Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think sp cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think sp cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is an issue of controversy whether government should allocate national budget for art and culture. While I contend that government’s investment in other fields is of necessity, I endorse an opinion that the magnitude of government expenditure on art and culture is of greater significance.
On the one hand, government spending should take other sectors into account. First, there is little room for doubt that investing in educational infrastructure in poverty-stricken areas should be considered. It is due to the fact that children in these areas have little chance to get exposed to technological appliances and Internet connection, which acted as an impediment to their acquisition of knowledge. Therefore, by dint of having educational aids, children can stand a chance of getting access to higher education, followed by changing their life for the better. Moreover, government expenditure on environmental protection is of paramount importance. As climate change, global warming induce manifold pitfalls, government consciousness about environmental maintenance can partly minimize impacts of environmental threats on human life and well-being.
On the other hand, it is advisable to allocate a national budget for art and culture. To commence with, it is transparent that some art and culture are in the form of historical sites, in which residents can derive several occupational opportunities from them. For example, inhabitants in surrounding areas sell souvenir items or provide service for tourists in order to cover their living expenses. As a result, art and culture is deemed to guarantee resident’s livelihood and boost national prosperity. Furthermore, government spending on art and culture plays a significant role in the maintenance of cultural values. The reason is that some traditional arts forms such as handicraft, silk weaving, making pottery are on the verge of extinction. Hence, government subsidies in these fields can cultivate resident’s appreciation about art and culture, attaching more importance to traditional values.
In conclusion, although government should spending on educational quality and environmental conservation, I firmly believe that allocating national budget for art and culture could bring numerous perks.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It is an issue of controversy" -> "It is a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Contenious issue" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the academic tone required in this context, emphasizing the debate surrounding the topic. -
"government should allocate national budget for art and culture" -> "the government should allocate a national budget for arts and culture"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "national budget" corrects the grammatical error, and using "arts and culture" instead of "art and culture" is more inclusive and formal, reflecting the plural nature of the subject matter. -
"I contend that government’s investment in other fields is of necessity" -> "I argue that the government’s investment in other fields is essential"
Explanation: "Argue" is more appropriate than "contend" in academic writing, and "essential" is a more precise term than "of necessity," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"the magnitude of government expenditure on art and culture is of greater significance" -> "the magnitude of government expenditure on arts and culture is more significant"
Explanation: "More significant" is a more direct and formal way to express the comparative importance, avoiding the awkward construction "of greater significance." -
"there is little room for doubt" -> "there is no doubt"
Explanation: "There is no doubt" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing. -
"children in these areas have little chance to get exposed to technological appliances and Internet connection" -> "children in these areas have limited access to technological appliances and Internet connectivity"
Explanation: "Limited access" is a more precise term than "little chance to get exposed," and "connectivity" is the correct term for the availability of Internet services. -
"by dint of having educational aids" -> "thanks to the availability of educational aids"
Explanation: "Thanks to the availability of" is clearer and more formal than "by dint of having," which is less commonly used and can be confusing in this context. -
"stand a chance of getting access to" -> "have a chance to access"
Explanation: "Have a chance to access" is a more natural and formal way to express the possibility of gaining access. -
"global warming induce manifold pitfalls" -> "global warming induces numerous pitfalls"
Explanation: "Induces" is the correct verb form to match "global warming," and "numerous" is more precise than "manifold" in this context, which can be vague and less formal. -
"government consciousness about environmental maintenance" -> "government awareness of environmental conservation"
Explanation: "Awareness of environmental conservation" is a more precise and formal phrase than "consciousness about environmental maintenance," which is awkward and unclear. -
"it is transparent that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more standard and formal expression than "it is transparent that," which is less commonly used in this context. -
"inhabitants in surrounding areas sell souvenir items or provide service for tourists" -> "residents in the surrounding areas sell souvenirs or provide services to tourists"
Explanation: "Residents" is more appropriate than "inhabitants," and "souvenirs" and "services" are more specific and formal than "souvenir items" and "service for tourists." -
"art and culture is deemed to guarantee resident’s livelihood" -> "art and culture is considered to ensure the livelihood of residents"
Explanation: "Considered to ensure the livelihood of residents" is grammatically correct and more formal than "deemed to guarantee resident’s livelihood," which is awkward and incorrect in its possessive form. -
"government spending on art and culture plays a significant role in the maintenance of cultural values" -> "government expenditure on arts and culture plays a significant role in preserving cultural values"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is the correct term for government spending, and "preserving" is more specific and formal than "maintenance" in this context, which is somewhat vague. -
"government should spending on educational quality and environmental conservation" -> "the government should prioritize spending on educational quality and environmental conservation"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is a more precise and formal verb than "spending," which is incorrect in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding government funding for art and culture. The first part discusses the necessity of funding for education and environmental protection, while the second part argues for the importance of supporting art and culture. However, the discussion of the opposing view could be more balanced and detailed. For instance, while the essay mentions the significance of educational infrastructure, it does not provide a counter-argument that fully explores why some may believe funding for art and culture is less important.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of art and culture, as well as a more thorough exploration of the arguments against funding these areas. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the debate.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is somewhat clear, as they express a belief in the importance of art and culture funding. However, the phrasing "I contend that government’s investment in other fields is of necessity" introduces some ambiguity, suggesting a conflict in the stance. The conclusion reiterates the importance of funding for art and culture, but the initial statement could confuse readers about the writer’s primary position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Using more decisive language and reducing hedging phrases would help clarify their stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, such as the benefits of funding education and environmental protection, as well as the economic and cultural advantages of supporting art. However, some points lack depth. For example, while the economic benefits of historical sites are mentioned, the essay does not delve into specific examples or data that could strengthen this argument. Additionally, the discussion on traditional arts is somewhat vague and could benefit from more concrete examples.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating data, case studies, or specific instances of successful government funding in art and culture would enhance the support for their arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about government funding for art and culture. However, the initial focus on educational and environmental funding could lead to some readers perceiving a lack of relevance to the core question. The transitions between discussing the two views could also be smoother to maintain a clear connection to the topic.
- How to improve: To ensure a tighter focus, the writer should clearly link each point back to the central question of government funding for art and culture. Using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of each viewpoint to the overarching theme would help maintain relevance throughout the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both views, clearer positioning, deeper support for ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both views on government funding for art and culture. The introduction effectively outlines the controversy, while the body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the necessity of funding education and environmental protection to advocating for art and culture feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the main points but could better synthesize the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the importance of education and environmental spending, a sentence like "Conversely, it is equally important to recognize the value of investing in art and culture" would create a clearer transition. Additionally, summarizing the key points before moving to the next argument can help reinforce the logical progression.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focused on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the necessity of funding education and environmental protection, while the second addresses the benefits of funding art and culture. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is longer and more detailed, while the second is comparatively shorter and less developed.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second body paragraph with additional examples or elaboration on the points made. For instance, you could include more specific examples of how government funding has positively impacted local economies through art and culture or discuss the social benefits of preserving cultural heritage. This will create a more even distribution of information across paragraphs.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it is advisable to allocate a national budget for art and culture" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "conversely," and "for instance." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain coherence. For example, instead of repeating "government expenditure," you could use "such funding" in subsequent references to avoid redundancy and enhance flow.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "expenditure," "impediment," "paramount," and "cultivate" showcasing a good command of language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "government spending" is repeated multiple times, which could be diversified with synonyms such as "government allocation" or "public funding."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeating "government spending," you could use "financial support from the state" or "public investment" in different sections of the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "magnitude of government expenditure" could be more effectively expressed as "extent of government funding," which conveys the idea more clearly. Additionally, "by dint of" is somewhat formal and could be replaced with "due to" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that convey your intended meaning more directly. For instance, instead of "magnitude," consider using "extent" or "level." Simplifying complex phrases can also enhance clarity; for example, replace "by dint of having educational aids" with "by providing educational resources."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "sp cultural" in the prompt and "resident’s" which should be "residents’" to indicate plural possessive. Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help catch errors before submission.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of lexical resource, focusing on vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help in achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "It is due to the fact that…" and "As climate change, global warming induce manifold pitfalls…" show an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, the essay also contains some awkward constructions, such as "government’s investment in other fields is of necessity," which could be phrased more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For example, using phrases like “Furthermore,” “In addition,” or “Conversely” can help in transitioning between ideas. Additionally, practicing the use of conditional sentences or participial phrases could add complexity and fluidity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, "government should allocate national budget" should be "the government should allocate the national budget." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "art and culture is deemed to guarantee resident’s livelihood," where "art and culture" is plural and should be "are deemed." Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken up for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing sentence structure for clarity and conciseness can enhance readability. It might be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify run-on sentences or awkward phrasing that could be simplified.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will help in achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is a contentious issue whether the government should allocate a national budget for arts and culture. While I argue that the government’s investment in other fields is essential, I also endorse the view that the magnitude of government expenditure on arts and culture is significant.
On the one hand, government spending should prioritize other sectors. First, there is no doubt that investing in educational infrastructure in poverty-stricken areas is crucial. This is because children in these areas have limited access to technological appliances and Internet connectivity, which acts as an impediment to their acquisition of knowledge. Therefore, thanks to the availability of educational aids, children can have a chance to access higher education, ultimately leading to an improved quality of life. Moreover, government expenditure on environmental protection is of paramount importance. As climate change and global warming induce numerous pitfalls, government awareness of environmental conservation can partly minimize the impacts of these threats on human life and well-being.
On the other hand, it is advisable to allocate a national budget for arts and culture. To commence with, it is clear that many aspects of art and culture, such as historical sites, provide residents with various occupational opportunities. For example, residents in the surrounding areas sell souvenirs or provide services to tourists to cover their living expenses. As a result, art and culture are considered essential for ensuring the livelihood of residents and boosting national prosperity. Furthermore, government spending on arts and culture plays a significant role in preserving cultural values. The reason is that some traditional art forms, such as handicrafts, silk weaving, and pottery making, are on the verge of extinction. Hence, government subsidies in these fields can cultivate residents’ appreciation for art and culture, attaching greater importance to traditional values.
In conclusion, although the government should prioritize spending on educational quality and environmental conservation, I firmly believe that allocating a national budget for arts and culture could bring numerous benefits.