Some people think that studying the past teaches us nothing about today's life. Others agree that history is a valuable source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Whether history is a valuable source information for today's life is a highly subjective discussion point. The writer of this essay agrees with the statement that learning in the past teaches us become better because this can help us develop patriotism and explore new things from old things rather than the development of social media.

It must be understood that studying history increase patriotism. This is due to, we can know how people in the past struggle with the enemies to protect our countries. With this in mind, we can learn about Phan Dinh Giot Hero, who was tke his body filling Chau Mai hole, so we can see that he is a good example patriotism and we will feel respect them and love our country more and more. As a result, it is easy to understand that history bring us become people have lovely heart.

However, some believe that learning history does not help people's in nowadays. There is a belief tht social media had developed so people can find information on the internet and apply that in modern life. They are right to a certain extent, but these information also based on historic knowledge and enhance day by day.

The writers' experience is that students in modern life cn grow their own ideas from historic stories. This is because.old knowledge will be a flatform for people increase their thinking level and solve the problems. For instance, people based on the invention of digital in the past and then they grew their ideas to invent modern devices nowadays. Hence, studying history help people creative their own ideas help develop the world.

To conclude, express the patriotism and grow their ideas in modern life is a necessary thing need to be discussion. Therefore, studying history is better in today's life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Whether history is a valuable source information for today’s life" -> "Whether history is a valuable source of information for contemporary life"
Explanation: "Source information" is redundant and "today’s life" is informal. "Contemporary life" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"The writer of this essay agrees with the statement" -> "This essay supports the assertion"
Explanation: "The writer of this essay" is redundant as the essay itself is already being referred to. "Supports the assertion" is more direct and formal than "agrees with the statement".
"teaches us become better" -> "teaches us to become better"
Explanation: The phrase "teaches us become" is grammatically incorrect. Adding "to" corrects the prepositional error and improves grammatical accuracy.
"increase patriotism" -> "foster patriotism"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and formal term than "increase" when discussing the development of patriotism, aligning better with academic language.
"we can know how people in the past struggle with the enemies" -> "we can learn how people in the past struggled with their enemies"
Explanation: "Struggle with the enemies" is awkward and informal. "Struggled with their enemies" corrects the possessive error and uses the past tense correctly, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Phan Dinh Giot Hero" -> "Phan Dinh Giot, a national hero"
Explanation: Adding "a national hero" clarifies the context and provides a more formal description, enhancing the academic tone.
"tke his body filling Chau Mai hole" -> "took his body to fill the Chau Mai hole"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "tke" to "took" and clarifies the phrase structure for better readability and formality.
"history bring us become people have lovely heart" -> "history helps us become people with a loving heart"
Explanation: "Brings us become" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Helps us become people with a loving heart" corrects the grammar and uses more formal language.
"does not help people’s in nowadays" -> "does not benefit people in contemporary society"
Explanation: "People’s in nowadays" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Benefit people in contemporary society" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"There is a belief tht" -> "There is a belief that"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "tht" to "that" for grammatical accuracy.
"cn grow their own ideas" -> "can grow their own ideas"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "cn" to "can" for grammatical accuracy.
"old knowledge will be a flatform" -> "old knowledge serves as a platform"
Explanation: "Will be a flatform" is incorrect and informal. "Serves as a platform" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"increase their thinking level" -> "enhance their cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Increase their thinking level" is vague and informal. "Enhance their cognitive abilities" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"solve the problems" -> "address challenges"
Explanation: "Solve the problems" is somewhat informal and vague. "Address challenges" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"express the patriotism" -> "express patriotism"
Explanation: "Express the patriotism" is awkward and redundant. "Express patriotism" is more direct and formal.
"necessary thing need to be discussion" -> "necessary topic for discussion"
Explanation: "Thing need to be discussion" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Topic for discussion" corrects these issues and is more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the value of studying history. The first part discusses how history can foster patriotism, while the second part acknowledges the opposing viewpoint that social media provides sufficient information for modern life. However, the treatment of the second viewpoint is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. The essay does not fully explore the implications of the argument against the value of history, nor does it adequately weigh the two perspectives before presenting a personal opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both views are explored in more detail. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for each perspective and critically analyzing the strengths and weaknesses of each argument. Additionally, a clearer transition to the writer’s opinion would help in synthesizing the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay indicates a preference for the value of studying history, but the position is not consistently articulated. Phrases like "the writer of this essay agrees" are vague and do not clearly assert the writer’s stance. Furthermore, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the argument or reinforce the position taken earlier in the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the connection between history and patriotism, but these ideas are not well-developed. For instance, the example of Phan Dinh Giot is introduced but not fully explained or connected to the broader argument. Similarly, the discussion about social media lacks depth and fails to provide sufficient evidence or examples to support the claims made.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. This could involve providing more detailed examples, explaining their relevance, and connecting them back to the main argument. Additionally, using more varied and specific vocabulary can enhance the quality of the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of history to modern life. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing social media. The phrase "these information also based on historic knowledge" is unclear and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding vague statements and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing can help maintain a clear focus throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents some relevant ideas, it requires greater depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a mix of viewpoints regarding the value of studying history. However, the organization is somewhat disjointed. For example, the first paragraph introduces the author’s stance but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments. The second paragraph discusses patriotism but does not effectively connect to the subsequent paragraph about social media. The transitions between ideas are abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points of discussion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Conversely," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. The first paragraph is overly long and combines multiple ideas without clear separation. The second paragraph shifts abruptly to a different viewpoint without a clear transition, which can confuse the reader. The conclusion is also vague and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could improve paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, the discussion on patriotism could be one paragraph, while the counterargument regarding social media could be another. A well-defined conclusion should restate the main arguments and provide a clear final thought.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, but they are limited and often incorrectly applied. For example, phrases like "this is due to" and "as a result" are present, but their usage does not always enhance clarity. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors that hinder cohesion, such as "bring us become people have lovely heart," which is unclear and awkward.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "for example." It is also essential to ensure that these devices are used correctly within the context of the sentences. Practicing sentence structure and grammar will help improve overall clarity and cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "patriotism," "develop," and "modern devices." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "help us develop patriotism" could be enhanced with synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy. Additionally, phrases like "lovely heart" and "grow their ideas" are somewhat simplistic and could be expressed with more sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of "help us develop patriotism," they could use "foster a sense of national pride." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can aid in expanding lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, "the writer of this essay agrees with the statement that learning in the past teaches us become better" lacks clarity and precision. The phrase "become better" is vague and could be replaced with a more specific outcome, such as "improve our understanding of societal values." Additionally, "tke his body filling Chau Mai hole" is unclear and seems to misrepresent the historical reference.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could practice rephrasing sentences to clarify their points. For example, instead of "help develop the world," they might say "contribute to societal advancement." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context can help in making more precise choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "tht" (that), "cn" (can), "flatform" (platform), and "express the patriotism" (express patriotism). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing. The misspellings indicate a lack of attention to detail and can affect the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice with a focus on spelling can also help reinforce correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and some effective vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "This is due to, we can know how people in the past struggle with the enemies to protect our countries" lacks complexity and clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the writer of this essay agrees with the statement" could be varied to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "This is due to, we can know how people in the past struggle," the writer could say, "This is due to the fact that studying history allows us to understand how people in the past struggled against their enemies." Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will improve the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "studying history increase patriotism" should be "studying history increases patriotism." There are also instances of incorrect article usage, such as "the development of social media" instead of "the development of social media." Punctuation errors, like the missing comma in "because this can help us develop patriotism and explore new things from old things rather than the development of social media," disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and punctuation rules. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission would be beneficial. For example, the writer should ensure that every sentence is complete and that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses and list items.

In summary, to improve the band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and revising the essay for clarity and correctness will lead to a more polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

Whether history is a valuable source of information for contemporary life is a highly subjective discussion point. The writer of this essay supports the assertion that learning from the past teaches us to become better, as this can help us develop patriotism and explore new insights from historical events rather than solely relying on the development of social media.

It must be understood that studying history fosters patriotism. This is because we can learn how people in the past struggled with their enemies to protect our countries. For instance, we can learn about Phan Dinh Giot, a national hero, who took his body to fill the Chau Mai hole. This example illustrates his profound patriotism, and as a result, we feel a growing respect for him and a deeper love for our country. Thus, it is easy to understand that history helps us become people with a loving heart.

However, some believe that learning history does not benefit people in contemporary society. There is a belief that social media has developed to the extent that people can find information on the internet and apply it to modern life. While they are correct to some degree, this information is also based on historical knowledge and is enhanced day by day.

The writer’s experience is that students in modern life can grow their own ideas from historical stories. This is because old knowledge serves as a platform for people to enhance their cognitive abilities and address challenges. For instance, people have based their inventions on digital advancements from the past, which have allowed them to develop modern devices today. Hence, studying history helps people creatively generate their own ideas, contributing to the development of the world.

To conclude, expressing patriotism and cultivating ideas in modern life is a necessary topic for discussion. Therefore, studying history is indeed valuable in today’s life.