Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competing and cooperating are two fundamental aspects in human’s interaction and daily relationships. People’s opinions differ as to whether competition or cooperation is more beneficial in generating better outcomes in the workplace, on campus or in daily life. Although both views are justifiable to some extent, I opine that collaboration is more crucial in promoting the productivity of work .

On the one hand, it is certainly true that rivalry may push individuals to work harder on their goals or ambitions. In workplaces, contention is essential since it can stimulate staff to outperform their colleagues in order to earn recognition and get promotion. In academic settings, students need to constantly study and improve their grades so that they would not be put behind their peers. In daily lives, competitions may force people to push themselves forward inexorably to develop and hone their skills as they wouldn’t want to become obsolete in comparison to others or Artificial Intelligence (AI).

Despite the aforementioned arguments, I would contend that individuals can obtain more merits through the process of collaboration because it can broaden their horizons and lay the foundation for better mental health. At work, employees may achieve better results by participating in discussions with others. Specifically, each person is a special individual with different viewpoints and experiences. By discussing, they may be exposed to these various opinions and have a deeper outlook over the problems, hence, the productivity of work can be improved significantly. Moreover, schools that encourage teamwork may assist them a lot in fostering crucial social skills and empathy in them. Take Finland whose education system is top-rated as an illustration, Finnish schools strongly emphasize on cooperation. Children are often given tasks that require collaborative problem solving and sharing ideas with other students. With this approach, the learning process is stimulated and cooperation skills between students can be enhanced. In daily lives, collaboration can promote community spirit and create a sense of belonging among individuals. This may substantially improve emotional health and help people build long-lasting relationships.

In conclusion, while emulations may be of benefit regarding motivating individuals and fostering innovation, cooperating can improve productivity and offer better mental well-being among people. By embracing a balanced approach that values both competitiveness and collaboration, individuals can achieve personal and societal progress holistically and sustainably.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Competing and cooperating" -> "Competing and collaborating"
Explanation: "Collaborating" is a more precise term in the context of working together effectively, aligning better with academic and formal language.
"human’s interaction" -> "human interaction"
Explanation: Removing the possessive form "human’s" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"People’s opinions differ" -> "Opinions differ among people"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves the sentence structure, making it more formal and clear.
"justifiable to some extent" -> "justifiable to a certain extent"
Explanation: "To a certain extent" is a more precise and formal phrase commonly used in academic writing.
"I opine" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I opine" is less commonly used in formal academic writing; "I believe" is more straightforward and appropriate.
"rivalry may push individuals" -> "competition may motivate individuals"
Explanation: "Competition" is a more specific term than "rivalry" in this context, and "motivate" is more precise than "push."
"staff to outperform their colleagues" -> "employees to surpass their colleagues"
Explanation: "Employees" is more specific than "staff" in a formal business context, and "surpass" is a more formal synonym for "outperform."
"students need to constantly study" -> "students must continually study"
Explanation: "Must" and "continually" are more formal and precise than "need" and "constantly."
"they wouldn’t want to become obsolete" -> "they would not wish to become obsolete"
Explanation: "Would not wish" is more formal and academically appropriate than "wouldn’t want."
"merits through the process of collaboration" -> "benefits from collaborative processes"
Explanation: "Benefits from collaborative processes" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"lay the foundation for better mental health" -> "establish a foundation for improved mental health"
Explanation: "Establish" is more formal than "lay," and "improved" is more precise than "better."
"employees may achieve better results" -> "employees can achieve better results"
Explanation: "Can" is more assertive and formal than "may" in academic writing.
"discussions with others" -> "discussions among others"
Explanation: "Among others" is more precise and formal, indicating the group nature of the discussions.
"have a deeper outlook over the problems" -> "gain a deeper understanding of the issues"
Explanation: "Gain a deeper understanding of the issues" is more precise and formal, replacing the less specific "outlook over the problems."
"emphasize on" -> "emphasize"
Explanation: "Emphasize" is sufficient without "on," which is redundant in this context.
"emulations" -> "competitions"
Explanation: "Competitions" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect "emulations."
"fostering innovation" -> "promoting innovation"
Explanation: "Promoting" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic contexts than "fostering" in this context.
"better mental well-being" -> "improved mental well-being"
Explanation: "Improved" is more specific and formal than "better" in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both views regarding competition and cooperation. It discusses the benefits of competition in various contexts (work, school, daily life) and also emphasizes the advantages of cooperation, particularly in enhancing productivity and mental well-being.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, it could strengthen its analysis by providing more nuanced examples or contrasting scenarios where one approach might be more effective than the other. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back explicitly to the prompt’s dual perspectives would enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring cooperation over competition. This stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion, where the benefits of collaboration are consistently emphasized.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly acknowledge the benefits of competition while reiterating why cooperation is ultimately more beneficial. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the opposing viewpoint while reinforcing the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples. For instance, it discusses how collaboration enhances productivity at work and fosters social skills in educational settings.
- How to improve: To enhance depth, the essay could elaborate further on how competition might also drive innovation or how cooperation can mitigate potential drawbacks in certain scenarios. Developing these ideas more comprehensively would enrich the essay’s argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the merits of competition versus cooperation as outlined in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, it would be beneficial to ensure that each paragraph directly connects back to the central theme of competition versus cooperation. This could be achieved by consistently referring back to the prompt’s specific contexts (work, school, daily life).

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues for the benefits of cooperation over competition. To improve further, the author should aim for more nuanced analysis, deeper exploration of contrasting viewpoints, and enhanced coherence in linking ideas back to the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a coherent manner. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph presents distinct arguments related to competition and cooperation, supported by examples in workplace, academic, and daily life contexts. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider explicitly linking ideas between paragraphs more consistently. For instance, using transitional phrases or topic sentences that connect back to the thesis statement could strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic (competition vs cooperation in workplace, academic settings, daily life), and they are sufficiently developed with examples and explanations.
- How to improve: To further improve, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. This will help in guiding the reader through the main points and arguments more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as transitional words and phrases ("On the one hand", "Despite", "Moreover", "In conclusion"). These devices help in signaling shifts between ideas and connecting different parts of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence, strive for more diverse and nuanced use of cohesive devices. Consider incorporating cohesive devices within sentences more frequently, such as pronouns ("these", "those") and synonyms, to reinforce connections between ideas and improve overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion with effective organization into paragraphs, clear use of transitional phrases, and a logical flow of ideas. By refining the use of transitional phrases and ensuring stronger topic sentences, the essay could achieve an even higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary suitable for the task. There is adequate variety in terms of expressing ideas related to competition, cooperation, workplace dynamics, and educational settings. For instance, the use of terms like "contention," "rivalry," "collaboration," "emulations," and "embrace a balanced approach" shows an attempt at diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, aim to incorporate more nuanced synonyms and phrases that capture subtle differences in meaning. Instead of repeating terms like "collaboration" or "competition," consider synonyms like "collaborative efforts," "rivalry," "striving for excellence," etc. This will enrich the vocabulary and demonstrate a deeper lexical control.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Vocabulary usage is generally precise, though there are instances where simpler or more common terms could have been replaced with more specific or sophisticated vocabulary. For example, phrases like "push themselves forward inexorably" could be replaced with more precise expressions like "strive relentlessly."
- How to improve: Review each sentence to ensure that every word contributes precisely to the intended meaning. Consider the context in which words are used and aim for clarity and specificity. Use a thesaurus to find alternatives that convey the exact shade of meaning intended.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good throughout the essay. There are no glaring spelling errors that distract from the overall readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: Continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy, especially for less common or technical terms. Proofreading carefully and using spell-check tools can help maintain high standards of spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary and generally precise language, further enhancement can be achieved by diversifying vocabulary choices and ensuring that each word used contributes distinctly to the clarity and depth of expression. Continued attention to spelling accuracy will also contribute positively to the overall lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs complex sentences alongside simpler ones effectively to convey ideas clearly. For instance, it uses conditional sentences ("If…then" structure), relative clauses ("who…"), and compound sentences ("Despite…I would contend…") to articulate arguments and viewpoints. This variety enhances readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To further enrich the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as inverted sentences ("Not only did…but also…"), passive constructions ("It is believed that…"), and nuanced transitions ("Moreover," "Nevertheless," "In contrast," etc.). This would add sophistication and depth to your arguments, contributing to a more nuanced discussion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation throughout. However, there are a few instances where articles (‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’) could be more precisely used or omitted for clarity. For example, "an illustration" could be revised to "illustrating" to better fit the context. Punctuation is generally well-handled, but occasional comma splices or missing commas before coordinating conjunctions were noted.
- How to improve: Focus on refining the use of articles to ensure they align with the intended meaning of each sentence. Additionally, pay close attention to comma usage, ensuring that they are used correctly to separate ideas within sentences and before conjunctions linking independent clauses. Reviewing these areas will enhance overall grammatical precision and readability.

This feedback provides a balanced assessment of the grammatical range and accuracy in your essay, highlighting strengths and offering clear strategies for improvement. Each suggestion aims to support the enhancement of your writing skills in alignment with achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Competing and cooperating are integral aspects of human interaction and relationships. Opinions differ among people regarding whether competition or collaboration yields superior outcomes in workplaces, schools, and daily life. While both perspectives hold merit, I believe that collaboration is pivotal in enhancing productivity at work.

On one hand, it is undeniable that competition can motivate individuals to strive harder towards their goals. In workplaces, competition encourages employees to surpass their colleagues, aiming for recognition and promotions. Similarly, in educational settings, students are driven to continually improve their grades to avoid falling behind their peers. Moreover, in everyday life, competition compels people to continually develop their skills to remain relevant in comparison to others or artificial intelligence.

However, despite these arguments, I contend that collaboration offers more substantial benefits by broadening perspectives and fostering better mental health. At work, engaging in discussions with colleagues can lead to deeper understanding of issues and significantly enhance work productivity. Each individual brings unique viewpoints and experiences to the table, which, when shared and discussed, can lead to innovative solutions. Moreover, educational institutions that emphasize teamwork, such as those in Finland, cultivate essential social skills and empathy among students. By working together on tasks that require collaborative problem-solving, students not only enhance their learning but also build lasting relationships.

In daily life, cooperation nurtures community spirit and a sense of belonging among individuals. This, in turn, contributes to emotional well-being and strengthens interpersonal connections. Therefore, while competition may stimulate innovation and motivate individuals, collaboration promotes productivity and improves mental well-being across various aspects of life.

In conclusion, a balanced approach that values both competition and collaboration is essential for personal and societal progress. While competition drives innovation and ambition, collaboration enhances productivity and fosters better mental health outcomes. Embracing both principles ensures holistic and sustainable development for individuals and communities alike.