Some people think that it is better for schoolchildren to study a large number of subjects and develop a range of knowledge. Others argue that they should study a smaller number of subjects and focus on details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether students should study a wide range of subjects or only a few in their study. I believe that the answer depends on how old they are.
On the one hand, high school students should study a few subjects in greater detail. This is because they are in their final year of high school, the main goal is to equip them with fundamental knowledge for higher education. In addition, gaining deeper insight into their subjects can help them become experts in their fields earlier. In contrast, if they had to study multiple subjects. It not only wastes their time for another activity as extracurricular activities but also waste school resources. For instance, forcing students who are math majors to study music, it is likely that such knowledge would be forgotten after graduation.
On the other hand, I suppose that younger learners are exposed to a diversity of subjects. The reason behind this is that such students are in formative years so they need to understand the world around them. This is especially in today’s world, the internet is a platform which allows everyone to post anything online. As a result, without the basic understanding about technology, the young generation could easily be misinformed by false information. A population of misinformed youths can be influenced by foreign and domestic actors, this can pose a threat to society.
In conclusion, while I believe teaching a more focused subject for high school students, I contend that younger learners should be taught various topics and skills that are needed for their future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"I believe that the answer depends on how old they are" -> "The response hinges on the students’ age"
Explanation: "The response hinges on the students’ age" is more concise and formal, avoiding the first-person narrative which is less suitable for academic writing.
"high school students should study a few subjects in greater detail" -> "high school students should focus on a limited number of subjects"
Explanation: "Focus on a limited number of subjects" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "a few subjects" with a quantifiable term.
"the main goal is to equip them with fundamental knowledge" -> "the primary objective is to provide them with foundational knowledge"
Explanation: "The primary objective is to provide them with foundational knowledge" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial "main goal" and "fundamental," which are slightly informal for academic writing.
"gaining deeper insight into their subjects" -> "achieving a deeper understanding of their subjects"
Explanation: "Achieving a deeper understanding" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "gaining deeper insight," which is slightly informal.
"It not only wastes their time for another activity as extracurricular activities" -> "It not only diverts their time from other activities, including extracurricular pursuits"
Explanation: "Diverts their time from other activities, including extracurricular pursuits" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction "wastes their time for another activity as extracurricular activities."
"forcing students who are math majors to study music" -> "requiring math majors to study music"
Explanation: "Requiring" is more direct and formal than "forcing," which can imply coercion, which is not necessarily the intended meaning in this context.
"it is likely that such knowledge would be forgotten after graduation" -> "it is probable that such knowledge would be forgotten after graduation"
Explanation: "Probable" is a more formal synonym for "likely," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"I suppose that younger learners are exposed to a diversity of subjects" -> "It is suggested that younger learners are exposed to a diverse range of subjects"
Explanation: "It is suggested" is a more formal way to introduce an opinion, and "a diverse range of subjects" is more precise than "a diversity of subjects," which is somewhat vague.
"This is especially in today’s world" -> "This is particularly in today’s world"
Explanation: "Particularly" is more formal than "especially," and the apostrophe in "today’s" is corrected for grammatical accuracy.
"without the basic understanding about technology" -> "without a basic understanding of technology"
Explanation: "A basic understanding of technology" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the basic understanding about technology."
"the young generation could easily be misinformed by false information" -> "the younger generation could readily be misinformed by false information"
Explanation: "Readily" is a more formal synonym for "easily," and "younger generation" is grammatically correct as it refers to the age group being discussed.
"A population of misinformed youths can be influenced" -> "a population of misinformed youth can be influenced"
Explanation: "Youth" is the correct plural form when referring to young people in general, and "misinformed youth" is grammatically correct.
"this can pose a threat to society" -> "this poses a threat to society"
Explanation: "Poses" is the correct form of the verb to match the singular subject "this," enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"I believe teaching a more focused subject for high school students" -> "I advocate for a more focused curriculum for high school students"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more formal expression than "believe," and "curriculum" is a more precise term than "subject," which is too broad and informal for this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the number of subjects schoolchildren should study. The first viewpoint is presented clearly, arguing that high school students should focus on fewer subjects for deeper understanding. The second viewpoint is also articulated, emphasizing the importance of exposing younger learners to a variety of subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint, particularly in relation to the overall educational development of students.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. This could involve providing more examples or evidence to support each argument, as well as discussing the potential benefits and drawbacks of each approach in more detail.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, which is a strength. However, the position could be clearer if the writer explicitly stated how they reconcile the two viewpoints within the body of the essay. The phrase "the answer depends on how old they are" could be elaborated upon to clarify the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should integrate their opinion more explicitly throughout the body paragraphs. For example, they could use transitional phrases to connect their arguments back to their overall viewpoint, ensuring that the reader understands how each point relates to their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need for high school students to focus on fewer subjects and the importance of a broad education for younger learners. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the argument about the dangers of misinformation could be expanded with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the point.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional details, examples, or evidence. This could include citing studies or real-world examples that illustrate the benefits of either educational approach, thereby providing a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the educational approaches for different age groups. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "extracurricular activities" and "school resources" in the context of high school students feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about subject focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of the essay. They could consider outlining their main arguments before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and support for ideas. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic and indicates the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing high school students to younger learners feels abrupt, and the rationale behind the arguments could be more explicitly linked to the overall thesis.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary," or "Conversely," can help signal shifts in perspective and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of a focused curriculum for high school students, while the second addresses the need for a broader education for younger learners. However, the conclusion could be better integrated by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also connects back to the thesis statement. In the conclusion, briefly restate the main arguments from each body paragraph to reinforce the overall discussion and provide a cohesive ending.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," which effectively delineate contrasting viewpoints. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking phrases could be expanded to enhance the flow of ideas. Phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition," could be used to connect related ideas more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This can be achieved by reviewing the essay for opportunities to connect sentences and ideas more seamlessly. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can help create a more dynamic and engaging narrative.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving transitions, reinforcing connections between paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated or varied expressions. For example, terms like "study a few subjects" and "study multiple subjects" are repeated, which limits lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases such as "the main goal is to equip them with fundamental knowledge" could be expressed with more varied vocabulary to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "study," alternatives like "engage with," "explore," or "delve into" could be employed. Additionally, using varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the essay, such as replacing "a few subjects" with "a select number of subjects" or "a limited array of subjects."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "waste their time for another activity as extracurricular activities" is awkward and unclear. The term "waste" is also too strong and may not accurately reflect the context. Furthermore, "forcing students who are math majors to study music" could be more precisely articulated as "requiring students with a focus on mathematics to also engage in music studies."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should choose words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "waste," consider "divert" or "detract from." Additionally, rephrasing sentences for clarity can help, such as changing "the young generation could easily be misinformed by false information" to "young individuals may be susceptible to misinformation."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the internet is a platform which allows everyone to post anything online," where "which" could be replaced with "that" for improved grammatical accuracy, although it is not a spelling error per se.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work for common spelling mistakes and grammatical issues. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can also help catch errors before finalizing the essay. Regular reading and writing practice can further enhance spelling skills by familiarizing the writer with correct forms.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining attention to spelling and grammar, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional structures in "if they had to study multiple subjects" shows an understanding of more advanced grammatical forms. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as "This is because" and "In addition," which can make the writing feel less dynamic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases, such as "One reason for this is…" or "Another perspective is that…". Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create more complex structures. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could begin with a dependent clause or use different transitional phrases to introduce contrasting ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy; however, there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "if they had to study multiple subjects. It not only wastes their time" contains a fragment, as the second sentence is incorrectly capitalized and lacks a proper connection to the first. Additionally, the phrase "forcing students who are math majors to study music, it is likely that such knowledge would be forgotten after graduation" is a run-on sentence that could be improved with clearer punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence boundaries and ensure that each sentence is complete. Practicing the use of conjunctions to connect ideas more fluidly can help avoid fragments and run-on sentences. For instance, the above example could be revised to: "Forcing students who are math majors to study music is likely to result in knowledge that would be forgotten after graduation." Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially around commas and periods, will enhance clarity and readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether students should study a wide range of subjects or only a few in their studies. I believe that the answer hinges on how old they are.

On the one hand, high school students should focus on a limited number of subjects in greater detail. This is because they are in their final years of high school, and the primary objective is to equip them with foundational knowledge for higher education. In addition, achieving a deeper understanding of their subjects can help them become experts in their fields earlier. In contrast, if they had to study multiple subjects, it not only diverts their time from other activities, including extracurricular pursuits, but also wastes school resources. For instance, forcing students who are math majors to study music means that it is probable that such knowledge would be forgotten after graduation.

On the other hand, I suppose that younger learners should be exposed to a diverse range of subjects. The reason behind this is that such students are in their formative years, so they need to understand the world around them. This is particularly true in today’s world, where the internet is a platform that allows everyone to post anything online. As a result, without a basic understanding of technology, the younger generation could readily be misinformed by false information. A population of misinformed youth can be influenced by foreign and domestic actors, and this poses a threat to society.

In conclusion, while I advocate for a more focused curriculum for high school students, I contend that younger learners should be taught various topics and skills that are needed for their future.