Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old.

Some would argue that it is more beneficial to send children to school at an early age. In contrast, others say that children at least 7 years old benefit more. In my opinion, I believe that children should be sent to school when at an early age because parents will be assured when go to work and the children will be learn about the outside world.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why something that children should go to school when at least seven years old. I think that each of the children also has a childhood. Each child should have time to play with parents, and parents also have time to understand a child and each night parent's bedtime stories have taught child many things . At an early age, a child should improve physically. Instead of doing homework, the child does not have time to communicate and play with friends and parents. To a certain stage, the child gradually becomes autistic.

On the contrary, when the child has enough months, parents do not have time to take care because of family financial burdens. Poor parental supervision makes the children not distinguish right from wrong. When children go to school a be given better education opportunities helps children to overcome shyness and develop self-confidence. Moreover, they will learn how to control emotional and behavioral problems. They also has learned about independence and do not become a overindulged children rely on their parents for nearly everything.

In my opinion, children should learn how to become the responsible and independent go to school have a form of discipline, it sharpen a good child and brings many knowledge in the future.

In conclusion, each child should have discipline when a child and have a highly responsible and do not rely on someone

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some would argue" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: Removing "would" simplifies the sentence and aligns with the formal tone of academic writing, as "argue" is sufficient to express the idea without the conditional modal "would."
"send children to school at an early age" -> "enroll children in school at an early age"
Explanation: "Enroll" is a more precise and formal term than "send" in the context of educational institutions, enhancing the academic tone.
"children at least 7 years old benefit more" -> "children at least seven years old benefit more"
Explanation: Capitalizing "seven" corrects the grammatical error and maintains consistency with the formal style.
"I believe that children should be sent to school when at an early age" -> "I advocate for children being enrolled in school at an early age"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more formal expression than "believe," and "being enrolled in" is more precise than "should be sent to."
"parents will be assured when go to work" -> "parents will be assured when they go to work"
Explanation: Correcting "when go" to "when they go" fixes the grammatical error and maintains subject-verb agreement.
"the children will be learn about the outside world" -> "children will learn about the outside world"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "children" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the sentence structure.
"something that children should go to school when at least seven years old" -> "children should attend school at least seven years old"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase removes redundancy and improves clarity.
"each of the children also has a childhood" -> "each child also has a childhood"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "children" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase.
"parents also have time to understand a child" -> "parents also have time to understand their child"
Explanation: Adding "their" corrects the possessive form, ensuring clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"each night parent’s bedtime stories have taught child many things" -> "each night, parents’ bedtime stories teach children many things"
Explanation: Changing "have taught" to "teach" corrects the tense to match the present continuous, and "children" is the correct plural form.
"the child does not have time to communicate and play with friends and parents" -> "the child lacks time to communicate and play with friends and family"
Explanation: Replacing "does not have time" with "lacks time" and "parents" with "family" enhances the formal tone and avoids redundancy.
"To a certain stage, the child gradually becomes autistic" -> "At a certain stage, the child may develop autistic tendencies"
Explanation: "May develop autistic tendencies" is a more precise and less stigmatizing way to describe the potential development of autistic traits.
"children go to school a be given better education opportunities" -> "children attending school receive better educational opportunities"
Explanation: "Attending school receive" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "educational" instead of "education" for precision.
"they will learn how to control emotional and behavioral problems" -> "they will learn to manage emotional and behavioral issues"
Explanation: "Manage" is a more precise verb than "control," and "issues" is a more formal term than "problems."
"They also has learned about independence" -> "They also learn about independence"
Explanation: Correcting "has learned" to "learn" aligns the verb tense with the present context, improving grammatical consistency.
"do not become a overindulged children rely on their parents for nearly everything" -> "do not become overindulged children who rely heavily on their parents"
Explanation: Correcting "a overindulged children" to "overindulged children who" and "for nearly everything" to "heavily" improves grammatical structure and clarity.
"go to school have a form of discipline" -> "attending school provides a form of discipline"
Explanation: "Attending school provides" is a more formal and precise way to express the relationship between school attendance and discipline.
"it sharpen a good child" -> "it shapes a well-behaved child"
Explanation: "Shapes" is the correct verb for the context, and "well-behaved" is a more precise adjective than "good."
"brings many knowledge in the future" -> "contributes to future knowledge"
Explanation: "Contributes to future knowledge" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "brings many knowledge."
"each child should have discipline when a child"

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting two opposing views regarding the appropriate age for children to start formal education. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of both perspectives. For instance, while the author mentions the benefits of early education, the counterarguments regarding the advantages of starting at age seven are not fully developed. The discussion of childhood play and parental interaction is somewhat relevant but lacks depth and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are thoroughly examined. This could involve providing specific examples or evidence for each viewpoint. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as dedicating separate paragraphs to each argument, would help clarify the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion favoring early education, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The transitions between discussing the two viewpoints are somewhat abrupt, leading to confusion about the writer’s stance. For example, the phrase "In my opinion" appears, but the subsequent arguments do not consistently support this viewpoint.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in each paragraph. Using phrases like "This supports my view that…" can help reinforce the main argument and ensure that the reader understands the writer’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat vague and lack sufficient support. For instance, the claim that early education helps children learn about the outside world is not elaborated upon or backed by specific examples. Similarly, the assertion that children who start school later may become "autistic" is both unclear and potentially misleading.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. Each idea should be clearly explained and extended with relevant details that illustrate the point being made. For instance, discussing specific skills or knowledge gained through early education would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally strays from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of parental roles and childhood play. While these elements are relevant, they need to be more directly tied to the central question of when children should start formal education. The conclusion also introduces new ideas about discipline and responsibility without linking them back to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should regularly refer back to the prompt and ensure that all points made directly relate to the question of the appropriate age for starting school. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it requires more depth, clarity, and structure to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on developing arguments, maintaining a clear position, and staying on topic, the writer can significantly improve their Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents arguments for both sides of the debate regarding the appropriate age for children to begin formal education. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of starting school at an older age to the advantages of early education lacks clarity. The points made in each paragraph do not build upon one another in a cohesive manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main points before writing. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is inconsistent. For example, the first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument. The second and third paragraphs contain mixed ideas that could be better separated into distinct sections. This results in a lack of clarity regarding which points belong to which argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should consider using a standard structure: an introduction with a clear thesis, body paragraphs that each contain a single argument supported by examples, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. This will help create a more coherent and organized essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but they are limited and occasionally misused. For instance, phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the contrary" are present, but their application is not always effective in linking ideas. Additionally, there are instances where the use of pronouns and conjunctions is unclear, leading to confusion about what is being referenced.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. This includes using synonyms to avoid repetition, employing more transitional phrases to connect ideas, and ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents. Practicing with a variety of cohesive devices in writing exercises can help improve this aspect.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, phrases like "beneficial to send children to school" and "financial burdens" show an effort to incorporate more complex vocabulary. However, the overall range is limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "children" and "parents."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," alternatives like "youngsters," "youth," or "students" can be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as replacing "better education opportunities" with "enhanced educational prospects."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "something that children should go to school" is vague and unclear. Additionally, "a be given better education opportunities" contains grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The phrase "a overindulged children" is also incorrect, as "a" should be replaced with "an" to match the noun that follows.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "something that children should go to school," a more precise phrasing could be "the argument that children should start school." Furthermore, reviewing grammatical structures will help ensure that vocabulary is used correctly in context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "learn about the outside world" (should be "learn about the outside world") and "a overindulged children" (should be "an overindulged child"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or flashcards. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch errors. Reading extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Some would argue that it is more beneficial to send children to school at an early age.") and compound sentences ("In contrast, others say that children at least 7 years old benefit more."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, the phrase "when go to work" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "when at least seven years old" could be rephrased for better fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "I believe that children should be sent to school when at an early age," you could say, "I believe that children should be sent to school at an early age because it allows them to develop social skills." Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences to create more sophisticated structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the children will be learn about the outside world" should be "the children will learn about the outside world." The phrase "each night parent’s bedtime stories have taught child many things" lacks proper possessive form and should be "each night, parents’ bedtime stories have taught children many things." Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "Moreover, they will learn how to control emotional and behavioral problems," where a comma before "and" could improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "they also has learned" should be "they have also learned") and ensure correct use of possessives. Regularly practicing grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, will enhance overall clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some would argue that it is more beneficial to enroll children in school at an early age. In contrast, others believe that children at least seven years old benefit more. In my opinion, I advocate for children being enrolled in school at an early age because parents will be assured when they go to work, and the children will learn about the outside world.

On the one hand, there are reasons why some think that children should attend school at least when they are seven years old. Each child also has a childhood, and they should have time to play with their parents. This allows parents to understand their child better, and each night, parents’ bedtime stories teach children many things. At an early age, a child should improve physically. Instead of doing homework, the child lacks time to communicate and play with friends and family. At a certain stage, the child may develop autistic tendencies due to insufficient social interaction.

On the contrary, when children are enrolled in school at an early age, parents often do not have time to take care of them because of family financial burdens. Poor parental supervision can make it difficult for children to distinguish right from wrong. When children attend school, they receive better educational opportunities, which helps them overcome shyness and develop self-confidence. Moreover, they will learn to manage emotional and behavioral issues. They also learn about independence and do not become overindulged children who rely heavily on their parents for nearly everything.

In my opinion, children should learn how to become responsible and independent. Attending school provides a form of discipline that shapes a well-behaved child and contributes to future knowledge.

In conclusion, each child should have discipline during their formative years and learn to be highly responsible without relying on others.