Some people think that children should begin their education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people think that children should begin their education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In this day and age, there is a school of thought maintain that children should be taught at a very young age, while some others argue kids just need to start at least 7 years old. From my standpoint, both perspectives hold merits, but I agree more with the latter one based on some reasons elaborate in this essay.
On the one hand, some individuals believe that children should start studying at early age. Firstly, they will have more time to gain more knowledge in comparison with their peers. Instead of playing, eating or sleeping all day, sending children to some institution is good choice with some parents with expectation that their kids will develop brain, computational ability or critical thinking faster. As a result, children can acquire information easier and achieve good marks at school in the future. Secondly, some family want their adolescent go to school at very young age in order to have more friends. Meeting and chatting with others help children prevent from social-isolate an depression, give more contact to develop communicate ability for kids.
On the other hand, there still an excessive amount of people hold the belief that pupils just begin study at least 7 years old, including myself. Firstly, ay 7 or 8 years old, brain, physical or mental health of a kid have develop enough for gaining information. Many subjects like mathematics, sciences and languages require students have strong mentality, reckon ability or investigate in a long time. And those conditions are overload for kids under 7 years old. Furthermore, forcing kids learning at very young age like pressing them at both physical and mental health which can lead to dangerous desease or even depression. Secondly, adolescent should have memorable childhood, should give them lovely memory instead of constraining to study all time, this can build family strength and give kids belief in their parents.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"there is a school of thought maintain" -> "there is a school of thought that maintains"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks a verb, which is corrected to "maintains" to complete the sentence structure. -
"kids just need to start at least 7 years old" -> "children should not begin formal education until at least the age of 7"
Explanation: "Kids" is too informal for academic writing; "children" is more appropriate. The phrase is also restructured for clarity and formality. -
"both perspectives hold merits" -> "both perspectives have merits"
Explanation: "Hold" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context; "have" is more natural and appropriate for academic writing. -
"elaborate in this essay" -> "discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "Elaborate" is not typically used with "in this essay," which is vague. "Discussed" is more precise and contextually appropriate. -
"good choice with some parents" -> "a viable option for some parents"
Explanation: "Good choice" is informal and vague; "a viable option" is more specific and formal. -
"develop brain, computational ability or critical thinking" -> "develop cognitive abilities, computational skills, and critical thinking"
Explanation: "Develop brain" is incorrect and informal; "develop cognitive abilities" is more precise and academically appropriate. -
"achieve good marks at school" -> "achieve academic success"
Explanation: "Achieve good marks" is informal and vague; "achieve academic success" is more formal and comprehensive. -
"some family want their adolescent go to school" -> "some families wish their adolescents to attend school"
Explanation: "Some family" is grammatically incorrect; "some families" is the correct plural form. "Go to school" is informal; "attend school" is more formal. -
"prevent from social-isolate an depression" -> "prevent social isolation and depression"
Explanation: "Prevent from social-isolate an depression" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The corrected version is clearer and grammatically correct. -
"give more contact to develop communicate ability for kids" -> "enhance communication skills for children"
Explanation: "Give more contact to develop communicate ability" is awkward and unclear. "Enhance communication skills" is more direct and formal. -
"ay 7 or 8 years old" -> "at 7 or 8 years old"
Explanation: "Ay" is a typographical error; "at" is the correct preposition. -
"brain, physical or mental health of a kid have develop enough" -> "the cognitive, physical, and mental health of a child have developed sufficiently"
Explanation: "Brain, physical or mental health of a kid have develop enough" is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revised version corrects these issues and uses more formal vocabulary. -
"reckon ability" -> "cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Reckon ability" is not a standard term; "cognitive abilities" is the correct and formal expression. -
"investigate in a long time" -> "investigate over a prolonged period"
Explanation: "Investigate in a long time" is awkward and informal; "investigate over a prolonged period" is more precise and formal. -
"overload for kids under 7 years old" -> "overwhelming for children under 7 years old"
Explanation: "Overload" is not the correct term in this context; "overwhelming" is more appropriate for describing the challenges faced by young children. -
"desease" -> "disease"
Explanation: "Desease" is a typographical error; "disease" is the correct term. -
"constraining to study all time" -> "constraining them to study continuously"
Explanation: "Constraining to study all time" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Constraining them to study continuously" corrects these issues and is more formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the appropriate age for children to start their education. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of early education, such as increased knowledge acquisition and social interaction. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the developmental readiness of children at age 7 and the importance of a balanced childhood. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint, particularly in terms of how they impact children’s long-term development.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth, possibly by including more specific examples or research findings that illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of each approach. Additionally, a clearer transition into the opinion section would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states their position in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, indicating a preference for starting education at age 7. However, the argument could be more compelling if the reasons supporting this stance were elaborated upon more clearly throughout the essay. The phrase "both perspectives hold merits" could lead to some ambiguity regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their opinion throughout the essay. This could involve using phrases like "In my view" or "I believe" more frequently when discussing the advantages of starting education later. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with specific examples or evidence would provide a stronger foundation for the position taken.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both perspectives, such as the benefits of early education and the importance of mental readiness at age 7. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "dangerous disease or even depression" lacks specific examples or explanations that would clarify the risks associated with early education.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-life examples that illustrate the potential consequences of early education versus starting at age 7. Additionally, ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the overall argument would enhance the essay’s coherence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two viewpoints and providing the writer’s opinion. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the phrase "this can build family strength and give kids belief in their parents" is somewhat vague and could be more directly related to the educational debate.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of when children should start their education. Avoiding general statements and instead providing specific connections to the topic will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and the opinion would enhance overall clarity and relevance.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, it could benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and more focused arguments. By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two distinct viewpoints regarding the appropriate age for children to begin their education. The first viewpoint is presented in the first body paragraph, while the second viewpoint is discussed in the second body paragraph. This clear separation of ideas demonstrates a logical organization. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first argument, but the transition to the second argument could benefit from a more explicit contrast, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast."
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer should ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are clear and varied. Using linking phrases that indicate contrast or addition can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, providing a brief summary or a statement of the writer’s opinion at the end of each viewpoint could reinforce the overall structure.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs that correspond to different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first paragraph discussing the benefits of early education could be better organized by clearly separating the points about knowledge acquisition and social interaction into distinct sentences or sub-points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Following this, supporting sentences should be logically ordered, perhaps using bullet points or numbered lists for clarity. This will help in maintaining focus and coherence within each paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, phrases like "As a result" and "Furthermore" are used, but the essay could benefit from additional devices such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Consequently" to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should familiarize themselves with a broader range of linking words and phrases. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help in creating more fluid transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, varying the placement of cohesive devices can prevent repetitive structures and maintain the reader’s interest.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but it often relies on common phrases and lacks sophistication. For example, phrases like "very young age" and "good choice" are quite basic and do not showcase a wide range of vocabulary. Additionally, terms such as "gain more knowledge" and "achieve good marks" are repetitive and could be replaced with more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of "gain more knowledge," alternatives like "acquire knowledge" or "enhance understanding" could be used. Furthermore, using phrases like "early childhood education" instead of "very young age" would elevate the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, "sending children to some institution" is vague and could be more specific by referring to "educational institutions" or "formal schooling." Additionally, the phrase "prevent from social-isolate an depression" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which obscures the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their ideas. For example, instead of "prevent from social-isolate," a more precise phrase would be "prevent social isolation." It is also important to ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clearly articulated.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. For instance, "desease" should be spelled "disease," and "adolescent" is used inappropriately when referring to children. Additionally, "communicate ability" should be "communication skills," and "overload" should be "overloaded."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words and practicing writing can significantly improve spelling skills. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("In this day and age, there is a school of thought…") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, some individuals believe that children should start studying at an early age."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or contain errors that detract from their effectiveness. For instance, phrases like "some others argue kids just need to start at least 7 years old" could be improved by using more complex structures, such as "while others argue that children should not begin their education until they are at least 7 years old."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, while) to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and lengths can enhance the overall rhythm and flow of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "there is a school of thought maintain that children should be taught" should be "there is a school of thought that maintains…" Similarly, "some family want their adolescent go to school" should be corrected to "some families want their adolescents to go to school." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, also hinder readability. For instance, "Meeting and chatting with others help children prevent from social-isolate an depression" contains awkward phrasing and lacks proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, will help improve clarity. It may also be useful to read more academic texts to familiarize oneself with correct grammar and punctuation usage in context.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing. Regular practice, feedback, and revision are key strategies for achieving this improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this day and age, there is a school of thought that maintains that children should be taught at a very young age, while some others argue that kids should start at least 7 years old. From my standpoint, both perspectives have merits, but I agree more with the latter one based on some reasons discussed in this essay.
On the one hand, some individuals believe that children should start studying at an early age. Firstly, they will have more time to gain knowledge in comparison with their peers. Instead of playing, eating, or sleeping all day, sending children to an institution is a good choice for some parents with the expectation that their kids will develop cognitive abilities, computational skills, or critical thinking faster. As a result, children can acquire information more easily and achieve good marks at school in the future. Secondly, some families wish for their adolescents to attend school at a very young age in order to have more friends. Meeting and chatting with others helps children prevent social isolation and depression and enhances communication skills for kids.
On the other hand, there is still an excessive amount of people who hold the belief that pupils should begin studying at least 7 years old, including myself. Firstly, at 7 or 8 years old, the cognitive, physical, and mental health of a child have developed sufficiently for gaining information. Many subjects like mathematics, sciences, and languages require students to have strong mentalities, reasoning abilities, or the capacity to investigate over a prolonged period. Those conditions can be overwhelming for kids under 7 years old. Furthermore, forcing kids to learn at a very young age can pressure both their physical and mental health, which can lead to dangerous diseases or even depression. Secondly, adolescents should have a memorable childhood and should be given lovely memories instead of being constrained to study all the time; this can build family strength and give kids belief in their parents.