Some people think that studying from the past teaches us nothing about today's life. Others argue that history is a valuable source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There exists a contentious debate regarding whether learning from historical experience is beneficial for modern life time. This essay opines that people should value the past due to its advantages in terms of affection and knowledge, rather than disrespecting our ancestors' meaningful teaching.

It is essential to acknowledge that studying history helps develop one's patriotism .This is because our ancestors went through various challenges in order to protect the independence of our nation. Therefore we as the descendents should inherit their loyalty and continue to contribute positive things to our country by knowing about our history.

In contrast, many argue that it is invaluable to study about the past. This belief is based on the waste of time you have to spend mesmerising dates, names and past events. They are right to a certain extent, but it is societal norm to remember your country's past.
From this author's experience, it is more beneficial to study history. Due to the fact that this subject helps us to get a better insight of our cultural and traditional values conducted from long term experience. Consequently, people may have the chance to know about the activities of their ancestors in certain past events such as New Year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There exists a contentious debate" -> "There is a contentious debate"
Explanation: Simplifying "There exists" to "There is" maintains the formal tone while avoiding redundancy, as "exists" is implied in the context of a debate.
"modern life time" -> "modern times"
Explanation: "Modern life time" is incorrect as "time" is not the correct term here. "Modern times" is the correct phrase, which is commonly used in academic writing to refer to the current era.
"This essay opines" -> "This essay argues"
Explanation: "Opines" is less commonly used in academic writing and can sound overly formal or vague. "Argues" is more direct and appropriate for academic essays.
"due to its advantages in terms of affection and knowledge" -> "due to its benefits in terms of historical significance and knowledge"
Explanation: "Affection" is not the correct term in this context; "historical significance" is more precise and academically appropriate. "Advantages" is also vague; "benefits" is more specific.
"rather than disrespecting our ancestors’ meaningful teaching" -> "rather than disrespecting the valuable lessons of our ancestors"
Explanation: "Meaningful teaching" is awkward and unclear. "Valuable lessons" is a more precise and formal way to describe the knowledge gained from ancestors.
"It is essential to acknowledge" -> "It is crucial to recognize"
Explanation: "Essential" is somewhat overused in academic writing; "crucial" adds a stronger emphasis and is more suitable for formal essays.
"develop one’s patriotism" -> "foster national pride"
Explanation: "Develop one’s patriotism" is awkward and less direct. "Foster national pride" is a more natural and precise expression.
"descendents" -> "descendants"
Explanation: "Descendents" is the less commonly used and less formal term; "descendants" is the standard term in academic writing.
"continue to contribute positive things" -> "continue to contribute positively"
Explanation: "Positive things" is vague and informal; "positively" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"it is invaluable to study about the past" -> "studying the past is invaluable"
Explanation: "It is invaluable to study about the past" is awkward and verbose. "Studying the past is invaluable" is more direct and flows better.
"waste of time you have to spend mesmerising dates, names and past events" -> "waste of time spent memorizing dates, names, and historical events"
Explanation: "Mesmerising" is incorrect and informal; "memorizing" is the correct term. Also, "dates, names, and past events" is redundant; "dates, names, and historical events" is more precise.
"it is societal norm" -> "it is a societal norm"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "societal norm" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the phrase.
"From this author’s experience" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From this author’s experience" is awkward and informal; "From my perspective" is more appropriate and formal.
"get a better insight of our cultural and traditional values conducted from long term experience" -> "gain a deeper understanding of our cultural and traditional values, shaped by long-term experiences"
Explanation: "Get a better insight of" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Gain a deeper understanding of" is grammatically correct and more formal. Also, "conducted from long term experience" is incorrect; "shaped by long-term experiences" is the correct phrase.
"people may have the chance to know about the activities of their ancestors" -> "people may gain insight into the activities of their ancestors"
Explanation: "Have the chance to know about" is verbose and informal; "gain insight into" is more concise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the value of studying history. However, it does not fully explore the opposing argument. The first paragraph presents a clear opinion favoring the study of history, but the counterargument is only briefly mentioned and lacks depth. For instance, the statement about the "waste of time" spent memorizing dates is not elaborated upon, and the essay does not provide any specific examples or evidence to support this viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance this section, the essay should dedicate a paragraph to thoroughly discussing the opposing view. This could include examples of how some people feel that historical knowledge does not apply to modern life or how it can be seen as irrelevant. Additionally, providing specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does present a clear position that values the study of history. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and reaffirming the author’s stance is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "From this author’s experience" introduces a personal anecdote but does not effectively connect back to the overall argument, making the position feel less cohesive.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should use linking phrases to smoothly transition between discussing both views and reiterating their own opinion. For example, after presenting the counterargument, the author could use phrases like "Despite these views, I believe…" to reinforce their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of patriotism and cultural understanding derived from history. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For example, the claim that studying history fosters patriotism is made but not backed by specific examples or evidence. The mention of "New Year" lacks context and does not effectively illustrate the point being made.
- How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the author should elaborate on each idea with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of studying history. For instance, discussing a historical event that shaped national identity could provide a concrete basis for the argument. Additionally, using statistics or quotes from historians could lend credibility to the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate about the value of studying history. However, some sentences are vague and could lead to confusion about the main argument. For example, the phrase "it is societal norm to remember your country’s past" is unclear and does not directly relate to the main points being discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that each point ties back to the main thesis will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a concluding paragraph summarizing the main points and reiterating the author’s opinion would provide a strong finish and reinforce the essay’s focus.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more balanced and thorough exploration of both views. Incorporating specific examples, maintaining clarity in transitions, and ensuring that all points are directly relevant to the prompt will significantly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of studying history, structured around two main viewpoints. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs address both perspectives. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of studying history to the counterargument is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse the reader. The second paragraph focuses on patriotism, while the third paragraph shifts to the argument against studying history without a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely," "In addition") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. A clearer structure that explicitly states the counterargument before presenting your opinion would also strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces the topic well, but the second paragraph lacks a clear focus and mixes ideas about patriotism and the importance of history without sufficient elaboration. The third paragraph introduces a counterargument but does not fully develop it, leading to a lack of balance in discussing both views.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could solely elaborate on the benefits of studying history, while a separate paragraph could address the counterargument in more detail. This would not only improve clarity but also allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore" and "consequently," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "Due to the fact that" is somewhat clumsy and could be replaced with simpler alternatives like "because" or "since." Additionally, the use of cohesive devices to indicate contrast (e.g., "In contrast") is present but could be more varied.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "for instance," and "in summary." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a stronger command of language. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve overall cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion score. Focusing on these areas will lead to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "contentious debate," "patriotism," and "cultural and traditional values." However, the range is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For example, the phrase "learning from historical experience" could be varied with alternatives like "gaining insights from history" or "drawing lessons from the past."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to history and education could help diversify word choice. Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal expressions would elevate the essay’s tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "invaluable to study about the past," which should be rephrased to "invaluable to study the past." The phrase "waste of time you have to spend mesmerising dates" is also vague; "memorizing" would be the correct term, and the whole expression could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision by reviewing vocabulary choices. Reading academic essays or articles can provide examples of precise language. Practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary in context can also help solidify understanding and correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "descendents" (should be "descendants") and "conducted from long term experience" (should be "conducted from long-term experience"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can further enhance this skill.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence employs a complex structure: "There exists a contentious debate regarding whether learning from historical experience is beneficial for modern life." However, the essay tends to rely on similar structures throughout, particularly in the second paragraph where many sentences begin with "This is because" or "Therefore." This repetition limits the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of introductory phrases, varying the placement of clauses, and incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "This is because," try rephrasing to integrate the reasoning within the sentence, such as, "The reason for this is that our ancestors faced numerous challenges…"
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "learning from historical experience is beneficial for modern life time" is awkward; "life time" should simply be "life." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing space before "This is because" and the unnecessary space before the period in "patriotism .This." These errors can confuse readers and disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spacing and awkward phrasing. It may be helpful to read the essay aloud to catch mistakes that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules—such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles—can strengthen overall accuracy. For instance, revise "the waste of time you have to spend mesmerising dates" to "the time wasted memorizing dates," which is more concise and grammatically correct.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a contentious debate regarding whether learning from historical experiences is beneficial for modern life. This essay argues that people should value the past due to its benefits in terms of historical significance and knowledge, rather than disrespecting the valuable lessons of our ancestors.

It is crucial to recognize that studying history helps foster national pride. This is because our ancestors faced various challenges to protect the independence of our nation. Therefore, we, as their descendants, should inherit their loyalty and continue to contribute positively to our country by understanding our history.

In contrast, many argue that studying the past is a waste of time spent memorizing dates, names, and historical events. They are right to a certain extent; however, it is a societal norm to remember your country’s past. From my perspective, it is more beneficial to study history. This subject helps us gain a deeper understanding of our cultural and traditional values, shaped by long-term experiences. Consequently, people may gain insight into the activities of their ancestors during significant events, such as New Year celebrations.

In conclusion, while some may view studying history as unimportant, it is evident that it plays a vital role in shaping our identity and understanding our heritage.