Some people think the Olympic Games are an existing event that can bring nations together. Others think it’s a waste of money. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

It is widely acknowledged that the Olympic Games tend to be deemed exorbitant dollar investments. Due to the enormous budget required, some people assert that countries should not spend national budget on this money-wasting event. While I understand the rationale behind this former view, I shall strongly advocate that the international sport event are worth the investment because of financial merits and intangible values.

On the one hand, from opponents’ point of holding the Olympic Games may point to the massive funding required to construct a large number of stadiums and sports – art sport facilities to serve varied type of games. These construction projects however incur multi-billion dollar expenses and could offer the Olympic games’ sport venues and facilities become underutilized or abandoned and maintenance costs thereby leads wasted resources. This ultimate consequence are borne by taxpayers which should be allocated to address some issues by extension, national budget are for by taxpayers in order to enhance citizen’s living standard and address problems such as environment deterioration.

On the other hand, it seems to me that the Olympic Games are an meaningful sport events for its’ purpose on the countries. One in particular merit is that hosting Olympics provides a platform for nations to come together and engage in friendly competitions, fostering mutual understanding and cultural exchanges. In fact, the process of hosting and participating in the Olympics often requires international cooperation, for resulting in collaboration between nations in areas such as infrastructure development, security, and sports administration. These interactions make a significant contribution in diplomatic relations facilitating, strengthening the international cooperation. In the long term to stimulate national development. Additionally, host countries may reap a myriad of financial benefits because of a boom in tourism during this important sport events. Flocks of tourists and audiences from all over the world pay a visit to the hosting country, leading to a steep growth in the demands for various goods and services, including lodging and transportation. This also an ideal opportunity to promote cultural and traditions to international visitors, helping national tourism thrive radically.

In conclusion, while some may oppose the idea of holding the Olympic games because of an tremendous amount of money required, I still believe that the event provides multifaceted advantages in international cooperation and tourism upkeep.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"tend to be deemed exorbitant dollar investments" -> "are often considered significant financial investments"
Explanation: Replacing "tend to be deemed" with "are often considered" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal. "Exorbitant dollar investments" is redundant and informal; "significant financial investments" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"money-wasting event" -> "costly event"
Explanation: "Money-wasting event" is informal and vague. "Costly event" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"former view" -> "previous perspective"
Explanation: "Former view" is less common and can be ambiguous. "Previous perspective" is more widely accepted and clear in academic writing.
"the international sport event are" -> "the international sporting events"
Explanation: "Sport event" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Sporting events" is the correct plural form and is more formal.
"point of holding the Olympic Games" -> "argument for hosting the Olympic Games"
Explanation: "Point of holding" is awkward and unclear. "Argument for hosting" is more direct and appropriate for an academic discussion.
"sports – art sport facilities" -> "sports facilities"
Explanation: The hyphenated "sports-art sport facilities" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Sports facilities" is the correct term.
"multi-billion dollar expenses" -> "multi-billion-dollar expenses"
Explanation: Adding a hyphen is necessary for "multi-billion-dollar" to correctly form a compound adjective.
"could offer the Olympic games’ sport venues and facilities become underutilized or abandoned" -> "could render the Olympic Games’ sports venues and facilities underutilized or abandoned"
Explanation: "Could offer" is vague and incorrect in this context. "Render" is the correct verb to imply the consequence of the actions.
"maintenance costs thereby leads wasted resources" -> "maintenance costs thus lead to wastage of resources"
Explanation: "Leads" should be "lead" to agree with the plural subject "maintenance costs." "Thus" is more formal than "thereby," and "wastage of resources" is a more precise term than "wasted resources."
"are borne by taxpayers" -> "are borne by taxpayers"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the verb "are" should be repeated to maintain grammatical consistency.
"by extension, national budget are for by taxpayers" -> "thus, the national budget is allocated by taxpayers"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"an meaningful sport events" -> "meaningful sporting events"
Explanation: "An meaningful" is grammatically incorrect. "Meaningful" should not be preceded by "an" when referring to a general characteristic. "Sporting events" is also the correct plural form.
"its’ purpose on the countries" -> "its purpose for the countries"
Explanation: "Its’ purpose on the countries" is grammatically incorrect. "Its purpose for the countries" corrects this error and clarifies the intended meaning.
"merit is that" -> "merit is that"
Explanation: "Merit" should be singular, as it is a singular noun.
"booming tourism" -> "boom in tourism"
Explanation: "Booming" is an adjective and should be used as an adjective, not a noun. "Boom in tourism" is grammatically correct.
"This also an ideal opportunity" -> "This also provides an ideal opportunity"
Explanation: "This also an" is grammatically incorrect. "Provides" corrects the verb needed to complete the sentence structure.
"to international visitors" -> "to international visitors"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "to" should not be repeated unnecessarily.
"helping national tourism thrive radically" -> "helping national tourism thrive significantly"
Explanation: "Radically" is too strong and informal for academic writing. "Significantly" is more appropriate and maintains the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the value of the Olympic Games. It acknowledges the viewpoint that the Olympics are seen as a waste of money and provides reasons supporting the opposing view that they bring nations together.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in more depth with specific examples and statistics where possible. This would strengthen the argumentation and balance of the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of the Olympic Games outweigh the financial costs. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement and supporting arguments are consistently reinforced throughout each paragraph. This will help in reinforcing the stance without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas such as financial benefits, international cooperation, cultural exchange, and tourism support. Each idea is briefly introduced but lacks comprehensive development and supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, elaborate on each idea with specific examples, data, or case studies to substantiate claims. This would provide depth and credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing both perspectives on the value of the Olympic Games. However, there are instances of unclear or repetitive phrasing that can detract from coherence.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining clarity and coherence by structuring paragraphs more logically and ensuring each point directly relates to the essay prompt. Avoid unnecessary repetition or vague language.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and the use of specific examples to bolster arguments. These enhancements could potentially raise the band score by providing a more nuanced and well-supported discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs discussing different views, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the two contrasting views, the body paragraphs discuss each view in turn, and the conclusion restates the writer’s opinion. However, there are some issues with coherence due to language errors and awkward phrasing, which occasionally disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the prompt and maintain a consistent argumentative thread. Address language issues to improve clarity and coherence, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to structure the discussion, but there are inconsistencies in paragraphing and coherence within paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity. Additionally, the essay suffers from language errors and awkward sentence structures that hinder effective paragraph development.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to either supporting or opposing views about the Olympics. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Simplify and clarify sentence structures to improve readability and coherence within paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "while," "however"), and transitions (e.g., "on the one hand," "in conclusion") are used to some extent to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices used. Some transitions are overused or incorrectly applied, which affects coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, including synonyms for commonly used transitions and more precise connectors that clearly link ideas. Ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and consistently throughout the essay to improve overall coherence and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of organizing ideas logically and using paragraphs, there are significant opportunities for improvement in coherence and cohesion. Addressing language clarity and focusing on effective paragraph structure and cohesive device usage will help elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using varied expressions and terminology. For instance, phrases like "exorbitant dollar investments," "multi-billion dollar expenses," and "fostering mutual understanding" showcase a basic attempt to diversify vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, aim to incorporate more nuanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For example, instead of "exorbitant dollar investments," consider alternatives like "lavish financial outlays" or "extravagant fiscal commitments" to convey similar meanings with greater lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "sports – art sport facilities" lacks clarity and precision. However, phrases like "financial merits" and "intangible values" demonstrate attempts at more precise language.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in vocabulary choices. Replace vague or ambiguous terms with precise alternatives. For instance, instead of "sports – art sport facilities," use "sports venues and artistic facilities" to clearly convey the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "sport events" instead of "sporting events," "are for by taxpayers" instead of "are funded by taxpayers," and "deterioration" spelled as "deteroriation."
- How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and using spell-check tools. It’s essential to double-check each word against its correct spelling in contexts where accuracy is crucial, such as academic writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in using varied vocabulary and addressing the essay prompt, there is room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score. By refining these aspects, the essay could more effectively convey ideas and enhance overall coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes simple and complex sentences, although some structures are repetitive or awkwardly constructed ("Due to the enormous budget required, some people assert that countries should not spend national budget on this money-wasting event."). The use of complex sentences is evident but could be more effectively varied to enhance clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve, aim to diversify sentence structures further. Introduce compound-complex sentences for more nuanced arguments and clarity. For instance, consider varying sentence openings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and coherence throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays noticeable issues with grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are several instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("the Olympic Games tend to be deemed exorbitant dollar investments"), incorrect verb tense usage ("are worth the investment because of financial merits and intangible values"), and punctuation errors (such as missing commas in lists and after introductory phrases).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Proofread carefully for punctuation errors, ensuring commas are used correctly in lists and to separate clauses. Consider using simpler sentence structures where possible to minimize errors and improve clarity. Reviewing and editing for these specific issues can significantly elevate the grammatical quality of your essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to vary sentence structures and convey complex ideas, improvements in grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency are necessary to achieve higher band scores. Regular practice with varied sentence structures and careful proofreading for grammatical errors will greatly benefit your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that the Olympic Games are often considered significant financial investments. Due to the enormous budget required, some people assert that countries should not spend taxpayers’ money on this costly event. While I understand the rationale behind this perspective, I strongly advocate that hosting international sporting events is worth the investment because of both financial benefits and intangible values.

On the one hand, opponents argue that hosting the Olympic Games necessitates substantial funding to build numerous stadiums and sports facilities for various events. These construction projects incur multi-billion-dollar expenses and could render the Olympic Games’ sports venues and facilities underutilized or abandoned. The maintenance costs thus lead to wastage of resources, which are ultimately borne by taxpayers. This could otherwise be allocated to address issues like improving living standards and tackling environmental deterioration.

On the other hand, it seems to me that the Olympic Games are meaningful sporting events for the countries that host them. One notable merit is that hosting the Olympics provides a platform for nations to come together and engage in friendly competitions, fostering mutual understanding and cultural exchanges. In fact, the process of hosting and participating in the Olympics often requires international cooperation, resulting in collaborations between nations in areas such as infrastructure development, security, and sports administration. These interactions significantly contribute to diplomatic relations and strengthen international cooperation, which can stimulate national development in the long term.

Additionally, host countries may reap myriad financial benefits due to a boom in tourism during these international events. Flocks of tourists and audiences from all over the world visit the host country, leading to a significant increase in demand for various goods and services, including lodging and transportation. This also provides an ideal opportunity to showcase cultural traditions to international visitors, helping national tourism thrive significantly.

In conclusion, while some may oppose the idea of hosting the Olympic Games due to the considerable financial investment required, I believe that the event provides multifaceted advantages in terms of international cooperation and tourism promotion.