Some people think watching TV. is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate about watching television. While some people believe that watching television has bad influences on children’s behaviors, others argue that there are numerous merits of watching television. In this essay, I will illustrate both sides and give my point of view.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why watching television also brings abundant demerits. First of all, the kinds of programs have bad effects on behaviors and awareness. Nowadays, numerous programs such as violent, sexual content, or science fiction movies are not age-restricted, making it easy for children to mimic bad actions. For example, last week, China passed a law that prohibited a large number of films due to their negative impact on Chinese children's attitudes. Secondly, various dangerous advertisements attract children’s attention. In fact, many advertisements are depicted with interesting and attractive descriptions, which boost children’s curiosity to buy or try them. As a result, they fall into traps and cannot return to their original state. It is striking that more than half of "cocaine" and "heroin" addicts are children who got addicted through TV advertisements.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that watching television also brings a number of benefits. Initially, television offers a wealth of knowledge in various fields such as history and art. These programs can provide valuable information and stimulate children’s creativity. Furthermore, with the advance of technology, it is a perfect idea for children to learn lessons through educational programs. For instance, to encourage Vietnamese children to learn, VTV has created an outstanding channel to teach children for free.
In conclusion, I believe that TV has both pros and cons. Despite the disadvantages that television brings, I think the advantages outweigh the demerits. It can help children widen their knowledge about the world. As for parents, they should manage the time spent watching TV to avoid risky content and potential harm to the eyes.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Some people think" -> "There is contention regarding"
Explanation: "Some people think" is a common phrase but lacks the formality expected in academic writing. "There is contention regarding" maintains formality while indicating a debate.
"Watching TV is bad for children" -> "Viewing television negatively impacts children"
Explanation: "Watching TV is bad for children" is overly simplistic. "Viewing television negatively impacts children" conveys the same idea with more formal language.
"has more beneficial effects on children" -> "yields greater benefits for children"
Explanation: "has more beneficial effects on children" can be improved for formality and precision. "Yields greater benefits for children" conveys the same meaning in a more academic tone.
"illustrate both sides" -> "explore both perspectives"
Explanation: "Illustrate both sides" is less formal. "Explore both perspectives" maintains formality and clarity.
"abundant demerits" -> "significant drawbacks"
Explanation: "Abundant demerits" is somewhat informal. "Significant drawbacks" is more precise and fits academic tone.
"First of all" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First of all" is informal. "Primarily" is more formal and concise.
"kinds of programs" -> "types of programming"
Explanation: "Kinds of programs" is less formal. "Types of programming" is more academic.
"not age-restricted" -> "lack age restrictions"
Explanation: "Not age-restricted" is informal. "Lack age restrictions" is more formal and clearer.
"making it easy for children" -> "facilitating children’s access"
Explanation: "Making it easy for children" is colloquial. "Facilitating children’s access" is more formal and precise.
"mimic bad actions" -> "emulate negative behaviors"
Explanation: "Mimic bad actions" is somewhat informal. "Emulate negative behaviors" is more formal and specific.
"various dangerous advertisements" -> "several hazardous commercials"
Explanation: "Various dangerous advertisements" is less formal. "Several hazardous commercials" is more precise and formal.
"boost children’s curiosity" -> "heighten children’s curiosity"
Explanation: "Boost children’s curiosity" is slightly informal. "Heighten children’s curiosity" is more formal and precise.
"they fall into traps" -> "they become ensnared"
Explanation: "Fall into traps" is somewhat informal. "They become ensnared" is more formal and precise.
"It is striking" -> "It is noteworthy"
Explanation: "It is striking" is somewhat informal. "It is noteworthy" is more formal and fits better in academic writing.
"numerous benefits" -> "a myriad of benefits"
Explanation: "Numerous benefits" is somewhat informal. "A myriad of benefits" is more formal and precise.
"wealth of knowledge" -> "abundance of knowledge"
Explanation: "Wealth of knowledge" is slightly informal. "Abundance of knowledge" is more formal.
"stimulate children’s creativity" -> "foster children’s creativity"
Explanation: "Stimulate children’s creativity" is somewhat informal. "Foster children’s creativity" is more formal and precise.
"advance of technology" -> "advancement of technology"
Explanation: "Advance of technology" is slightly informal. "Advancement of technology" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"perfect idea" -> "ideal method"
Explanation: "Perfect idea" is somewhat informal. "Ideal method" is more formal and precise.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase but slightly informal. "To conclude" is more formal and fits academic writing better.
"pros and cons" -> "benefits and drawbacks"
Explanation: "Pros and cons" is less formal. "Benefits and drawbacks" is more formal and precise.
"widens their knowledge" -> "broadens their knowledge"
Explanation: "Widens their knowledge" is somewhat informal. "Broadens their knowledge" is more formal and precise.
"risky content" -> "inappropriate content"
Explanation: "Risky content" is slightly informal. "Inappropriate content" is more formal and precise.
"potential harm to the eyes" -> "potential ocular harm"
Explanation: "Harm to the eyes" is slightly informal. "Ocular harm" is more formal and specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the drawbacks and benefits of children watching television. It acknowledges the perspectives of both those who view TV negatively and those who see it as beneficial, and the author concludes with their own opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the essay, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support their points, particularly regarding the negative effects of TV on children.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, indicating that while they recognize both sides of the argument, they ultimately believe that the benefits of television outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of their stance, the author could consider reiterating their opinion in the conclusion or using stronger language to express their viewpoint consistently throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and arguments. It discusses the negative impacts of TV, such as exposure to inappropriate content and advertisements, as well as the positive aspects, such as educational programming.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author could delve deeper into the potential long-term effects of excessive TV exposure on children’s development and academic performance, providing additional evidence or research to support their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the effects of television on children, including both positive and negative aspects. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be tighter, such as the brief mention of Vietnamese children and VTV.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the author should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the impact of television on children, avoiding tangential references that may distract from the main discussion. Additionally, providing more specific examples related to the prompt would strengthen the essay’s relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically by presenting arguments for both sides of the debate. Each viewpoint is introduced in separate paragraphs, with supporting reasons and examples provided for each perspective. The progression of ideas is generally coherent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion summarizing the writer’s opinion. However, some aspects of organization could be improved for greater clarity and coherence. For instance, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that ideas are presented in a logical order, building upon each other effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to structure the discussion, with each paragraph devoted to a specific aspect of the topic. Topic sentences introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. However, there are some areas where paragraphing could be strengthened for greater coherence and readability. For instance, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages of watching television could be subdivided into smaller paragraphs to improve clarity and organization.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to focus on specific points more clearly. Each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to reinforce the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to introduce contrasting viewpoints, as well as pronouns and conjunctions to link sentences within paragraphs. While cohesive devices are utilized, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Additionally, some transitions could be more effectively integrated to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, strive to incorporate a wider range of transition words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay to create a smoother and more cohesive flow of information. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of transitional phrases to ensure they connect ideas seamlessly and logically.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with varied terms employed to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases such as "abundant demerits," "stimulate children’s creativity," and "potential harm to the eyes" showcase a diverse lexical repertoire.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider integrating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of "abundant demerits," one could use "multifaceted drawbacks" for a more nuanced expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "bad influences on behaviors and awareness" could be refined to specify the types of behaviors affected, such as "negative influences on social behavior and cognitive development."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for specificity in vocabulary selection. Utilize terms that accurately capture the intended meaning. In the aforementioned example, specifying the types of behaviors impacted provides clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "watching television" being spelled as "watching TV." Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors, like "wealth of knowledge" should be "wealth of knowledge in various fields."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly or utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools. Pay close attention to common errors and ensure consistency in usage, such as abbreviations like "TV" versus spelled-out terms like "television." Additionally, review grammatical structures to ensure coherence and correctness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It incorporates simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively throughout the text. For instance, simple sentences are utilized for clarity and directness, while compound and complex sentences are employed to convey more intricate ideas. Additionally, there is evidence of parallelism and varied clause structures, enhancing the overall coherence and fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating advanced sentence structures such as conditional sentences, inverted sentences, and participial phrases. Introducing these structures can add sophistication to the writing and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly impede understanding. Most sentences are grammatically correct and well-constructed. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and punctuation errors.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and pronoun usage. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences and the appropriate placement of punctuation marks within quotations. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct these minor errors, ensuring a polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is contention regarding whether watching television negatively impacts children or yields greater benefits for them. Let’s explore both perspectives.

Primarily, some argue that television has significant drawbacks for children. Firstly, the types of programming often lack age restrictions, facilitating children’s access to content that may emulate negative behaviors. For example, in China, recent legislation banned numerous films due to their negative impact on children. Secondly, several hazardous commercials target children, heightening their curiosity and ensnaring them into buying or trying products. It is noteworthy that a significant proportion of children who become addicted to substances like “cocaine” and “heroin” are influenced through TV advertisements.

However, it is undeniable that television also offers a myriad of benefits. Initially, it broadens children’s knowledge by providing an abundance of information in various fields such as history and art. These programs can foster children’s creativity. Furthermore, with the advancement of technology, it is an ideal method for educational purposes. For instance, VTV in Vietnam has created an outstanding educational channel for children.

To conclude, while television has both benefits and drawbacks, I believe the advantages outweigh the demerits. It can broaden children’s knowledge about the world. However, parents should manage their children’s TV time to avoid inappropriate content and potential ocular harm.