Some people think the government should spend money on public services rather than waste money on arts(ie, music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the demand for arts is becoming increasingly popular, the government has started to invest in this realm. Concerning this trend, some argue that this deed is potentially wasting money, which, they suggest, should be invested in public services. From my perspective, I agree with statement as spending money on public use would be a wiser choice.
Undeniably, the growing need for arts is widespread, especially in developed countries. Music concerts and art exhibitions, for example, have been established at a higher frequency than in the past to cater to its customers’ demands. The result is that this trend could foster better mental health, and besides offers more entertainment options. However, the expense for such investment cannot be overlooked. That the money is allocated to artistic uses will render the government budget somewhat limited. Therefore, subsidies for amenities, such as conventional parking lots, bus stops, … could be reduced, leading to the downgrade of living conditions. Consequently, regarding the unfulfilled need of daily basis, one country would even struggle to maintain daily operation.
In some countries, both developed and developing ones, people brand public services an indispensable element in daily life, with one of the reasons being that the transformation of the contemporary world has required people to commute more usually than in the past. Indeed, inspecting the past, community conveniences were not crucially necessary as they do not significantly cater to the mass. In this case, Vietnam serves as a prime example as, after their triumph in the revolution war, Vietnam mainly focused on the recovery of their postwar economy and country, during which process did not report any need for community conveniences. However, in this day and age, when independent countries barely experience wartime, they aim to heighten globalization and further the process of industrialization in tandem with servitization. Therefore, fair distribution of public services could facilitate this course while also enhancing the living standards.
To conclude, it can be stated that allocating dividends for arts does bring about some benefits, but those benefits are easily eclipsed by its negative ramifications. Instead, the idea that budget should concentrate on public services could be more optimal because of the universal demand and the requirements of the current world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As the demand for arts is becoming increasingly popular" -> "As the demand for the arts is increasing"
Explanation: Removing "increasingly" and replacing "arts" with "the arts" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.
"Concerning this trend, some argue" -> "Regarding this trend, some argue"
Explanation: "Concerning" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context; "Regarding" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"this deed is potentially wasting money" -> "this allocation of funds may be wasteful"
Explanation: "This deed" is vague and informal; "allocation of funds" is more precise and formal. "May be wasteful" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "potentially wasting."
"spending money on public use" -> "allocating funds to public services"
Explanation: "Spending money on public use" is vague and informal; "allocating funds to public services" is more specific and formal.
"the growing need for arts" -> "the increasing demand for the arts"
Explanation: "Growing need" is less formal and slightly imprecise; "increasing demand" is more specific and suitable for academic writing.
"Music concerts and art exhibitions, for example" -> "For example, music concerts and art exhibitions"
Explanation: Moving "For example" to the beginning of the sentence improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"have been established at a higher frequency than in the past" -> "are now more frequent than previously"
Explanation: "Have been established at a higher frequency" is awkward and verbose; "are now more frequent than previously" is concise and clearer.
"this trend could foster better mental health, and besides offers more entertainment options" -> "this trend could improve mental health and provide additional entertainment options"
Explanation: "Besides offers" is informal and awkward; "provide additional" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"the expense for such investment cannot be overlooked" -> "the costs of such investments cannot be ignored"
Explanation: "The expense for such investment" is grammatically incorrect; "the costs of such investments" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"That the money is allocated to artistic uses will render the government budget somewhat limited" -> "The allocation of funds to artistic purposes will reduce the government’s budgetary flexibility"
Explanation: "That the money is allocated" is informal and unclear; "The allocation of funds to artistic purposes" is more precise and formal. "Render the government budget somewhat limited" is vague; "reduce the government’s budgetary flexibility" is specific and appropriate.
"subsidies for amenities, such as conventional parking lots, bus stops, …" -> "subsidies for amenities such as conventional parking lots and bus stops"
Explanation: The ellipsis is unnecessary and informal; completing the list with "and" improves clarity and formality.
"one country would even struggle to maintain daily operation" -> "a country might struggle to maintain daily operations"
Explanation: "One country would even struggle" is informal and awkward; "a country might struggle" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"both developed and developing ones" -> "both developed and developing countries"
Explanation: "Ones" is informal and unclear; "countries" is the correct term.
"community conveniences were not crucially necessary" -> "community conveniences were not essential"
Explanation: "Crucially necessary" is redundant; "essential" is sufficient and more formal.
"did not report any need for community conveniences" -> "did not require community conveniences"
Explanation: "Report any need" is awkward and incorrect; "require" is the correct verb in this context.
"in this day and age" -> "in the current era"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is informal and clichéd; "in the current era" is more formal and precise.
"fair distribution of public services could facilitate this course" -> "equitable distribution of public services could facilitate this process"
Explanation: "Fair" is vague; "equitable" is more specific and formal. "This course" is unclear; "this process" is more appropriate in this context.
"the idea that budget should concentrate on public services" -> "the notion that the budget should focus on public services"
Explanation: "The idea that budget" is grammatically incorrect; "the notion that the budget" is grammatically correct. "Concentrate on" is less formal; "focus on" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument regarding the allocation of government funds. It acknowledges the value of arts but ultimately argues for prioritizing public services. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "from my perspective, I agree with statement" is somewhat vague and could be more assertively articulated. Additionally, while the essay mentions both sides, it does not fully explore the potential benefits of investing in the arts, which could provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clarify their position more explicitly at the beginning and throughout the essay. They could also include a brief discussion of the benefits of arts funding before countering those points with the argument for public services, thereby addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring public services over arts funding, but the clarity of this stance fluctuates. While the author states their agreement with prioritizing public services, the introduction could be more assertive. The conclusion reiterates the main argument effectively, but the body paragraphs sometimes meander, which can dilute the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their stance in each paragraph. Using topic sentences that reflect the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of public services and the potential drawbacks of arts funding. However, some points lack depth and development. For instance, the mention of Vietnam’s historical context is interesting but could be better linked to the argument about public services. Additionally, the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Expanding on the implications of arts funding versus public services with specific statistics or studies could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using more varied sentence structures and transitions can help in extending and supporting ideas more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between funding for public services and the arts. However, some sections, particularly the historical reference to Vietnam, feel somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument. While historical context can be relevant, it should directly support the thesis rather than serve as an unrelated anecdote.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example and piece of evidence directly relates to the central argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, the writer could consider using a more straightforward structure that clearly delineates the argument for public services without diverging into less relevant historical contexts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, it can be improved by clarifying the position, deepening the analysis, and ensuring that all content remains tightly focused on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the allocation of government funds, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance. The subsequent paragraphs build on this by discussing the benefits of arts and contrasting them with the necessity of public services. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of arts to the drawbacks of funding them feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast") can help guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas, which can dilute the main point. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the popularity of arts and the financial implications of funding them, which could be confusing for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for more focused paragraphs, each containing a single main idea supported by examples. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into two or more shorter ones. This will not only improve readability but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "consequently," which help connect ideas. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use can occasionally feel mechanical. For instance, the phrase "in this day and age" is somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with a more original expression.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore" to add information, "in contrast" to show opposition, or "as a result" to indicate cause and effect. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall quality of the writing. Focus on clarity and variety to enhance the reader’s experience and strengthen the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of public services and arts. Phrases like "invest in this realm," "foster better mental health," and "indispensable element" are effective and contextually appropriate. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "public services" and "arts" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "public services," you could use "community services," "public amenities," or "infrastructure." Similarly, for "arts," terms like "cultural initiatives" or "creative sectors" could be employed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "allocate," "subsidies," and "living standards." However, there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "this deed is potentially wasting money" could be more clearly articulated as "this investment may be seen as a waste of public funds." Additionally, the phrase "the expense for such investment cannot be overlooked" could be more directly stated as "the financial burden of such investments is significant."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure clarity and precision. Review phrases that may sound vague or overly complex and replace them with more straightforward language. For example, instead of "render the government budget somewhat limited," you could say "restrict the government budget."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "conventional parking lots" is correctly spelled, but "deed" in the context used might be better replaced with "action" or "decision" to avoid confusion. The term "downgrade" is also correctly spelled but could be more effectively replaced with "deterioration" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay for any spelling errors or typos. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch mistakes before submission. Practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will further strengthen the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are used effectively, such as "the expense for such investment cannot be overlooked," which showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar structures, particularly in the use of conjunctions and phrases like "for example" and "in this case." This can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and use a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "however," alternatives like "nevertheless" or "on the other hand" could be employed. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the government has started to invest in this realm" is clear, yet the sentence "which, they suggest, should be invested in public services" is awkwardly constructed and could be misinterpreted. Additionally, the use of ellipses in "such as conventional parking lots, bus stops, …" is inappropriate in formal writing and disrupts the flow. There are also instances of missing articles, such as "the unfulfilled need of daily basis," which should be "the unfulfilled needs of daily life."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in article usage and sentence clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify awkward constructions. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and ellipses, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. It is also advisable to read the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

As the demand for the arts is increasing, the government has begun to invest more in this sector. Regarding this trend, some argue that such spending is potentially wasteful and should instead be directed towards public services. From my perspective, I agree with this viewpoint, as allocating funds to public services would be a wiser choice.

Undeniably, the increasing demand for the arts is evident, particularly in developed countries. For example, music concerts and art exhibitions are now more frequent than previously to cater to customers’ desires. The result is that this trend could improve mental health and provide additional entertainment options. However, the costs of such investments cannot be ignored. The allocation of funds to artistic purposes will reduce the government’s budgetary flexibility. Consequently, subsidies for amenities, such as conventional parking lots and bus stops, could be diminished, leading to a decline in living conditions. As a result, regarding the unfulfilled needs of daily life, a country might struggle to maintain daily operations.

In both developed and developing countries, people regard public services as an indispensable element of daily life. One reason for this is that the transformation of the contemporary world has required people to commute more frequently than in the past. Indeed, looking back, community conveniences were not essential, as they did not significantly cater to the masses. Vietnam serves as a prime example; after their triumph in the revolutionary war, the country primarily focused on recovering its postwar economy and did not report any pressing need for community conveniences. However, in the current era, when independent countries rarely experience wartime, they aim to enhance globalization and further the processes of industrialization and servitization. Therefore, equitable distribution of public services could facilitate this process while also improving living standards.

To conclude, while allocating funds for the arts does bring some benefits, these advantages are easily overshadowed by the negative consequences. Instead, the notion that the budget should focus on public services could be more optimal due to the universal demand and the requirements of today’s world.