Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important
Discuss both sides and give your opinions
Many people believe that physical activities are conducive to good health, whereas others contend that an appropriate diet is more significant. In my perspective, I am of the opinion that people should exercise regularly to maintain a strong constitution.
On the one hand, some people believe that a scientific diet is a key factor for a strong constitution. It Is evident that professional athletes must abide by stringent diets to ensure their competence in their sports. For instance, a professional football player might not be able to run throughout a match due to lack of stamina if their intakes have their muscular physique deformed. Additionally, a badly organized diet may be the cause of health-relating diseases such as diabetes or obesity. Therefore, forming an adequate eating habit plays a pivotal role in nurturing good physical health.
On the other hand, some individuals opine that a regular exercise is integral to a person’s physical well-being. It is undeniable that exercising regularly helps maintain a good physique, therefore, we can frequently find advice given by experts from medical fiends encouraging people to do physical activities routinely to keep a fit physique. By the same token, fitness activities are widely believed to aid in retaining good mental well-being. While engaging in workouts, partakers have a tendency to focus on accomplishing their trainings rather than pondering their vicissitudes of life. Once finished, participants can take pleasure from a feeling of attaining their desires. Accordingly, I think it is rational to reckon that physical trainings bolster health and vitality.
To encapsulate, I assert that both physical activities and a balanced eating habit are conducive to a strong constitution under any circumstances. For that reason, I believe a combination of scientific diets and adequate physical trainings are the best approach to cultivate a state of well-being.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: The phrase "In my perspective" is less formal. Using "From my perspective" provides a more academically appropriate expression.
"It Is evident" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: Correct the capitalization of "Is" to maintain proper sentence structure.
"intakes have their muscular physique deformed" -> "intake affects their muscular physique"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested alternative provides a more concise and clear expression of the idea.
"health-relating diseases" -> "health-related diseases"
Explanation: Use the hyphen to create a compound adjective, making the term more grammatically correct.
"fiends" -> "field"
Explanation: "Medical fiends" is a malapropism; the correct term is "medical field."
"By the same token" -> "Similarly"
Explanation: "By the same token" is less common in formal writing. "Similarly" is a more appropriate alternative.
"partakers" -> "participants"
Explanation: "Partakers" is somewhat archaic; "participants" is a more contemporary and appropriate term.
"trainings" -> "training sessions"
Explanation: "Trainings" is a less precise term. Using "training sessions" is more specific and formal.
"vicissitudes of life" -> "life’s uncertainties"
Explanation: "Vicissitudes of life" is somewhat poetic. The suggested alternative maintains the meaning while using a more straightforward and formal expression.
"it is rational to reckon" -> "it is reasonable to argue"
Explanation: "Rational to reckon" is colloquial. "Reasonable to argue" provides a more academic tone.
"conducive to a strong constitution under any circumstances" -> "favorable for maintaining a strong constitution in all situations"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more precise and employs a more formal language structure.
"scientific diets" -> "nutritional plans"
Explanation: "Scientific diets" is less specific. "Nutritional plans" is a more accurate and formal term.
"adequate physical trainings" -> "regular physical exercises"
Explanation: "Physical trainings" is not commonly used. "Regular physical exercises" is a more standard and appropriate term.
"cultivate a state of well-being" -> "promote overall well-being"
Explanation: "Cultivate a state of well-being" is somewhat informal. "Promote overall well-being" provides a more formal expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the importance of a balanced diet and regular exercise. Each perspective is considered, with specific examples provided for both diet and exercise.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, consider explicitly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint in the introduction. This can demonstrate a clear awareness of the task requirements from the very beginning.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of regular exercise for maintaining good health. This position is evident throughout the essay, especially in the thesis statement and the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider reiterating the main position in the conclusion, emphasizing its importance and summarizing supporting points.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with relevant examples supporting each perspective. Instances such as professional athletes’ dietary restrictions and the mental benefits of exercise are well-elaborated.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider incorporating more varied examples and providing additional details to further enrich the content.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both exercise and diet in the context of health. However, there are moments when the focus slightly deviates, such as the mention of athletes’ muscular physique being deformed.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly contributes to the discussion of exercise and diet’s role in health. Avoid introducing tangential details that may distract from the main topic.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, maintaining a clear position while providing well-developed ideas supported by relevant examples. To improve, consider refining the introduction, reinforcing the main position in the conclusion, enriching examples, and ensuring absolute focus on the topic throughout. Overall, this essay meets the criteria for a Band Score of 8 in Task Response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly states the writer’s perspective. Body paragraphs present arguments for both exercise and a balanced diet separately, providing examples and explanations. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more explicit roadmap in the introduction, outlining the main points to be discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs for a more seamless flow.
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. There is a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing exercise and diet separately, and a conclusive paragraph summarizing the main points.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the overall theme of exercise or diet.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Additionally") and pronouns to connect ideas. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices. Introduce more synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun references to ensure clarity in connecting ideas across paragraphs.
Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, contributing to the achievement of a Band Score of 7. Improvements can be made by refining the introduction’s roadmap, enhancing paragraph transitions, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and cohesive presentation.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. While there are instances of varied word choice, some repetitive phrases and words, such as "strong constitution," "scientific diet," and "physical activities," occur frequently. Additionally, the use of more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions for commonly used terms. For instance, instead of consistently using "strong constitution," explore alternatives like "robust health" or "vital well-being." Moreover, introduce more diverse vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific terms for different types of exercises or aspects of a balanced diet.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where expressions could be more specific. For example, the phrase "a badly organized diet" could be refined to specify the nature of the diet issues, providing a clearer picture for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary usage. Instead of general terms, provide details that clarify your points. For instance, specify the elements of a poorly organized diet, such as excessive sugar or insufficient nutrients. This will contribute to a more precise and informative discussion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is accurate. However, there is a noticeable mistake in the phrase "medical fiends," which appears to be a typographical error for "medical fields." This impacts the clarity of the sentence.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to proofreading to catch any typos or errors. Reading the essay aloud or asking someone else to review it can help identify and correct such mistakes. Additionally, considering the context and meaning of words can aid in selecting the correct term, avoiding unintended errors like "fiends" instead of "fields."
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary with few spelling errors, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and meticulous proofreading could contribute to a more refined and sophisticated expression of ideas, potentially raising the Lexical Resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, it uses complex sentences like "For instance, a professional football player might not be able to run throughout a match due to lack of stamina if their intakes have their muscular physique deformed." However, there’s room for improvement in varying sentence structures further to enhance coherence and engagement.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating more varied sentence structures such as parallelism, conditional sentences, or rhetorical questions to add depth and complexity to your writing. This will contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation in the essay are strong. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved. For instance, "It Is evident" should be "It is evident." Additionally, there’s a minor issue with the phrase "advise given by experts from medical fiends," which seems to be a typographical error.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs match their subjects in number and person. Review your writing carefully for typographical errors, and consider having someone else proofread your essay to catch any small mistakes you might have missed.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures, contributing to a Band Score of 7 in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion. Focus on enhancing sentence variety and addressing minor grammatical issues to further improve your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many people hold the belief that engaging in physical activities contributes to good health, while others argue that maintaining a well-balanced diet is more crucial. From my perspective, I firmly believe that regular exercise is essential for maintaining a strong constitution.
On one hand, there is a school of thought that emphasizes the significance of a well-planned diet for a robust constitution. It is evident that professional athletes strictly adhere to specific diets to ensure their peak performance in their respective sports. For example, a professional football player might struggle to endure an entire match due to a lack of stamina resulting from dietary choices affecting their muscular physique. Moreover, an improperly organized diet can lead to health-related issues such as diabetes or obesity. Therefore, establishing healthy eating habits plays a pivotal role in fostering good physical health.
On the other hand, there are those who argue that regular exercise is integral to a person’s physical well-being. It is undeniable that consistent physical activity helps maintain a fit physique. Consequently, we often come across advice from experts in medical fields encouraging people to engage in routine physical activities to promote overall well-being. Similarly, participating in fitness activities is widely believed to contribute to maintaining good mental health. While immersed in workouts, participants tend to focus on accomplishing their training goals rather than dwelling on life’s uncertainties. Upon completion, individuals can derive satisfaction from achieving their objectives. Therefore, it is reasonable to argue that physical training enhances health and vitality.
In conclusion, I contend that both physical activities and a balanced diet are essential for cultivating a strong constitution in all situations. Consequently, I believe that a combination of well-planned diets and regular physical exercises is the most favorable approach to promote overall well-being.