Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss and give your opinion.

People have different views about dangerous sport, some of them said that goverment should ban the extrem sport because they can kill individuals, while some people said that goverment should let them do freely sport and activities. For me, i agree that goverment should let them have freedom to do any sports
On the one hand, there are various reason why people belived that goverment should ban them because these dangerous sport such as parachute jump, bull race and even base jumping can lead to catastrophic outcomes including brain injury and death . And goverment have a resposibility to make sure all of their citizens is safe and protect them from potential danger. Another various reason is when a individuals has some health problems causing by extremly sport, organization board has to take care of them if they didn't dead yet. And they will require extensive medicalcare, which can burden public healthcare systems and can divert resources away from other rural areas.
On the other hands , i believe that the goverment should let them have freedom to do any sport and activities. If they can freely do any sport , they can engage joy, fullfillment even they may have a change to die when they do that. And extrem sport can attract more traveler and spectatures to watch that. Rather than banning that dangerous sport, goverment should focus on ensuring that individuals recive adequate information about risks they gonna suffer when they do that sport.
In short , goverment should improve the quality and awerness of the individuals in stead of banning them from doing extrem sport

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have different views about dangerous sport" -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions regarding dangerous sports"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "diverse opinions" is more precise than "different views." Additionally, "regarding" is more formal than "about," and "sports" should be plural to match the context of multiple types of sports.
"some of them said that goverment should" -> "some argue that the government should"
Explanation: "Some argue" is a more formal and precise way to express opinions, and "the government" should be capitalized as it refers to the government as an entity.
"extrem sport" -> "extreme sports"
Explanation: "Extreme sports" is the correct term, as it refers to a category of sports that are considered dangerous or challenging.
"let them do freely sport and activities" -> "allow individuals to engage in sports and activities freely"
Explanation: "Allow individuals to engage in" is more formal and precise than "let them do freely," and "sports and activities" should be plural to match the context.
"i agree" -> "I agree"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns and formal writing, so "I" should be capitalized.
"there are various reason" -> "there are various reasons"
Explanation: "Reasons" should be plural to match the plural subject "various," which is grammatically correct.
"people belived" -> "people believe"
Explanation: "Believe" should be the base form, not the past tense "belived," for correct verb agreement with the present tense of the sentence.
"these dangerous sport" -> "these dangerous sports"
Explanation: "Sports" should be plural to match the plural noun "these," which refers to multiple types of sports.
"And goverment have a resposibility" -> "And the government has a responsibility"
Explanation: "The government" should be capitalized, and "has" should be used instead of "have" for subject-verb agreement with the singular noun "government."
"make sure all of their citizens is safe" -> "ensure the safety of all their citizens"
Explanation: "Ensure the safety of" is a more formal and precise way to express the responsibility of the government, and "is" should be "are" for subject-verb agreement with the plural "citizens."
"when a individuals has some health problems" -> "when an individual has health problems"
Explanation: "An individual" is grammatically correct, and "has" should be used instead of "has some" for clarity and formality.
"extremly sport" -> "extremely sport"
Explanation: "Extremely" is the correct adverb form, not "extremly."
"organization board" -> "organizing board"
Explanation: "Organizing board" is a more precise term, referring to a group responsible for managing events or activities.
"they will require extensive medicalcare" -> "they will require extensive medical care"
Explanation: "Medical care" should be two words for proper noun usage and to maintain the formal tone.
"can divert resources away from other rural areas" -> "can divert resources away from other rural areas"
Explanation: This is a correct and complete sentence, but it could be rephrased to "can divert resources away from other rural areas" for emphasis on the impact on rural areas.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is the correct idiomatic expression, not "On the other hands."
"they can engage joy, fullfillment even they may have a change to die" -> "they can experience joy, fulfillment, and even risk death"
Explanation: "Experience joy, fulfillment, and even risk death" is a more formal and grammatically correct way to express the potential outcomes of engaging in extreme sports.
"Rather than banning that dangerous sport, goverment should focus" -> "Rather than banning these dangerous sports, the government should focus"
Explanation: "These dangerous sports" should be plural to match the context, and "the government" should be capitalized for formality and clarity.
"recive adequate information" -> "receive adequate information"
Explanation: "Receive" is the correct verb form, not "recive."
"they gonna suffer" -> "they will suffer"
Explanation: "Gonna" is informal and should be replaced with "will" for formal writing.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether governments should ban dangerous sports or allow individuals the freedom to participate in them. The writer presents the viewpoint that supports a ban by discussing the potential dangers and responsibilities of the government. However, the argument for allowing freedom is less developed and lacks depth in exploring the benefits of dangerous sports. The essay mentions joy, fulfillment, and tourism but does not sufficiently elaborate on these points or provide concrete examples.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples of how dangerous sports can positively impact individuals and society, such as promoting physical fitness, mental resilience, or economic benefits from tourism. Additionally, addressing counterarguments more thoroughly would strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of allowing individuals the freedom to participate in dangerous sports. However, the essay occasionally wavers in clarity, particularly in the transition between discussing the reasons for a ban and the reasons for allowing freedom. Phrases like "for me, I agree" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language when expressing their opinion. Phrases such as "I firmly believe" or "It is essential that" can enhance the strength of the position. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central thesis will help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the dangers of extreme sports and the responsibilities of the government. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the mention of "catastrophic outcomes" and "burdening public healthcare systems" is valid but lacks specific examples or data to support these claims. The argument for freedom is also underdeveloped, with limited elaboration on how it contributes to individual well-being or societal benefits.
- How to improve: To improve this criterion, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life examples could help substantiate claims and make arguments more persuasive. Additionally, exploring the implications of each argument more deeply would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the debate around dangerous sports and the government’s role. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of healthcare burdens, which could be better tied back to the main argument about freedom versus regulation. The phrasing and grammatical errors also detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of government regulation versus personal freedom. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would enhance clarity and coherence, allowing the argument to shine through more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, stronger support for arguments, and improved clarity in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph discusses the arguments for banning dangerous sports, while the second presents the opposing view. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear phrasing and awkward transitions. For example, the phrase "Another various reason is when a individuals has some health problems causing by extremly sport" lacks clarity and coherence. The ideas could be better connected to enhance the overall logical progression of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is elaborated with supporting details and examples. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the dangers of extreme sports and the other on the responsibility of the government. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Consider starting each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Additionally, avoid overly long paragraphs by breaking them into smaller sections when discussing multiple ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing the dangers of extreme sports to the government’s responsibility could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of dangerous sports. Phrases such as "extreme sport," "catastrophic outcomes," and "public healthcare systems" show an understanding of relevant terminology. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as using "goverment" multiple times without variation. Additionally, the phrase "joy, fulfillment" could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance richness.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "government," alternatives like "authorities" or "officials" could be used. The writer could also incorporate more descriptive adjectives or adverbs to add depth, such as "thrilling" or "exhilarating" to describe extreme sports.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "extremly sport" should be "extreme sports," and "goverment should let them do freely sport" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. The term "individuals is safe" should be corrected to "individuals are safe." Such inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and the correct forms of words. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises, such as using new words in sentences or engaging with vocabulary quizzes, can help solidify understanding. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical structure and word choice can significantly improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "goverment" (government), "resposibility" (responsibility), "extremly" (extremely), "recive" (receive), and "awerness" (awareness). These errors not only affect the readability of the essay but also indicate a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing the text. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("People have different views about dangerous sport") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believed that government should ban them"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or poorly constructed. For example, phrases like "some of them said that government should ban the extrem sport" lack complexity and contain grammatical errors. The use of phrases like "extremly sport" and "the goverment should let them have freedom" indicates a lack of sophistication in structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and clauses. For instance, using relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to catastrophic outcomes") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If people engage in extreme sports, they should be aware of the risks") would add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises and studying complex sentence structures in English can help improve this aspect.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impede clarity. For example, "goverment" is misspelled throughout, and the phrase "a individuals has some health problems" should be "an individual has some health problems." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "On the other hands , i believe that the goverment should let them have freedom," where there should not be a space before the comma, and "i" should be capitalized. The sentence "And goverment have a resposibility to make sure all of their citizens is safe" contains subject-verb agreement errors ("goverment have" should be "government has").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and spelling. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Additionally, reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on common errors can enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address the prompt, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have different views about dangerous sports. Some of them say that the government should ban extreme sports because they can kill individuals, while others believe that the government should allow them to engage in sports and activities freely. For me, I agree that the government should let individuals have the freedom to do any sports.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that the government should ban these dangerous sports, such as parachute jumping, bull racing, and even base jumping, as they can lead to catastrophic outcomes, including brain injury and death. The government has a responsibility to ensure the safety of all their citizens and protect them from potential danger. Another reason is that when an individual has health problems caused by extreme sports, the organizing board has to take care of them if they have not died yet. They will require extensive medical care, which can burden public healthcare systems and divert resources away from other rural areas.

On the other hand, I believe that the government should let individuals have the freedom to do any sports and activities. If they can freely engage in sports, they can experience joy and fulfillment, even if they may face the risk of death while doing so. Extreme sports can also attract more travelers and spectators to watch. Rather than banning these dangerous sports, the government should focus on ensuring that individuals receive adequate information about the risks they may suffer when participating in these activities.

In short, the government should improve the quality and awareness of individuals instead of banning them from doing extreme sports.