Some people think watching tv is bad for children, while others think that it is good for them to get knowledge. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The utilizing of television during child times has sparked a debate in recent years, many people hold the opinion that watching TV offers children with many disadvantages, others believe that it is beneficial for them to acquire new knowledges from television programs. This essay will explore both schools of thought before presenting my own viewpoint.
On one hand, there are some significant reasons why people believe that watching TV is disadvantageous for children development. They argue that children are always eager to explore new things and attracted by many eye-catching film techniques. Meanwhile, TV programs, especially those with violent contents are frequently visually stunning, potentially attracting many children. Thus, children with insufficient cognitive abilities may tend to mimic the violent activities and applying these to their daily life, causing a number of repercussion for not only themselves, but also for their surroundings.
Conversely, many individuals are of a claim that watching television may vital for children’s development as they can gain a wide range of knowledges from TV programs. They believe that some kinds of TV programs such as historical documentaries provide with many historical events and scenes, particularly during the war time, showing how hard our ancesters had sacrificed to protect the independence of country. Therefore, these types information promote the sense of patriotism and national identity among younger generations, which is fundamental for the cohesive and developed society.
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of watching television during childhood such as negative influence on children’s behaviour, I strongly believe that the advantages associated with TV programs that bring to children far outweigh its disadvantages, not only do these drawbacks can be mitigated through the proper guidings from their parents, but also TV programs offer children with a sense of responsibility with their current living.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The utilizing of television" -> "The use of television"
Explanation: "The utilizing of television" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The use of television" is the correct and more formal expression.
"child times" -> "childhood"
Explanation: "Child times" is an incorrect and informal term. "Childhood" is the correct noun form and is more appropriate in academic writing.
"offers children with many disadvantages" -> "offers children numerous disadvantages"
Explanation: "Offers children with many disadvantages" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Offers children numerous disadvantages" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"new knowledges" -> "new knowledge"
Explanation: "Knowledges" is not a standard plural form of "knowledge." The singular form "knowledge" is correct and more appropriate in formal writing.
"On one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: This is a correct transition phrase, but it is often used to introduce contrasting ideas. It is not incorrect but could be more specific in context.
"children development" -> "children’s development"
Explanation: "Children development" is grammatically incorrect. "Children’s development" is the correct possessive form, indicating that the development belongs to children.
"are always eager to explore new things and attracted by many eye-catching film techniques" -> "are often eager to explore new things and are drawn to many visually striking film techniques"
Explanation: "Attracted by" is somewhat informal and vague. "Are drawn to" is more precise and formal. Also, "eye-catching" is informal; "visually striking" is more academically appropriate.
"violent contents" -> "violent content"
Explanation: "Contents" is plural, but "violent content" is typically singular in formal writing, referring to the overall nature of the content.
"applying these to their daily life" -> "applying these behaviors to their daily lives"
Explanation: "Applying these" is vague and lacks specificity. "Applying these behaviors" specifies the actions being referred to, and "daily lives" is the correct plural form.
"a number of repercussion" -> "a number of repercussions"
Explanation: "Repercussion" is a noun that should be plural when referring to multiple consequences.
"many individuals are of a claim" -> "many individuals claim"
Explanation: "Are of a claim" is awkward and unclear. "Claim" is the correct verb form, making the sentence more direct and clear.
"may vital for" -> "may be vital for"
Explanation: "May vital" is grammatically incorrect. "May be vital" corrects the verb tense and form, making the sentence grammatically correct and formal.
"provide with many historical events" -> "provide many historical events"
Explanation: "Provide with" is incorrect. "Provide many historical events" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"ancesters" -> "ancestors"
Explanation: "Ancesters" is a misspelling. "Ancestors" is the correct spelling and is necessary for formal writing.
"these types information" -> "this type of information"
Explanation: "These types information" is grammatically incorrect. "This type of information" is the correct form, specifying the type of information being referred to.
"not only do these drawbacks can be mitigated" -> "not only can these drawbacks be mitigated"
Explanation: "Do these drawbacks can be mitigated" is grammatically incorrect. "Not only can these drawbacks be mitigated" corrects the verb tense and form, improving the sentence structure.
"sense of responsibility with their current living" -> "sense of responsibility in their current lives"
Explanation: "Sense of responsibility with their current living" is awkward and incorrect. "Sense of responsibility in their current lives" is grammatically correct and clearer.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of television on children, discussing the disadvantages of violent content and the advantages of educational programs. However, while it mentions both sides, the exploration of the negative aspects is somewhat more developed than the positive aspects. For example, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks effectively outlines the potential for children to mimic violent behavior, but the benefits of educational content could be elaborated further.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are equally developed. This could involve providing more specific examples of educational programs that have positively influenced children, as well as discussing how these programs can be effectively integrated into a child’s viewing habits.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in the conclusion, asserting that the advantages of television outweigh the disadvantages. However, the transition to this conclusion could be smoother. The phrase "I strongly believe that the advantages associated with TV programs that bring to children far outweigh its disadvantages" is somewhat convoluted and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently signal their viewpoint throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at the beginning of the relevant sections can help reinforce the stance taken. Additionally, summarizing the main points that support this position in the conclusion can strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the negative and positive impacts of television. However, the support for these ideas is uneven. The discussion on the negative effects includes a clear example of violent content, while the positive side lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claims about educational benefits.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples or studies that illustrate the positive effects of educational television. For instance, mentioning a specific documentary or educational program that has been shown to enhance learning could provide stronger support for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of television on children. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "the sense of responsibility with their current living" is vague and does not clearly connect back to the topic of television’s impact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the prompt. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that each point ties back to how television influences children will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a brief reiteration of how each point relates to the overall argument can reinforce relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph addressing the disadvantages of television and the second focusing on its benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of TV to the positive aspects is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the shift in focus. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "In addition to the drawbacks" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensure that each point made in a paragraph is directly linked to the main argument of that paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the first paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. The conclusion also feels slightly rushed and could be more developed.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea being discussed. For example, in the first body paragraph, a more explicit topic sentence could state, "Many argue that television has detrimental effects on children’s development." In the conclusion, summarize the key points more thoroughly and restate your opinion with a stronger emphasis on the implications of your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one hand" and "Conversely," which help to indicate contrasting views. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For instance, the use of conjunctions and linking words could be expanded to improve the overall flow of ideas. Phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Moreover" could be used to connect related ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of English. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity; for example, avoid overusing "also" and "but," which can make the writing feel repetitive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels. Phrases like "disadvantages," "beneficial," and "knowledge" are repeated without much variation. For instance, the term "knowledge" is used in a somewhat generic manner, which does not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "knowledge," you could use "insight," "information," or "understanding." Additionally, incorporating phrases such as "educational value" or "cognitive development" could add depth to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "offers children with many disadvantages" should be revised to "presents many disadvantages for children." Similarly, "applying these to their daily life" could be more clearly stated as "applying these behaviors in their daily lives."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and correctness is essential. For instance, instead of "many individuals are of a claim," it would be clearer to say "many individuals claim." This precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "utilizing" (should be "utilisation" in British English), "knowledges" (should be "knowledge"), and "ancesters" (should be "ancestors"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the essay and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work for spelling mistakes. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or engaging in regular spelling practice can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly improve the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "they argue that children are always eager to explore new things and attracted by many eye-catching film techniques" shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, the overall range is somewhat limited, and many sentences are either overly long or awkwardly constructed, such as "the advantages associated with TV programs that bring to children far outweigh its disadvantages." This can hinder clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "Despite the concerns about violence, many argue…") or using conditional structures (e.g., "If children are guided properly, they can benefit from educational programs…") would enhance the essay’s complexity. Additionally, breaking down overly long sentences into shorter, clearer ones would improve readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "the utilizing of television during child times" should be "the use of television during childhood." The phrase "offers children with many disadvantages" is incorrect; it should be "offers children many disadvantages." Furthermore, there are issues with pluralization, such as "knowledges," which should simply be "knowledge." Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with commas, which are sometimes missing or incorrectly placed, leading to run-on sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct usage of articles and prepositions. A thorough proofreading process can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring and using grammar resources or exercises can reinforce understanding of correct forms. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and proper separation of ideas.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to engage with the prompt, improving grammatical range and accuracy through varied sentence structures and careful attention to grammar and punctuation will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The use of television during childhood has sparked a debate in recent years. Many people hold the opinion that watching TV offers children numerous disadvantages, while others believe that it is beneficial for them to acquire new knowledge from television programs. This essay will explore both views before presenting my own opinion.

On one hand, there are significant reasons why some people believe that watching TV is disadvantageous for children’s development. They argue that children are often eager to explore new things and are drawn to many visually striking film techniques. Meanwhile, TV programs, especially those with violent content, are frequently visually stunning, potentially attracting many children. Thus, children with insufficient cognitive abilities may tend to mimic these violent behaviors and apply them to their daily lives, causing a number of repercussions not only for themselves but also for those around them.

Conversely, many individuals claim that watching television may be vital for children’s development, as they can gain a wide range of knowledge from TV programs. They believe that certain types of programs, such as historical documentaries, provide many historical events and scenes, particularly during wartime, illustrating how hard our ancestors sacrificed to protect the independence of their country. Therefore, this type of information promotes a sense of patriotism and national identity among younger generations, which is fundamental for a cohesive and developed society.

In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks to watching television during childhood, such as negative influences on children’s behavior, I strongly believe that the advantages associated with TV programs far outweigh these disadvantages. Not only can these drawbacks be mitigated through proper guidance from parents, but TV programs also offer children a sense of responsibility in their current lives.