Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people argue children should be read or told stories by their parents. Others content/ compete that it’s not necessary as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by theme on their own. Both viewpoints are valid, but I lean towards the former.

On the one hand, some argue that parent storytelling is obsolete because children have the freedom of choosing their favorite content that can be both educational and entertaining. For instance, young children watch “Babies” house with many captivating scenes and cooperate with many life skills. This brings them a sense of self-sufficiency and creativity. Furthermore, in today's developed world, parents often juggle demanding work schedules, leaving them with limited time for traditional storytelling activities.
On the other hand, despite the allure of digital media and the time constraints faced by parents, the value of storytelling time as a significant role cannot be ignored. Firstly, storytime is an invaluable occasion for parents to bond with their son. Parents can tell stories and at the same time, discuss with their son that it has a positive effect on familial bonds. By recounting tales of folklore, mythology, and personal experiences, parents impart invaluable lessons and insights that shape children's worldview and ethical framework.
In conclusion, although children should read, and watch whatever they want, my opinion is that parents should read or tell stories to their children. This is because parents' time with children plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship. And parents can let their children choose their content sometimes to free up more of the parent's time, but this should be under parent’s supervision.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "Many individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and reasoned argumentation.
"Others content/ compete" -> "Others contend"
Explanation: The phrase "content/ compete" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Contend" is the correct verb form to use in this context, indicating disagreement or argumentation.
"it’s not necessary" -> "it is not necessary"
Explanation: The contraction "it’s" should be replaced with the full form "it is" to maintain formal academic tone.
"watch TV, or movies by theme" -> "watch television programs or films by theme"
Explanation: "TV" and "movies" are informal terms; "television programs" and "films" are more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"lean towards the former" -> "prefer the former"
Explanation: "Lean towards" is somewhat informal and vague; "prefer" is more direct and appropriate for academic discourse.
"parent storytelling is obsolete" -> "the practice of parental storytelling is outdated"
Explanation: "Obsolete" implies something is no longer functional or useful, which is not the intended meaning here. "Outdated" better conveys that the practice is no longer commonly used or considered fashionable.
"watch “Babies” house" -> "watch the television show ‘Baby’s House’"
Explanation: "Babies house" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The correct phrase should specify the title of the show and the medium, "television show," for clarity and formality.
"cooperate with many life skills" -> "develop various life skills"
Explanation: "Cooperate" is incorrectly used here; "develop" is the correct verb to describe the acquisition of skills.
"brings them a sense of self-sufficiency and creativity" -> "enhances their sense of self-sufficiency and creativity"
Explanation: "Brings" is somewhat informal and vague; "enhances" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"parents often juggle demanding work schedules" -> "parents frequently manage demanding work schedules"
Explanation: "Juggle" is an idiom that may be seen as too informal for academic writing; "manage" is a more formal and precise term.
"the value of storytelling time as a significant role" -> "the significance of storytelling as a vital role"
Explanation: "Significant role" is redundant; "vital role" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"discuss with their son" -> "engage in discussions with their child"
Explanation: "Discuss with" is grammatically awkward; "engage in discussions" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"has a positive effect on familial bonds" -> "positively impacts family bonds"
Explanation: "Has a positive effect" is a bit verbose; "positively impacts" is more direct and formal.
"read, and watch whatever they want" -> "read and watch whatever they choose"
Explanation: "Whatever they want" is informal and vague; "whatever they choose" is more precise and formal.
"parents should read or tell stories to their children" -> "parents should engage in storytelling with their children"
Explanation: "Read or tell stories" is redundant; "engage in storytelling" is a more concise and formal way to express the activity.
"let their children choose their content sometimes" -> "allow their children to select their content occasionally"
Explanation: "Let" is informal and vague; "allow" is more formal, and "select" is more precise than "choose." Additionally, "occasionally" is more formal than "sometimes."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether parents should read or tell stories to children. The first paragraph introduces the two viewpoints, while the subsequent paragraphs explore the arguments for and against storytelling. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the argument for digital media is somewhat less developed than the case for storytelling. The essay does conclude with a personal opinion, which is a positive aspect.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance of the discussion, the writer could provide more specific examples or evidence supporting the benefits of children engaging with digital media. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives could be established, perhaps by dedicating an equal number of sentences to each viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors storytelling by parents. The writer states their preference early on and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the position could be strengthened by more explicitly linking the arguments back to the central thesis throughout the essay, particularly in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: The writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. For example, after discussing the benefits of digital media, they could directly contrast these with the unique benefits of storytelling, reinforcing their stance. Using phrases like "However, despite these advantages…" can help maintain a clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly the bonding aspect of storytelling and the educational value of stories. However, some ideas lack depth. For instance, the mention of "Babies" as a beneficial show is vague and could benefit from further elaboration on how it compares to storytelling.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss specific stories or types of stories that have been shown to have a positive impact on children’s development. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies that support their claims could add weight to their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate about storytelling versus digital media. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of digital media feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about storytelling.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether parents should read or tell stories. They could use topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential points about the challenges parents face (like time constraints) unless directly tied to the main argument would help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, it could benefit from more balanced arguments, deeper development of ideas, and a tighter focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the first paragraph addressing the viewpoint against storytelling and the second supporting it. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of digital media to the importance of storytelling could be more explicitly connected to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph can help clarify the shift in perspective and strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, which is a strength. However, the second paragraph could be further divided into smaller sections to better delineate different aspects of the argument, such as the emotional benefits of storytelling versus the educational aspects.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing new ideas or points. For instance, after discussing the bonding aspect of storytelling, a new paragraph could focus on the educational benefits, allowing for a more focused discussion on each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "this brings them a sense of self-sufficiency and creativity" could benefit from a clearer link to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Additionally," "For example," and "In conclusion." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also make the writing more engaging. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "self-sufficiency," "storytelling," and "folklore." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "read or tell stories" is used multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrased expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases such as "narrate," "share tales," or "engage in storytelling." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs can enrich the vocabulary. For instance, instead of "captivating scenes," you might say "enthralling visuals" or "engaging narratives."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are some imprecise usages in the essay, such as "content/ compete" which seems to be a typographical error and disrupts clarity. The phrase "watch ‘Babies’ house" is also unclear; it is not evident what "Babies’ house" refers to, leading to confusion. Furthermore, "that can be both educational and entertaining" is somewhat vague and could be more specifically articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that all terms used are clear and accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, clarify what "Babies’ house" refers to, perhaps by providing a brief description of the program. Additionally, instead of saying "can be both educational and entertaining," specify how certain programs achieve this dual purpose, such as "programs that combine engaging narratives with educational content."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "content/ compete," which appears to be a typographical error, and "theme" instead of "them." These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases used in academic writing can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both viewpoints effectively, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetitive structures, such as "parents should read or tell stories" and "children can read books or watch TV." The sentence "This brings them a sense of self-sufficiency and creativity" could be better integrated into the discussion to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeating "parents should," you could use alternatives like "It is essential for parents to" or "Parents have the opportunity to." Additionally, try to combine shorter sentences into more complex ones to improve the overall fluidity of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "Others content/ compete that it’s not necessary" contains a typographical error ("content" should be "contend"). Furthermore, the phrase "watch TV, or movies by theme on their own" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "the value of storytelling time as a significant role" which should be "the value of storytelling time cannot be ignored" for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread your work for typographical errors and awkward phrasing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that articles are used correctly. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify complex structures and improve understanding of grammatical rules. Additionally, consider reading your essay aloud to catch any errors or awkward phrasing that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that children should be read to or told stories by their parents. Others contend that it is not necessary, as children can read books or watch television programs or films by themselves. Both viewpoints are valid, but I lean towards the former.

On the one hand, some argue that parental storytelling is outdated because children have the freedom to choose their favorite content, which can be both educational and entertaining. For instance, young children watch the television show “Baby’s House,” which has many captivating scenes and helps them develop various life skills. This brings them a sense of self-sufficiency and creativity. Furthermore, in today’s developed world, parents frequently manage demanding work schedules, leaving them with limited time for traditional storytelling activities.

On the other hand, despite the allure of digital media and the time constraints faced by parents, the significance of storytelling as a vital role cannot be ignored. Firstly, storytime is an invaluable occasion for parents to bond with their children. Parents can tell stories and, at the same time, engage in discussions with their child, which positively impacts family bonds. By recounting tales of folklore, mythology, and personal experiences, parents impart invaluable lessons and insights that shape children’s worldviews and ethical frameworks.

In conclusion, although children should read and watch whatever they choose, my opinion is that parents should read or tell stories to their children. This is because parents’ time with children plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship. Parents can also allow their children to select their content occasionally to free up more of their time, but this should be under parental supervision.