Some people think that real life skills like cooking, housekeeping and gardening should be included in the curriculum as compulsory subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays , it is a common be belief that sme people opinion that real life skills cooking , housekeeping abd gardening should be included in the curriculum as compulsory subjects.In my opinion , this idea is completely justifiablecand this essay will address the reasons for my views as follow.
To begin with , a large number of advocates are in clined towards the fact real life skills can help your family housework ,for examples my mother always helps my grandmother in house when she young so that relationship of my mother and grandmother so good .
Ontop that , it is factual that when you grow up , you know do the housework to be independent , for examples you will study in university so you know housework to take care yourself don’t need parents take care you anymore .
To sum up , it is better for children to know how to do real life skills to don’t know real life

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, it is a common be belief" -> "Currently, it is a common belief"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is correct, but "common be belief" is grammatically incorrect. "Currently" is a more formal alternative to "Nowadays," and "common belief" is the correct phrase.
"sme people opinion" -> "some people’s opinion"
Explanation: "sme" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "some." Additionally, "opinion" should be possessive "opinion" to correctly indicate that it belongs to people.
"cooking, housekeeping abd gardening" -> "cooking, housekeeping, and gardening"
Explanation: "abd" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "and." Also, the list should be separated by commas and the word "and" to correctly indicate items in a series.
"completely justifiablecand" -> "completely justifiable and"
Explanation: "justifiablecand" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "justifiable and."
"as follow" -> "as follows"
Explanation: "as follow" is grammatically incorrect; the correct form is "as follows."
"a large number of advocates are in clined towards the fact" -> "many advocates are inclined towards the fact"
Explanation: "a large number of advocates" is redundant; "many advocates" is sufficient and more concise. Also, "in clined" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "inclined."
"your family housework" -> "family household chores"
Explanation: "your family housework" is awkward and unclear. "Family household chores" is a more precise and formal way to refer to domestic duties.
"when she young" -> "when she was young"
Explanation: "when she young" is grammatically incorrect. "When she was young" corrects the verb tense and form.
"so that relationship of my mother and grandmother so good" -> "so that the relationship between my mother and grandmother remained good"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"Ontop that" -> "On top of that"
Explanation: "Ontop" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "On top of."
"you know do the housework" -> "you learn to do household chores"
Explanation: "you know do the housework" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "You learn to do household chores" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"don’t know real life" -> "are not familiar with real-life skills"
Explanation: "don’t know real life" is informal and vague. "Are not familiar with real-life skills" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

These corrections and improvements enhance the clarity, grammatical accuracy, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that real-life skills should be included in the curriculum. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The points made are vague and do not fully elaborate on why these skills are essential. For instance, the mention of family relationships and independence is relevant but underdeveloped. The essay does not sufficiently consider the counterargument or provide a balanced view.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline all parts of the question. This includes discussing both the benefits of including these skills in the curriculum and acknowledging any potential drawbacks. Expanding on each point with specific examples and explanations will provide a more comprehensive response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay states a clear position in favor of including real-life skills in the curriculum, the argument lacks consistency and depth. The transition between ideas is abrupt, and the reasoning is not clearly articulated. For example, the connection between cooking skills and family relationships is not logically developed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each point logically follows from the previous one will help create a cohesive argument. Using linking words and phrases can also enhance the flow of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of independence and family relationships, but these ideas are not well-supported. The examples provided are weak and lack detail, making it hard for the reader to understand their significance. For instance, the anecdote about the writer’s mother helping the grandmother is not clearly linked to the argument about why these skills should be taught in schools.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide clear examples that are directly related to the argument. Each point should be elaborated upon with relevant details, statistics, or studies to strengthen the argument. Additionally, using a variety of examples can help to illustrate the importance of real-life skills in different contexts.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly when discussing personal anecdotes without clearly linking them back to the argument. For instance, the mention of the writer’s mother and grandmother, while relevant, does not directly address the question of whether these skills should be taught in schools.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to answering the prompt. Focusing on the implications of teaching real-life skills in schools, rather than personal stories, will help maintain relevance. Outlining the essay before writing can also help keep the focus on the main argument.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay needs to be more comprehensive, coherent, and focused on the prompt. Expanding on ideas, providing clear examples, and maintaining a logical flow will greatly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is hindered by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of real-life skills to personal anecdotes lacks clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction states that the essay will address reasons for the author’s views, but the body paragraphs do not effectively elaborate on these reasons in a coherent manner.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should outline the main points before writing the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Using transitional phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is weak. The body paragraphs lack clear separation and distinct focus. For example, the first body paragraph mixes personal anecdotes with general statements, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the conclusion is not well-developed and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. The writer should start a new paragraph for each distinct point, ensuring that each one contains a clear topic sentence and supporting details. This will help create a more organized and reader-friendly structure. Furthermore, the conclusion should restate the main argument and summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow of ideas. Phrases like "for example" are used, but there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, and some sentences are poorly connected. For instance, the transition between discussing independence and the necessity of housework is abrupt and lacks smoothness.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "however," "on the other hand," and "as a result." These devices can help clarify relationships between sentences and ideas. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can enhance cohesion by avoiding repetition and linking ideas more effectively.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but it is limited in variety and sophistication. Phrases like "real life skills," "housework," and "independent" are repeated without much variation. For instance, the term "real life skills" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "real life skills," alternatives like "practical skills," "everyday competencies," or "essential life skills" could be used. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "a large number of advocates are in clined towards the fact" is awkward and unclear. The use of "advocates" in this context is vague, and the phrase "the fact" lacks specificity. Additionally, "sme" and "abd" are misspellings that disrupt the flow of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of "advocates," terms like "supporters" or "proponents" could be more appropriate. The phrase could be restructured to say, "Many supporters believe that real-life skills are essential." Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning will significantly improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "be belief," "sme," "abd," "justifiablecand," and "Ontop." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader. The presence of such mistakes suggests a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, with a focus on spelling, will also help reinforce correct usage over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "To begin with, a large number of advocates are in clined towards the fact real life skills can help your family housework" uses a straightforward structure but could benefit from more varied constructions. Additionally, the use of phrases like "for examples" and "Ontop that" indicates an attempt at variety, but they are not effectively integrated into the overall structure of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of "it is factual that when you grow up, you know do the housework," you could say, "It is a fact that, as one grows up, learning to manage household tasks becomes essential for independence." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "it is a common be belief that sme people opinion" contains typographical errors ("be belief" and "sme") and awkward phrasing. The phrase "for examples my mother always helps my grandmother in house when she young" lacks proper tense and articles, making it difficult to understand. Additionally, punctuation is often missing or incorrectly placed, such as the absence of commas in compound sentences and the incorrect use of "cand" instead of "and."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. For example, "when she young" should be corrected to "when she was young." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, such as using commas to separate clauses and items in a list, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the overall quality of the writing can be greatly enhanced.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, it is a common belief that some people hold the opinion that real-life skills such as cooking, housekeeping, and gardening should be included in the curriculum as compulsory subjects. In my view, this idea is completely justifiable, and this essay will address the reasons for my views as follows.

To begin with, many advocates are inclined towards the fact that real-life skills can significantly assist with family household chores. For example, my mother always helped my grandmother with housework when she was young, so that the relationship between my mother and grandmother remained good. This demonstrates how learning these skills can foster strong family bonds.

On top of that, it is factual that when you grow up, you need to learn to do household chores to become independent. For instance, when you study at university, knowing how to manage housework allows you to take care of yourself without relying on your parents. This independence is crucial for personal development.

To sum up, it is better for children to learn real-life skills, as many young people today are not familiar with these essential abilities. Incorporating them into the curriculum would prepare them for a more independent and successful future.