Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relationship is better.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The relationship between teachers and students has long been considered as an important factor in the success of education. Some people believe that a strict teacher-student relationship is necessary, while others argue that a friendly one is more effective. This essay will discuss both these viewpoints and propose the writer’s view.
On the one hand, children who fear teachers tend to be more disciplined and respected. They are more likely to follow rules and behave in class. For instance, when intimidating teachers give homeworks for students, due to the fear of punishment they will do it well. It can make students study hard and develop a lot of essential skills in the future. Moreover, fear of the teacher can instill a sense of respect for authority figures in children.
On the other hand, those who support that students and teachers should have a friendly relationship believe that it can encourage mutual respect and trust. Students seem to be more comfortable and natural asking questions and responding to teacher’s requirements. Therefore, students are able to enhance knowledge and experiences from their teachers and they might learn more effectively and achieve many positive accomplishments. Moreover, a friendly relationship between teachers and students may promote positive behavior. Approachable teachers make students feel pleasant so they can find it easy to comply with the rules so it may create a close bond between teachers and disciples.
In conclusion, I believe having a friendly connection with a teacher can add more support and benefits rather than being afraid and having a strict association. With their rich life and career experiences, they can advise students throughout professional ventures. Hence, a friendly accord is better.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"homeworks" -> "assignments"
Explanation: "Homeworks" is an informal term, and the correct academic term is "assignments." This change maintains formality and precision in language.
"it can make students study hard" -> "it can motivate students to study diligently"
Explanation: The phrase "study hard" is somewhat colloquial. The suggested alternative, "motivate students to study diligently," is more formal and precise, aligning with academic language standards.
"a lot of essential skills in the future" -> "important skills for the future"
Explanation: The phrase "a lot of" is casual; replacing it with "important" and rephrasing to "important skills for the future" adds formality and clarity.
"homeworks for students" -> "assignments to students"
Explanation: Use of "homeworks for students" can be corrected to "assignments to students" for better grammar and formality.
"Moreover, fear of the teacher" -> "Furthermore, the apprehension of the teacher"
Explanation: Replacing "Moreover" with "Furthermore" enhances the formality of the transition. Additionally, using "the apprehension of the teacher" instead of "fear of the teacher" maintains a formal tone.
"they might learn more effectively and achieve many positive accomplishments" -> "they can learn more effectively and achieve numerous positive outcomes"
Explanation: The use of "might" is replaced with "can" for a more assertive tone. "Accomplishments" is replaced with "outcomes" for a more precise and formal expression.
"pleasant so they can find it easy" -> "pleasant, making it easier for them"
Explanation: The phrase "find it easy" is slightly informal. The suggested alternative, "making it easier for them," maintains formality and improves clarity.
"create a close bond between teachers and disciples" -> "establish a strong bond between teachers and students"
Explanation: The term "disciples" is more commonly associated with a religious context. Replacing it with "students" provides a more neutral and appropriate term in an academic setting.
"With their rich life and career experiences" -> "Drawing upon their extensive life and career experiences"
Explanation: The suggested alternative introduces a more formal and sophisticated expression by replacing "With" with "Drawing upon" and using "extensive" instead of "rich." This maintains academic formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints, discussing the advantages of a strict teacher-student relationship and the benefits of a friendly one. Each perspective is examined in separate paragraphs, providing a balanced analysis. The writer also expresses a clear opinion on the matter in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider providing specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the impact of either a strict or friendly relationship on students.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, expressing a preference for a friendly connection with teachers. The position is clearly stated in the introduction, elaborated upon in the body paragraphs, and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
- How to improve: While consistency is a strength, consider incorporating more nuanced language or acknowledging potential merits of the opposing view to demonstrate a more sophisticated understanding of the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with examples supporting each viewpoint. Instances of how fear may lead to discipline and respect are provided, as well as examples highlighting the benefits of a friendly relationship. However, some ideas could be further extended or elaborated for a more comprehensive discussion.
- How to improve: Expand on examples and provide additional details to offer a more thorough exploration of each perspective. This can contribute to a more well-rounded and developed argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s main points and maintaining relevance throughout. There are no significant deviations from the core theme of the teacher-student relationship.
- How to improve: To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph’s content directly relates to the central theme. Consider using transitions to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs.
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing both viewpoints and offering a clear opinion. The content is well-organized, and the writer presents ideas in a logical sequence. To improve, consider adding more specific examples, extending ideas, and incorporating nuanced language for a more nuanced and sophisticated argument. Additionally, focus on enhancing the depth of analysis to provide a more comprehensive exploration of each perspective. Overall, a well-written essay with room for refinement.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the two contrasting views and the writer’s opinion. Body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, discussing each viewpoint separately before presenting the author’s stance in the conclusion. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the two views, with more emphasis on the advantages of a friendly relationship.
- How to Improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a balanced and comprehensive discussion of both viewpoints. Devote equal attention to the advantages and disadvantages of each perspective.
- Detailed Explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and transitions smoothly to the next. However, in the third paragraph, there is a shift from discussing the advantages of a friendly relationship to the disadvantages of a strict one, which may create a slight disruption in the flow.
- How to Improve: Maintain a more seamless transition between ideas. Consider rephrasing the last sentence of the third paragraph to ensure a smoother connection to the next paragraph, maintaining a clear and coherent progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay and help guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated cohesive devices.
- How to Improve: Introduce a greater diversity of cohesive devices, including advanced linking words and discourse markers, to elevate the essay’s cohesion. For instance, consider incorporating connectors like "Furthermore," "Nevertheless," or "Conversely" to enhance the complexity and sophistication of the essay’s structure.
In summary, while the essay effectively organizes information and uses paragraphs to create a coherent structure, slight adjustments in the depth of discussion, transition sentences, and the incorporation of advanced cohesive devices can further enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some words are appropriately used, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. For example, phrases like "disciplined and respected" and "develop a lot of essential skills" could be replaced with more nuanced expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "develop a lot of essential skills," you might use "acquire a myriad of essential competencies." Additionally, diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition and add depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "due to the fear of punishment" might be refined to "owing to the apprehension of consequences," providing a more nuanced and precise expression.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to word choices to ensure they precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus or language references to identify more precise synonyms. This will not only elevate your language use but also contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "homeworks" (should be "homework"). Overall, the errors do not significantly impact the readability of the essay.
- How to improve: Continue practicing careful proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Utilize spell-check tools and, if possible, seek feedback from others to ensure a consistently high level of accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to common pitfalls, such as singular and plural forms of words, to enhance overall spelling precision.
In summary, while your essay exhibits a commendable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and a few spelling details. Embrace more sophisticated expressions, refine your word choices for precision, and maintain vigilant proofreading practices to further enhance your lexical capabilities.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied use of sentence structures. It includes simple and compound sentences, but there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex structures such as complex-compound sentences or varied clause structures. For example, the essay tends to rely on basic sentence constructions like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" frequently, limiting the overall diversity of structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses or varying the length and complexity of sentences. For instance, instead of consistently using straightforward structures, experiment with more intricate sentence patterns to add sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy; however, there are instances where minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings occur. For example, in the sentence "Approachable teachers make students feel pleasant so they can find it easy to comply with the rules," the use of "so" might lead to ambiguity. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence structure and clarity. Review the use of conjunctions like "so" to ensure clarity in the relationships between ideas. Furthermore, diligently check for punctuation errors, especially with commas, to enhance overall grammatical accuracy. Proofreading can be instrumental in catching such errors.
Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To elevate the score, work on incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Keep practicing to refine your skills, and consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to further enhance your writing proficiency.
Bài sửa mẫu
The rapport between teachers and students has long been regarded as a crucial element in the success of education. While some argue that a strict teacher-student relationship is essential, others believe that a friendly one is more effective. This essay will explore both perspectives and present the writer’s opinion.
On one hand, individuals who advocate for a fear-based relationship assert that it fosters discipline and respect. Students, when apprehensive of their teachers, tend to adhere to rules and exhibit proper behavior in the classroom. For instance, if teachers assign tasks, the fear of consequences motivates students to complete them diligently. This diligence can lead to the development of important skills for the future. Furthermore, the sense of fear can instill a respectful attitude towards authority figures in children.
On the other hand, proponents of a friendly teacher-student relationship argue that it cultivates mutual respect and trust. In such an environment, students feel more at ease asking questions and responding to teachers’ requirements. Consequently, students can effectively acquire knowledge and experiences from their teachers, resulting in numerous positive outcomes. Additionally, a friendly rapport may contribute to positive behavior, as approachable teachers create a pleasant atmosphere, making it easier for students to adhere to rules and establish a strong bond between teachers and students.
In conclusion, I believe that fostering a friendly connection with teachers offers more support and benefits compared to instilling fear through a strict association. Drawing upon their extensive life and career experiences, teachers can provide valuable guidance to students throughout their professional ventures. Hence, a friendly alliance is preferable, creating an environment where students can learn more effectively and achieve positive outcomes.