Some people think countries should produce foods their population eats and import less food as much as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a common thought that nations should domestically produce food and are less dependent on food importation. While acknowledging the reasons behind this proposal, I would argue that it is not feasible in many parts of the world.

It is understandable why some people propose that food should be locally produced. The key rationale behind this thought is reducing the unemployment rate. This is because food independence facilitates the growth of the agricultural field, leading to an increase in agriculture-related job opportunities and cutting down the number of unemployed. Viet Nam, for example, emphasizes agricultural development which ensures year-round production, creates jobs for the locals and prevents jobless periods. In addition to this, due to food self-reliance, countries could protect the environment. In particular, nations producing food independently reduce food miles, resulting in a reduction in carbon footprint. This plays an important part in addressing environmental degradation such as air pollution and global warming.

Despite the above arguments, I firmly believe that depending on food supplies can be risky for some reasons. It must first be recognized that not all countries can produce enough food to feed their population due to the weather conditions. In fact, many countries do not have favorable conditions to produce domestically food and have to suffer from natural resource constraints and extreme weather, which force them to import food from foreign countries. This can be seen in many African countries which have low soil fertility and prolonged drought, being virtually impossible for locals to grow crops and dependent on food imports. This argument is further fortified by the fact that technological limitations. In other words, some nations lacking in modern agricultural technologies are not able to efficiently grow enough food, having to import food to have more high quality goods for residents. As a result, self-supplying food and being less reliant on food importation is a risk to secure food in all countries.

In conclusion, while there are justifications for supporting food independence because of reducing the unemployment rate and protecting the environment, I would maintain that food self-reliance in countries is not practical. This is because of the unfavorable weather conditions and technological limitations in some countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a common thought" -> "It is a prevailing opinion"
Explanation: "It is a prevailing opinion" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"nations should domestically produce food" -> "nations should domestically produce their food"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies the possessive relationship, making the phrase more grammatically correct and precise.
"are less dependent on food importation" -> "are less reliant on food imports"
Explanation: "Reliant" is more formal than "dependent," and "imports" is the correct plural form for the noun.
"It is understandable why some people propose" -> "It is understandable that some individuals advocate"
Explanation: "Advocate" is more specific and formal than "propose," and "individuals" is more precise than "people" in an academic context.
"The key rationale behind this thought" -> "The primary rationale for this perspective"
Explanation: "Primary" is more formal than "key," and "perspective" is more academically appropriate than "thought."
"cutting down the number of unemployed" -> "reducing the number of unemployed"
Explanation: "Reducing" is more precise and formal than "cutting down," which is somewhat colloquial.
"emphasizes agricultural development" -> "prioritizes agricultural development"
Explanation: "Prioritizes" is more specific and formal than "emphasizes," indicating a deliberate focus on agricultural development.
"ensures year-round production" -> "ensures year-round production"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "ensures" should not be repeated.
"creates jobs for the locals" -> "creates employment opportunities for local residents"
Explanation: "Employment opportunities" is more formal and specific than "jobs," and "local residents" is more precise than "the locals."
"due to food self-reliance" -> "owing to food self-sufficiency"
Explanation: "Owing to" is more formal than "due to," and "self-sufficiency" is a more precise term than "self-reliance" in this context.
"plays an important part in addressing" -> "plays a significant role in addressing"
Explanation: "Role" is more specific and formal than "part," and "significant" is more precise than "important."
"not all countries can produce enough food" -> "not all countries are capable of producing sufficient food"
Explanation: "Are capable of producing sufficient food" is more formal and precise than "can produce enough food."
"have to suffer from natural resource constraints" -> "are constrained by natural resource limitations"
Explanation: "Are constrained by" is more formal and precise than "have to suffer from," which is somewhat colloquial.
"having to import food to have more high quality goods for residents" -> "requiring imports to provide high-quality goods for residents"
Explanation: "Requiring imports" is more formal and precise than "having to import," and "provide" is more formal than "have."
"self-supplying food and being less reliant on food importation" -> "self-sufficiency in food production and reduced reliance on food imports"
Explanation: "Self-sufficiency in food production" and "reduced reliance on food imports" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of food self-sufficiency and the challenges that some countries face in achieving it. The writer acknowledges the rationale behind producing food locally, such as job creation and environmental benefits, while also presenting a counterargument regarding the impracticality of this approach in certain regions. The use of specific examples, such as Vietnam and African countries, strengthens the response and demonstrates a balanced consideration of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and conclusion. This would clarify their stance and provide a more direct answer to the question of "to what extent" they agree or disagree.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while there are benefits to food self-sufficiency, it is not feasible for all countries. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where the writer discusses the limitations faced by certain nations. However, the phrasing in some areas could be more assertive to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more definitive language when stating their position, such as "I strongly disagree" or "I fully support," rather than "I would argue that it is not feasible." This would enhance the assertiveness of their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of job creation and environmental protection as benefits of local food production. The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points made. However, the development of ideas could be more extensive, particularly in the second body paragraph where the challenges of food production are mentioned.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include additional examples or data, such as statistics on unemployment rates or specific technological advancements in agriculture. This would provide a more robust foundation for their arguments and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of food production and importation without deviating into unrelated areas. The arguments presented are relevant to the prompt, and the writer effectively ties back to the main question in the conclusion.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples directly support their main argument. They could briefly explain how each example relates to the overall discussion of food self-sufficiency versus importation, which would further solidify the relevance of their points.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments to clarity, depth of support, and explicit connections to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of local food production, while the second body paragraph presents counterarguments regarding the challenges faced by certain countries. For instance, the use of examples such as Vietnam and African countries effectively illustrates the points made. However, the transition between the benefits and challenges could be more explicit to enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the benefits of local food production to the challenges faced by some countries. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help signal a shift in perspective and reinforce the contrasting arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and the body paragraphs are structured to present a clear argument followed by counterarguments. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the advantages of local food production, many countries face significant challenges that necessitate reliance on food imports." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition to this," "Despite the above arguments," and "As a result," which help guide the reader through the text. These devices effectively link ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use alternatives like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Nevertheless" to introduce additional points or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce redundancy and enhance cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "domestically produced," "food importation," "unemployment rate," and "agricultural development." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or lack variation, such as the frequent use of "food" and "produce." For example, the phrase "food self-reliance" appears multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms or related phrases to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "food," alternatives like "produce," "agricultural products," or "crops" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "sustainability," "self-sufficiency," or "agro-economy," could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "carbon footprint" and "environmental degradation," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "depending on food supplies can be risky for some reasons," where "some reasons" is vague and could be more specifically articulated. Additionally, the phrase "technological limitations" could be elaborated upon to clarify what specific technologies are lacking.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to clarify vague terms and provide more specific details. For example, instead of saying "some reasons," the writer could specify "economic instability" or "food security concerns." Providing examples of specific technologies that are lacking in certain countries would also help to clarify the argument and enhance the precision of the vocabulary used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "dependent on food imports," where "dependent" should be "depend" to maintain grammatical consistency. Additionally, "Viet Nam" should be consistently spelled as "Vietnam" to adhere to standard conventions.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of country names and other proper nouns is essential for maintaining professionalism in writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, enhancing the specificity of word choices, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "This is because food independence facilitates the growth of the agricultural field, leading to an increase in agriculture-related job opportunities and cutting down the number of unemployed." This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced and developed, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, using phrases like "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In contrast," could help in introducing new ideas more dynamically. Additionally, experimenting with inversion or conditional sentences could add further complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some notable issues, such as in the phrase "not all countries can produce enough food to feed their population due to the weather conditions." The phrase "due to the weather conditions" could be more clearly articulated as "due to unfavorable weather conditions." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are minor errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences that could improve clarity (e.g., "In fact, many countries do not have favorable conditions to produce domestically food" should be "In fact, many countries do not have favorable conditions to produce food domestically.").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on careful proofreading to catch minor errors and ensure clarity. Practicing the correct placement of adverbs, adjectives, and prepositions can also help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a common thought that nations should domestically produce food and be less dependent on food imports. While acknowledging the reasons behind this proposal, I would argue that it is not feasible in many parts of the world.

It is understandable why some people propose that food should be locally produced. The primary rationale for this perspective is reducing the unemployment rate. This is because food independence facilitates the growth of the agricultural sector, leading to an increase in agriculture-related job opportunities and cutting down the number of unemployed. Viet Nam, for example, prioritizes agricultural development, which ensures year-round production, creates employment opportunities for local residents, and prevents jobless periods. In addition to this, owing to food self-sufficiency, countries could protect the environment. In particular, nations producing food independently reduce food miles, resulting in a reduction in their carbon footprint. This plays a significant role in addressing environmental degradation such as air pollution and global warming.

Despite the above arguments, I firmly believe that depending on food imports can be risky for several reasons. It must first be recognized that not all countries can produce enough food to feed their populations due to weather conditions. In fact, many countries do not have favorable conditions to produce food domestically and suffer from natural resource limitations and extreme weather, which force them to import food from foreign countries. This can be seen in many African countries, which have low soil fertility and prolonged drought, making it virtually impossible for locals to grow crops and leading to a dependence on food imports. This argument is further strengthened by the fact that some nations face technological limitations. In other words, some countries lacking modern agricultural technologies are not able to efficiently grow enough food, requiring imports to provide high-quality goods for residents. As a result, self-sufficiency in food production and reduced reliance on food imports is a risk for securing food in all countries.

In conclusion, while there are justifications for supporting food independence because of reducing the unemployment rate and protecting the environment, I would maintain that food self-reliance in countries is not practical. This is due to unfavorable weather conditions and technological limitations in some nations.