Some people think that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

LINH HUY

Whether to allow free tuition for a higher education is a topic that has sparked considerable
debate. One school of thought holds that studying at a university is everyone's right and
tuition fees should be paid by the government. From my point of view, although free tuition is
quite ideal, I still cannot agree for the following reasons.
It is understandable why some people think the government should take the responsibility for
student's university education fees. Firstly, it can increase access and equality. For example,
poor people, who live in rural and suburban areas will not be able to access the same
amenities and facilities as city dwellers. As a result, they will not have enough resources to
compete for a place in university as well as the financial burden that their families have to
bear. Because of that, being exempted from tuition fees will help their families remove
financial barriers and provide an opportunity for underprivileged individuals who might
otherwise be excluded.
However, I believe this is not advisable as it has stronger disadvantages. The first point to be
made is the nation could fall into a financial crisis.
Paying for college tuition means using the state budget, which may balloon the budget, as a
result, it leaves the state with insufficient funds for other activities such as the military,
infrastructure or foreign relations. Another key aspect is, free tuition means increasing
people's taxes to compensate, which could lead to more difficult lives for people, leading to
protests or terrorism.
In conclusion, abolishing university tuition fees could bring equal opportunity and rights to
everyone. The downsides are still undeniable and could lead to even worse things.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"LINH HUY" -> "Introduction"
Explanation: The term "LINH HUY" appears to be a personal name or a Vietnamese phrase, which is not relevant to the essay. Starting with a clear "Introduction" sets the context for the essay.
"One school of thought holds that studying at a university is everyone’s right and tuition fees should be paid by the government." -> "One perspective is that university education is a fundamental right, and therefore, tuition fees should be subsidized by the government."
Explanation: The revised phrase clarifies the idea by using "fundamental right" to emphasize the importance of education, and "subsidized" instead of "paid" to suggest partial financial support, which is more accurate in an academic context.
"although free tuition is quite ideal, I still cannot agree for the following reasons." -> "although the idea of free tuition is appealing, I still disagree for the following reasons."
Explanation: "Appealing" is a more formal and precise term than "quite ideal," and "disagree" is more appropriate than "cannot agree" in formal writing.
"It is understandable why some people think the government should take the responsibility for student’s university education fees." -> "It is understandable why some argue that the government should bear the responsibility for students’ university education fees."
Explanation: "Bear the responsibility" is a more formal expression than "take the responsibility," and "students’" is the correct possessive form.
"poor people, who live in rural and suburban areas will not be able to access the same amenities and facilities as city dwellers." -> "individuals from rural and suburban areas may not have access to the same amenities and facilities as those in urban areas."
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "poor people," and "may not have access" is a more precise and less judgmental way to express potential limitations.
"Because of that, being exempted from tuition fees will help their families remove financial barriers and provide an opportunity for underprivileged individuals who might otherwise be excluded." -> "Consequently, exemption from tuition fees would alleviate financial burdens for these families and offer opportunities to underprivileged individuals who might otherwise be excluded."
Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "Because of that," and "alleviate financial burdens" is a more precise and formal expression than "remove financial barriers."
"The first point to be made is the nation could fall into a financial crisis." -> "A significant concern is that the nation could face a financial crisis."
Explanation: "A significant concern" is a more formal way to introduce a point, and "face a financial crisis" is more precise than "fall into a financial crisis."
"Paying for college tuition means using the state budget, which may balloon the budget, as a result, it leaves the state with insufficient funds for other activities such as the military, infrastructure or foreign relations." -> "Funding college tuition would necessitate a significant allocation of state funds, potentially leading to budgetary constraints that could impact other essential expenditures, such as defense, infrastructure, and foreign relations."
Explanation: "Funding" is more specific than "Paying for," and "necessitate" is more formal than "means." The revised sentence also clarifies the potential impact on other expenditures.
"free tuition means increasing people’s taxes to compensate, which could lead to more difficult lives for people, leading to protests or terrorism." -> "free tuition would necessitate increased taxation, potentially resulting in a decrease in the quality of life for citizens, which could lead to protests or even extremism."
Explanation: "Necessitate increased taxation" is more precise, and "decrease in the quality of life" is a more formal expression than "more difficult lives." "Extremism" is a more specific term than "terrorism," which is often associated with political or religious ideologies rather than economic issues.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding free university education. The author acknowledges the perspective that education should be accessible to all, particularly for those from disadvantaged backgrounds. However, the response leans towards disagreement, emphasizing the potential financial burdens on the government and society. While both viewpoints are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments for free education, as it primarily focuses on the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to present a more thorough examination of the benefits of free university education, perhaps by including more examples or statistics that support the argument for free tuition. Additionally, a clearer articulation of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against free university education, stating, "I still cannot agree for the following reasons." However, the transition between supporting and opposing arguments could be smoother. The author mentions the benefits of free tuition but quickly shifts to the disadvantages without a clear transition, which may confuse readers about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" could help clarify the shift in focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as increased access to education and the financial implications of free tuition. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument about financial crises lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claim. The mention of potential protests or terrorism is vague and could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should include more concrete examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing countries that have implemented free tuition and the resulting economic impact could provide a more robust foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding free university education. However, the mention of "protests or terrorism" as a consequence of increased taxes feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument. This could distract from the central discussion about education and financial responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of university education and its funding. Avoiding tangential issues and instead elaborating on the financial implications of free education would enhance coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of free tuition, while the second body paragraph presents the counterargument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing access and equality to the financial implications of free tuition feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of free tuition, a sentence like "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks to consider" could serve as a bridge to the counterargument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first paragraph addresses the argument for free tuition, while the second counters it. However, the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from a more thorough summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion not only restates the writer’s opinion but also briefly summarizes the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the essay’s main points and provide a more satisfying closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "In conclusion." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance clarity and flow. For example, the phrase "Because of that" could be replaced with "Consequently" or "As a result" for a more formal tone.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "On the other hand." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score further. Focusing on smoother transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "financial burden," "underprivileged," and "financial crisis" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "financial barriers" and "financial background." This limits the overall lexical variety and depth.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "financial," you could use "economic," "monetary," or "fiscal" in different contexts. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to education and economics could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the nation could fall into a financial crisis" is somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific language. The term "balloon the budget" is also informal and might not convey the intended seriousness of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, aim for more specific language that clearly conveys your argument. Instead of "balloon the budget," consider using "exceed the budgetary limits" or "strain the national budget." Additionally, clarify vague terms like "worse things" in the conclusion by specifying potential negative outcomes.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "student’s" (should be "students’") and "amenities" (which is correctly spelled but could be misused in context). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch mistakes before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Although free tuition is quite ideal, I still cannot agree for the following reasons." This showcases an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances where simpler structures are overused, such as in the phrase "the government should take the responsibility for student’s university education fees," which could benefit from more complex constructions. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the first point to be made is" is somewhat formulaic and could be varied for better engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the first point to be made is," you could say, "One significant concern is that…" or "An important consideration is that…". Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones to enhance fluency and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, "student’s university education fees" should be "students’ university education fees" to indicate plural possession. The phrase "which may balloon the budget" is slightly awkward; a clearer expression might be "which could lead to a ballooning budget." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for better readability, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review the rules of possessive forms, especially with plural nouns. Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and improve sentence flow. For example, in the sentence "As a result, they will not have enough resources to compete for a place in university as well as the financial burden that their families have to bear," consider breaking it into two sentences for clarity: "As a result, they will not have enough resources to compete for a place in university. Additionally, they face the financial burden that their families have to bear." Regular grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Engaging in targeted practice and revision will help elevate the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**LINH HUY**

Whether to allow free tuition for higher education is a topic that has sparked considerable debate. One perspective is that university education is a fundamental right, and therefore, tuition fees should be subsidized by the government. From my point of view, although the idea of free tuition is appealing, I still disagree for the following reasons.

It is understandable why some argue that the government should bear the responsibility for students’ university education fees. Firstly, it can increase access and equality. For example, individuals from rural and suburban areas may not have access to the same amenities and facilities as those in urban areas. As a result, they may lack the resources to compete for a place in university, in addition to the financial burden their families must bear. Consequently, exemption from tuition fees would alleviate financial burdens for these families and offer opportunities to underprivileged individuals who might otherwise be excluded.

However, I believe this is not advisable as it has significant disadvantages. A major concern is that the nation could face a financial crisis. Funding college tuition would necessitate a significant allocation of state funds, potentially leading to budgetary constraints that could impact other essential expenditures, such as defense, infrastructure, and foreign relations. Another key aspect is that free tuition would necessitate increased taxation, which could result in a decrease in the quality of life for citizens. This could lead to protests or even extremism.

In conclusion, while abolishing university tuition fees could provide equal opportunity and rights for everyone, the downsides are still undeniable and could lead to even more serious consequences.