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Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that reporting criminal in detail on conventional newspaper and televisions should be forbidden in the online platforms due to its pernicious influences. I mostly agree with this statement since it can be an inappropriate content for children and lead to the prevalent perceptions of unsafe society.
On the one hand, I concede that the disclosure of criminal description in detail serves as a note of caution. This is because it provides meticulous planning to commit a crimes by examinating traces or ruses. As a result, individuals can fully comprehend these information and discern common behaviors of criminals, thereby raising their awareness about the severity of crime and being eqquiped with possible solutions to protect themselves.
However, the main reason why I advocate this opinion is that broadcasting detailed criminal scenes can give rise to misleading information among minors. In particular, these scenes entail a large number of misdeeds and brutal violence from criminals who carried out these unlawful activities successfully for their unethical demands. Childern are easily susceptible to these evil scenes and know the motivations behind these wrongdoings, thereby being willing to commit a crime for their own sakes and perhaps causing juvenile delinquency.
Another justification for my agreement is that it can cause a sense of insecurity towards others. Individuals might assume that anyone has potential to commit an offense as most offenders are ordinary people and blend into the crowd or innocent individuals. Consequently, this can promote a sense of apprehension among them and reluctant to support strangers or even their loved ones, especially those in need due to a fear of being victims.
In conclusion, airing the criminal description meticulously can be a warning of the seriousness of crime, thus heightening public awareness. However, I am of the opinion that it should be banned due to misconceptions among children and the feeling of anxiety. Where possible, these contents should be confined to certain groups.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is believed that reporting criminal in detail on conventional newspaper and televisions should be forbidden in the online platforms due to its pernicious influences." -> "It is widely held that providing detailed reports of criminal activities on conventional newspapers and televisions should be prohibited on online platforms due to their pernicious influences."
    Explanation: Replacing "reporting criminal" with "providing detailed reports of criminal activities" and using more formal terms like "widely held" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  2. "I mostly agree with this statement since it can be an inappropriate content for children and lead to the prevalent perceptions of unsafe society." -> "I largely concur with this assertion, as it may constitute inappropriate content for children and contribute to the prevailing perception of an unsafe society."
    Explanation: Substituting "mostly agree" with "largely concur" and refining the expression to "constitute inappropriate content" elevates the formality of the language.

  3. "On the one hand, I concede that the disclosure of criminal description in detail serves as a note of caution." -> "On the one hand, I acknowledge that the detailed disclosure of criminal activities serves as a cautionary measure."
    Explanation: Replacing "concede" with "acknowledge" and modifying "serves as a note of caution" to "serves as a cautionary measure" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

  4. "This is because it provides meticulous planning to commit a crimes by examinating traces or ruses." -> "This is because it offers meticulous insights into the planning of crimes by examining traces or ruses."
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error ("a crimes" to "crimes") and replacing "commit a crimes" with "planning of crimes" improves accuracy and formality.

  5. "As a result, individuals can fully comprehend these information and discern common behaviors of criminals, thereby raising their awareness about the severity of crime and being eqquiped with possible solutions to protect themselves." -> "As a result, individuals can fully comprehend this information and discern common criminal behaviors, thereby heightening their awareness of the severity of crime and being equipped with possible solutions to protect themselves."
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar ("these information" to "this information") and replacing "being eqquiped" with "being equipped" improves clarity and formality.

  6. "However, the main reason why I advocate this opinion is that broadcasting detailed criminal scenes can give rise to misleading information among minors." -> "However, the primary reason why I endorse this opinion is that broadcasting detailed criminal scenes can give rise to misleading information among minors."
    Explanation: Substituting "advocate" with "endorse" and emphasizing the primary reason enhances the formality of the expression.

  7. "Childern are easily susceptible to these evil scenes and know the motivations behind these wrongdoings, thereby being willing to commit a crime for their own sakes and perhaps causing juvenile delinquency." -> "Children are highly susceptible to these disturbing scenes and may comprehend the motivations behind these wrongdoings, thus being inclined to commit a crime for their own sake and potentially contributing to juvenile delinquency."
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling ("Childern" to "Children") and refining the language for precision and formality improve the overall quality of the sentence.

  8. "Individuals might assume that anyone has potential to commit an offense as most offenders are ordinary people and blend into the crowd or innocent individuals." -> "Individuals might assume that anyone has the potential to commit an offense, as most offenders are ordinary people who blend into the crowd or appear innocent."
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "potential," restructuring the sentence for clarity, and refining the expression enhance the formality and precision of the statement.

  9. "Consequently, this can promote a sense of apprehension among them and reluctant to support strangers or even their loved ones, especially those in need due to a fear of being victims." -> "Consequently, this can foster a sense of apprehension among individuals, making them hesitant to support strangers or even their loved ones, particularly those in need, due to a fear of becoming victims."
    Explanation: Replacing "reluctant to" with "hesitant to," restructuring the sentence, and specifying "particularly those in need" improve clarity and formality.

  10. "In conclusion, airing the criminal description meticulously can be a warning of the seriousness of crime, thus heightening public awareness." -> "In conclusion, providing a detailed account of criminal activities can serve as a warning about the seriousness of crime, thereby heightening public awareness."
    Explanation: Replacing "airing the criminal description meticulously" with "providing a detailed account of criminal activities" improves precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses the different aspects of the prompt, discussing the reasons for and against reporting detailed criminal descriptions. However, the focus on online platforms is mentioned in the introduction but not explored further. Additionally, the conclusion suggests restricting the content to certain groups, which is a partial response to the prompt. More explicit discussion on online platforms and a well-rounded conclusion would strengthen this aspect.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all parts of the question, consider delving deeper into the implications on online platforms and provide a more nuanced conclusion that encapsulates the main arguments without introducing new elements.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance in favor of restricting the detailed reporting of criminal activities due to its negative influences, especially on children and society’s perception of safety.
    • How to improve: Maintain this clarity throughout the essay, ensuring that every paragraph reinforces and supports this stance without introducing conflicting viewpoints.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For instance, the mention of the potential positive impact on public awareness is limited, and the argument regarding children’s susceptibility to criminal scenes needs more elaboration and evidence.
    • How to improve: Extend each point by providing specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to enhance the depth and credibility of your arguments. Elaborate on how detailed reporting may impact public awareness and discuss potential solutions more thoroughly.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could improve coherence by connecting ideas more explicitly. There’s a need for a stronger thread linking the various points made throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay and ensure each paragraph logically follows the previous one. This will contribute to a more cohesive and focused response.

In summary, while the essay presents a coherent argument in favor of restricting detailed criminal descriptions, improvements in addressing all aspects of the prompt, maintaining a consistent stance, enhancing idea development, and ensuring topic coherence will contribute to a more effective and higher-scoring response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly states the author’s position, and subsequent paragraphs present supporting arguments. However, there is a slight issue with coherence in the first paragraph where the author introduces the idea of restricting detailed criminal information online. The transition between this and the subsequent point about cautionary value could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining transitions between ideas. Connect the introduction of the issue with a smoother segue into the cautionary aspect, maintaining a clear progression of thoughts.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately brief, while body paragraphs discuss different reasons for supporting the prohibition of detailed criminal information. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of the third paragraph, where the shift from the potential impact on children to the broader consequences of a sense of insecurity is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: Work on the transition between the impact on children and the broader societal consequences in the third paragraph. Consider a sentence or two that acts as a bridge to smoothly guide the reader from one aspect to the other.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "However," "Another justification"), to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded for more variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transitional phrases. For instance, instead of consistently starting paragraphs with "On the one hand" or "However," consider employing alternatives like "Moreover" or "Nevertheless" for greater linguistic diversity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with opportunities for refinement in transitions and the incorporation of a broader range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases relevant to the topic, such as "pernicious influences," "misdeeds," and "unlawful activities." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. Some terms are repeated, and the essay could benefit from the inclusion of more sophisticated and varied language to enhance the overall lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To elevate the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and synonyms. For instance, instead of frequently using the term "criminal," you might use alternatives like "offender," "lawbreaker," or "culprit" where appropriate. Additionally, aim to introduce complex terms or expressions related to the theme, ensuring accuracy in usage.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise word choices, such as "broadcasting detailed criminal scenes." The term "scenes" might not precisely capture the idea; a more accurate term like "incidents" or "criminal activities" could be employed for clarity.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended message. Proofread the essay to identify areas where more specific terms can replace vague or general expressions. In this case, refining the language to describe the portrayal of criminal activities can enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are notable spelling errors, such as "examinating" (examining), "eqquiped" (equipped), and "Childern" (Children). These errors, while not excessively frequent, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay carefully. Pay attention to common spelling mistakes, and consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors. Consistent practice in writing and reviewing spelling rules will contribute to improved accuracy over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary variety, ensuring precision in word choice, and addressing spelling errors will contribute to an enhanced overall score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout. However, there is room for improvement as certain structures are repeated, affecting the overall variety. For example, there is a tendency to start sentences with "However" or "On the one hand" repeatedly, which may diminish the overall coherence and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as subordinate clauses or inverted sentence constructions. Vary the beginnings of sentences and experiment with different transitions to create a smoother flow and elevate the overall quality of writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar, with accurate use of tenses and sentence structures. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors, such as the use of "Childern" instead of "Children" and "eqquiped" instead of "equipped." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like missing commas in certain complex sentences.
    • How to improve: A careful proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors and punctuation mistakes is advised. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. Consider using a variety of punctuation marks to enhance sentence structure and clarity. For instance, experiment with the use of dashes, colons, and semicolons where appropriate.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent grasp of grammatical range and accuracy. To elevate the score, focus on introducing more sentence variety and addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors. Remember, clarity and precision are essential in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that providing detailed reports of criminal activities on traditional newspapers and televisions should be restricted on online platforms due to their harmful effects. I largely agree with this assertion, as it may constitute inappropriate content for children and contribute to the prevailing perception of an unsafe society.

On the one hand, I acknowledge that the detailed disclosure of criminal activities serves as a cautionary measure. This is because it offers meticulous insights into the planning of crimes by examining traces or ruses. As a result, individuals can fully comprehend this information and discern common criminal behaviors, thereby heightening their awareness of the severity of crime and being equipped with possible solutions to protect themselves.

However, the primary reason why I endorse this opinion is that broadcasting detailed criminal scenes can give rise to misleading information among minors. Children are highly susceptible to these disturbing scenes and may comprehend the motivations behind these wrongdoings, thus being inclined to commit a crime for their own sake and potentially contributing to juvenile delinquency. Individuals might assume that anyone has the potential to commit an offense, as most offenders are ordinary people who blend into the crowd or appear innocent. Consequently, this can foster a sense of apprehension among individuals, making them hesitant to support strangers or even their loved ones, particularly those in need, due to a fear of becoming victims.

In conclusion, providing a detailed account of criminal activities can serve as a warning about the seriousness of crime, thereby heightening public awareness. However, I am of the opinion that it should be restricted due to misconceptions among children and the feeling of anxiety. Where possible, these contents should be confined to certain groups.

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