Some people think that the government should spend more money on the arts. However, others think the government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government should spend more money on the arts. However, others think the government should spend more on health and education.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The debate over whether the government should spend more money on the arts is a complex issue while some people believe that education and health should be focused on more. I would agree that the emphasis on educational systems and well-being problems play an essential role in the present day and this essay would analyze both two opinions before proposing my personal perspective.

On the one hand, some individuals take the view that the authorities ought to invest in more health and education.In some countries, the development of the economy has been unimproved to ensure the dwellers' life. For instance, as regards health problems, the number of hospital or disease treatment places are not enough to meet the examining demand of residents, especially for children and elderly people. In addition, the poor access to medical centers of dwellers is limited since the expensive spending that leads to an alarming incidence rate in society. As regards the educational system, the neglect of administration results in the increase of literacy rate and the inaccessible basic education in remote areas.

On the other hand, when some countries reach comprehensive development in most basic fields, the government tends to expand the investment more in spirit health for residents due to the quality of life being enhanced in both ensuring well-being and accessing the education system. Remarkably, dwellers access the hospital fully which results in the decrease of suffering from disasters as well as being assisted maximumly in education by administration. Furthermore, the government would create a more color environment which relates to entertainment fields such as music concerts, movies, singing or art galleries in order to support resident’s comprehensive development in both physical and mental health.

In summary, while some individuals believe that arts should be spent more money by the government, others hold the belief that health and education should be invested more. In my perspective, the sustainable development of each country depends on the investment in health and education for dwellers' life since it is always at the top of major factors that need to be enhanced over any time instead of concentrating more on unnecessary fields such as arts.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The debate over whether the government should spend more money on the arts is a complex issue while some people believe that education and health should be focused on more." -> "The debate regarding government allocation of funds towards the arts is complex, with some arguing that education and health should receive greater emphasis."
   Explanation: The phrase "is a complex issue while some people believe" is informal and vague. Replacing it with "is complex, with some arguing" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

2. "I would agree that the emphasis on educational systems and well-being problems play an essential role" -> "I concur that the emphasis on educational systems and well-being issues plays a crucial role"
   Explanation: "I would agree" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "I concur" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. Also, "well-being problems" is awkward and incorrect; "well-being issues" is the correct term.

3. "the authorities ought to invest in more health and education" -> "the authorities should invest more in healthcare and education"
   Explanation: "ought to" is less formal and slightly archaic; "should" is more commonly used in formal academic writing. Also, "health" should be "healthcare" to specify the type of investment.

4. "the development of the economy has been unimproved" -> "the economic development has not improved"
   Explanation: "unimproved" is incorrect; "not improved" is the correct adverbial form needed here.

5. "the number of hospital or disease treatment places are not enough" -> "the number of hospitals or disease treatment facilities is insufficient"
   Explanation: "places" is incorrect; "facilities" is the correct term. Also, "are not enough" should be "is insufficient" for grammatical correctness and formality.

6. "the poor access to medical centers of dwellers" -> "limited access to medical centers for residents"
   Explanation: "poor access" is vague; "limited access" is more precise. Also, "of dwellers" is awkward; "for residents" is clearer and more formal.

7. "the expensive spending that leads to an alarming incidence rate in society" -> "the high expenditure, which leads to an alarming incidence rate in society"
   Explanation: "expensive spending" is informal and imprecise; "high expenditure" is more formal and accurate.

8. "the neglect of administration results in the increase of literacy rate" -> "administrative neglect leads to an increase in the literacy rate"
   Explanation: "the neglect of administration" is awkward; "administrative neglect" is more direct and formal. Also, "results in the increase of" should be "leads to an increase in" for grammatical correctness.

9. "the government tends to expand the investment more in spirit health for residents" -> "the government tends to increase investment in healthcare for residents"
   Explanation: "expand the investment more in spirit health" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; "increase investment in healthcare" is clear and correct.

10. "being assisted maximumly" -> "being assisted to the maximum extent"
    Explanation: "maximumly" is not a word; "to the maximum extent" is the correct phrase.

11. "create a more color environment" -> "create a more vibrant environment"
    Explanation: "color" is incorrect; "vibrant" is the correct adjective to describe a lively atmosphere.

12. "support resident’s comprehensive development" -> "support residents’ comprehensive development"
    Explanation: "resident’s" should be "residents’" for possessive form agreement with the plural noun "residents."

13. "over any time" -> "at any time"
    Explanation: "over any time" is incorrect; "at any time" is the correct phrase for indicating frequency.

14. "concentrating more on unnecessary fields such as arts" -> "focusing more on non-essential areas such as the arts"
    Explanation: "concentrating more on unnecessary fields" is informal and vague; "focusing more on non-essential areas" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding government spending on the arts versus health and education. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of health and education, providing relevant examples such as the lack of medical facilities and the impact on literacy rates. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, highlighting the potential benefits of investing in the arts once basic needs are met. However, the discussion of the arts is less developed compared to health and education, which may lead to an unbalanced treatment of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples and details about the benefits of investing in the arts. This could include discussing how arts funding can contribute to community well-being, cultural identity, or economic growth through tourism. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are explored with equal depth would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that prioritizes health and education over the arts. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reiterates their viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing both views and the author’s opinion could be smoother, as the connection between the two could be more explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to link the discussion of both views more directly to their own opinion. For example, after presenting the arguments for the arts, the author could explicitly state how these arguments relate to their position, reinforcing their perspective.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of health and education. The author provides some supporting details, such as the lack of medical facilities and the impact on literacy. However, the support for the arts is less robust, with fewer examples and less elaboration on how investment in the arts can benefit society.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more concrete examples and data. For instance, citing studies or statistics that demonstrate the positive effects of arts funding on community health or education could enhance the argument. Additionally, expanding on how the arts contribute to societal well-being would provide a more balanced view.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate over government spending priorities. However, some sentences contain vague language or unclear references, such as "the neglect of administration results in the increase of literacy rate," which could confuse readers about the specific point being made.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument and is clearly articulated. Avoiding vague expressions and ensuring that all terms are defined and relevant to the topic will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic statements or unclear references will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, clearer transitions, and stronger support for ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both perspectives on government spending, with the first paragraph dedicated to health and education, and the second to the arts. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing health and education to the arts lacks a clear connective statement that ties the two ideas together. This can leave the reader feeling slightly disoriented.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary" can help clarify the shift from one viewpoint to another, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, which aids in understanding. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more defined structure; for example, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separately address the benefits of arts and the potential drawbacks of neglecting them.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new aspect of the argument or when shifting focus. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to follow the argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the phrase "the government should spend more" appears multiple times, which could be varied to enhance fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall cohesiveness of the text.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially increasing its band score in future evaluations.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "invest," "development," "well-being," and "comprehensive." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "the government should spend more" is used multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms such as "allocate funds," "invest resources," or "prioritize expenditure."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative expressions, and practicing paraphrasing can also contribute to a broader vocabulary range. Additionally, incorporating more specific terms related to arts, health, and education could enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the number of hospital or disease treatment places are not enough" could be more precisely stated as "the number of hospitals and treatment facilities is insufficient." Additionally, the term "spirit health" is unclear and likely intended to mean "mental health."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. It is beneficial to double-check the meanings of words and phrases before using them, ensuring they convey the intended message. Reading academic texts can also help familiarize the writer with precise vocabulary in context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dwellers’ life" (should be "dwellers’ lives"), "maximumly" (should be "maximally"), and "color environment" (should be "colorful environment"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises and spelling quizzes. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can serve as a helpful reference for future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("the government should spend more money on the arts is a complex issue while some people believe that education and health should be focused on more") and compound sentences ("the government tends to expand the investment more in spirit health for residents due to the quality of life being enhanced"). However, there is a noticeable reliance on similar structures throughout the essay, which limits the overall range. For example, phrases like "the government should spend more" and "the authorities ought to invest" are repeated, indicating a lack of syntactical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences ("If the government invests more in health, it could lead to…") or participial phrases ("Investing in health and education, the government can…"). Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transitions (e.g., "Moreover," "Conversely," "In contrast") can help create more complex sentence structures and improve the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, in the phrase "the development of the economy has been unimproved," the word "unimproved" is awkward and should be replaced with "has not improved." Additionally, the sentence "the neglect of administration results in the increase of literacy rate" should be corrected to "the neglect of administration results in an increase in the literacy rate." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the missing space before "In some countries" and the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition selection. A thorough proofreading process can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help the writer become more comfortable with complex sentence forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying persistent errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improving the range of grammatical structures and enhancing accuracy in grammar and punctuation will help elevate the score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate regarding whether the government should allocate more funds towards the arts is a complex issue, with some arguing that education and health should receive greater emphasis. I concur that the emphasis on educational systems and well-being issues plays a crucial role in the present day, and this essay will analyze both viewpoints before proposing my personal perspective.

On the one hand, some individuals believe that the authorities ought to invest more in health and education. In some countries, economic development has not improved sufficiently to ensure a good quality of life for residents. For instance, concerning health issues, the number of hospitals and disease treatment facilities is insufficient to meet the demands of residents, particularly for children and the elderly. Additionally, limited access to medical centers for residents is a significant concern, as high expenditure leads to an alarming incidence rate in society. Regarding the educational system, administrative neglect contributes to a low literacy rate and the inaccessibility of basic education in remote areas.

On the other hand, when some countries achieve comprehensive development in fundamental sectors, the government tends to increase investment in healthcare for residents, as the quality of life improves in terms of both well-being and access to education. Remarkably, residents gain full access to hospitals, which results in a decrease in suffering from health crises, as well as being assisted to the maximum extent in education by the administration. Furthermore, the government could create a more vibrant environment that relates to entertainment fields such as music concerts, movies, singing, or art galleries, in order to support residents’ comprehensive development in both physical and mental health.

In summary, while some individuals believe that the government should spend more on the arts, others hold the view that health and education should receive greater investment. In my perspective, the sustainable development of each country depends on the investment in health and education for residents’ well-being, as these areas should always be prioritized over non-essential fields such as the arts.