Some people think that history has little or nothing meaning, while others think that history can help understand the present. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people think that history has little or nothing meaning, while others think that history can help understand the present. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is asserted that history is meaningless and useless in the daily life; others, however, assume that it is the integral part helping people to comprehend about the reality. From my point of view, I lean towards the latter because of its vital role.
On the one hand, presentism is what people keep in mind, resulting to the priority of the present and the future over the past. Therefore, they focus on future developments because it is thought to be more productive than dwelling on the historical events.Besides some citizens are skeptical about the historical accounts written by anonymous writer or victors so this leads to biased or incomplete narratives. With not having deeply known these informations whether have the authenticity or not, people may be misunderstand that history invovles in storytelling not finding about the truths. From these reasons, history is being distant and can not connect with people from contemporary life.
On the other hand, I personally agree with the significance of history assiting people to interpret present society.By providing experiences about the successes and failures of previous generations ,people have the ability to improve their strengths and avoid making the mistakes again so that these valuable lessons easily guide them to the future actions and decisions. Moreover, history promote people to find out why things are the ways they are today with a view to teaching them to express their attitudes. In Viet Nam, history is the obiliged subject as students have to take the historical theory exam and respect ancestors who had sacrified their life to exchange the modern one for youngsters today.
In conclusion,history plays the important role and becomes crucial factor for one national’s development and help people to recognize how the real world is. From my points of view, I advise teenagers and adolesences must explore and be into history, which broaden minds and improve critical thinking.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It is asserted that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "Asserted" can imply a more forceful or aggressive statement, which may not be appropriate in academic writing. "Argued" is more neutral and commonly used in academic discourse to introduce a position or perspective. -
"helping people to comprehend about the reality" -> "helping people understand the reality"
Explanation: The phrase "to comprehend about" is awkward and redundant. "Helping people understand the reality" is more direct and natural, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence. -
"lean towards the latter" -> "support the latter"
Explanation: "Lean towards" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Support" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a stance or endorsement. -
"resulting to the priority" -> "resulting in the prioritization"
Explanation: "Resulting to" is grammatically incorrect. "Resulting in the prioritization" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise. -
"resulting to the priority" -> "resulting in the prioritization of"
Explanation: This is a continuation of the previous correction. The phrase "resulting in the prioritization of" is grammatically correct and enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"Besides some citizens are skeptical" -> "Additionally, some citizens are skeptical"
Explanation: "Besides" is less formal and can be vague. "Additionally" is more appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating an additional point in the argument. -
"written by anonymous writer" -> "written by anonymous writers"
Explanation: "Writer" should be plural to match the plural subject "citizens" and to reflect the generalization being made about the authors of historical accounts. -
"this leads to biased or incomplete narratives" -> "this leads to biased or incomplete narratives"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "this" should be repeated to maintain grammatical consistency. -
"not having deeply known these informations" -> "not having deeply understood these information"
Explanation: "Known" is not the correct term here; "understood" is more appropriate for describing comprehension of information. Also, "information" should be singular to match the singular verb "known." -
"history invovles in storytelling" -> "history involves storytelling"
Explanation: "Invovles" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "involves," which is also more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"can not connect with people from contemporary life" -> "cannot connect with people in contemporary life"
Explanation: "Can not" is informal and should be "cannot" for formal writing. Also, "from" is replaced with "in" to correctly indicate the location or context of the people being referred to. -
"I personally agree with the significance of history assiting" -> "I personally agree that the significance of history lies in assisting"
Explanation: "Assiting" is a typographical error. "Assisting" is the correct form. Also, the phrase "lies in assisting" clarifies the meaning and enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"people have the ability to improve their strengths" -> "people can improve their strengths"
Explanation: "Have the ability to" is redundant; "can" is sufficient and more direct, fitting better in academic style. -
"history promote people" -> "history promotes people"
Explanation: "Promote" should be the singular form "promotes" to agree with the singular subject "history." -
"obiliged subject" -> "obligatory subject"
Explanation: "Obliged" is incorrect; "obligatory" is the correct term, meaning required or compulsory, which is appropriate in this context. -
"had sacrified their life" -> "had sacrificed their lives"
Explanation: "Sacrified" is a typographical error. "Sacrificed" is the correct verb form, and "lives" should be plural to match the plural subject "ancestors." -
"help people to recognize how the real world is" -> "help people recognize the real world"
Explanation: "To recognize how the real world is" is awkward and verbose. "Recognize the real world" is more concise and maintains the formal tone. -
"I advise teenagers and adolesences" -> "I advise teenagers and adolescents"
Explanation: "Adolesences" is a typographical error. "Adolescents" is the correct term, referring to young people between adolescence and adulthood. -
"must explore and be into history" -> "must explore and delve into history"
Explanation: "Be into" is informal and vague. "Delve into" is a more precise and acad
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the significance of history. The first paragraph presents the perspective that history is meaningless, highlighting reasons such as presentism and skepticism towards historical narratives. The second paragraph articulates the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of history in understanding contemporary society. This balanced discussion shows a comprehensive approach to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint. For instance, citing particular historical events or figures that illustrate the benefits of understanding history could strengthen the argument for its relevance. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the two views in the conclusion could further clarify the discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that history is significant, particularly in the second half. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother. The initial assertion of the author’s stance is somewhat buried within the discussion of the opposing view, which may confuse readers about the author’s position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could state their opinion more explicitly at the beginning of the essay and reiterate it at the end of each paragraph discussing the opposing view. This would help reinforce their stance and ensure that readers understand the author’s perspective throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, particularly in the discussion of how history can inform present actions and decisions. However, some ideas lack depth and could be more thoroughly developed. For example, the mention of "successes and failures of previous generations" is a strong point but could benefit from specific examples to illustrate these successes or failures.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on key points by providing concrete examples or anecdotes that illustrate their arguments. This could involve discussing specific historical events that have shaped current societal norms or decisions, thereby enhancing the persuasive power of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relevance of history in understanding the present. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For instance, phrases like "the integral part helping people to comprehend about the reality" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should strive for clearer and more concise language. Avoiding overly complex sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a brief summary of each viewpoint at the end of the discussion could reinforce the relevance of the points made.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded discussion, it could benefit from clearer articulation of the author’s position, more concrete examples to support claims, and improved clarity in language to enhance overall coherence.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the viewpoint that history is meaningless, while the second supports the importance of history. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the two perspectives is not explicitly stated. For instance, the shift from discussing skepticism about history to the benefits of historical knowledge lacks a clear linking sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the skepticism in the first paragraph, a sentence like "Despite these doubts, many argue that history plays a crucial role in understanding our present" would create a clearer bridge to the next paragraph.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a single viewpoint, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first paragraph, while addressing the skepticism towards history, could benefit from more examples or elaboration on how this skepticism manifests in society. The second paragraph presents a more robust argument but could also be expanded with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of understanding history.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations within each paragraph. For instance, in the first body paragraph, mentioning specific historical events that are often misrepresented could strengthen the argument. In the second paragraph, citing specific lessons learned from history that are applicable today would provide depth.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which are effective in contrasting the two views. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "From these reasons" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more standard cohesive device like "For these reasons" or "Consequently."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. This could include using "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly and in context will enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between paragraphs, expanding on ideas within paragraphs, and using a broader range of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and coherence.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "presentism," "integral part," and "sacrificed." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "meaningless and useless" could be replaced with more nuanced terms such as "insignificant" or "irrelevant." Additionally, the phrase "the vital role" is somewhat generic and could be enhanced by specifying what kind of role history plays.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms relevant to the topic. For example, instead of repeating "history," consider using "historical narratives" or "historical context." Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts could help in discovering new vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "resulting to the priority of the present" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer to say "leading to a prioritization of the present." Additionally, "the integral part helping people to comprehend about the reality" could be more precisely expressed as "an integral part that helps people comprehend reality." The phrase "misunderstand that history involves in storytelling" is also imprecise; it should be "misunderstand that history involves storytelling."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on clarity and precision in their word choices. It is advisable to revise sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity. Practicing paraphrasing exercises can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "informations," "invovles," "obiliged," and "adolesences." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader. While some words are spelled correctly, the presence of multiple errors indicates a need for improvement in this area.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "From my point of view, I lean towards the latter because of its vital role" is a complex structure that effectively conveys the writer’s opinion. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For example, the phrase "On the one hand" is used effectively, but the transition to "On the other hand" could be enhanced with more varied introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences and varied transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," the writer could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing views. Additionally, integrating relative clauses and participial phrases could enhance the complexity of the writing. For example, instead of saying "people may be misunderstand," the writer could say "people, misunderstanding the context, may view history as mere storytelling."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "resulting to the priority of the present" should be "resulting in the priority of the present." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, e.g., "Besides some citizens are skeptical…" should be "Besides, some citizens are skeptical…" Furthermore, the phrase "involves in storytelling not finding about the truths" is awkwardly constructed and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and preposition use. Practicing sentence structure and punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas in complex sentences, will also be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools can assist in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing the essay.
In summary, while the essay shows a reasonable attempt at using varied sentence structures and demonstrates some understanding of grammatical rules, there are notable areas for improvement. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the writer can elevate their writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is asserted that history is meaningless and useless in daily life; others, however, assume that it is an integral part helping people to comprehend reality. From my point of view, I lean towards the latter because of its vital role.
On the one hand, presentism is what people keep in mind, resulting in the prioritization of the present and the future over the past. Therefore, they focus on future developments because it is thought to be more productive than dwelling on historical events. Additionally, some citizens are skeptical about the historical accounts written by anonymous writers or victors, so this leads to biased or incomplete narratives. Not having deeply understood this information, whether it has authenticity or not, people may misunderstand that history involves storytelling rather than finding out the truths. For these reasons, history is becoming distant and cannot connect with people in contemporary life.
On the other hand, I personally agree with the significance of history in assisting people to interpret present society. By providing experiences about the successes and failures of previous generations, people have the ability to improve their strengths and avoid making the same mistakes again, so that these valuable lessons easily guide them in their future actions and decisions. Moreover, history promotes people to find out why things are the way they are today, with a view to teaching them to express their attitudes. In Vietnam, history is an obligatory subject, as students have to take the historical theory exam and respect ancestors who had sacrificed their lives to exchange the modern world for youngsters today.
In conclusion, history plays an important role and becomes a crucial factor in a nation’s development, helping people to recognize how the real world is. From my point of view, I advise teenagers and adolescents to explore and delve into history, which broadens their minds and improves critical thinking.