Some people think that it is better to stay in the same job all your working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that It is beneficial to have a life-long commitment to a particular occupation. I completely disagree with this view, because settling at the same job for a long period of time means one might become bored and lose motivation.

Some argue that working at a job for one’s entire employment could have a better opportunity of promotion. Once the workers are promoted, there are several benefits they might have. Firstly, the excel individuals are more likely to obtain a lucrative income which allows them to cover most of their expenses. In addition, working for a long time at a company, coupled with the promotion benefits, both of which may accentuate the reputation of the workers. Hence, this would help promoted individuals to gain better respect from their co-workers. However, this is not true for those eager to seek new challenges and ready to apply for higher positions in a different company. From their perspective , high salary and well-respected positions are not appealing enough to deter them from pursuing a new occupation that aligns with their desire.

Although dedicating a life-long contribution to a sole career profession might increase the chance for working individuals to be upgraded to a higher position, this long term employment may sometimes demotivate the employees and more importantly this could diminish their enthusiasm for the job. Superficial working attitude of experienced workers could be a great example of these issues. Having to carry out monotonous tasks over a long period of time leaves these workers to undergo tediousness and are more likely to show low level of engagement. This means, employees working many years for a firm tend to conduct tasks not as productive as they used to do, which may lead to the decline in overall profits of a company.
In conclusion, It is undeniable that having a lifelong contribution to an occupation may have a good opportunity for workers to move to a higher position which could allow them to gain better income and respect. However, these experienced employees might be susceptible to boredom and discontentment, resulting in inefficient and poor performance. Thus, posing an adverse impact on the company's profits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many believe that It is beneficial" -> "Many believe that it is beneficial"
Explanation: Correcting the capitalization error in "It" improves the grammatical accuracy of the sentence, aligning with standard English usage.
"settle at the same job" -> "remain in the same job"
Explanation: "Settle" can imply a sense of finality or permanence that may not be intended here. "Remain" is more neutral and appropriate for discussing ongoing employment.
"a better opportunity of promotion" -> "better opportunities for promotion"
Explanation: "Opportunity of" is grammatically incorrect. "Opportunities for" is the correct prepositional phrase for discussing multiple possibilities.
"the excel individuals" -> "the exceptionally skilled individuals"
Explanation: "The excel individuals" is unclear and awkward. "The exceptionally skilled individuals" clarifies the meaning and maintains formal tone.
"obtain a lucrative income" -> "earn a lucrative income"
Explanation: "Obtain" is less specific in this context; "earn" is more direct and appropriate for describing income.
"working for a long time at a company" -> "working for an extended period at a company"
Explanation: "For a long time" is vague; "for an extended period" provides a more precise and formal expression.
"both of which may accentuate the reputation of the workers" -> "both of which may enhance the reputation of the workers"
Explanation: "Accentuate" can imply exaggeration, which may not be the intended meaning. "Enhance" is more neutral and appropriate for describing positive effects.
"From their perspective, high salary and well-respected positions are not appealing enough" -> "From their perspective, high salaries and respected positions are not sufficiently appealing"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "perspective" corrects the punctuation error, and "sufficiently appealing" is more precise than "appealing enough."
"a life-long contribution to a sole career profession" -> "a lifelong commitment to a single career profession"
Explanation: "Life-long" is not a standard term; "lifelong" is correct. Also, "sole" is not the correct term here; "single" is more appropriate.
"Superficial working attitude" -> "superficial attitude towards work"
Explanation: "Superficial working attitude" is awkward and unclear. "Superficial attitude towards work" is clearer and more formal.
"tediousness and are more likely to show low level of engagement" -> "tediousness, leading to a low level of engagement"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The revision clarifies the causal relationship between tediousness and engagement.
"conduct tasks not as productive as they used to do" -> "perform tasks less productively than they once did"
Explanation: "Conduct tasks not as productive as they used to do" is verbose and awkward. "Perform tasks less productively than they once did" is more concise and formal.
"It is undeniable that" -> "It is undeniable that"
Explanation: The phrase "It is undeniable that" is redundant. Removing the second "that" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone.
"having a lifelong contribution to an occupation" -> "making a lifelong commitment to an occupation"
Explanation: "Having a lifelong contribution" is incorrect; "making a lifelong commitment" is the correct phrase for describing long-term dedication.
"a good opportunity for workers to move to a higher position" -> "a good opportunity for workers to advance to higher positions"
Explanation: "Move to a higher position" is vague; "advance to higher positions" is more specific and formal.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that staying in the same job for life is beneficial. The author discusses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the potential benefits of long-term employment, such as promotions and increased income, while also emphasizing the drawbacks, including boredom and decreased motivation. The essay does well to outline the reasons for the author’s stance, particularly in the second paragraph where the benefits are discussed, and then counters these with the drawbacks in the subsequent paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or real-life scenarios to illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning a case study of a professional who switched careers and found greater satisfaction could strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each part of the question is explicitly referenced in the conclusion would reinforce the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against lifelong employment throughout the text. The author consistently supports their viewpoint with logical reasoning and relevant examples. Phrases like "I completely disagree with this view" and "However, this is not true for those eager to seek new challenges" clearly articulate the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive to reinforce the position further.
- How to improve: The author could strengthen their position by using more emphatic language and avoiding any potential ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this is not true for those eager to seek new challenges," the author could state, "This perspective fails to consider those who actively seek new challenges." This would enhance the clarity and assertiveness of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the topic, such as the potential for promotions and the risks of boredom. Each idea is generally well-supported with reasoning, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of long-term employment on motivation and productivity. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "superficial working attitude" could be expanded with examples of how this manifests in the workplace.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points. Providing specific examples or statistics related to employee engagement and productivity could lend more weight to the arguments. Additionally, including counterarguments and addressing them directly would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of lifelong employment versus career mobility. The author does not deviate from the main argument, consistently discussing the implications of staying in the same job for an extended period. However, there are minor instances where the flow could be improved, particularly in transitioning between ideas.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve coherence, the author could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea being discussed. Additionally, employing transitional phrases between points would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly, ensuring that each idea builds logically on the last.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task response criteria, with clear arguments and a well-structured response. With some refinements in elaboration, example usage, and clarity of position, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion of lifelong employment, structured around two main points: the potential for promotion and the risk of boredom. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs expand on specific arguments. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing promotions to the drawbacks of long-term employment feels abrupt. The ideas are generally well-connected, but some points could benefit from clearer linking phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs and between ideas to clarify the relationship between them. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Conversely," could be used to signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting arguments. However, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the benefits of long-term employment and the other on the drawbacks. This would create a clearer distinction between the two sides of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a contrasting idea or a significant shift in focus. This not only enhances readability but also reinforces the structure of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "However," which help to connect ideas and indicate the flow of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "However" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "However," consider alternatives like "Nevertheless," "On the contrary," or "Despite this." Additionally, using conjunctions such as "and," "but," and "so" can help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. This variety will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make it more engaging for the reader.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "life-long commitment," "lucrative income," "monotonous tasks," and "superficial working attitude." These phrases convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "working individuals" and "workers" could be replaced with synonyms like "employees," "staff," or "professionals" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "working individuals," consider using "employees" or "staff members." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to job satisfaction and career progression could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "excel individuals" is unclear and seems to be a misinterpretation of "exemplary individuals" or "excellent employees." Additionally, "dedicating a life-long contribution to a sole career profession" could be simplified to "committing to a single career" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more accurate terms. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in identifying clearer expressions. For example, instead of "superficial working attitude," consider "lack of engagement" for better clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "It" (should be "it") at the beginning of a sentence and "tediousness" (which is correct, but could be replaced with "tedium" for a more common usage). The overall spelling is generally accurate, contributing positively to the readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some effective expressions, there is room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, ensuring precise vocabulary usage, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional structures ("this long term employment may sometimes demotivate the employees") and relative clauses ("which allows them to cover most of their expenses") adds variety. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "this long term employment may sometimes demotivate the employees and more importantly this could diminish their enthusiasm for the job" could be broken into two sentences for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied conjunctions and transitions. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis in certain sentences (e.g., "Never have I seen such dedication") could add sophistication. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more complex structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "Many believe that It is beneficial" contains an unnecessary capital "I" in "It." Additionally, the sentence "From their perspective , high salary and well-respected positions are not appealing enough to deter them" has an extra space before the comma. These errors, while minor, can affect the reader’s perception of the writer’s proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure proper capitalization. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay showcases a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail and further diversification of sentence structures would elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many believe that it is beneficial to make a lifelong commitment to a particular occupation. I completely disagree with this view because remaining in the same job for an extended period can lead to boredom and a loss of motivation.

Some argue that staying in a job for one’s entire career could provide better opportunities for promotion. Once workers are promoted, they may enjoy several advantages. Firstly, exceptionally skilled individuals are more likely to earn a lucrative income, which allows them to cover most of their expenses. In addition, working for a long time at a company, coupled with the benefits of promotion, may enhance the reputation of the workers. Hence, this could help promoted individuals gain greater respect from their co-workers. However, this perspective does not hold true for those eager to seek new challenges and willing to apply for higher positions in different companies. From their viewpoint, high salaries and respected positions are not sufficiently appealing to deter them from pursuing a new occupation that aligns with their aspirations.

Although dedicating a lifelong commitment to a single career profession might increase the chances for workers to advance to higher positions, this long-term employment may sometimes demotivate employees and, more importantly, diminish their enthusiasm for the job. A superficial attitude towards work among experienced workers could serve as a significant example of these issues. Having to carry out monotonous tasks over a long period can lead to tediousness, resulting in a low level of engagement. This means employees who have worked many years for a firm tend to perform tasks less productively than they once did, which may lead to a decline in the overall profits of a company.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that making a lifelong commitment to an occupation may provide a good opportunity for workers to advance to higher positions, which could allow them to gain better income and respect. However, these experienced employees might be susceptible to boredom and discontentment, resulting in inefficient and poor performance. Thus, this can pose an adverse impact on the company’s profits.