Some people think that the government should provide free education to students in university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government should provide free education to students in university.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are a common belief that free education should be provided to the colleague students by the government. From my point of view, I partly agree with this.

On one hand, there are some reasons why the government's fundation should be used to contribute to learners in the university. Firstly, many people can not continue to pursue their further education just because they have some financial problems. Some potential students have to stop their studyings in oder to find a job and earn money. Therefore, they cannot make their dreams come true, lend their hand to develop their country. It is a pity, if we waste a talent like them. Although they study hard, they can not afford the school's fee.

On the other hand, people should pay their own money for their education. In fact, the government can not charge too many things at the same time. Moreover, this maybe an effective way to limit the number of students, avoid the over quantity phenomenon which can lead to the lack of facilities or the reduction in teaching quality.

In conclusion, understanding the reason why some university students need provision from the government in paying school's fee is important. However, we need to clearly understand different aspects of this.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "There are a common belief" -> "There is a common belief"
   Explanation: The phrase "There are a common belief" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "There is a common belief" to agree with the singular subject "a belief."

2. "colleague students" -> "collegiate students"
   Explanation: "Colleague" incorrectly implies professional peers, whereas "collegiate" correctly refers to students in a college or university.

3. "partly agree with this" -> "partially agree with this"
   Explanation: "Partly" is less formal and slightly archaic; "partially" is more commonly used in academic writing and is more precise.

4. "the government’s fundation" -> "government funding"
   Explanation: "Fundation" is not a word; "government funding" is the correct term.

5. "can not" -> "cannot"
   Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard form in formal writing, whereas "can not" is less formal and slightly archaic.

6. "studyings" -> "studies"
   Explanation: "Studyings" is not a word; "studies" is the correct form.

7. "lend their hand to develop their country" -> "contribute to the development of their country"
   Explanation: "Lend their hand" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Contribute to the development" is more precise and formal.

8. "It is a pity, if we waste a talent like them." -> "It is unfortunate if we waste such talent."
   Explanation: "It is a pity" is too informal and emotional for academic writing. "It is unfortunate" is more neutral and appropriate.

9. "can not afford the school’s fee" -> "cannot afford tuition fees"
   Explanation: "School’s fee" is vague; "tuition fees" is specific and commonly used in academic contexts.

10. "the government can not charge too many things at the same time" -> "the government cannot handle multiple responsibilities simultaneously"
    Explanation: "Charge too many things at the same time" is vague and informal. "Handle multiple responsibilities simultaneously" is more precise and formal.

11. "this maybe an effective way" -> "this may be an effective way"
    Explanation: "Maybe" is a contraction and should be "may" for formal writing.

12. "over quantity phenomenon" -> "overcrowding phenomenon"
    Explanation: "Over quantity" is not a standard term; "overcrowding" is the correct term for describing excessive numbers of people or things in a place.

13. "understanding the reason why some university students need provision from the government in paying school’s fee" -> "understanding the reasons why some university students require financial support from the government to cover tuition fees"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.

14. "we need to clearly understand different aspects of this" -> "it is essential to consider various aspects of this"
    Explanation: "We need to clearly understand" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is essential to consider" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether the government should provide free education to university students. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" is mentioned, but the essay lacks a clear articulation of what that partial agreement entails. The arguments presented are somewhat generic and do not delve deeply into the implications of free education or the consequences of not providing it.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and elaborate on the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the body paragraphs. Including specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of free education would also strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay indicates a partial agreement with the notion of free education; however, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The transition between the two sides of the argument is somewhat abrupt, and the conclusion does not reinforce the writer’s stance effectively. The lack of a strong, clear position makes it difficult for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to maintain a consistent position by clearly stating their viewpoint in each paragraph. Using phrases such as "I believe that…" or "In my opinion…" can help reinforce the author’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion while reiterating key points can provide clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the need for government funding for education and the reasons why some individuals should pay for their education. However, the ideas are not well-developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of financial problems is relevant but lacks depth; the essay does not provide statistics or specific cases to illustrate the impact of financial barriers on education.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that support their arguments. Each point made should be elaborated upon to demonstrate its significance and relevance to the topic. This could involve discussing successful models of free education in other countries or the potential economic benefits of an educated workforce.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the issue of free education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the argument about limiting the number of students feels somewhat disconnected from the main topic. The phrase "avoid the over quantity phenomenon" is vague and does not clearly relate to the overall argument about free education.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates to the central question of whether the government should provide free education. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that every argument ties back to the main thesis will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should clarify their position, develop their ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all arguments are directly relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas and providing more thorough explanations will also contribute to a stronger overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of free education to the second paragraph outlining the counterargument feels abrupt. The ideas are relevant, but the connections between them could be made more explicit to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for the introduction, supporting arguments, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be separated into two distinct paragraphs for clarity. For instance, the discussion about financial issues and the potential of students could be elaborated in separate paragraphs to give each idea the attention it deserves.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will not only make your argument clearer but also help the reader follow your reasoning more easily. For example, separating the financial barriers faced by students from the potential contributions they could make to society would create a more organized and impactful argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "there are some reasons why" could be varied to include alternatives like "one justification for this is" or "a key argument in favor of this is." Additionally, there are instances where the flow between sentences could be improved with better cohesive devices.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore" to add information, "However" to introduce a contrast, and "As a result" to indicate a consequence. This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help you become more comfortable with them.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. Phrases like "financial problems," "pursue their further education," and "develop their country" show an attempt to use relevant vocabulary. However, terms such as "colleague students" and "the over quantity phenomenon" indicate a lack of precision and appropriateness in word choice. The use of "lend their hand" is also somewhat awkward in this context.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of "financial problems," one might use "financial constraints" or "economic hardships." Additionally, replacing "colleague students" with "university students" would improve clarity. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could aid in expanding lexical variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the government’s fundation" should be "government funding," and "studyings" is not a correct form; "studies" would be appropriate. The phrase "the over quantity phenomenon" is unclear and does not convey a specific meaning effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and collocations. For example, instead of "the over quantity phenomenon," one could say "overcrowding in universities." Regularly reading academic essays or articles can help familiarize the writer with precise vocabulary and its context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words such as "fundation" (foundation), "studyings" (studies), "oder" (order), and "school’s fee" (tuition fees) reflect a lack of attention to spelling accuracy. These errors can confuse readers and undermine the writer’s credibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Additionally, writing practice and reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, the use of simple sentences such as "It is a pity, if we waste a talent like them." and "In fact, the government can not charge too many things at the same time." indicates a reliance on basic constructions. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the over quantity phenomenon," which detracts from clarity and sophistication. The essay lacks complex sentences that could convey more nuanced ideas, such as conditional or relative clauses.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that combine ideas. For instance, instead of saying, "Some potential students have to stop their studyings in oder to find a job and earn money," the writer could say, "Some potential students, who face financial difficulties, may have to stop their studies to find a job and earn money." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity. Engaging with resources that focus on sentence variety, such as grammar exercises or writing workshops, could also be beneficial.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "There are a common belief" should be "There is a common belief," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. The phrase "the government’s fundation" contains a spelling error ("foundation"), and "studyings" is not a standard plural form; it should simply be "studies." Punctuation issues are also present, such as the incorrect use of commas in "It is a pity, if we waste a talent like them," where the comma is unnecessary.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct plural forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those targeting common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission is crucial. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument regarding free education, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the writer can significantly elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a common belief that free education should be provided to collegiate students by the government. From my point of view, I partially agree with this.

On one hand, there are some reasons why government funding should be used to support learners in university. Firstly, many people cannot continue to pursue their further education simply because they have financial problems. Some potential students have to stop their studies in order to find a job and earn money. Therefore, they cannot make their dreams come true and contribute to the development of their country. It is unfortunate if we waste such talent. Although they study hard, they cannot afford tuition fees.

On the other hand, people should pay their own money for their education. In fact, the government cannot handle multiple responsibilities simultaneously. Moreover, this may be an effective way to limit the number of students and avoid the overcrowding phenomenon, which can lead to a lack of facilities or a reduction in teaching quality.

In conclusion, understanding the reasons why some university students require financial support from the government to cover tuition fees is important. However, it is essential to consider various aspects of this.