Some people think that due to the different characteristics of men and women, some specific work is suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a widely shared opinion that there are certain jobs that are only for men or women based on their different characteristics. I found this argument totally groundless.
Firstly, both men and women are able to do all the jobs that they want. The reason for this is that in the modern world, people of both genders have the same opportunity to access any specific knowledge or qualifications that are required by the business owners, which means that they could meet the job’s demands and have enough ability to gain success in the workplace. If that job limited the participation of men or women employees, it could make the companies lose a large number of high-skilled workforce, thereby reducing potential economic benefits that they should have received.
Secondly, in today’s evolving work environment, many jobs are developed without dependence on gender’s characteristics. Due to the rise of technology and the appearance of robots, many jobs rely more on intellectual capabilities, creativity, and interpersonal skills than on physical attributes. As a result, recruiters might focus on knowledge and experiences of employees, which create innovations rather than productivity. For this reason, the relevance of gender-specific suitability, which mostly are physical characteristics, is diminishing.
In conclusion, my opinion is that all jobs are suitable for both genders due to the development of technology and education.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"totally groundless" -> "completely baseless"
Explanation: "Totally groundless" is somewhat informal. "Completely baseless" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal and academic.
"people of both genders" -> "individuals of all genders"
Explanation: "People of both genders" is accurate but using "individuals of all genders" adds a touch of inclusivity and formality.
"business owners" -> "employers"
Explanation: While "business owners" is not incorrect, "employers" is a more general and formal term that encompasses a wider range of job providers.
"meet the job’s demands" -> "fulfill the job requirements"
Explanation: "Meet the job’s demands" is slightly informal. "Fulfill the job requirements" maintains clarity while being more formal.
"high-skilled workforce" -> "highly skilled workforce"
Explanation: "High-skilled workforce" is grammatically correct but "highly skilled workforce" is more commonly used in academic contexts.
"intellectual capabilities" -> "cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Intellectual capabilities" is appropriate but "cognitive abilities" is a more precise and formal term.
"the relevance of gender-specific suitability" -> "the importance of gender-specific suitability"
Explanation: "Relevance" can sound a bit casual. "Importance" elevates the formality while maintaining the meaning.
"which mostly are physical characteristics" -> "primarily consisting of physical attributes"
Explanation: "Which mostly are physical characteristics" is grammatically acceptable but "primarily consisting of physical attributes" offers a more sophisticated phrasing.
"In conclusion, my opinion is that" -> "In conclusion, I believe that"
Explanation: "My opinion is that" can be simplified to "I believe that" without losing any meaning, and it sounds more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by expressing a clear opinion on whether certain jobs are suitable for specific genders. It acknowledges the common belief regarding gender-specific roles and directly responds by refuting this notion.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively counters the idea of gender-specific jobs, it could strengthen its argument by providing additional examples or counterarguments to further support its stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by firmly stating the belief that all jobs are suitable for both genders. It consistently argues against the notion of gender-based job suitability and supports this stance with reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the thesis in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to reinforce the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas by providing logical reasoning and examples. It discusses how modern advancements in technology and education have rendered gender-specific job suitability obsolete.
- How to improve: While the essay provides solid reasoning, it could strengthen its argument by incorporating statistical data, studies, or real-world examples to bolster the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of gender-specific job suitability throughout and does not deviate from this theme.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance to the topic, the essay could briefly address potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives before refuting them, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Overall, the essay effectively responds to the prompt and presents a coherent argument against the idea of gender-specific job suitability. To further improve, it could incorporate additional examples, provide statistical evidence, and explicitly state the thesis for enhanced clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization by presenting two distinct arguments in separate paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses how both men and women have equal access to education and qualifications required for any job, while the second paragraph explores how technological advancements have rendered gender-specific suitability irrelevant in many fields. Each argument is supported with relevant reasoning and examples, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider introducing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that previews the main arguments. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt, with the first paragraph focusing on equal access to qualifications and the second paragraph examining the impact of technology on job suitability. The use of paragraphs enhances readability and helps to organize the ideas coherently.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to support the arguments presented in each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly," which help to signal the sequence of arguments, as well as pronouns like "this" and "that" to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. Additionally, the use of conjunctions such as "due to" and "for this reason" helps to establish logical relationships between ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, consider incorporating a greater variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion further. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a varied vocabulary. Phrases like "widely shared opinion," "groundless argument," "evolving work environment," and "intellectual capabilities" showcase an attempt to employ diverse vocabulary throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of "evolving work environment," one could use terms like "dynamic labor landscape" or "rapidly transforming professional sphere" to add depth and precision to the discussion. Additionally, integrating domain-specific terminology related to gender studies or occupational psychology could enrich the analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, phrases like "specific knowledge or qualifications" could be replaced with more precise terms such as "specialized expertise" or "required certifications." Conversely, terms like "gender-specific suitability" are used accurately to convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning in context. Avoid vague or general terms where more specific language would clarify your argument. Utilize synonyms and related terms to express ideas with nuance and accuracy. Additionally, carefully consider the connotations and implications of the vocabulary choices to ensure alignment with the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with no significant spelling errors detracting from readability or comprehension. However, it’s essential to maintain consistency and accuracy in spelling to uphold the overall professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: Continue to prioritize spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and utilizing spell-checking tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing spelling patterns and commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling practices. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement and refine spelling skills further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and clauses. For instance, there are instances of complex sentence structures, such as, "If that job limited the participation of men or women employees, it could make the companies lose a large number of high-skilled workforce, thereby reducing potential economic benefits that they should have received." This complexity enhances the essay’s readability and adds depth to the arguments presented.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of sentence structures, further diversification could elevate the sophistication of the writing. Introducing varied sentence types like rhetorical questions, parallelism, and inversion can enhance the overall fluency and engagement of the reader. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas within and between sentences can improve coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy overall. Most sentences are grammatically correct, with appropriate subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, "In conclusion, my opinion is that all jobs are suitable for both genders due to the development of technology and education." The punctuation usage is generally correct, aiding clarity and comprehension.
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammar and punctuation are strong, a few areas could benefit from refinement. There are minor instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation errors that slightly disrupt the flow. For instance, "If that job limited the participation of men or women employees, it could make the companies lose a large number of high-skilled workforce," could be improved by rephrasing for clarity: "If a job restricts the participation of male or female employees, it could lead companies to lose a significant portion of their highly skilled workforce." Additionally, paying attention to comma placement, especially in complex sentences, can further enhance readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a proficient command of grammatical range and accuracy, with only minor areas for improvement. Continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills will contribute to further enhancement in future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widely shared opinion that certain jobs are exclusively suitable for either men or women based on their differing characteristics. I find this argument completely baseless.

Firstly, individuals of all genders are capable of performing any job they desire. This is because in today’s world, both men and women have equal access to the necessary knowledge and qualifications required by employers. This ensures that they can fulfill the job requirements and possess the abilities needed to succeed in the workplace. Limiting job opportunities based on gender could result in companies losing out on a highly skilled workforce, thereby diminishing potential economic benefits.

Secondly, in the evolving work landscape of today, many jobs are not reliant on gender-specific characteristics. With advancements in technology and the emergence of automation, many roles prioritize cognitive abilities, creativity, and interpersonal skills over physical attributes. Consequently, recruiters now emphasize the knowledge and experiences of candidates who contribute to innovation rather than merely focusing on productivity. Thus, the importance of gender-specific suitability, which primarily consists of physical attributes, is diminishing.

In conclusion, I believe that all jobs are suitable for individuals of all genders due to the development of technology and education.