Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

That the growing use of mobile phones and computers for communicating undermines children's reading and writing skills is holding belief. However, I do not agree with this viewpoint due to available technology which aids reading and writing and greater variety of resources for practicing, which can actually enhance the skills instead of causing difficulties to them.

One crucial point to disagree with this notion is technology available in electronic devices which assists reading and writing. Features such as Wi-Fi, Internet and popular training platforms and applications orientate teenagers into a more rapid and efficient training progress. Furthermore, such latest technology is being constantly put into use of guiding juveniles for reading and writing like Artificial Intelligence and the like, therefore computers and mobile devices are idealistic to hone writing and reading skills more holistically.

Another crucial point to consider is a wide range of content which technological devices provide. In place of public libraries and other institutions which offer a limited number of resources, readers are guaranteed access to a massive collection of content with diverse topic with a device, facilitating the youthful to acquire knowledge more comprehensively, which partially aids writing and speaking skills. Additionally, internet access provides young people instantly at a rapid transmission rate, substantially faster compared to printed documents for training.

In conclusion, I posit that electronic devices offer benefits in training reading and writing skills, rather than limit them. The convenience of mobile devices to practice skills and greater range of resources are two of the essential factors challenging this notion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"That the growing use of mobile phones and computers for communicating undermines children’s reading and writing skills is holding belief." -> "The increasing use of mobile phones and computers for communication is believed to undermine children’s reading and writing skills."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"available technology which aids reading and writing" -> "available technology that aids reading and writing"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks a necessary article ("the" or "this") before "technology," which is grammatically incorrect. Adding "that" corrects this error and enhances the sentence’s clarity.
"greater variety of resources for practicing" -> "greater variety of resources for practice"
Explanation: Removing "for" after "resources" corrects the prepositional phrase, making the sentence grammatically correct and more natural.
"orientate teenagers into a more rapid and efficient training progress" -> "orient teenagers towards a more rapid and efficient learning process"
Explanation: "Orientate" is typically used as a transitive verb, requiring an object. "Orient" is more appropriate here, and "learning process" is a more precise term than "training progress."
"latest technology is being constantly put into use of guiding juveniles" -> "latest technologies are continually being used to guide juveniles"
Explanation: "Latest technology" should be plural to match "are," and "put into use of" is awkward and incorrect. "Continually being used to guide" is more direct and grammatically correct.
"idealistic to hone writing and reading skills more holistically" -> "ideal for holistically enhancing writing and reading skills"
Explanation: "Idealistic" is incorrectly used; "ideal" is the correct adjective. Also, "holistically enhancing" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea.
"a wide range of content which technological devices provide" -> "a wide range of content provided by technological devices"
Explanation: "Which" is incorrectly used; "provided by" is the correct prepositional phrase for describing the source of content.
"readers are guaranteed access to a massive collection of content with diverse topic" -> "readers have guaranteed access to a vast collection of content covering diverse topics"
Explanation: "With diverse topic" is grammatically incorrect; "covering diverse topics" is the correct phrase. Also, "vast" is more precise than "massive" in this context.
"facilitating the youthful to acquire knowledge more comprehensively" -> "facilitating young people to acquire knowledge more comprehensively"
Explanation: "The youthful" is an awkward and incorrect term; "young people" is the correct and more formal expression.
"instantly at a rapid transmission rate" -> "instantly at a rapid transmission rate"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain the original meaning without redundancy.
"substantially faster compared to printed documents for training" -> "substantially faster than printed documents for training"
Explanation: "Compared to" is redundant with "for training," which is already implied. "Than" is the correct comparative conjunction for this context.
"I posit that electronic devices offer benefits in training reading and writing skills" -> "I argue that electronic devices offer benefits in enhancing reading and writing skills"
Explanation: "Posit" is less formal and slightly vague; "argue" is more appropriate for academic discourse. "Enhancing" is a more precise verb than "training" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that technology negatively impacts young people’s reading and writing skills. The author identifies two main arguments: the assistance provided by technology in enhancing these skills and the vast range of resources available through electronic devices. However, while the essay does present a counter-argument, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the overall response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should consider briefly outlining the opposing argument regarding the negative effects of technology on reading and writing skills. This could provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that technology aids rather than hinders reading and writing skills. The use of phrases like "I do not agree with this viewpoint" establishes a strong stance. However, the introduction could be more direct in stating the position, as the phrasing "is holding belief" is somewhat unclear and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: The author should refine the introduction to clearly state their position in a straightforward manner. For example, rephrasing to "I firmly believe that the increasing use of technology enhances young people’s reading and writing skills" would provide clarity and set a definitive tone for the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the benefits of technology and the access to diverse resources. Each point is supported with examples, such as the mention of AI and online platforms. However, some arguments could be further developed. For instance, the discussion about AI could include specific examples of applications that aid in writing and reading, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the author should expand on key points by providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate how technology has positively impacted reading and writing skills. This could involve mentioning popular educational apps or platforms that have proven effective in enhancing these skills.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "idealistic to hone writing and reading skills more holistically" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should strive for more straightforward language and sentence structure. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main argument will help keep the essay on topic and enhance readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of examples, and acknowledgment of opposing views, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that technology negatively impacts young people’s reading and writing skills. The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct point supporting the thesis. However, the flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing technology’s features to its benefits in the second paragraph is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "Another crucial point" helps signal a new idea, but the connection between the points could be made more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between sentences and paragraphs can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion are present, which is appropriate for the task. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively developed. For example, the second body paragraph introduces multiple ideas (the variety of content and the speed of access) but does not fully elaborate on each point, leading to a somewhat rushed conclusion of the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced development of ideas within each paragraph. Each point should be introduced clearly, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs if they require more elaboration. This would not only enhance clarity but also allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "furthermore," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use can feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "another crucial point" appears in both body paragraphs, which detracts from the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "another crucial point," you could use alternatives like "in addition," "moreover," or "on the other hand" when presenting contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion without over-relying on explicit connectors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas, the development of paragraphs, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "undermines," "orientate," "holistically," and "facilitating." These words indicate an attempt to use more sophisticated language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, the phrase "growing use of mobile phones and computers" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more descriptive phrases to avoid repetition and show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "technology" and "devices," you could use terms like "digital tools," "gadgets," or "electronic mediums." Additionally, exploring more academic phrases or idiomatic expressions could elevate the overall lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "is holding belief" is awkward and could be better expressed as "is a widely held belief." Additionally, "idealistic to hone" is imprecise; "ideal" refers to a concept rather than a practical application. The phrase "the youthful" is also somewhat awkward and could be replaced with "young people" or "youth."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, revise "is holding belief" to "is a common belief" for clarity. Ensure that adjectives and nouns are used in a way that reflects their meanings accurately. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding how to use vocabulary precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "training progress" could be misinterpreted; "training process" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "juveniles" is technically correct but may not fit the context as well as "young people" or "children."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling through practice, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "which assists reading and writing" and "which partially aids writing and speaking skills" shows an attempt to incorporate relative clauses effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetitive structures, such as the repeated use of "crucial point" and "technology available." This limits the overall range and sophistication of the grammatical structures employed.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Another crucial point," the writer could use alternatives like "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Furthermore." Additionally, experimenting with different sentence types, such as using conditional sentences or participial phrases, could add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "is holding belief" is awkward and should be revised to "is a widely held belief." There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion. For example, the sentence "the convenience of mobile devices to practice skills and greater range of resources are two of the essential factors challenging this notion" lacks a comma before "and," which could clarify the separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. For instance, revising "the convenience of mobile devices to practice skills and greater range of resources are" to "the convenience of mobile devices for practicing skills and the greater range of resources is" would correct the subject-verb agreement issue. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The belief that the growing use of mobile phones and computers for communication undermines children’s reading and writing skills is prevalent. However, I do not agree with this viewpoint due to the available technology that aids reading and writing, as well as the greater variety of resources for practice, which can actually enhance these skills rather than hinder them.

One crucial point in disagreeing with this notion is the technology available in electronic devices that assists reading and writing. Features such as Wi-Fi, the Internet, and popular training platforms and applications orient teenagers towards a more rapid and efficient learning process. Furthermore, the latest technologies are continually being used to guide juveniles in their reading and writing, such as Artificial Intelligence and similar tools. Therefore, computers and mobile devices are ideal for holistically enhancing writing and reading skills.

Another important point to consider is the wide range of content that technological devices provide. Instead of relying on public libraries and other institutions that offer a limited number of resources, readers have guaranteed access to a vast collection of content covering diverse topics with a device. This facilitates young people in acquiring knowledge more comprehensively, which partially aids their writing and speaking skills. Additionally, internet access allows young people to access information instantly at a rapid transmission rate, which is substantially faster than printed documents for training.

In conclusion, I argue that electronic devices offer benefits in enhancing reading and writing skills, rather than limiting them. The convenience of mobile devices for practicing skills and the greater variety of resources available are two essential factors that challenge this notion.