Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

In this contemporary epoch, there are many people hold a firm believe that competition can stimulate people to surpass while others believe that cooperation is much more better. From my point of view, while competition has its positives, cooperation is more significant in the long run.
On the one hand, there are two major advantages that competition brings to people. The first and The first and perhaps most obvious benefit of competition is motivation. To be more specific, it encourages people to put forth maximum effort, resulting in students study harder and employees work more efficiently. As an example, students will strive for academic success when they are lag behind their peers. Moreover, students who compete for top grades always invest significant effort into their studies, leading to a better academic outcomes. Not only does this competition benefit personal but it also fosters the work efficiency. For instance, in the workplace, competition can encourage employees to enhance their skills, leading to improve the company performance. Hence, competition can be instrumental in promoting personal and organizational growth.
On the other hand, cooperation facilitates people to strengthen their relationships and achieve higher efficiency in work. By this I mean, when people in team put their skills and knowledge together, they can be more successful at their job. Secondly, we can enhance our knowledge by learning and teaching each other when we participate in team. For example, if my memory serves me right, when I was at grade six, I worked in a team to achieve the score in 15-minute test and I learned a lot from my peers. Lastly, working together can also reduces the stress pressure. This is due to the fact that when individuals cooperate, they can share their workload and support each other, which making things less stressful.
In conclusion, I acknowledge that there are numerous pros in competitions, however, for me cooperation is the best option to achieve high efficiency in works.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary epoch" -> "In this contemporary era"
Explanation: "Epoch" typically refers to a specific period of time characterized by a particular culture, style, or set of circumstances, which may not be the best fit here. "Era" is more commonly used to describe a period of time in a broader sense, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"hold a firm believe" -> "firmly believe"
Explanation: "Hold a firm believe" is grammatically incorrect. "Firmly believe" is the correct phrase, which is both grammatically correct and more formal.
"is much more better" -> "is significantly better"
Explanation: "Much more better" is grammatically incorrect. "Significantly better" is the correct comparative form and is more formal and precise.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "From my point of view" is slightly informal and less direct. "In my opinion" is a more standard, formal expression commonly used in academic writing.
"The first and The first and perhaps most obvious benefit" -> "The first and most obvious benefit"
Explanation: The repetition of "The first" is unnecessary and awkward. Removing the first instance of "The first" streamlines the sentence and maintains clarity.
"resulting in students study harder" -> "resulting in students studying harder"
Explanation: "study" should be the gerund form "studying" to correctly describe the ongoing action.
"students will strive for academic success when they are lag behind their peers" -> "students strive for academic success when they lag behind their peers"
Explanation: "will strive" is unnecessary and implies a future action, whereas "strive" is the correct form for describing ongoing effort. Also, "lag behind" should be "lag behind" for grammatical correctness.
"Not only does this competition benefit personal but it also fosters the work efficiency" -> "Not only does this competition benefit individuals but it also fosters work efficiency"
Explanation: "personal" should be "individuals" for grammatical correctness and clarity. "Work efficiency" should be "work efficiency" without the definite article "the" as it is a general term.
"By this I mean, when people in team put their skills and knowledge together" -> "By this, when team members combine their skills and knowledge"
Explanation: "By this I mean" is informal and verbose. "By this" is sufficient and more concise. "People in team" should be "team members" for clarity and formality.
"we can enhance our knowledge by learning and teaching each other when we participate in team" -> "we can enhance our knowledge by learning from and teaching each other within the team"
Explanation: "participate in team" is awkward and incorrect. "Within the team" is more precise and formal.
"if my memory serves me right" -> "if I recall correctly"
Explanation: "If my memory serves me right" is a colloquial expression. "If I recall correctly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"reduces the stress pressure" -> "reduces stress and pressure"
Explanation: "stress pressure" is an awkward and incorrect phrase. "Stress and pressure" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"making things less stressful" -> "reducing stress"
Explanation: "Making things less stressful" is verbose and informal. "Reducing stress" is concise and maintains the formal tone.
"there are numerous pros in competitions" -> "there are numerous advantages to competition"
Explanation: "pros in competitions" is informal and unclear. "Advantages to competition" is more precise and formal.
"for me cooperation is the best option to achieve high efficiency in works" -> "for me, cooperation is the optimal strategy for achieving high efficiency in work"
Explanation: "the best option to achieve high efficiency in works" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The optimal strategy for achieving high efficiency in work" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding competition and cooperation. It presents arguments for competition, highlighting motivation and efficiency, and then counters with the benefits of cooperation, such as relationship building and stress reduction. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while competition is discussed in detail, the section on cooperation could be expanded to provide a more equal treatment of both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, consider dedicating a similar amount of detail to each viewpoint. For instance, include more examples or elaboration on how cooperation can lead to innovation or collective problem-solving, which would strengthen the argument for cooperation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, asserting that cooperation is more significant in the long run. However, the transition between discussing competition and cooperation could be smoother to reinforce the position more effectively. The phrase "while competition has its positives" could imply an equal weight to both sides, which may confuse the reader about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases that clearly indicate the shift from one viewpoint to another while reinforcing your own position. For example, after discussing competition, you could state, "Despite these advantages, I believe that cooperation ultimately leads to greater long-term benefits."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding competition, and supports them with examples. However, some points lack depth. For instance, the mention of students studying harder due to competition is valid, but it could be further supported with statistics or studies that show the impact of competition on academic performance. The section on cooperation also lacks specific examples that could illustrate its benefits more vividly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point. For instance, when discussing cooperation, you could include a specific scenario where teamwork led to a successful project outcome, or cite research that supports the benefits of collaborative work.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing competition and cooperation in relation to the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the section discussing cooperation, where the phrase "reduces the stress pressure" could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about efficiency and effectiveness.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear focus by ensuring that every point made directly relates back to the main argument of the essay. Avoid introducing ideas that might distract from the central theme. For example, instead of focusing on stress reduction, emphasize how cooperation enhances productivity and fosters a positive work environment.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. By addressing the suggestions above, the writer can enhance the clarity, balance, and depth of their response, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments for competition are laid out in the first body paragraph, while the benefits of cooperation are discussed in the second. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first viewpoint, but a more explicit transition to the opposing view could enhance clarity. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two viewpoints, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Furthermore, summarizing the key points from both sides in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s coherence and provide a clearer takeaway for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, which aids readability. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into separate sentences for clarity. The second body paragraph also introduces several points, such as teamwork and stress reduction, which could benefit from clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: Aim to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This helps guide the reader and establishes the focus of the paragraph. Additionally, consider using bullet points or lists for multiple advantages or examples to enhance clarity and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal shifts between ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "this is due to the fact that" could be simplified to "because," which would enhance fluency. Additionally, the phrase "when people in team" lacks a cohesive structure and should be corrected to "when people work in a team."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help create more fluid connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and appropriately used to maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive final product.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some effective phrases such as "stimulate people to surpass," "maximum effort," and "fosters the work efficiency." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety, such as the repeated use of "competition" and "cooperation." Additionally, phrases like "much more better" are incorrect and indicate a limited range of comparative structures.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "competition," alternatives like "rivalry," "contest," or "competitive environment" could be employed. Similarly, instead of "much more better," the writer could use "significantly better" or "superior." Engaging with more complex vocabulary related to the topic will also help elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "motivation" and "efficiency," which accurately convey the intended meanings. However, there are notable inaccuracies, particularly in phrases like "the first and The first" (which is a typographical error) and "reduces the stress pressure," where "stress" alone suffices. The phrase "achieve the score" is also vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in their word choices. For instance, instead of "reduces the stress pressure," a more precise phrase would be "reduces stress." Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring that phrases are clear and specific will enhance overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of correct and incorrect spelling. Words like "contemporary," "significant," and "academic" are spelled correctly, which shows a good grasp of basic spelling. However, there are errors such as "believe" (should be "belief"), "lag behind" (should be "lagging behind"), and "outcomes" (should be "outcome"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should regularly practice spelling common academic vocabulary and utilize tools such as spell checkers or online resources. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. A final proofreading step before submission can help catch any overlooked spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "The first and perhaps most obvious benefit of competition" and "the first and The first and perhaps most obvious benefit," which detracts from the overall variety. Additionally, the sentence "By this I mean, when people in team put their skills and knowledge together, they can be more successful at their job" could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of complex and compound sentences more effectively. For example, instead of repeating "The first and," the writer could introduce points with varied phrases like "One significant advantage is…" or "Another key benefit is…" Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses or conditional sentences could enhance complexity. For instance, rephrasing "when people in team put their skills and knowledge together" to "when individuals collaborate by pooling their skills and knowledge" would improve both variety and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "there are many people hold a firm believe" should be "there are many people who hold a firm belief." The phrase "cooperation is much more better" is incorrect; it should simply be "cooperation is much better." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "which making things less stressful" should be "which makes things less stressful."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of comparative forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, would be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should proofread their work to catch punctuation mistakes, especially in complex sentences. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct these errors before submission. Additionally, reviewing the rules for using commas in complex sentences will aid in enhancing clarity.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, there are many people who hold a firm belief that competition can stimulate people to surpass themselves, while others believe that cooperation is significantly better. From my point of view, while competition has its positives, cooperation is more significant in the long run.

On the one hand, there are two major advantages that competition brings to people. The first and perhaps most obvious benefit of competition is motivation. To be more specific, it encourages people to put forth maximum effort, resulting in students studying harder and employees working more efficiently. As an example, students will strive for academic success when they lag behind their peers. Moreover, students who compete for top grades always invest significant effort into their studies, leading to better academic outcomes. Not only does this competition benefit individuals, but it also fosters work efficiency. For instance, in the workplace, competition can encourage employees to enhance their skills, leading to improved company performance. Hence, competition can be instrumental in promoting personal and organizational growth.

On the other hand, cooperation facilitates people in strengthening their relationships and achieving higher efficiency in work. By this, I mean that when people in a team put their skills and knowledge together, they can be more successful at their jobs. Secondly, we can enhance our knowledge by learning from and teaching each other when we participate in a team. For example, if I recall correctly, when I was in grade six, I worked in a team to achieve a score in a 15-minute test, and I learned a lot from my peers. Lastly, working together can also reduce stress and pressure. This is due to the fact that when individuals cooperate, they can share their workload and support each other, which makes things less stressful.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that there are numerous advantages to competition; however, for me, cooperation is the optimal strategy for achieving high efficiency in work.