Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

Public opinion has polarized on whether it is freedom to opt for their career or their job they choose, need to be considered realism. From my perspective, these two function are of equal importance.
On the one hand, some people realize that young generation really devote their energy and their effort to job only when could they find wishful work. In the journey to work, employees can not help avoiding the difficult conditions such as argument, struggles to climb up the career ladder, which always make people feel a low-energy, disgust. In the long run, staff will give up immediately unless that is what they most desire. The best way to overcome these obstacles is that aspiration, effort and perseverance, they will be found when young people have a chance to be chosen what they enjoy wholeheartedly. Simultaneously, empolyees will find endless sources of creativity when they learn to do what they love.
On the other hand, many people believe that the prospect of promotion of careers is an important key to make ends meet in the future. In fact, this perspective prioritizes stability and long-term success, it means that young people should consider careers that provide financial security and opportunities for growth. In the increasingly competitive job market, having a pragmatic outlook help ensure that young people are well-prepared to support themselves and avoid financial stress. Take scienctific research field for instance, this major take up a huge amount of time, even a decade to explore, experiment and research a certain chemical to serve human life. Scientists only receive significant payment when this chemicals really is recognized and for its usefulness to human.
From my perspective, a balanced approach is the best way. Young people should seek careers that they find meaningful and enjoyable that also take into account practical factors. Exploring various careers path, intership and gaining real-experience can help them make informed choice that satisfy both their passions and their needs for stability. By striking this balance, young people can pursuite careers that are not only fulfilling but also substainable in their future.
In conclusion, young people should balance meaningful and pratical factors when they decide to persuite their careers. That will bring people both hapiness and fulfillment in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "it is freedom to opt for their career or their job they choose, need to be considered realism" -> "it is essential to consider the freedom to choose their career or job"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.

2. "these two function are of equal importance" -> "these two aspects are of equal importance"
   Explanation: "function" is incorrectly used here; "aspects" is the correct term to refer to the two concepts being discussed.

3. "young generation really devote their energy and their effort to job only when could they find wishful work" -> "young individuals truly dedicate their energy and effort to a job only when they find their ideal work"
   Explanation: "young generation" is informal and vague; "young individuals" is more precise. "Wishful work" is unclear; "ideal work" is more specific and appropriate.

4. "employees can not help avoiding" -> "employees cannot help but avoid"
   Explanation: "can not" is grammatically incorrect; "cannot" is the correct form. "help avoiding" is awkward; "help but avoid" is more natural.

5. "which always make people feel a low-energy, disgust" -> "which often leads to feelings of low energy and disgust"
   Explanation: "make people feel a low-energy, disgust" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision clarifies and corrects the grammar.

6. "staff will give up immediately unless that is what they most desire" -> "staff may abandon their jobs unless they are deeply passionate about them"
   Explanation: "give up immediately" is too absolute and informal; "abandon their jobs" is more formal. "most desire" is vague; "deeply passionate about" is more specific and appropriate.

7. "aspiration, effort and perseverance" -> "aspiration, effort, and perseverance"
   Explanation: Adding a comma after "effort" corrects the punctuation for proper list formation.

8. "empolyees" -> "employees"
   Explanation: "empolyees" is a typographical error; "employees" is the correct spelling.

9. "learn to do what they love" -> "pursue their passions"
   Explanation: "learn to do what they love" is informal and vague; "pursue their passions" is more formal and precise.

10. "having a pragmatic outlook help ensure" -> "having a pragmatic outlook helps ensure"
    Explanation: "help" should be "helps" for subject-verb agreement.

11. "scienctific research field" -> "scientific research field"
    Explanation: "scienctific" is a typographical error; "scientific" is the correct spelling.

12. "this major take up a huge amount of time, even a decade to explore, experiment and research a certain chemical to serve human life" -> "this field of research can take up a significant amount of time, even a decade, to explore, experiment, and research a particular chemical that serves human life"
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The revision improves readability and precision.

13. "Scientists only receive significant payment when this chemicals really is recognized and for its usefulness to human" -> "Scientists only receive significant compensation when this chemical is recognized for its usefulness to humans"
    Explanation: "payment" is too informal; "compensation" is more appropriate. "this chemicals" is grammatically incorrect; "this chemical" is singular and correct. "for its usefulness to human" is awkward; "for its usefulness to humans" corrects the plural form.

14. "pursuite" -> "pursue"
    Explanation: "pursuite" is a typographical error; "pursue" is the correct spelling.

15. "substainable" -> "sustainable"
    Explanation: "substainable" is a typographical error; "sustainable" is the correct spelling.

16. "hapiness" -> "happiness"
    Explanation: "hapiness" is a typographical error; "happiness" is the correct spelling.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job of addressing both views regarding whether young people should have the freedom to choose their jobs or be realistic about their future. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of pursuing one’s passion, while the second body paragraph emphasizes the need for financial stability and pragmatic choices. However, while both perspectives are presented, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint, particularly how they might intersect or conflict in real-life scenarios.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is not only presented but also critically analyzed. Adding examples or case studies that illustrate the consequences of each approach could provide depth. Furthermore, a more explicit connection between the views and the concluding opinion would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of a balanced approach, which is commendable. However, the phrasing in the introduction could be clearer. The phrase "these two function are of equal importance" is somewhat vague and could lead to confusion about the author’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the balanced approach but could be more assertive in emphasizing its significance.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should refine the introduction to clearly state their position without ambiguity. Using direct language such as "I believe both freedom and realism are essential" would enhance clarity. Consistently linking back to this position in each paragraph would also help maintain focus.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of passion in career choice and the necessity of financial stability. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the discussion on scientific research lacks depth and could benefit from more specific examples or data to substantiate claims about the time investment and potential rewards. Additionally, the connection between creativity and job satisfaction is mentioned but not thoroughly explored.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing a well-known figure who pursued their passion despite challenges could provide a compelling narrative. Additionally, elaborating on how creativity can lead to career success would enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are instances of slightly off-topic content, such as the lengthy discussion about the struggles in the scientific field, which could distract from the main argument. The phrase "staff will give up immediately unless that is what they most desire" could also be seen as an overgeneralization that might detract from the nuanced discussion expected in an IELTS essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the central question of career choice versus realism. It might be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding sweeping generalizations will help maintain a more balanced and nuanced discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus on the topic would enhance its effectiveness and potentially raise the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow can be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of passion in careers to the necessity of financial stability lacks a smooth connection. The mention of "the journey to work" in the first paragraph could be better linked to the subsequent discussion about challenges faced in the workplace.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the essay prompt. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Conversely," "In addition") can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint or aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the first body paragraph combines multiple ideas about passion and challenges without clearly delineating them.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of pursuing a passion, while another could discuss the challenges faced in that pursuit. This will improve clarity and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively introduce contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, phrases like "the best way to overcome these obstacles is that aspiration, effort and perseverance" could benefit from clearer connections to the preceding sentences.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In contrast," or "As a result" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion further, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "polarized," "aspiration," and "financial security." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are limited or repetitive, such as the use of "young people" and "careers" without variation. Additionally, phrases like "the journey to work" and "make ends meet" are somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more original expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young people," alternatives like "youth" or "the younger generation" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more nuanced terms related to career choices, such as "vocational paths" or "professional trajectories," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "function" in the phrase "these two function are of equal importance" should be "functions." The phrase "wishful work" is also unclear and could be better articulated as "desired job" or "ideal career." Furthermore, "low-energy, disgust" lacks clarity and could be expressed more effectively as "demoralization" or "disillusionment."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, it is crucial to review word choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more accurate terms. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in developing a clearer expression of ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "empolyees" (employees), "scienctific" (scientific), "pursuite" (pursuit), and "substainable" (sustainable). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay multiple times and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduce contrasting views. However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the sentence "In the journey to work, employees can not help avoiding the difficult conditions such as argument, struggles to climb up the career ladder" could be restructured for variety and clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that incorporate clauses. For instance, instead of "young generation really devote their energy and their effort to job only when could they find wishful work," you might say, "The young generation tends to devote their energy and effort to their jobs, particularly when they find work that aligns with their aspirations." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and transitions can help create a more dynamic flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from the overall clarity. For example, "these two function are of equal importance" should be "these two functions are of equal importance." There are also instances of incorrect word forms, such as "empolyees" instead of "employees" and "scienctific" instead of "scientific." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "In fact, this perspective prioritizes stability and long-term success, it means that young people should consider careers that provide financial security and opportunities for growth."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on subject-verb agreement, correct word forms, and punctuation. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing writing sentences with varied structures and reviewing grammar rules related to common mistakes can enhance overall accuracy. For example, breaking complex sentences into simpler ones can help clarify meaning and reduce the risk of errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and touches on relevant points, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Public opinion has polarized on whether young individuals should have the freedom to choose their career or if they need to consider realism in their job selection. From my perspective, these two aspects are of equal importance.

On the one hand, some people believe that the younger generation truly dedicates their energy and effort to a job only when they find their ideal work. In the journey to employment, employees cannot help but avoid difficult conditions such as conflicts and struggles to climb the career ladder, which often leads to feelings of low energy and disgust. In the long run, staff may abandon their jobs unless they are deeply passionate about them. The best way to overcome these obstacles is through aspiration, effort, and perseverance, which will flourish when young people have the chance to choose what they enjoy wholeheartedly. Simultaneously, employees will discover endless sources of creativity when they engage in work they love.

On the other hand, many people argue that the prospect of career advancement is crucial for making ends meet in the future. This perspective prioritizes stability and long-term success, suggesting that young individuals should consider careers that provide financial security and opportunities for growth. In the increasingly competitive job market, having a pragmatic outlook helps ensure that young people are well-prepared to support themselves and avoid financial stress. Take the scientific research field, for instance; this area can take up a significant amount of time, even a decade, to explore, experiment, and research a particular chemical that serves human life. Scientists only receive significant compensation when this chemical is recognized for its usefulness to humanity.

From my perspective, a balanced approach is the best way forward. Young people should seek careers that they find meaningful and enjoyable while also considering practical factors. Exploring various career paths, internships, and gaining real experience can help them make informed choices that satisfy both their passions and their need for stability. By striking this balance, young individuals can pursue careers that are not only fulfilling but also sustainable in their future.

In conclusion, young people should balance meaningful and practical factors when deciding on their careers. This approach will bring them both happiness and fulfillment in the future.