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Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A minority of the community have the opinion that people with the stational jobs are more likely to live a more satisfying life compared to people who changes their jobs occasionally. In my opinion, I am partially agree with this viewpoint. This essay will delve into the view to justify my perspective.
To begin with, people who work on stational, jobs will have a lot of adventages. Firstly, their stational jobs are very stable and consistemt. As they will only work on one type of jobs the job will remain consistant as the workers know what they must do in their jobs allowing them to master the job easier than the others who change jobs. Secondly, people who work on singular type of job for a long time is considered a senior worker and the company may reward more money for senior working on worthy creating a bond of the workers with the singular job.
However, there are also some difficulties and problems that may occur for the stational worker. One problem is that there are limited opportunity for the workers to learn new skills. To be more specific, as the workers on an singular job, they would have less chance to learn new skills. This is caused by the fact that the workers will only work on an singular job, the same said job have lttle no changes and will likely remain the same, causing less challenges and difficulties for the workers to face which may stop workers from learning more experiences on their work. The second problem is the low amount of variety the stational job has to offer because the job the workers work on is a singular, familiar job to their experience they may want more varied job types which the job they’re working on not being able to provide making their job more boring and can cause the workers to be unhappy with their current job.
In conclusion, people who choose an early job and only work on it will ended live a slightly happier life compared to the people who frequently changes jobs, but they will still have to face against problems in their career.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "stational jobs" -> "permanent positions"
    Explanation: Replacing "stational jobs" with "permanent positions" is a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic style and avoiding informal language.

  2. "changes their jobs occasionally" -> "occasionally change their jobs"
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence to "occasionally change their jobs" is a more grammatically correct structure. It maintains the intended meaning while adhering to formal language conventions.

  3. "I am partially agree" -> "I partially agree"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "am" makes the sentence grammatically correct. "I partially agree" is a more concise and formal expression of the viewpoint.

  4. "delve into the view" -> "examine the perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting "delve into the view" with "examine the perspective" maintains the formal tone and provides a clearer expression of the writer’s intention.

  5. "adventages" -> "advantages"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error by replacing "adventages" with "advantages" aligns with formal language conventions.

  6. "consistemt" -> "consistent"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error by replacing "consistemt" with "consistent" ensures proper use of vocabulary and maintains academic formality.

  7. "singular type of job" -> "single type of job"
    Explanation: Replacing "singular type of job" with "single type of job" is a more accurate and concise phrase, adhering to formal language standards.

  8. "senior working on worthy creating a bond" -> "seniority, creating a bond"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "seniority, creating a bond" improves clarity and conciseness while maintaining a formal tone.

  9. "little no changes" -> "minimal changes"
    Explanation: Correcting the expression "little no changes" to "minimal changes" improves the sentence’s clarity and conforms to academic language norms.

  10. "the same said job" -> "the same job"
    Explanation: Simplifying "the same said job" to "the same job" maintains clarity and avoids unnecessary repetition.

  11. "ended live a slightly happier life" -> "may lead to a slightly happier life"
    Explanation: Rewording "ended live a slightly happier life" to "may lead to a slightly happier life" improves the sentence’s structure and formality.

  12. "frequently changes jobs" -> "frequently changes their jobs"
    Explanation: Adding "their" after "frequently changes" ensures grammatical correctness and clarity in referring to individuals.

Note: These suggestions aim to enhance the essay’s academic tone, clarity, and precision while maintaining natural language flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. It mentions advantages of stable, long-term jobs and also acknowledges the problems associated with such jobs, ultimately arriving at a nuanced conclusion.
    • How to improve: While the essay touches on both perspectives, a more balanced approach could strengthen the response. Offering more specific examples to support the points made would enhance the depth of the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, expressing partial agreement with the idea that those with stable jobs are more likely to have a satisfying career. The position is consistently presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider refining the thesis statement to explicitly state the partial agreement, providing a roadmap for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces relevant points about the stability and benefits of long-term jobs and discusses associated challenges. However, some ideas lack development and would benefit from further elaboration.
    • How to improve: Expand on each point by providing specific examples and elaborating on the consequences of stable jobs. This will strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally deviates, particularly in the discussion of difficulties faced by those in stable jobs. While related, these points could be more directly tied to the satisfaction of a career life.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points directly contribute to the overall argument regarding career satisfaction. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the main topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, presenting a thoughtful analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of stable, long-term jobs. To improve, focus on providing more balanced viewpoints, offering specific examples, and ensuring that all points directly contribute to the overall argument. Additionally, refine the thesis statement for enhanced clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. There is an attempt to introduce the topic and present the writer’s opinion. However, the development of ideas lacks clarity and coherence. The essay would benefit from a more systematic and organized structure, with clearer transitions between ideas. For example, the introduction could provide a clearer roadmap for the subsequent paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on specific points, and a conclusion that summarizes the main arguments. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness are suboptimal. Paragraphs should focus on specific aspects of the argument, but there is a lack of clear topic sentences, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop each paragraph coherently, and use transitions to guide the reader from one point to the next. In the conclusion, summarize the main arguments and restate your position on the issue.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with" and "In conclusion." However, there is limited variety, and the connections between sentences and ideas are not consistently clear. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors that hinder overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure grammatical accuracy to avoid confusion. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of vocabulary. There is repetition of words, such as "job," "workers," and "singular," which impacts the overall variety of vocabulary. Specific terms are used, but the range is not extensive, and there is room for improvement in introducing more diverse and nuanced vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "job," consider incorporating terms like "occupation," "profession," or "employment." This can contribute to a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: Some imprecise word choices are evident in the essay, such as "stational" instead of "stationary," "adventages" instead of "advantages," and "consistemt" instead of "consistent." These inaccuracies affect the overall precision of vocabulary use.
    • How to improve: Precision can be improved by paying closer attention to spelling and choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Proofreading and editing are crucial to catch and correct such errors. Additionally, utilizing a variety of synonyms with precise meanings can elevate the overall vocabulary precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "stational" instead of "stationary," "consistemt" instead of "consistent," and "adventages" instead of "advantages." These errors impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and taking the time to review each word can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, focusing on common spelling patterns and practicing correct spelling in writing can contribute to improved accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. There is a consistent use of simple and compound sentences, but the complexity and variety are lacking. For example, there is a tendency to use repetitive sentence structures, such as starting sentences with "Firstly" and "Secondly," which can impact the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as complex and compound-complex sentences. Vary the beginnings of sentences and experiment with different sentence lengths to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. This can be achieved through the use of introductory phrases, clauses, and transitional words.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay has notable grammatical and punctuation errors that affect clarity and precision. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "people who changes," should be "people who change") and incorrect word forms (e.g., "adventages" should be "advantages"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent use of capitalization, also impact the overall accuracy of the writing.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving basic grammar skills, including subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word form accuracy. Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of commas, periods, and capitalization. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to further refine grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in both the grammatical range and accuracy. Strengthening sentence structures and addressing basic grammar and punctuation issues will contribute to a more refined and polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

A minority of the community holds the opinion that individuals with permanent positions are more likely to lead a satisfying life compared to those who occasionally change their jobs. In my view, I partially agree with this perspective. This essay will delve into the viewpoint to justify my stance.

To begin with, individuals engaged in permanent jobs enjoy several advantages. Firstly, their jobs are stable and consistent. Since they work on a single type of job, the tasks remain consistent, allowing them to master their responsibilities more easily than those who change jobs. Secondly, individuals working in the same job for an extended period are considered senior workers, and the company may reward them with more money for their seniority, creating a bond between the workers and their job.

However, there are also difficulties and challenges that may arise for those in permanent positions. One issue is the limited opportunities for workers to learn new skills. Specifically, individuals in a singular job have fewer chances to acquire new skills because the nature of the job remains unchanged, offering fewer challenges and opportunities for learning. Another problem is the lack of variety in the permanent job, as the familiarity of the tasks may lead to boredom and dissatisfaction among workers who desire more varied job types.

In conclusion, individuals who choose a job early and consistently work in that role may lead a slightly happier life compared to those who frequently change jobs. Nevertheless, they still face challenges in their career, including limited opportunities for skill development and potential monotony in their tasks.

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