservation could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "artificial areas" and "time-destroyment." The term "artificial areas" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning, while "time-destroyment" is not a standard phrase in English and may confuse readers. Moreover, phrases like "the economical and effective measure" could be more accurately expressed as "a cost-effective measure."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and terminology. For example, replacing "artificial areas" with "constructed environments" or "built heritage" would clarify the meaning. Additionally, the writer should ensure that all terms are commonly accepted in academic discourse, avoiding neologisms that may not be understood.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are notable errors, such as "fundings," which should be "funding," and "disgaree," which is a misspelling of "disagree." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider proofreading the essay more thoroughly or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. It is also helpful to read the essay aloud, as this can often reveal mistakes that may be overlooked when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the sentence "To be more precise, most constructions are established to symbolize and express various purposes, which may significantly contribute to the historical records of civilization and development marks" effectively combines multiple ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of varied clause structures, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex clauses, such as conditional sentences or sentences that begin with adverbial phrases. For instance, instead of starting several sentences with "To begin with" or "Besides," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "old infrastructure possesses their own cultural and ethnic value" should use "its" instead of "their" to maintain singular agreement. Additionally, "play a key role in maintaining and respecting our humans’ advancements" is awkwardly phrased; "human advancements" would be more appropriate. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can also lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of pronouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focused on singular vs. plural forms and pronoun usage, could be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for using commas in complex sentences and consider reading the essay aloud to identify natural pauses where punctuation may be needed. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, there have been numerous controversies surrounding whether or not it is worth preserving old buildings rather than others. From my own perspective, although there are important implemented policies associated with facilities conservation, I strongly believe that individuals should prioritize the maintenance and renovation of other structures.

To begin with, it is indisputable that old infrastructure possesses its own cultural and ethnic value. To be more precise, most constructions are built to symbolize and serve various purposes, which may significantly contribute to the historical records of civilization and development marks. Preserving these artificial areas also plays a key role in maintaining and respecting our human advancements, so as to express the patriotism and ethnic pride of each region. Investing efforts and funds in this activity facilitates the government’s promotion and education of the public on exploring and understanding the deep messages of history via practical heritages.

Besides these possible justifications for preserving old buildings, it is acknowledged that others should receive the attention of both the relevant authorities and individuals. Promptly upgrading modern facilities is an economical and effective measure to reduce the amount of money and challenges resulting from destruction over time. Specifically, productively renovating these amenities provides an opportunity to maintain the beauty and appearance of each country, which could positively affect the economy by boosting tourism through photography.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that historic structures are crucial for conservation, whilst other buildings also deserve public attention. As far as I am concerned, the government should spend effective funds on both old facilities and modern ones in order to maximize the value from both areas.