Some people think government should spend money on measurers to save language with few speakers from dying out completely. Other think this is a waste of financial resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion..

One the one hand, avocados of government assumed that the budget should be spent on endangered languages. Language is one important way for people to communicate and play a significant role in creating the cultural identity of a nation. When languages vanish, this can lead to the disappearance of traditional customs which cannot be followed by subsequent generations. From that, the existence of a country will be endangered because it may tend to integrate into other country if they don’t have their own cultural identity.
On the other hand, opponents of the idea that government investments should focus on other areas such as healthcare and education. In developing countries, the limitations of the financial budget affect the infrastructure of these fields. People have less access to developed infrastructure which has an enormous influence on residents’ well being. If governments spend money on these fields, people may have a higher living standard and have more chances to access higher education. This also leads to an economic and social development of a country.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One the one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "One the one hand" to "On the one hand" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"avocados of government" -> "the government"
Explanation: The phrase "avocados of government" is incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with "the government" clarifies the subject and maintains the formal tone.
"assumed that" -> "believes that"
Explanation: "Assumed" is too weak and informal for academic writing. "Believes" is more appropriate and assertive, fitting the context of an opinion or viewpoint.
"Language is one important way" -> "Language is an important means"
Explanation: "Means" is more precise and formal than "way" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"play a significant role" -> "plays a significant role"
Explanation: The verb "play" should be in the singular form "plays" to agree with the singular noun "role."
"When languages vanish" -> "When languages disappear"
Explanation: "Disappear" is a more formal and precise term than "vanish" in academic writing.
"this can lead to the disappearance" -> "this may lead to the disappearance"
Explanation: "May" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "can," which is too vague and informal.
"cannot be followed" -> "cannot be maintained"
Explanation: "Maintained" is more precise and appropriate in the context of cultural practices and traditions.
"From that" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, indicating a logical consequence.
"it may tend to integrate" -> "it may lead to integration"
Explanation: "Lead to integration" is more direct and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "tend to integrate."
"other country" -> "another country"
Explanation: "Another" is grammatically correct and more formal than "other" in this context.
"opponents of the idea" -> "those who oppose the idea"
Explanation: "Those who oppose the idea" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "opponents."
"focus on other areas" -> "prioritize other areas"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is more specific and formal than "focus on," which is somewhat vague.
"the limitations of the financial budget" -> "budgetary constraints"
Explanation: "Budgetary constraints" is a more precise and formal term than "the limitations of the financial budget."
"People have less access" -> "Residents have limited access"
Explanation: "Residents" is more specific and formal than "people," and "limited access" is more precise than "less access."
"an enormous influence" -> "a significant influence"
Explanation: "Significant" is more academically appropriate than "enormous," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"have more chances" -> "have greater opportunities"
Explanation: "Greater opportunities" is more formal and precise than "more chances," aligning better with academic style.
"leads to an economic and social development" -> "contributes to economic and social development"
Explanation: "Contributes to" is a more precise and formal verb choice than "leads to," which can imply causality that is not always clear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding government spending on endangered languages versus other areas like healthcare and education. However, it lacks a clear and comprehensive discussion of both perspectives. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses the importance of preserving endangered languages, it does not adequately present the opposing viewpoint in a balanced manner. The second paragraph mentions opponents of the idea but fails to clearly articulate their reasons or provide a counterargument to the first viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both sides are presented with equal depth. Each viewpoint should be clearly articulated with specific examples or arguments that support them. It would be beneficial to include a sentence or two summarizing the opposing view before presenting the writer’s opinion, ensuring that the discussion is balanced.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not clearly state the writer’s position on the issue. While it discusses both sides, it lacks a definitive conclusion that indicates which viewpoint the writer supports. This ambiguity can confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To present a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A strong thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the writer’s viewpoint will help guide the reader. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly state the writer’s position on the issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the writer mentions the significance of language in cultural identity and the benefits of investing in healthcare and education, these points are not sufficiently elaborated upon. For example, the discussion on cultural identity could include specific examples of how language loss has affected communities or nations.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to expand on each point with examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate their arguments. This could involve discussing specific endangered languages, the cultural practices tied to them, or data showing the impact of government spending on healthcare and education.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing government spending in relation to endangered languages and other sectors. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For instance, the transition from discussing language preservation to healthcare and education could be more fluid, ensuring that the relevance of each point is immediately clear.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the prompt. Additionally, using linking phrases and transitions can help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the connections between ideas.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on fully addressing both sides of the argument, clearly stating their position, elaborating on ideas with supporting evidence, and ensuring that all points remain relevant to the topic. Additionally, paying attention to the word count and ensuring it meets the requirements will also contribute positively to the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views regarding government spending on endangered languages versus other critical sectors like healthcare and education. The first paragraph effectively outlines the argument for preserving endangered languages, linking the importance of language to cultural identity and national existence. However, the transition to the opposing viewpoint in the second paragraph could be clearer. The initial phrase "On the other hand" signals a shift, but the connection between the two paragraphs could be strengthened to enhance overall coherence. The ideas are relevant but could benefit from a more explicit linkage to show how they interact or contrast with one another.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only signal a change in viewpoint but also summarize the previous argument. For example, after discussing the importance of endangered languages, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the financial constraints faced by governments, setting up the discussion of alternative spending priorities more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate the two opposing views, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, which helps the reader follow the discussion. However, the first paragraph could be more clearly defined by starting with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea before delving into supporting details. The second paragraph similarly lacks a strong topic sentence that clearly states the argument against funding endangered languages.
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For instance, in the first paragraph, you could start with, "Proponents argue that government funding should prioritize the preservation of endangered languages due to their cultural significance." This sets a clear expectation for the reader about what the paragraph will discuss. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph to reinforce the main idea and transition smoothly to the next point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to contrast the two views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "this can lead to" is used in the first paragraph but could be complemented with additional devices such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast" to enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing supporting details, you might use "Additionally" or "In addition" to connect ideas within the same paragraph. When contrasting ideas, consider phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of language preservation and government spending. Phrases such as "endangered languages," "cultural identity," and "economic and social development" show an understanding of the subject matter. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "avocados of government" which seems to be a typographical error for "advocates of government." This detracts from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "government," alternatives like "authorities" or "administration" could be used. Additionally, including more specific terms related to the fields mentioned (e.g., "healthcare" could be expanded to "public health initiatives") would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. The phrase "the budget should be spent on endangered languages" is too vague; it could be more specific by stating "funding should be allocated to initiatives that support endangered languages." Furthermore, the phrase "the existence of a country will be endangered" is somewhat misleading; it would be clearer to say "the cultural heritage of a country may be threatened."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and specificity. For instance, instead of saying "this can lead to the disappearance of traditional customs," the writer could say "this may result in the loss of traditional customs, which are vital for cultural continuity."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability. For example, "measurers" should be "measures," and "well being" should be "well-being." These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling for commonly confused words and phrases can improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "One the one hand" and "On the other hand" introduce contrasting ideas, but the sentences following these phrases tend to be straightforward and lack complexity. There are instances of complex sentences, such as "When languages vanish, this can lead to the disappearance of traditional customs which cannot be followed by subsequent generations," but these are not frequent enough to showcase a wide range of grammatical structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, using subordinate clauses or participial phrases can add depth. An example could be rephrasing "People have less access to developed infrastructure" to "Due to limited financial resources, people often find themselves with inadequate access to developed infrastructure." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "One the one hand" should be corrected to "On the one hand." Additionally, the phrase "avocados of government assumed" appears to be a typographical error and should likely read "advocates of government." The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For example, in the sentence "This also leads to an economic and social development of a country," the article "an" is unnecessary and should be omitted for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct word choice. Practicing sentence diagramming can help in understanding the structure of complex sentences. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can also help maintain grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the IELTS writing assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

One the one hand, **the government** believes that the budget should be spent on endangered languages. Language is an important means for people to communicate and **plays a significant role** in creating the cultural identity of a nation. When languages vanish, this can lead to the disappearance of traditional customs, which **cannot be maintained** by subsequent generations. As a result, the existence of a country will be endangered because it may tend to integrate into **another country** if they don’t have their own cultural identity.

On the other hand, **those who oppose the idea** argue that government investments should prioritize other areas, such as healthcare and education. In developing countries, **budgetary constraints** affect the infrastructure of these fields. Residents have limited access to developed infrastructure, which has a significant influence on their well-being. If governments spend money on these areas, people may have a higher living standard and **greater opportunities** to access higher education. This also contributes to the economic and social development of a country.