Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education and that the government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education and that the government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One school of thought holds that students should have equal access to university no matter what socioeconomic backgrounds they have and the government should fully pay for this program. While acknowledging the reason behind this thinking, I would argue that it is not an ideal solution and might yield more negative repercussions to the economy.

On the one hand, it is understandable why people advocate free education to university. The key rationale is that students should be provided with equal education opportunities, especially those from low backgrounds. Without barriers, these disadvantaged students would not be discouraged by financial limitations and fully devote themselves to the pursuit of knowledge. In addition, such a policy can be a precursor to a highly-educated population which improves not only individuals but also entire societies, as the workforce with advanced skills can boost production and competitiveness. Given these, the idea of free access to education seems perfectly justifiable.

On the other hand, I am convinced that this policy is far from ideal. Perhaps the foremost reason would be that the exemption of tuition fee means that the government needs to take colossal money from other crucial areas such as infrastructure or healthcare for this free education. This solution is not sound as this reallocation puts a strain on the state treasury and even paytaxers. Furthermore, students may not pay attention to academic results as it will cost them nothing to retake a subject, as the result of the student’s achievement may be deteriorated.

In conclusion, while there are justifications that it rests with the government to pay wholly for the education, I would contend that this proposal is not ideal.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "One school of thought holds" -> "One perspective suggests"
   Explanation: "One perspective suggests" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "One school of thought holds," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague.

2. "socioeconomic backgrounds they have" -> "socioeconomic backgrounds from which they come"
   Explanation: The phrase "from which they come" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

3. "fully pay for this program" -> "fully fund this initiative"
   Explanation: "Fund" is more specific and formal than "pay," and "initiative" is a more academic term than "program."

4. "not an ideal solution and might yield more negative repercussions" -> "not an optimal solution and could have adverse consequences"
   Explanation: "Optimal" and "adverse consequences" are more precise and formal, fitting better in an academic context than "ideal" and "negative repercussions."

5. "people advocate" -> "individuals advocate"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and precise than "people" in academic writing.

6. "low backgrounds" -> "low-income backgrounds"
   Explanation: "Low-income backgrounds" is a more specific and accurate term than the vague "low backgrounds."

7. "Without barriers, these disadvantaged students would not be discouraged by financial limitations" -> "Without financial barriers, these disadvantaged students would not be deterred by financial constraints"
   Explanation: "Financial barriers" and "financial constraints" are more specific and formal terms, and "deterred" is more precise than "discouraged."

8. "the workforce with advanced skills can boost production and competitiveness" -> "a workforce with advanced skills can enhance productivity and competitiveness"
   Explanation: "Enhance" is more specific and formal than "boost," and "productivity" is a more precise term than "production."

9. "the exemption of tuition fee" -> "the exemption of tuition fees"
   Explanation: "Fees" is the correct plural form when referring to multiple types of fees, including tuition fees.

10. "colossal money" -> "substantial funds"
    Explanation: "Substantial funds" is a more formal and precise term than "colossal money," which is somewhat colloquial.

11. "paytaxers" -> "taxpayers"
    Explanation: "Taxpayers" is the correct spelling and term for individuals who pay taxes.

12. "the result of the student’s achievement may be deteriorated" -> "the quality of the student’s achievement may deteriorate"
    Explanation: "The quality of the student’s achievement may deteriorate" is grammatically correct and clearer than "the result of the student’s achievement may be deteriorated."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding free university education. The writer acknowledges the rationale behind providing free education for all, particularly for disadvantaged students, and also presents a counter-argument about the potential negative impacts on the economy. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer’s position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The phrase "I would argue that it is not an ideal solution" suggests some level of disagreement, but it lacks clarity on whether the writer fully disagrees or partially agrees.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, explicitly stating "I completely disagree with the notion of free university education for all" or "I partially agree, but with significant reservations" would provide clarity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards disagreement with the idea of free university education. However, the position is somewhat ambiguous, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. While the writer provides valid arguments against the proposal, the lack of a definitive stance can confuse the reader about the writer’s overall viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently use language that reflects their stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is my opinion that" at the beginning of key points to reinforce their viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of equal educational opportunities and the potential economic drawbacks of free education. These ideas are supported with reasoning, such as the impact on government funding and student motivation. However, the arguments could be further developed with more specific examples or data to strengthen the claims. For instance, citing a country that has implemented free university education and discussing the outcomes could provide a more robust argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to include specific examples or case studies to support their arguments. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of their points would enhance the depth of the discussion. For example, discussing how the reallocation of funds from education to other sectors could impact public services would provide a clearer picture of the consequences.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding free university education. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "the result of the student’s achievement may be deteriorated" could be more explicitly connected to the implications of free education, as it currently feels somewhat tangential.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether university education should be free for all. This can be achieved by linking each argument back to the prompt, reinforcing how it supports or challenges the idea of free education.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By clarifying the position, providing more detailed support for arguments, and ensuring all points remain closely tied to the prompt, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main argument and acknowledges the opposing viewpoint. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of free university education, while the second body paragraph presents counterarguments. This logical organization helps the reader follow the writer’s thought process. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the benefits before introducing the counterarguments could help bridge the two sections more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the proponents’ views, while the second paragraph counters these views. This separation aids in clarity and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more developed to reinforce the main argument and summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main arguments made in the body paragraphs. This not only reinforces the writer’s position but also provides a sense of closure. For example, summarizing the key drawbacks of free university education before stating the final opinion would enhance the overall impact of the conclusion.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, phrases like "In addition" and "Furthermore" help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "Conversely," or "As a result" can enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one by using cohesive devices that reflect the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect or comparison.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "socioeconomic backgrounds," "disadvantaged students," and "highly-educated population." These terms reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "students" and "education" could be diversified with synonyms such as "learners," "pupils," or "academic pursuits."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," they could alternate with "learners" or "scholars." Additionally, using phrases like "higher education" or "tertiary education" instead of "university education" would add depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the exemption of tuition fee" could be more clearly stated as "the exemption of tuition fees," which would enhance clarity. Additionally, the term "colossal money" is somewhat informal; a more precise term like "significant funds" would be more appropriate in an academic context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that nouns are in the correct form (e.g., pluralizing "tuition fee") and selecting more formal vocabulary. Reviewing academic writing resources for appropriate terminology can help refine word choice.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, the term "paytaxers" appears to be a misspelling or a neologism that is not widely recognized. The correct term should be "taxpayers." This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers. Familiarizing themselves with common academic vocabulary and its correct spelling will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and achieves a Band 7 score for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "One school of thought holds that students should have equal access to university" and "While acknowledging the reason behind this thinking" show an ability to use introductory clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "students should" and "the government should," which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "students" or "the government," try using passive constructions or starting with adverbial phrases. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing. For instance, combining shorter sentences into more complex ones or breaking up longer sentences can enhance readability and interest.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, "the exemption of tuition fee means that the government needs to take colossal money" could be improved to "the exemption of tuition fees means that the government needs to allocate substantial funds." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "as the result of the student’s achievement may be deteriorated," which could lead to confusion in the sentence structure.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "tuition fee" should be "tuition fees"). For punctuation, ensure that clauses are properly separated, especially when using conjunctions. Practicing with complex sentences and ensuring clarity in meaning will help in reducing errors. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools can provide immediate feedback on grammatical and punctuation issues before finalizing the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments effectively, but attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision will further elevate the writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that students should have equal access to university education regardless of their socioeconomic backgrounds, and that the government should fully fund this initiative. While I understand the reasoning behind this viewpoint, I would argue that it is not an optimal solution and could have adverse consequences for the economy.

On the one hand, it is understandable why individuals advocate for free university education. The key rationale is that students should be provided with equal educational opportunities, particularly those from low-income backgrounds. Without financial barriers, these disadvantaged students would not be deterred by financial constraints and could fully devote themselves to the pursuit of knowledge. Additionally, such a policy can lead to a highly educated population, which benefits not only individuals but also society as a whole, as a workforce with advanced skills can enhance productivity and competitiveness. Given these points, the idea of free access to education seems perfectly justifiable.

On the other hand, I am convinced that this policy is far from ideal. Perhaps the foremost reason is that the exemption of tuition fees means that the government would need to divert substantial funds from other critical areas such as infrastructure or healthcare to support free education. This solution is not sound, as this reallocation puts a strain on the state treasury and ultimately affects taxpayers. Furthermore, students may not take their academic results seriously, as it would cost them nothing to retake a subject, which could lead to a deterioration in the quality of the student’s achievement.

In conclusion, while there are valid arguments for the government to fully fund education, I contend that this proposal is not the best approach.