Some people think employers should give holidays of at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think employers should give holidays of at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Opinions are divided on whether extending holidays for workers effectively enhances their job performance. From my perspective, I totally agree with this view, despite potential inconveniences, the benefits outweigh them.
It is true that longer holidays are potentially disadvantageous for employees' poorer working performance and also companies’ profit. Regarding the former, employees might find it challenging to get back into their work routine after long breaks, as they become deeply immersed in their time off and need time to regain their work skills. As for the latter, companies might see a drop in their profits given that workers are unlikely to devote sufficient time for their work, which can result in a drop in goods quality.
However, extended periods of leave offer significant benefits, such as strengthening family bonds and enhancing companies’ efforts. For example, with additional leisure time provided by their employers, workers can build stronger relationships with their loved ones. This leads to more satisfying experiences, which in turn motivates them to be more productive at work. Moreover, offering more holiday time acts as an attractive incentive for job seekers, helping companies draw in talented candidates, thereby increasing productivity and manage practices.”
To sum up, despite the drawbacks related to a drop in workers' productivity and companies’ profit, I definitely agree with the idea of ample vacation time for workers.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Opinions are divided on whether" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay. -
"I totally agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "I totally agree." -
"despite potential inconveniences" -> "despite potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "drawbacks" is a more precise and formal term than "inconveniences," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. -
"employees’ poorer working performance" -> "employees’ diminished work performance"
Explanation: "diminished work performance" is a more precise and formal way to describe a decrease in performance, aligning better with academic style. -
"companies’ profit" -> "companies’ profitability"
Explanation: "profitability" is a more formal and specific term than "profit," which is more commonly used in academic and business contexts. -
"employees might find it challenging" -> "employees may encounter difficulties"
Explanation: "may encounter difficulties" is a more formal and precise way to express potential challenges, fitting the academic tone better. -
"deeply immersed in their time off" -> "fully immersed in their leisure time"
Explanation: "fully immersed in their leisure time" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing. -
"need time to regain their work skills" -> "require time to reacquaint themselves with their work skills"
Explanation: "require time to reacquaint themselves with their work skills" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone. -
"companies might see a drop in their profits" -> "companies may experience a decline in their profitability"
Explanation: "may experience a decline in their profitability" is more formal and precise, suitable for an academic discussion. -
"unlikely to devote sufficient time for their work" -> "unlikely to allocate sufficient time to their work"
Explanation: "allocate sufficient time to their work" is a more formal and precise expression, improving the academic tone. -
"drop in goods quality" -> "decrease in product quality"
Explanation: "decrease in product quality" is a more specific and formal term, appropriate for an academic discussion about business and economics. -
"strengthening family bonds" -> "strengthening familial bonds"
Explanation: "familial bonds" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing. -
"more satisfying experiences" -> "more fulfilling experiences"
Explanation: "fulfilling" is a more formal synonym for "satisfying," aligning better with the academic style. -
"acts as an attractive incentive" -> "serves as an attractive incentive"
Explanation: "serves as" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "acts as," enhancing the academic tone. -
"helping companies draw in talented candidates" -> "aiding companies in attracting talented candidates"
Explanation: "aiding companies in attracting" is a more formal and precise way to express the action of drawing in candidates, fitting the academic style better. -
"manage practices" -> "management practices"
Explanation: "management practices" is a more specific and formal term, appropriate for discussing business and organizational strategies in an academic context.
These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the potential drawbacks and benefits of extended holidays for employees. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I totally agree with this view" is somewhat vague and does not clarify whether the author believes that all employees should receive a month-long holiday or if it should be conditional. Additionally, the essay lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of the argument, which is essential for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in a more nuanced way, indicating whether they agree completely, partially, or under specific conditions. Including a discussion on the potential impact of such policies on different sectors or job types could also enrich the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear stance that supports extended holidays, but the position becomes less distinct in the body paragraphs. For instance, the mention of "potential disadvantages" could confuse readers about the author’s overall agreement. The conclusion reiterates the initial agreement but does not reinforce the rationale behind it effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using phrases like "Despite these drawbacks, I maintain that…" can help clarify the stance. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with specific examples or evidence throughout the essay would strengthen the position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of extended holidays, such as strengthening family bonds and attracting talent. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the claim that stronger family bonds lead to increased productivity is made but not elaborated upon with examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, they could include statistics or studies that demonstrate the correlation between employee satisfaction and productivity. Additionally, exploring counterarguments in more depth could provide a more balanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of extended holidays. However, the discussion of potential disadvantages feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument. The mention of "a drop in goods quality" is vague and lacks context, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument about the benefits of extended holidays. Clarifying how each disadvantage specifically impacts the argument for longer holidays would help maintain relevance. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and providing specific examples would enhance the essay’s coherence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth and clarity in addressing the prompt to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of extended holidays for employees, structured around the introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of longer holidays to the advantages is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the potential negative impacts, while the second shifts to benefits without a clear linking statement that would help the reader understand the transition in perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," before introducing the benefits of extended holidays. Additionally, it may be beneficial to clearly outline the main points in the introduction, which would provide a roadmap for the reader.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages. Each paragraph contains a main idea supported by relevant examples. However, the second body paragraph could be more developed, as it presents two benefits but does not elaborate on how these benefits directly relate to improved job performance.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents an idea but also explores it in depth. For instance, the second body paragraph could include more specific examples or data to illustrate how stronger family bonds or increased job attractiveness directly correlate with enhanced productivity. Additionally, consider using topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph more clearly.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "as for," and "to sum up," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a more varied use of these devices to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, the use of conjunctions and referencing could be expanded to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "therefore." Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "employees," you could use "they" or "workers" to create a smoother reading experience.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "enhances," "disadvantageous," "immersed," and "incentive." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or basic, such as the repeated use of "workers" and "companies." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "workers," alternatives like "employees," "staff," or "personnel" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to workplace dynamics or employee well-being could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "job performance" and "family bonds," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "drop in goods quality," which could be more accurately expressed as "decrease in product quality" or "deterioration of service quality." The phrase "manage practices" is also vague and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly articulates their ideas. For example, replacing vague terms with more specific ones can enhance clarity. The writer should also consider the context in which terms are used to ensure they convey the intended message accurately.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the use of "companies’ profit," which could be more clearly stated as "companies’ profits" to indicate plural possession. This is a subtle point but reflects a level of precision that is important for higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on plural forms and possessive constructions. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling tools can help reinforce correct usage.
Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining attention to spelling details, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("if…") and contrasting phrases ("despite potential inconveniences") shows an attempt to engage with more sophisticated grammatical forms. However, some sentences are overly similar in structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. For example, the sentences in the second paragraph often start with similar phrases, such as "It is true that" and "As for," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "It is true that," you could use "While it is true that…" or "Although some may argue that…". Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as participial phrases or relative clauses, can add depth to your writing. For example, "Having taken a month off, employees may struggle to return to their routine" instead of "Employees might find it challenging to get back into their work routine after long breaks."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "employees’ poorer working performance" is slightly awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "poorer performance at work." Additionally, the punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can result in a drop in goods quality" to separate the clause more effectively. The use of apostrophes in possessive forms is mostly accurate, but the phrase "companies’ profit" should be singular ("company’s profit") when referring to a single company.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the clarity of your expressions. Consider revising awkward phrases for better flow and comprehension. Also, review the rules for possessives and ensure you are using singular and plural forms correctly. Practicing punctuation, especially with clauses, can help improve the overall readability of your writing. For example, breaking up longer sentences with commas can help clarify the relationships between ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions are divided on whether extending holidays for workers effectively enhances their job performance. From my perspective, I strongly concur with this view; despite potential drawbacks, the benefits outweigh them.
It is true that longer holidays can be disadvantageous for employees’ diminished work performance and also for companies’ profitability. Regarding the former, employees might find it challenging to get back into their work routine after long breaks, as they become fully immersed in their leisure time and require time to reacquaint themselves with their work skills. As for the latter, companies might see a decline in their profits given that workers are unlikely to allocate sufficient time to their work, which can result in a decrease in product quality.
However, extended periods of leave offer significant benefits, such as strengthening familial bonds and enhancing companies’ efforts. For example, with additional leisure time provided by their employers, workers can build stronger relationships with their loved ones. This leads to more fulfilling experiences, which in turn motivates them to be more productive at work. Moreover, offering more holiday time serves as an attractive incentive for job seekers, aiding companies in attracting talented candidates, thereby increasing productivity and improving management practices.
To sum up, despite the drawbacks related to a decline in workers’ productivity and companies’ profitability, I definitely agree with the idea of ample vacation time for workers.