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Some people think that it is worth researching different in space. Others, however, disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that it is worth researching different in space. Others, however, disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people hold the belief that research into minerals in outer space should be supported and greatly invested, while others argue the opposite. Although this essay will discuss both of these claims, I personally lean towards the latter view.

There are two fundamental reasons why many contend that researchers should not carry out practical projects into the space in search of minerals. One factor is that these trips to outer space to obtain more minerals requires well-qualified workforce with many people and years into researching. This is because they may contain risk and in order to bring these resources back to Earth, scientists and government must install special diggers, spaceships and many other cutting-edged technological devices, which, hence, costs a great deal of money and efforts. Moreover, outer space substances and resources may only exist in the condition of the particular planet, since there’s no guarantee that it will be applicable on Earth. In such cases, lots of money and work being spent and no practical results in return will be a terrible failure, followed by financial crisis and societal problems due to this decision.

Despite these cited justifications, I believe that these projects into outer space is a wise option. The first one is that alternatives to minerals are in great demand to meet the increasing need of people. It is indisputable that these resources play an indispensable role in people’s daily lives, which, consequently, makes the demand for such limited minerals increasingly high and causes them to be on the verge of depletion. Given that most of the space is unexploited, it is likely that people can find alternatives in replace of current resources to solve this energy crisis. Secondly, the exploiting process is detrimental to the environment on Earth. This procedure not only damages people’s health with dust and gas released but it may also lead to deforestation, which causes even more pollution to the environment. As a result, moving this whole process to outer space would contribute to the protection of the nature on Earth and our well-being.

In conclusion, although those projects are said to have adverse effects with the financial burden on the economy and the risk of those found resources not being applicable on Earth, from my perspective, the alternatives to the existing minerals on Earth and the disappearance of the exploiting process from this planet will worth the efforts and may, therefore, achieve extraordinary findings and solve the energy conundrums.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many people hold the belief" -> "Many individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more precise and formal than "people," and "believe" is a more direct verb choice than "hold the belief," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context.

  2. "greatly invested" -> "substantially invested"
    Explanation: "Substantially" is more precise and academically appropriate than "greatly," which can be seen as vague and informal.

  3. "the opposite" -> "the opposing view"
    Explanation: "The opposing view" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the contrasting perspective.

  4. "carry out practical projects into the space" -> "conduct space-based projects"
    Explanation: "Conduct space-based projects" is more specific and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "carry out practical projects into the space."

  5. "requires well-qualified workforce with many people and years into researching" -> "requires a large, well-qualified workforce and extensive research"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and removes the awkward and incorrect phrase "years into researching."

  6. "may contain risk" -> "may pose risks"
    Explanation: "Pose risks" is a more precise and formal expression than "contain risk," which is less commonly used in this context.

  7. "install special diggers, spaceships and many other cutting-edged technological devices" -> "deploy specialized drilling equipment, spacecraft, and cutting-edge technological devices"
    Explanation: "Deploy" is more specific and formal than "install," and "cutting-edge" should be hyphenated to be grammatically correct.

  8. "costs a great deal of money and efforts" -> "incurs significant financial and logistical costs"
    Explanation: "Incurs significant financial and logistical costs" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "a great deal of money and efforts."

  9. "outer space substances and resources" -> "space-based substances and resources"
    Explanation: "Space-based" is a more precise and formal term than "outer space," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  10. "there’s no guarantee" -> "there is no guarantee"
    Explanation: Corrects the contraction "there’s" to "there is" for formal writing.

  11. "lots of money and work being spent" -> "substantial financial and resource investments"
    Explanation: "Substantial financial and resource investments" is more formal and precise than "lots of money and work being spent."

  12. "these projects into outer space is a wise option" -> "these space-based projects are a wise option"
    Explanation: "Are" corrects the grammatical error and "space-based projects" is a more formal and precise term.

  13. "alternatives to minerals are in great demand" -> "alternative mineral sources are in high demand"
    Explanation: "Alternative mineral sources" is more specific and formal than "alternatives to minerals."

  14. "in replace of current resources" -> "in place of current resources"
    Explanation: "In place of" is the correct idiomatic expression, replacing "in replace of."

  15. "the exploiting process" -> "the extraction process"
    Explanation: "Extraction" is a more specific and formal term than "exploiting," which can have negative connotations.

  16. "moving this whole process to outer space" -> "transferring this process to space"
    Explanation: "Transferring" is more precise and formal than "moving," and "space" is preferred over "outer space" for brevity and formality.

  17. "the alternatives to the existing minerals on Earth and the disappearance of the exploiting process from this planet" -> "the adoption of alternative mineral sources on Earth and the elimination of the extraction process from this planet"
    Explanation: "Adoption of alternative mineral sources" and "elimination of the extraction process" are more precise and formal, improving clarity and academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding space research for minerals. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the opposing views. The body paragraphs discuss the reasons against space research, followed by the author’s opinion supporting it. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. The arguments against space research are more developed than those in favor, which may lead to an imbalanced discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both sides of the argument are given equal weight. This could involve adding more specific examples or evidence supporting the benefits of space research, such as potential technological advancements or environmental benefits.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and the author’s opinion could be smoother. The phrase "I personally lean towards the latter view" could be more assertive, as it currently feels somewhat tentative.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the position by using more definitive language and clearly signaling transitions between discussing opposing views and the author’s stance. Phrases like "In contrast" or "Conversely" can help clarify shifts in perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the arguments against space research, such as the financial burden and potential lack of applicability of resources. However, the supporting ideas for the author’s position are less developed. For instance, while the demand for minerals is mentioned, it lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claim.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the potential benefits of space research. This could involve discussing past successful space missions or advancements in technology that have arisen from space exploration.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and provide an opinion. However, some sentences, particularly in the body paragraphs, contain overly complex structures that may distract from the main point. For example, the sentence discussing the environmental impact could be simplified for clarity.
    • How to improve: Maintain focus by ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the argument being made. Avoid overly complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader. Instead, aim for clarity and conciseness in expressing ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the balance between perspectives, strengthening the position, providing more specific support for ideas, and maintaining clarity will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the reasons against space mineral research, followed by arguments in favor. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the costs of space missions to the potential lack of applicable resources feels abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the first body paragraph could be split into two to better delineate the different points being made about the costs and risks associated with space research.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones, especially when introducing new ideas or points. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into one discussing the financial costs and another focusing on the risks of space missions. This would enhance readability and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "Despite these cited justifications," which help to link ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which, hence, costs a great deal of money and efforts" could be better integrated into the preceding sentence for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Consequently," "As a result," or "In contrast" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help in developing this skill further.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there is room for improvement in transitions, paragraphing, and the range of cohesive devices used. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "indispensable," "depletion," and "detrimental" effectively conveying the author’s points. However, the use of vocabulary is at times repetitive, particularly with phrases like "outer space" and "minerals," which could benefit from synonyms or varied expressions to enhance richness. For example, instead of repeatedly using "minerals," the author could incorporate terms like "resources" or "elements."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the author should actively seek synonyms and related terms during the writing process. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative words that convey similar meanings, thereby avoiding repetition and enriching the essay’s language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "cutting-edged technological devices" should be "cutting-edge technological devices." Additionally, the term "the exploiting process" is somewhat vague; a more specific term like "mineral extraction" would clarify the meaning.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the author should focus on context when selecting vocabulary. Reviewing definitions and usage examples of unfamiliar words can help ensure that the chosen terms accurately reflect the intended meaning. Furthermore, proofreading for common phrases and idiomatic expressions can enhance clarity and correctness.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cutting-edged" (should be "cutting-edge") and "worth" (in the context of the concluding sentence, it should be "worthwhile"). These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and undermine the overall professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the author should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors and using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the author can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound structures. For example, the sentence "Although this essay will discuss both of these claims, I personally lean towards the latter view" effectively uses a subordinate clause to introduce the main idea. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "One factor is that these trips to outer space to obtain more minerals requires well-qualified workforce…" could be restructured to enhance clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use relative clauses or conditional phrases. For example, instead of saying "One factor is that these trips to outer space to obtain more minerals requires well-qualified workforce," you could say, "One significant factor is the necessity of a well-qualified workforce for trips to outer space aimed at obtaining minerals, which requires extensive training and investment." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "requires well-qualified workforce" should be "requires a well-qualified workforce." Additionally, the sentence "this procedure not only damages people’s health with dust and gas released but it may also lead to deforestation" lacks parallel structure and should be rephrased for clarity, such as "this procedure not only damages people’s health due to the dust and gas released, but it may also lead to deforestation." Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken up for better readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, pay attention to sentence length; shorter, clearer sentences often convey ideas more effectively. Reading your essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical errors that may have been overlooked during writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that research into minerals in outer space should be substantially invested in, while others argue the opposing view. Although this essay will discuss both perspectives, I personally lean towards the latter view.

There are two fundamental reasons why many contend that researchers should not conduct space-based projects in search of minerals. One factor is that these trips to outer space to obtain more minerals require a large, well-qualified workforce and extensive research. This is because such endeavors may pose risks, and in order to bring these resources back to Earth, scientists and governments must deploy specialized drilling equipment, spacecraft, and cutting-edge technological devices, which incurs significant financial and logistical costs. Moreover, space-based substances and resources may only exist under the specific conditions of a particular planet, and there is no guarantee that they will be applicable on Earth. In such cases, the substantial financial and resource investments made without practical results would be a terrible failure, potentially leading to a financial crisis and societal problems due to this decision.

Despite these cited justifications, I believe that these space-based projects are a wise option. The first reason is that alternative mineral sources are in high demand to meet the increasing needs of people. It is indisputable that these resources play an indispensable role in people’s daily lives, which consequently makes the demand for such limited minerals increasingly high and places them on the verge of depletion. Given that most of space is unexploited, it is likely that we can find alternatives in place of current resources to solve this energy crisis. Secondly, the extraction process on Earth is detrimental to the environment. This procedure not only damages people’s health due to dust and gas released but may also lead to deforestation, causing even more pollution. As a result, transferring this process to space would contribute to the protection of nature on Earth and enhance our well-being.

In conclusion, although these projects are said to have adverse effects, such as the financial burden on the economy and the risk of found resources not being applicable on Earth, from my perspective, the adoption of alternative mineral sources on Earth and the elimination of the extraction process from this planet will be worth the efforts and may, therefore, lead to extraordinary findings and solve the energy conundrums.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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