Some people think that the increasing of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary of significant changes, computers and cellphones become unnecessary things in human lives. The growing use of these technological gadgets causes a thought that whether the young people will be led to decline in their writing and reading skills if they heavily depend on these devices. In my point of view, I firmly disagree with this statement.

To begin with, computers and mobile phones assume crucial roles in all ways such as studying, working, entertaining, etc. The best example for this notion is the Internet. As all of us know that Internet positively effects on our lives. It provides us a lot of advantages such as we can quickly find everything online. For students, it is the most convenient things that they can research information and read books online. Furthermore, when they have trouble with something as difficult English words or exercises, they will have the best and fast answer and solutions in searching on the Internet that improve their reading skills and also give them simple ways to develop their skills.

Another point is technological gadgets help us to identify the writing. Instead of writing by hand, we can also do it on the computer and easily store it. For example, in the IELTS exam, most of participants choose computers to do this test. Moreover, using computers for doing writing will help them to get higher score in identifying the handwriting, saving times and it is more simple way for examiners to check the answers. It shows that the young know how to have more and better access to these digital devices.

In conclusion, the easily fully supports the opinions that was explained clearly above. The growing of using computers and mobile phones shows that people are living in modern society which will help each especially is young generation to improve and develop their skill as reading and writing.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary of significant changes" -> "In the era of significant changes"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is incorrectly used here. "Contemporary" typically refers to something that is happening now or is characteristic of the present time. "Era" is more appropriate as it denotes a period of time characterized by a particular set of circumstances or developments.
"become unnecessary things" -> "become essential tools"
Explanation: The original phrase is incorrect and vague. "Essential tools" clearly conveys the importance and functionality of computers and cellphones in modern life.
"causes a thought that" -> "raises the concern that"
Explanation: "Raises the concern that" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that something is being considered or discussed.
"In my point of view" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "In my point of view" is redundant; "In my view" is the correct and concise form.
"all ways" -> "all aspects"
Explanation: "All ways" is an informal and incorrect expression. "All aspects" is the correct term for referring to various aspects or facets of something.
"The best example for this notion is the Internet." -> "A prime example of this is the Internet."
Explanation: "The best example for this notion" is awkward and informal. "A prime example of this" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"Internet positively effects on our lives" -> "the Internet positively affects our lives"
Explanation: "Effects" should be "affects" for grammatical correctness, and "the Internet" should be used instead of "Internet" for clarity and formality.
"it is the most convenient things" -> "it is the most convenient thing"
Explanation: "Things" is plural and incorrect here; "thing" is singular and correct.
"have trouble with something as difficult English words or exercises" -> "encounter difficulties with complex English vocabulary or exercises"
Explanation: "Have trouble with something as difficult" is awkward and informal. "Encounter difficulties with complex" is more precise and formal.
"the best and fast answer and solutions" -> "the most effective and prompt answers and solutions"
Explanation: "The best and fast" is informal and vague. "The most effective and prompt" is more precise and formal.
"technological gadgets help us to identify the writing" -> "technological gadgets facilitate writing"
Explanation: "Help us to identify the writing" is awkward and unclear. "Facilitate writing" is a more direct and formal way to express the assistance provided by technology.
"Instead of writing by hand, we can also do it on the computer and easily store it." -> "Alternatively, we can also write on computers and easily store the documents."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and informal. The revised version is clearer and more formal.
"most of participants choose computers to do this test" -> "many participants opt for computers for this test"
Explanation: "Most of participants choose" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Many participants opt for" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"using computers for doing writing" -> "using computers for writing"
Explanation: "For doing writing" is redundant and informal. "For writing" is sufficient and more formal.
"the easily fully supports the opinions" -> "this essay fully supports the opinions"
Explanation: "The easily" is incorrect and unclear. "This essay" is the correct subject to support the opinions.
"the growing of using computers and mobile phones" -> "the increasing use of computers and mobile phones"
Explanation: "The growing of using" is grammatically incorrect. "The increasing use of" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"each especially is young generation" -> "each, particularly the young generation"
Explanation: "Each especially is young generation" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Each, particularly the young generation" is grammatically correct and clearer.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the notion that increased use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. The writer presents arguments supporting their position, such as the benefits of the Internet for research and the advantages of typing over handwriting. However, the essay could have explored the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly to provide a balanced perspective, which is often expected in IELTS essays.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should acknowledge and briefly discuss the potential negative impacts of technology on reading and writing skills. This could involve mentioning issues like reduced attention spans or reliance on spell checkers, which would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the negative effects of technology on reading and writing skills. The writer consistently supports this stance with relevant examples, such as the convenience of online research and the efficiency of typing. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position, as the phrasing is somewhat convoluted, which might confuse the reader.
- How to improve: The introduction could be revised for clarity by directly stating the writer’s position without unnecessary complexity. For example, a straightforward statement like "I believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones has positive effects on young people’s reading and writing skills" would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of the Internet in facilitating research and the advantages of typing for writing tasks. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about the Internet providing quick answers could benefit from examples of specific resources or platforms that enhance reading skills. Additionally, the argument about handwriting versus typing lacks depth, as it does not explore how each method impacts learning differently.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, they could mention specific websites or tools that aid in reading comprehension or writing skills, thereby providing a more robust support for their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or vague, such as the phrase "the easily fully supports the opinions that was explained clearly above," which lacks clarity and relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. They should avoid vague phrases and instead summarize the main points clearly in the conclusion. A more focused conclusion that reiterates the main arguments without introducing new ideas would enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer phrasing, and a more balanced discussion of the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that technology negatively impacts young people’s reading and writing skills. The introduction sets the context well, and the body paragraphs each address a specific point supporting the thesis. However, there are moments where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the Internet’s benefits to the role of computers in writing could be smoother. The ideas are relevant but could be better connected to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Revising the order of points to build upon each other progressively can also strengthen the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph mixes multiple ideas (the Internet’s benefits and its impact on reading skills) without a clear separation, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that summarizes the point made and links it back to the thesis, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "for example" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in contrast," "similarly," "as a result," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, rather than simply as fillers.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, there are areas for improvement. Focusing on logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the range of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on basic terms and phrases. For instance, words like "necessary," "important," and "help" are used repetitively without variation. Phrases such as "technological gadgets" and "growing use" are appropriate but could be expanded with synonyms or more sophisticated expressions to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "help," they could use "facilitate," "assist," or "enhance." Additionally, exploring more academic vocabulary related to technology and education, such as "digital literacy" or "technological proficiency," would elevate the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "the growing use of these technological gadgets causes a thought that whether the young people will be led to decline" is awkward and unclear. The term "assume crucial roles" is also vague and could be more accurately expressed as "play a vital role" or "are integral to." Furthermore, "the easily fully supports the opinions" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in phrasing. They should revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and ensure that word choices convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the growing of using computers," a more precise phrase would be "the increasing prevalence of computers." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "effects" instead of "effect," "things" instead of "thing," and "participants" which is correct but could be more contextually appropriate if replaced with "candidates." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Writing practice with a focus on spelling, as well as reviewing vocabulary in context, will help solidify correct spellings.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer uses a complex sentence in the phrase "if they heavily depend on these devices," which adds depth to the argument. However, there is a noticeable reliance on simpler structures, particularly in the first paragraph, where phrases like "computers and cellphones become unnecessary things in human lives" could be rephrased for greater sophistication. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the best example for this notion is the Internet" lacks variation and could be improved by incorporating more complex introductory clauses or varied transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence beginnings and incorporating subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Another point is," they could use "In addition to this," or "Moreover," followed by a complex sentence. Engaging with more complex grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences or participial phrases, would also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from the overall clarity. For example, "the contemporary of significant changes" is awkward and should be rephrased to "in contemporary society." Additionally, the phrase "the growing use of these technological gadgets causes a thought that whether the young people will be led to decline" is grammatically incorrect; it should be restructured to "raises the question of whether young people will experience a decline." Punctuation issues are also present, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, instead of "the best and fast answer," it should be "the best and fastest answers." Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on complex sentence structures and punctuation rules, will help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors and reading aloud can assist in identifying awkward phrases and punctuation mistakes.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, leading to a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the era of significant changes, computers and mobile phones have become essential tools in our lives. The increasing use of these technological gadgets raises the concern that young people may experience a decline in their reading and writing skills if they heavily depend on these devices. In my view, I firmly disagree with this statement.

To begin with, computers and mobile phones play crucial roles in various aspects of life, such as studying, working, and entertainment. A prime example of this is the Internet. As we all know, the Internet positively affects our lives. It provides us with numerous advantages, such as the ability to quickly find information online. For students, it is the most convenient thing, allowing them to research information and read books online. Furthermore, when they encounter difficulties with complex English vocabulary or exercises, they can find the most effective and prompt answers and solutions by searching on the Internet, which ultimately improves their reading skills and offers simple ways to develop their abilities.

Another point is that technological gadgets facilitate writing. Instead of writing by hand, we can also write on computers and easily store the documents. For example, in the IELTS exam, many participants opt for computers to complete this test. Moreover, using computers for writing helps them achieve higher scores in handwriting recognition, saves time, and provides a simpler way for examiners to check answers. This demonstrates that young people know how to access these digital devices more effectively.

In conclusion, this essay fully supports the opinions that have been clearly explained above. The increasing use of computers and mobile phones indicates that we are living in a modern society, which will help each individual, particularly the young generation, to improve and develop their reading and writing skills.