Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that managers should center on the work efficiency rather than the dress code of their employees. From my perspective, I disapprove of this statement as it may break the uniqueness of this company and clear out the formality of their jobs.

The dress code is a way that can expose a unique feature of a company; however, if it has not been concentrated intensively, it may blur the separate identification of the company. Regarding the dress code, each workplace will provide their own uniform to their workers which is different from other companies, hence some colleagues can identify their companions by looking at these identical garments. Additionally, employees do not need to look for the suitable clothes to go to the office, fostering a punctuality to prolong their working time for a high efficiency at their jobs. For instance, Ponchen, which is a massive company, obliging their workers to dress up in their uniform each day. Therefore, it creates a similarity in the workplace to build up their own brand worldwidely.

When it comes to some formal jobs which require an appropriate dress code, workers have to adhere to the job demand to obtain productivity, thus neglecting the way of dressing will clear out the formality at work. Despite the fact that workers do not necessarily obey the policy of dressing, they will receive a poor impression from their partners when working. As a result, only when they follow the regulations of the dress code do they initially appeal to their partners. To vividly illustrate, some workers have to dress up gently when meeting with partners from other companies to cooperate, raising a sense of respect to their counterparts in order to successfully negotiate.

In conclusion, it is crucial for some employers to concentrate on their workers' dress code to maintain the brand of their company or raise a sense of formality regarding some massive careers.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "center on" -> "focus on"
   Explanation: "Center on" is less common and slightly awkward in this context. "Focus on" is the more standard and natural choice for academic writing, emphasizing attention and concentration.

2. "I disapprove of this statement" -> "I disagree with this assertion"
   Explanation: "Disapprove of" can imply a personal disapproval, which may not be appropriate in academic writing. "Disagree with" is more neutral and suitable for formal discussions.

3. "break the uniqueness of this company" -> "compromise the distinctiveness of this organization"
   Explanation: "Break" is too strong and informal for this context. "Compromise" is more precise and appropriate for describing how something may be affected negatively without being destroyed.

4. "clear out the formality of their jobs" -> "eliminate the formality of their roles"
   Explanation: "Clear out" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Eliminate" is more precise and formal, and "roles" is a more appropriate term than "jobs" in this context.

5. "a way that can expose" -> "a means by which can reveal"
   Explanation: "A way that can expose" is awkward and vague. "A means by which can reveal" is more formal and precise, enhancing clarity and academic tone.

6. "has not been concentrated intensively" -> "has not been adequately focused"
   Explanation: "Concentrated intensively" is redundant and unclear. "Adequately focused" is more concise and accurately conveys the intended meaning.

7. "some colleagues can identify" -> "colleagues can recognize"
   Explanation: "Some colleagues" is redundant as it implies a subset of colleagues, which is already implied by the context. "Colleagues can recognize" is more direct and formal.

8. "fostering a punctuality" -> "promoting punctuality"
   Explanation: "Fostering" is not typically used with "punctuality," which is an abstract concept. "Promoting" is more appropriate and commonly used in this context.

9. "to prolong their working time for a high efficiency" -> "to enhance their productivity"
   Explanation: "Prolong their working time for a high efficiency" is awkward and unclear. "Enhance their productivity" is a more direct and formal way to describe improving work efficiency.

10. "obliging their workers to dress up" -> "requiring their employees to wear"
    Explanation: "Obliging" is less formal and slightly archaic. "Requiring" is more contemporary and suitable for formal writing.

11. "build up their own brand worldwidely" -> "establish their global brand"
    Explanation: "Build up their own brand worldwidely" is awkward and incorrect. "Establish their global brand" is more precise and grammatically correct.

12. "workers do not necessarily obey the policy of dressing" -> "employees may not adhere to the dress code"
    Explanation: "Obey the policy of dressing" is informal and vague. "Adhere to the dress code" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.

13. "clear out the formality at work" -> "eliminate the formality in the workplace"
    Explanation: "Clear out the formality at work" is informal and unclear. "Eliminate the formality in the workplace" is more precise and formal.

14. "only when they follow the regulations of the dress code do they initially appeal to their partners" -> "only when they adhere to the dress code do they initially impress their counterparts"
    Explanation: "Appeal to their partners" is less formal and slightly vague. "Impress their counterparts" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

15. "dressing up gently" -> "dressing formally"
    Explanation: "Dressing up gently" is informal and unclear. "Dressing formally" is straightforward and appropriate for formal writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing against the notion that employers should disregard employees’ dress codes. The writer presents a clear stance, emphasizing the importance of dress codes for company identity and professionalism. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint, which is only briefly acknowledged. For instance, while the writer mentions that some believe work quality is paramount, this perspective is not adequately explored or countered.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint and provide a more balanced discussion. This could involve outlining potential benefits of a relaxed dress code and then effectively countering those points with well-reasoned arguments that reinforce their own position.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that dress codes are unimportant. The writer consistently argues that dress codes contribute to company identity and professionalism. However, the phrasing "I disapprove of this statement" could be more assertively stated to strengthen the position. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main argument but could be more emphatic in restating the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should use stronger, more definitive language throughout the essay. Phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is essential" could replace weaker expressions. Furthermore, reinforcing the position in the conclusion with a summary of key arguments would help solidify the stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of dress codes, such as brand identity and professionalism. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the reference to Ponchen could be expanded to explain how their dress code has positively impacted their brand image or employee productivity. Additionally, the argument about punctuality could be better supported with more concrete examples or data.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics, case studies, or specific instances where dress codes have positively influenced workplace dynamics would enhance the argument’s credibility and depth.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of dress codes in the workplace. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the second paragraph, where the connection between dress code and punctuality is not clearly articulated. This could lead to confusion about how these ideas relate to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central argument regarding dress codes. Using topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the thesis can help guide the reader and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each point made directly supports the main argument will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, but there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and balance. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that employers should disregard dress codes. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the uniqueness of a company’s dress code but could better connect this point to the overall argument about work efficiency. The transition from discussing the identification of employees through uniforms to the benefits of having a dress code feels slightly abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should ensure that each point directly supports the thesis. Using topic sentences that clearly relate back to the main argument can help guide the reader. Additionally, employing transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs can create smoother connections, making the argument more cohesive.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more distinctly focused. For example, the first paragraph mixes the ideas of brand identity and employee punctuality, which could be confusing for the reader. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea that supports the overall argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should consider using one paragraph for each main point, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the importance of dress codes for brand identity, while another could discuss the implications for professionalism and productivity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "when it comes to." These devices help to link ideas and indicate contrast. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "despite the fact that workers do not necessarily obey the policy of dressing" could be better linked to the subsequent sentence to clarify the relationship between the ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately will enhance clarity. For example, using "for instance" to introduce examples can help the reader understand the relevance of the examples provided.

Overall, the essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By improving the logical organization of ideas, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "efficiency," "formality," "unique feature," and "productivity." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "dress code" and "workers." This repetition can detract from the overall impression of lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "dress code," alternatives like "attire regulations," "uniform policy," or "professional appearance" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the text.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "clear out the formality" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "fostering a punctuality to prolong their working time" is awkward and may confuse readers regarding the intended message.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim for clearer and more precise vocabulary. For instance, instead of "clear out the formality," a more suitable phrase might be "undermine the professionalism." Additionally, rephrasing "fostering a punctuality to prolong their working time" to something like "promoting punctuality and maximizing productive hours" would enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "obliging" (which should be "obliges") and "worldwidely" (which should be "worldwide"). These errors, while not numerous, indicate a need for greater attention to detail in spelling.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing the text. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing spelling rules can help reinforce correct usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a fair range of vocabulary, improvements in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "it is believed that" and "when it comes to" shows an attempt to incorporate different structures. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, such as "it may blur the separate identification of the company," which could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "the dress code" or "workers."
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and varying sentence lengths. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with the same subject, the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Example: "By adhering to a dress code, employees not only enhance their professional image but also contribute to a cohesive company culture."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "obliging their workers to dress up in their uniform each day" should be revised to "obliging their workers to wear a uniform each day." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "each workplace will provide their own uniform," which should be "each workplace will provide its own uniform." Punctuation errors include missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before "which is a massive company" in the sentence discussing Ponchen.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve clarity. The writer could benefit from proofreading their work to catch these errors before submission. For example, revising sentences to ensure proper punctuation and agreement would significantly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that managers should focus on work efficiency rather than the dress code of their employees. From my perspective, I disagree with this assertion as it may compromise the distinctiveness of the company and eliminate the formality of their roles.

The dress code is a means by which a unique feature of a company can be revealed; however, if it has not been adequately focused on, it may blur the separate identification of the company. Regarding the dress code, each workplace will provide its own uniform to its workers, which is different from other companies; hence, some colleagues can recognize their companions by looking at these identical garments. Additionally, employees do not need to look for suitable clothes to go to the office, promoting punctuality and allowing them to prolong their working time for higher productivity. For instance, Ponchen, which is a massive company, requires its workers to dress in their uniform each day. Therefore, it creates a similarity in the workplace to establish their global brand.

When it comes to some formal jobs that require an appropriate dress code, workers have to adhere to the job demands to obtain productivity; thus, neglecting the way of dressing will eliminate the formality in the workplace. Despite the fact that workers do not necessarily obey the policy of dressing, they will receive a poor impression from their partners when working. As a result, only when they adhere to the dress code do they initially impress their counterparts. To vividly illustrate, some workers have to dress formally when meeting with partners from other companies to cooperate, raising a sense of respect for their counterparts in order to successfully negotiate.

In conclusion, it is crucial for employers to concentrate on their workers’ dress code to maintain the brand of their company and enhance the sense of formality in some significant careers.