Some people think the government has the responsibility to pay for health care and education while others don’t. Discuss and give opinions.

There is a school of thought that the government has the obligation to cover the costs of medical fees and education. While others are of the claim that there is no reason for such action. In this essay, I will elucidate both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people point out that paying for health care and education is unnecessary for the government. The initial culprit lies in the fact that there are a lot of different industries and services that should be invested in rather than medical care and instruction. In fact, improving fundamental industries and facilities such as agriculture and tourism can both surge the economic growth and create a chance of occupations for the residents.

On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that the government has to take responsibility to pay for medical and educational costs. First and foremost, the government's economy is contributed from taxes covered by their citizens. Thus, it is obvious that the authorities have to help their residents financially by paying for their health and education. Furthermore, facilitating improvements in knowledge and life standard could benefit the government in the future. Actually, education is the future of the country so giving a chance for the residents, especially children, can potentially support the country when the people contribute to the development of the country as an act of gratitude.

In conclusion, while some people argue that the government should not pay for medical services and education to divert resources to other industries. I believe that the government should cover the fees of health services and education due to the benefits it could bring about.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a school of thought" -> "There exists a prevailing opinion"
Explanation: "There exists a prevailing opinion" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the obligation to cover the costs" -> "the responsibility to bear the expenses"
Explanation: "Bear the expenses" is a more formal and precise term than "cover the costs," aligning better with academic language.
"others are of the claim" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more direct and academically appropriate verb than "are of the claim," which is awkward and unclear.
"I will elucidate" -> "I will elaborate"
Explanation: "Elucidate" is often used in formal writing to mean "to explain clearly," but "elaborate" is more commonly used in academic contexts to discuss detailed explanations.
"The initial culprit lies in the fact" -> "The primary reason is that"
Explanation: "The primary reason is that" is a clearer and more direct way to introduce a cause, avoiding the colloquial tone of "culprit."
"there are a lot of different industries and services" -> "there are numerous diverse industries and services"
Explanation: "Numerous diverse" is more precise and formal than "a lot of," which is too informal for academic writing.
"surge the economic growth" -> "boost economic growth"
Explanation: "Boost" is a more commonly used term in formal writing than "surge," which can be less precise in this context.
"create a chance of occupations" -> "create job opportunities"
Explanation: "Job opportunities" is a more specific and formal term than "a chance of occupations," which is vague and awkward.
"the government’s economy is contributed from taxes" -> "the government’s revenue is derived from taxes"
Explanation: "Revenue" is the correct term for the money received by the government, and "derived" is more precise than "contributed from."
"help their residents financially" -> "financially support their citizens"
Explanation: "Financially support" is a more formal and precise phrase than "help financially," which is less formal.
"facilitating improvements in knowledge and life standard" -> "enhancing knowledge and living standards"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is more specific and formal than "facilitating," and "living standards" is the correct term for the quality of life.
"giving a chance for the residents" -> "providing opportunities for residents"
Explanation: "Providing opportunities" is more formal and precise than "giving a chance," which is colloquial.
"as an act of gratitude" -> "as a gesture of gratitude"
Explanation: "As a gesture of gratitude" is a more formal expression than "as an act of gratitude," which is slightly less common in formal writing.
"divert resources to other industries" -> "redirect resources to other sectors"
Explanation: "Redirect" is more precise and formal than "divert," and "sectors" is a more appropriate term than "industries" in this context.
"cover the fees of health services and education" -> "cover the costs of healthcare and education"
Explanation: "Healthcare" is a more formal term than "health services," and "cover the costs" is a standard phrase in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether the government should pay for health care and education. The introduction clearly states the two opposing views, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced discussion of each perspective. The author presents arguments for both sides, which is essential for a comprehensive response to the prompt. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit mention of the specific implications of each viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each argument is not only presented but also analyzed in terms of its broader implications. For example, discussing the potential long-term societal impacts of government-funded education and health care could provide a more nuanced view. Additionally, integrating examples or statistics could strengthen the arguments presented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that the author believes the government should cover health and education costs. However, the transition from discussing both views to stating the personal opinion could be more seamless. The phrase "I believe that the government should cover the fees" is clear, but the connection to the preceding arguments could be stronger to reinforce the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the writer should use linking phrases that tie the arguments back to their own opinion more explicitly. For instance, after discussing the opposing view, the author could summarize why their own perspective is more beneficial, thereby creating a stronger narrative thread.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits of investing in education and health care. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For example, the argument about how education is the future of the country is compelling, but it lacks specific examples or evidence to substantiate this claim. The mention of "creating a chance of occupations for the residents" also needs further elaboration to clarify how this relates to the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, case studies, or data that illustrate the benefits of government-funded health care and education. This could involve referencing successful models from other countries or studies that show the positive outcomes of such investments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the responsibilities of the government regarding health care and education. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly off-topic or vague, such as the reference to "fundamental industries and facilities such as agriculture and tourism." While these points are related to the broader discussion of government spending, they could distract from the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central question of government responsibility for health care and education. It might be helpful to briefly acknowledge the importance of other industries but then quickly return to the main topic, ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some improvements in depth of analysis, clearer connections between ideas, and more robust support for claims, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both views. Each viewpoint is addressed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between the two opposing views could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the reasons against government funding to the reasons in favor could benefit from a more explicit linking sentence to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the opposing view, a sentence like "Conversely, many argue that…" could help signal the shift to the next argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence will reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the conclusion paragraph could be more robust. It currently summarizes the arguments but lacks a strong restatement of the writer’s opinion, which is essential for a compelling conclusion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly restating your opinion and summarizing the key points that support it. For example, you could say, "In conclusion, while there are valid arguments against government funding for health care and education, I firmly believe that the long-term benefits to society justify such investments." This would provide a more definitive closure to your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For instance, phrases like "first and foremost" and "furthermore" are effective, but the essay could benefit from additional connectors that indicate cause and effect, contrast, or examples.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," or "For instance" to enhance the connections between ideas. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, there are areas for improvement, particularly in enhancing transitions between ideas, strengthening the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices. Implementing these suggestions will help elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "obligation," "elucidate," "culprit," and "facilitating improvements." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the initial culprit lies in the fact" is somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more precise language that conveys the same meaning without relying on common expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms that can add depth to their arguments. For instance, instead of repeating "government" and "education," they could use "authorities," "administration," or "public sector" and "learning institutions" to create more variation. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to economics and social policy could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the government’s economy is contributed from taxes covered by their citizens" is awkwardly constructed and could lead to misunderstanding. The term "covered" is not the best choice here; "paid" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "surge the economic growth" should be "surge economic growth" or "boost economic growth" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can practice by rewriting sentences to eliminate awkward phrasing and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. Reading academic articles or essays can also help in understanding how to use vocabulary more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. Words such as "education," "responsibility," and "facilitate" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is a minor issue with "life standard," which is more commonly expressed as "standard of living."
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consistently proofread their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial for future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, such as "the government has the obligation to cover the costs of medical fees and education" and "the government has to take responsibility to pay for medical and educational costs." This repetition can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses in different ways. For example, instead of repeating similar structures, the writer could use relative clauses or participial phrases to add depth. An example could be: "While some argue against government funding for health care and education, citing the need for investment in other sectors, many believe that such funding is essential for societal progress."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "the initial culprit lies in the fact that there are a lot of different industries" could be more effectively expressed as "the initial argument against government funding is that there are many other industries." Additionally, the sentence "the government’s economy is contributed from taxes covered by their citizens" is awkwardly phrased; a clearer version would be "the government’s revenue comes from taxes paid by its citizens." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially children" in the final paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with sentence restructuring and seeking feedback on complex sentences can also help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and readability. For instance, the writer could revise the final conclusion to read: "In conclusion, while some argue that the government should not pay for medical services and education to divert resources to other industries, I believe that it should cover these fees due to the significant benefits they could bring."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There exists a prevailing opinion that the government has the obligation to cover the costs of medical fees and education, while others argue that there is no reason for such action. In this essay, I will elaborate on both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people point out that paying for health care and education is unnecessary for the government. The primary reason is that there are numerous diverse industries and services that should be invested in rather than medical care and instruction. In fact, improving fundamental industries and facilities such as agriculture and tourism can both boost economic growth and create job opportunities for the residents.

On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that the government has the responsibility to bear the expenses of medical and educational costs. First and foremost, the government’s revenue is derived from taxes paid by their citizens. Thus, it is obvious that the authorities have to financially support their citizens by covering their health and education. Furthermore, enhancing knowledge and living standards could benefit the government in the future. Actually, education is the future of the country, so providing opportunities for residents, especially children, can potentially support the country when the people contribute to its development as a gesture of gratitude.

In conclusion, while some people argue that the government should not pay for medical services and education to redirect resources to other sectors, I believe that the government should cover the costs of health services and education due to the benefits it could bring about.