Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of infornation should be restricted on the media. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In current society, there are far more sources of news in media or newspapers to access for citizens and this news including criminal section has side effects on their mental and lack of confidence in each other, In my point of view, I agree that crime news should be limited.

To begin with, reporting crime scenes meticulously cannot be shared with the public due to issues on mental health. Television shows have a variety range of ages so it might be the crime news seen by kids and teenagers some tragic scenes of murder or assassination, after a while, the community had lots of depressed and nervous young people, who were watching crime scenes. The details of criminal happened should be limited in every media because sometimes teenagers and youth people are encouraged to replicate infractions, by following them on TV or social media.

On the other hand, one of the best ways to raise the awareness of individuals about their surroundings violations to help the police is by publishing in press. Sometimes people can assist the police in arresting the guilty as soon as possible, for instance, around a decade ago the police found many clues and witnesses by showing the details information of the murder news, meanwhile, had many reports from the public, then, the police was close to finding grand killer whose name is Zodiac in USA.

In conclusion, media is better restricted, it has lots of benefits for the mental health of society, preventing some young people from committing crimes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In current society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "current," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"far more sources of news in media or newspapers to access for citizens" -> "a plethora of news sources in the media and newspapers accessible to citizens"
Explanation: "A plethora" is a more formal and precise term than "far more," and "the media and newspapers accessible to citizens" is clearer and more grammatically correct than "to access for citizens."
"this news including criminal section has side effects" -> "this news, particularly the criminal section, has adverse effects"
Explanation: "Particularly" is more specific than "including," and "adverse effects" is a more formal and precise term than "side effects."
"lack of confidence in each other" -> "erosion of trust among individuals"
Explanation: "Erosion of trust" is a more precise and formal phrase than "lack of confidence," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"In my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "In my point of view" is grammatically incorrect.
"reporting crime scenes meticulously cannot be shared with the public" -> "the meticulous reporting of crime scenes should not be publicly disclosed"
Explanation: "Should not be publicly disclosed" is more formal and precise than "cannot be shared with the public."
"a variety range of ages" -> "a wide range of ages"
Explanation: "A wide range" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "a variety range" is incorrect.
"some tragic scenes of murder or assassination" -> "graphic scenes of murder or assassination"
Explanation: "Graphic" is more appropriate in this context, as it specifically refers to the vivid or disturbing nature of the content, whereas "tragic" is more emotional and less precise.
"had lots of depressed and nervous young people" -> "saw a significant increase in depressed and anxious young people"
Explanation: "Saw a significant increase in" is more precise and formal than "had lots of," which is too informal and vague.
"youth people" -> "young people"
Explanation: "Youth people" is not a standard term; "young people" is the correct and widely accepted term.
"publishing in press" -> "publishing in the press"
Explanation: "In the press" is the correct prepositional phrase, whereas "in press" is incorrect.
"around a decade ago" -> "approximately a decade ago"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal and precise than "around," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the police was close to finding grand killer" -> "the police was close to identifying the perpetrator"
Explanation: "Identifying the perpetrator" is a more formal and accurate term than "finding grand killer," which is incorrect and informal.
"whose name is Zodiac" -> "known as the Zodiac Killer"
Explanation: "Known as the Zodiac Killer" is a more formal and precise way to refer to a well-known figure, whereas "whose name is Zodiac" is awkward and less formal.
"media is better restricted" -> "media restrictions are advisable"
Explanation: "Media restrictions are advisable" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward and informal construction "media is better restricted."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impacts of detailed crime reporting on mental health and the potential benefits of such reporting for public awareness. However, the response could be more balanced, as it leans heavily towards the argument for restriction without fully exploring the counterargument. The mention of the Zodiac case provides some support for the opposing view, but it lacks depth and detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more thorough exploration of both sides of the argument. This could involve elaborating on the benefits of crime reporting, such as increased public awareness and safety, while also discussing the potential drawbacks in greater detail. A clearer structure that presents both viewpoints before concluding with a personal stance would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of restricting crime news, as indicated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The second paragraph introduces a counterargument but does not effectively integrate it with the main position, leading to some ambiguity about the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly connect the counterarguments back to their main thesis. For instance, after presenting the benefits of crime reporting, they could acknowledge these points but argue why the negatives outweigh them. Using transitional phrases to signal shifts in argument can also help clarify the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, particularly regarding the mental health impacts of crime reporting. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited and lacks specific examples or evidence. The mention of the Zodiac case is a good start but could be expanded upon to illustrate the point more effectively. Additionally, the reasoning behind the claim that crime reporting encourages youth to replicate crimes is not well-developed.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on the effects of crime news on mental health or studies that show a correlation between media consumption and behavior. Extending ideas with further explanation or real-life examples will strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of crime reporting. However, there are moments where the argument could be more focused. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the idea of youth replicating crimes but does not fully explore this concept, which could lead to confusion about its relevance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangents and ensuring that each point is clearly linked to the thesis will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and support of ideas. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the restriction of crime news in media, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by unclear transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impact of crime news on youth to the potential benefits of crime reporting for police assistance lacks a smooth transition, which can confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify how each point relates to the overall thesis.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments. The second paragraph discusses the negative effects of crime news, while the third presents a counterargument but does not effectively link back to the main thesis.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs and reinforce the thesis. This will create a more cohesive structure and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with" and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of effective linking words. For example, the phrase "after a while" in the second paragraph does not clearly connect to the previous sentence, making the argument less coherent.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Consequently," "As a result"). This will improve the flow of ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately in context will strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words like "meticulously," "depressed," "nervous," and "replicate" indicate an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as "crime news" and "criminal," which could have been diversified further. Additionally, phrases like "the community had lots of depressed and nervous young people" could be expressed with more sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime news," alternatives like "criminal reports," "offense coverage," or "law enforcement updates" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help broaden lexical choices.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the details of criminal happened" is awkward and unclear. The term "youth people" is also incorrect; "young people" would be more appropriate. Moreover, "the community had lots of depressed and nervous young people" could be more effectively articulated as "the community experienced an increase in depression and anxiety among its youth."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reviewing grammar and vocabulary usage can help eliminate awkward phrases. For instance, instead of "the details of criminal happened," a clearer expression could be "the details of criminal activities should be limited." Regular practice in writing and seeking feedback can also aid in refining vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "infornation" (information), "each other" (should be "one another" in this context), and "grand killer" (should be "the notorious killer"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("reporting crime scenes meticulously cannot be shared with the public due to issues on mental health") and simple sentences. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack clarity. For example, phrases like "the details of criminal happened should be limited" are grammatically incorrect and lack sophistication. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which restricts the complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) and relative pronouns (e.g., who, which) to combine ideas. For instance, instead of saying "Television shows have a variety range of ages so it might be the crime news seen by kids," the writer could say, "Television shows cater to a wide range of ages, which means that crime news may be viewed by children." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings can also help create a more engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that hinder clarity. For instance, "this news including criminal section has side effects" should be "this news, including the criminal section, has side effects." There are also run-on sentences, such as "after a while, the community had lots of depressed and nervous young people, who were watching crime scenes," which could be broken down for clarity. Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, leading to confusion in some sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and run-on sentences can help enhance clarity. The writer might consider reading their work aloud to identify awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes. Using tools like grammar checkers can also provide immediate feedback on errors that need correction.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improving grammatical range and accuracy is essential for achieving a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will significantly benefit the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there are far more sources of news in the media and newspapers accessible to citizens, and this news, including the criminal section, has adverse effects on their mental health and leads to a lack of confidence among individuals. In my opinion, I agree that crime news should be limited.

To begin with, the meticulous reporting of crime scenes should not be publicly disclosed due to issues related to mental health. Television shows have a wide range of ages among viewers, so it is possible that crime news is seen by kids and teenagers, exposing them to tragic scenes of murder or assassination. After a while, the community saw a significant increase in depressed and anxious young people who were watching these crime scenes. The details of crimes should be limited in every media outlet because sometimes teenagers and young people are encouraged to replicate infractions by following them on TV or social media.

On the other hand, one of the best ways to raise awareness among individuals about violations in their surroundings and to help the police is by publishing information in the press. Sometimes people can assist the police in arresting the guilty as soon as possible. For instance, approximately a decade ago, the police found many clues and witnesses by showing detailed information about a murder case. Meanwhile, they received many reports from the public, and the police were close to identifying the perpetrator known as the Zodiac Killer in the USA.

In conclusion, media restrictions are advisable as they have numerous benefits for the mental health of society, preventing some young people from committing crimes.