Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people believe that historic structures are more valuable than other buildings and should be preserved. Meanwhile, others believe that all old buildings should be preserved. In my view, specific buildings with community cultural value deserve greater priority.
It is essential to maintain buildings with significant historical significance. These structures serve as a tangible link between the present and the past. For instance, ancient palaces and castles that symbolize the prosperity of bygone dynasties offer a glimpse into the lives of kings, queens and nobles. These buildings also demonstrate the ingenuity and artistic ability of the architects. The Taj Mahal in India, exemplifies the exquisite beauty of Mughal architecture.
The preservation of ancient buildings contributes to the development of a community or location. Historical and cultural spaces promote community cohesion and strongly attract tourists. Restoring and reusing old buildings can create local economic opportunities.
In conclusion, ancient architecture serves as a testament to the past, reminding people of cultural identity and national pride. Therefore, these buildings should be selected for maintenance by the government
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"Meanwhile, others believe that all old buildings should be preserved." -> "However, there are individuals who advocate for the preservation of all aged structures."
Explanation: Replacing "Meanwhile" with "However" maintains a formal tone, making the transition between viewpoints smoother and more academic.
"It is essential to maintain buildings with significant historical significance." -> "It is essential to preserve buildings of significant historical importance."
Explanation: Using "preserve" instead of "maintain" and "importance" instead of "significance" improves the precision and formality of the sentence.
"ancient palaces and castles that symbolize the prosperity of bygone dynasties" -> "historic palaces and castles symbolizing the opulence of past dynasties"
Explanation: "Ancient" is replaced with "historic" for a more precise description, and the phrase is restructured for better flow and formality.
"ingenuity and artistic ability of the architects" -> "architects’ ingenuity and artistic prowess"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses possessive form to attribute the qualities to architects and employs "prowess" instead of "ability" for a more formal expression.
"The Taj Mahal in India, exemplifies the exquisite beauty of Mughal architecture." -> "The Taj Mahal in India exemplifies the exquisite aesthetics of Mughal architectural craftsmanship."
Explanation: The suggested revision uses "aesthetics" and "architectural craftsmanship" to convey a more precise and formal description.
"promote community cohesion" -> "foster community unity"
Explanation: The replacement with "foster community unity" maintains formality while offering a synonym that is slightly more specific.
"Restoring and reusing old buildings can create local economic opportunities." -> "The restoration and adaptive reuse of aged structures can stimulate local economic growth."
Explanation: The revised sentence employs "adaptive reuse" for added specificity and substitutes "stimulate" for "create" to enhance the formal tone.
"ancient architecture serves as a testament to the past" -> "historic architecture stands as a testament to history"
Explanation: The phrase "stands as a testament to history" is more formal and precise than the original, which uses "serves as."
"Therefore, these buildings should be selected for maintenance by the government." -> "Hence, it is imperative that the government prioritizes the maintenance of these structures."
Explanation: The suggested revision employs "prioritizes" for a more formal tone and clarifies the necessity of government action.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the preservation of historic structures, but it doesn’t fully explore the idea of whether certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay should delve deeper into the argument of whether certain old buildings should be given priority over others and provide a more balanced discussion of this aspect.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that historic buildings with significant cultural value deserve greater priority for preservation. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to the importance of preserving historic buildings. It provides examples like ancient palaces, castles, and the Taj Mahal, demonstrating their historical significance and architectural beauty.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on the economic benefits of preserving old buildings and how they contribute to community cohesion. Providing more concrete examples and statistics would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the preservation of historic buildings and their cultural significance. However, it briefly mentions that "others believe that all old buildings should be preserved," which is somewhat off-topic and not explored further.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should either omit the mention of the contrasting viewpoint or expand on it to provide a more balanced discussion.
Overall, this essay presents a clear stance on the importance of preserving historic buildings and provides relevant examples to support the argument. To improve, it should address all parts of the question more comprehensively, offer more extensive support for ideas, and maintain a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
- Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information in a logical manner. It starts with a clear introduction that presents the topic and the author’s stance. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, with the first paragraph discussing the importance of preserving historically significant buildings and the second paragraph highlighting the benefits of doing so. The essay concludes by summarizing the main points and restating the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the author can consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. This will help readers follow the argument more easily.
- Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay correctly uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and topics. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as historical significance or economic benefits. This division of content into paragraphs contributes to the essay’s overall clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the author should ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, they can work on varying sentence lengths and structures within each paragraph to maintain reader engagement.
- Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples of cohesive devices include words like "meanwhile," "for instance," and "in conclusion," which help readers follow the flow of the argument. The use of transitional words and phrases enhances the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author can incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition and add variety to their writing. Additionally, they can experiment with more advanced transitional devices to further improve the essay’s overall cohesion.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 5. To improve further, the author should focus on enhancing the use of transitional phrases, ensuring clear topic sentences in each paragraph, and experimenting with a wider range of cohesive devices for even more effective communication of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, with words such as "prosperity," "ingenuity," "exquisite," "cohesion," "economic opportunities," and "national pride" adding depth to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication in word choice.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more precise and contextually fitting synonyms or alternative expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using the word "buildings," you could use terms like "architectural heritage," "historical edifices," or "heritage structures" where appropriate. This will make your essay more engaging and rich in vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. For instance, words like "ingenuity" and "exquisite" are appropriately employed to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "symbolize the prosperity" could be refined to something like "embody the opulence" for a more precise expression.
- How to improve: While your usage is generally accurate, always strive for the most precise words to convey your ideas. Consider using a thesaurus to explore synonyms and choose words that precisely capture your intended meanings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains mostly correct spelling throughout. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "prosperity of bygone dynasties," where "bygone" should be spelled as "by-gone" to adhere to the standard usage.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, proofread your essays carefully. Additionally, use spell-check tools or grammar-check software to catch any potential errors. Pay close attention to hyphenation rules and ensure consistency in your spelling choices.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of lexical resource, with a decent vocabulary range and mostly precise word usage. To improve further, focus on diversifying your vocabulary, using words with pinpoint accuracy, and paying attention to minor spelling details. This will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of sentence structures. It employs a variety of sentence types, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, effectively. For example, simple sentences like "Many people believe" and complex sentences such as "Meanwhile, others believe that all old buildings should be preserved" showcase the ability to use a range of sentence structures to convey ideas.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider integrating more compound-complex sentences, rhetorical questions, or conditional sentences where appropriate. This can add depth to your writing and enhance the overall sophistication of your essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits strong grammatical accuracy with only a few minor issues. For instance, in the sentence, "Meanwhile, others believe that all old buildings should be preserved," a comma after "Meanwhile" would enhance clarity. Additionally, in the sentence, "The Taj Mahal in India, exemplifies the exquisite beauty of Mughal architecture," there should be no comma after "India" as it disrupts the flow of the sentence. Overall, these are minor errors, and the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread your work carefully to catch minor punctuation errors. Additionally, continue practicing complex sentence structures to ensure their correct usage in different contexts. Consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to identify and correct any remaining issues.
Overall, your essay displays strong grammatical range and accuracy. It effectively uses a variety of sentence structures and maintains a high level of grammatical precision. With minor adjustments in punctuation and continued practice with complex sentence structures, your writing can further excel in these aspects.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many individuals argue that preserving certain aged structures holds more significance than maintaining others, while some advocate for the preservation of all aged buildings. In my opinion, prioritizing specific buildings with cultural importance to the community is crucial.
It is essential to preserve buildings of significant historical importance as they serve as a tangible link between the present and the past. For example, historic palaces and castles symbolizing the opulence of past dynasties offer a glimpse into the lives of kings, queens, and nobles. These structures also showcase architects’ ingenuity and artistic prowess. The Taj Mahal in India exemplifies the exquisite aesthetics of Mughal architectural craftsmanship.
Furthermore, the restoration and adaptive reuse of aged structures can stimulate local economic growth. Historic architecture stands as a testament to history and fosters community unity. Such historical and cultural spaces not only promote community cohesion but also strongly attract tourists, contributing to the economic well-being of the area.
In conclusion, prioritizing the maintenance of buildings with cultural and historical significance is imperative. These structures serve as a reminder of our cultural identity and national pride while also offering economic opportunities for the community. Therefore, it is essential that the government recognizes the value of these buildings and takes steps to ensure their preservation.