Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people
think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, the debate of whether physical conditions or mental strength holds a more crucial significance in the process of achieving success has triggered a long-lasting dispute. The essay below aims at delving into both aforementioned statements before pointing out my agreement for the latter.

On the one hand, advocates of the importance of physicality in sport matches bear several justifiable reasons. To elaborate, the nature of sports usually aims at the promotion of athletes’ physical strength and challenges their physical resilience. In almost all competitive athletic activities, regardless of collective or individual sports, sustaining a good physique does play an undeniably pivotal role. That is to say, dedicating time and efforts to enhancing and building a well-trained body can enable athletes to sustain their energy in sport games which specifically require long-term body activation and persistence, namely marathon or cycling, thus providing them with a competitive edge over other competitors. Moreover, in team sports that demand athletes’ muscular strength such as basketball or soccer, maintaining an athletic body can offer athletes more opportunities to contribute to the team’s mutual victory, thus not only accentuating their personal values but also partially leading the team to collective success.

On the other hand, despite physicality’s undoubted importance in sports, I firmly believe that mentality is the decisive factor that can differentiate between a successful and failed sporsperson or team. To exemplify, it is widely acknowledged that mentality is the state of mind or inner emotions and it exerts a significant impact on almost all bodily activities. In sports where athletes have to confront the significant burden from not only the expectations from enthusiasts but also the pressure to affirm themselves and obtain victory, the importance of building a fearless mentality appears to be more evident. If an athlete with bulky physicality but is bereft of confidence whenever he steps into the game, it would be challenging for him to thrive himself in the competitive nature of sports. Conversely, a sportsperson, whose physical capacity is just on an average level but is equipped with undefeatable compassion and unrivaled self-confidence, can gradually conquer his dream one day. Taking Kobe Bryant, one of the most respectful basketball players in the world as a prime illustration, Kobe is not well-known for his impressive height or extraordinary physical strength, what sets him apart from the others is his work ethics and his fearless mentality, which always incentivize him to overcome his obstacles and improve himself day by day. Therefore, not only did Kobe earn multiple achievements for the team but also elevate him to the level of legends that everyone admires.

Taking everything into consideration, although mentality tends to be of more significance than physical abilities, I opine the combination of both factors is utmostly important to assure the best outcomes for athletic endeavors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "triggered a long-lasting dispute" -> "sparked a longstanding debate"
   Explanation: "Triggered" can carry a connotation of suddenness or impulsivity, which may not accurately reflect the ongoing nature of the debate. "Spark" is a more fitting term for initiating discussions, and "longstanding" is a formal alternative to "long-lasting."

2. "aforementioned statements" -> "previously mentioned assertions"
   Explanation: "Aforementioned" is formal but somewhat cumbersome. "Assertions" is a more precise term for the ideas discussed earlier.

3. "bear several justifiable reasons" -> "present several valid arguments"
   Explanation: "Bear" in this context is slightly informal. "Present" is a more formal alternative. "Reasons" can be replaced with "arguments" to convey the points being made.

4. "To elaborate," -> Omit
   Explanation: In academic writing, it’s preferable to convey elaboration through the structure and development of the argument rather than explicitly signaling it with phrases like "To elaborate."

5. "play an undeniably pivotal role" -> "fulfill an unquestionably crucial role"
   Explanation: While "pivotal" is acceptable, "fulfill" and "crucial" contribute to a more formal and precise tone.

6. "That is to say," -> Omit
   Explanation: This phrase is redundant and can be removed without affecting the clarity of the sentence.

7. "maintaining an athletic body can offer athletes more opportunities to contribute to the team’s mutual victory" -> "upholding physical fitness can provide athletes with greater prospects for contributing to the team’s collective success"
   Explanation: "Offer opportunities" can be replaced with "provide prospects," which is more formal. "Mutual victory" can be substituted with "collective success" for clarity and precision.

8. "despite physicality’s undoubted importance" -> "notwithstanding the undeniable significance of physical prowess"
   Explanation: "Despite" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Notwithstanding" is a more formal alternative. "Physicality" can be replaced with "physical prowess" for greater precision.

9. "firmly believe" -> "strongly contend"
   Explanation: "Firmly believe" is slightly informal. "Strongly contend" maintains formality while expressing a strong opinion.

10. "the decisive factor that can differentiate between a successful and failed sporsperson or team" -> "the determining factor that distinguishes between success and failure for athletes and teams"
    Explanation: "Differentiate between" can be replaced with "distinguishes." "Sporsperson" is a misspelling and should be corrected to "sports person." "Failed" is imprecise; "failure" is a better fit.

11. "To exemplify," -> Omit
    Explanation: Similar to "To elaborate," this phrase is unnecessary and can be omitted for conciseness.

12. "the state of mind or inner emotions" -> "the psychological state or inner emotions"
    Explanation: "State of mind" can be replaced with "psychological state" for clarity and precision.

13. "the significant burden from not only the expectations from enthusiasts but also the pressure to affirm themselves" -> "the substantial pressure arising not only from fan expectations but also from the need for self-affirmation"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.

14. "it would be challenging for him to thrive himself in the competitive nature of sports" -> "he would find it challenging to excel in the competitive realm of sports"
    Explanation: "Thrive himself" is awkward; "excel" is more appropriate.

15. "Kobe is not well-known for his impressive height or extraordinary physical strength" -> "Kobe is not renowned for his towering stature or exceptional physical prowess"
    Explanation: Replacing "well-known" with "renowned" enhances formality. "Impressive height" can be replaced with "towering stature" for variety. "Extraordinary physical strength" can be replaced with "exceptional physical prowess" for precision.

16. "Taking everything into consideration," -> "In conclusion,"
    Explanation: "Taking everything into consideration" is a bit informal. "In conclusion" signals the end of the argument more effectively in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both views – the importance of physical strength and mental strength in sports. It begins by presenting the arguments for physical strength and then transitions to discussing the significance of mental strength, finally offering the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the argument, it could further enhance its analysis by providing more specific examples or real-world scenarios to support each viewpoint. Additionally, explicitly addressing each aspect of the prompt within the body paragraphs would reinforce the completeness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, expressing a preference for mental strength over physical strength in sports. This stance is evident from the introductory paragraph and is consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could consider reinforcing their opinion in the conclusion while summarizing the main points made in the body paragraphs. This would leave the reader with a strong impression of the writer’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to both physical and mental strength in sports. It provides detailed explanations for each viewpoint and supports them with relevant examples, such as the importance of physicality in team sports and the role of mentality in individual performance.
  • How to improve: To further extend ideas, the writer could delve deeper into the psychological aspects of mental strength in sports, perhaps discussing techniques for developing mental resilience or providing additional examples of athletes who have demonstrated exceptional mental fortitude.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on the debate between physical strength and mental strength in sports. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off track, such as the detailed description of Kobe Bryant’s attributes. While relevant to the overall argument, these tangents could be more tightly connected to the central theme.
  • How to improve: To ensure closer adherence to the topic, the writer should maintain a direct connection between each example or illustration provided and its relevance to the debate between physical and mental strength in sports. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each example back to the main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument that considers both viewpoints and provides ample support for the writer’s opinion. With some refinements in providing specific examples and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the essay could further enhance its coherence and depth of analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting arguments for both physical and mental strength in sports before concluding with the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph is dedicated to discussing a particular viewpoint, which helps maintain coherence and clarity.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence, providing a roadmap for the reader. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases or words between paragraphs to facilitate smoother transitions and strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure the discussion, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, pay attention to the length of paragraphs to avoid overwhelming the reader with dense blocks of text. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and emphasize key points more effectively.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition words and phrases such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "Conversely," which help signal shifts between arguments and enhance the flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: Continue incorporating cohesive devices throughout the essay to strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, strive to use a wider range of cohesive devices to add depth and sophistication to the writing, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structures.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices to guide the reader through the discussion. To enhance coherence further, focus on refining paragraph structure, transitioning between ideas seamlessly, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. With continued attention to these aspects, the clarity and coherence of the essay can be further improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied and sophisticated word choices throughout. For instance, phrases such as "triggered a long-lasting dispute," "pivotal role," "mutual victory," "bereft of confidence," and "undefeatable compassion" showcase lexical diversity and enhance the overall quality of expression.
  • How to improve: While the essay displays a strong vocabulary, further enriching it with domain-specific terminology related to sports or psychology could elevate the discourse. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or nuanced vocabulary relevant to the essay’s topic could add depth to the analysis.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For example, the distinction between "physicality" and "mentality" is articulated clearly, and specific terms such as "resilience," "competitive edge," and "fearless mentality" are used appropriately to support the author’s points.
  • How to improve: While precise vocabulary usage is evident, ensuring consistency in terminology and avoiding repetition of certain words or phrases could enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, striving for conciseness without sacrificing clarity would further strengthen the precision of expression.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is maintained satisfactorily throughout the essay. Instances of incorrect spelling are infrequent, with minor errors such as "sporsperson" instead of "sports person" and "compassion" instead of "confidence" observed.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, careful proofreading and utilizing spell-checking tools can help eliminate minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can contribute to enhanced spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simple ones. For instance, there is effective use of relative clauses ("where athletes have to confront the significant burden from not only the expectations from enthusiasts but also the pressure to affirm themselves and obtain victory"), participial phrases ("Taking everything into consideration"), and parallel structure ("his work ethics and his fearless mentality"). These structures contribute to the coherence and sophistication of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider integrating conditional sentences (e.g., "If-then" constructions) or inversion structures (e.g., "Not only… but also…") where appropriate. This can enhance the variety of sentence structures and add depth to your arguments.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are mostly well-structured, and errors are infrequent. However, there are a few instances where articles are omitted or used incorrectly ("a successful and failed sporsperson", "the others is his work ethics"). Additionally, some minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, can be found.
  • How to improve: Pay closer attention to the usage of articles ("a", "an", "the") to ensure consistency and correctness throughout the essay. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially regarding comma placement after introductory elements, will help enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and addressing minor errors in grammar and punctuation, you can further elevate the sophistication and coherence of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the debate over whether physical prowess or mental fortitude is more crucial for achieving success in sports has sparked a longstanding debate. The following essay aims to explore both perspectives before expressing my agreement with the latter.

On one hand, proponents of the importance of physical strength in sports present several valid arguments. Sports typically emphasize the promotion of athletes’ physical capabilities and test their endurance. In nearly all competitive sports, whether team-based or individual, maintaining a strong physique undeniably plays a crucial role. Dedication to enhancing one’s physical condition can provide athletes with the stamina needed for sports that require sustained effort, such as marathons or cycling. Additionally, in team sports like basketball or soccer, where muscular strength is essential, athletes with athletic bodies have more opportunities to contribute to their team’s success, thereby enhancing both their personal value and the team’s overall performance.

On the other hand, notwithstanding the undeniable significance of physical prowess, I strongly contend that mental strength is the determining factor that distinguishes between success and failure for athletes and teams. The psychological state or inner emotions of athletes exert a significant influence on their performance in sports. In sports where athletes face immense pressure from fans and the need for self-affirmation, the importance of cultivating a resilient mindset becomes evident. An athlete may possess impressive physical attributes but struggle with confidence, making it challenging for them to excel in competitive sports. Conversely, an athlete with average physical abilities but unwavering confidence and determination can gradually achieve their dreams. Take Kobe Bryant, for example, a basketball legend known not for his towering stature or exceptional physical prowess but for his work ethic and fearless mentality. Kobe’s mindset propelled him to overcome obstacles and earn multiple achievements for his team, elevating him to legendary status admired by all.

In conclusion, while mentality tends to be more significant than physical abilities, I believe the combination of both factors is crucial for ensuring the best outcomes in athletic pursuits.