Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The preservation of traditional customs has drawn attention from society. While some believe that the young ought to inherit their forefathers' cultures, others think that they can live independently and dignify liberalism. From my point of view, the engagement of young people in traditions is necessary and should be enhanced .

Admittedly, behaving individually can bring some benefits. Firstly, freedom of choice may foster creativity and its concomitant results in innovation.The globalization permits the youth to open mind and obtain other perspectives from many civilisations over the world. Adopting sophisticated advances and new technology in their own way promotes personal autonomy and self expression. In addition, some traditions, which can be rather obsolete or even oppressive in regards to the present, obstruct the development of not only the young generation but also the nation. For example, in the feudal period, the imbalance in gender was significant and the traditional mindset that women are responsible for all housework inhibited their potential. However, today gender equality has become popular owing to the women’s growing awareness and contribution in a wide range of fields such as Marry Curry and .

On the other hand, traditional education also plays an important role. Cultural heritage helps young people foster and nurture appropriate morals and manners. In Viet Nam, there is a set of rules built on the good stuff and having been passed through many generations for a long time. Minded parents and teachers instill in the children the value of bowing to their seniors,displaying their appreciation and respect that will build their characters as hospitality and attitudes in the future. Moreover, customs are symbolic and present a society’s identity. Traditions are accumulated by past generations and comprise all conventional practices and principles reflecting the society’s long-standing sets of values and standards.Thus, maintaining traditions means remaining social unity and preserving the historical properties.

In conclusion, I believe that living freely as individuals can give the young some benefits of intelligence and creativity but the importance of traditions they should adhere to outweighs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"drawn attention from society" -> "attracted attention from society"
Explanation: "Attracted attention" is a more precise and formal expression than "drawn attention," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"ought to inherit" -> "should inherit"
Explanation: "Ought to" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "Should" is more straightforward and appropriate for contemporary formal texts.
"dignify liberalism" -> "embrace liberal values"
Explanation: "Dignify" is not typically used in this context and can be confusing. "Embrace liberal values" clearly conveys the intended meaning and is more appropriate for academic discourse.
"engagement of young people in traditions" -> "involvement of young people in traditional practices"
Explanation: "Involvement" is more specific and academically precise than "engagement," and "traditional practices" is a clearer term than "traditions."
"behaving individually" -> "acting independently"
Explanation: "Acting independently" is a more formal and precise term than "behaving individually," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"its concomitant results in innovation" -> "resulting in innovation"
Explanation: "Its concomitant results" is awkward and unclear. "Resulting in" is simpler and more direct, improving readability and clarity.
"open mind" -> "open-minded"
Explanation: "Open-minded" is the correct adjective form needed here, not "open mind," which is grammatically incorrect.
"many civilisations over the world" -> "many civilizations worldwide"
Explanation: "Civilizations" should be pluralized as it refers to multiple cultures, and "worldwide" is a more formal and precise adverbial phrase than "over the world."
"Adopting sophisticated advances and new technology" -> "adopting advanced and new technologies"
Explanation: "Sophisticated advances" is awkward and unclear; "advanced and new technologies" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"not only the young generation but also the nation" -> "not only the younger generation but also the nation"
Explanation: "Young generation" is less formal and less precise than "younger generation," which is more specific and appropriate for academic contexts.
"Marry Curry" -> "Meryl Streep"
Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. The correct reference is likely to the actress Meryl Streep, not "Marry Curry."
"good stuff" -> "good values"
Explanation: "Good stuff" is informal and vague; "good values" is more specific and appropriate for an academic discussion about cultural heritage.
"having been passed through many generations for a long time" -> "having been passed down through generations"
Explanation: "Having been passed down through generations" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of cultural transmission over time.
"Minded parents and teachers" -> "mindful parents and teachers"
Explanation: "Minded" is not the correct term here; "mindful" is the appropriate adjective to describe parents and teachers who are attentive and considerate.
"displaying their appreciation and respect" -> "displaying appreciation and respect"
Explanation: Removing "their" before "appreciation and respect" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"hospitality and attitudes" -> "hospitality and attitude"
Explanation: "Attitudes" is plural, but "attitude" is the correct singular form when referring to a general disposition or characteristic.
"the importance of traditions they should adhere to" -> "the importance of adhering to traditions"
Explanation: "Adhering to traditions" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether young people should follow traditions or behave as individuals. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the two sides. The author discusses the benefits of individual behavior, such as creativity and innovation, and provides a counterargument about the importance of traditions. However, the discussion of the second view could be more balanced and detailed, as it primarily focuses on the importance of traditions without adequately exploring the potential drawbacks of adhering strictly to them.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both perspectives are equally developed. This could involve providing more examples of how traditions can be restrictive or detrimental, alongside the benefits of following them. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views in separate paragraphs could help in organizing the essay more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author presents a clear opinion that values both individual freedom and the importance of traditions, but the position could be more consistently articulated. The conclusion states that the importance of traditions outweighs the benefits of individualism, yet this point is not strongly reinforced throughout the essay. The transition from discussing individualism to traditions lacks a smooth connection, which may confuse readers about the author’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at strategic points can help reinforce the author’s viewpoint. Additionally, summarizing the key arguments for both sides before concluding with a strong statement of personal opinion would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of individualism and the role of traditions in moral development. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For instance, the mention of gender inequality during the feudal period is a strong point, but it lacks depth and could benefit from further elaboration. The example of Marie Curie is introduced but not fully developed, leaving the reader wanting more context.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the impact of traditions on character development, providing a concrete example of how these values manifest in real-life scenarios would strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully fleshed out before moving on to the next will improve the overall coherence and depth of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of individualism, where the author could delve deeper into how this relates to the prompt. The introduction mentions "liberalism," which is not directly tied back to the main argument, creating a slight disconnect.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding tangential discussions, such as the broader implications of liberalism, will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the question. Regularly referring back to the prompt throughout the essay can serve as a reminder to stay on topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in the areas of depth of argumentation, clarity of position, and focus on the prompt. By addressing these aspects, the author can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The argument flows logically from the discussion of individual freedom to the importance of traditions. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of individualism to the role of traditions lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs or between points. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph. The final sentence of the second paragraph is incomplete and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help guide the reader and provide a clear focus for each section. Additionally, complete all sentences to maintain clarity and coherence. For example, the mention of "Marry Curry" seems to be a typographical error and should be corrected to "Marie Curie" for accuracy.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "Moreover" and "In addition" could be varied to include alternatives like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices that indicate cause and effect (e.g., "As a result," "Consequently"), contrast (e.g., "Nevertheless," "On the contrary"), and examples (e.g., "For instance," "Such as"). This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices could elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "preservation," "liberalism," "autonomy," and "cultural heritage." These words reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the overall argument. However, there are instances where word choice could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the young" is repeated multiple times; synonyms like "youth" or "youngsters" could enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the young," consider using "youth" or "younger generations." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to tradition and individuality would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "dignify liberalism" is unclear and does not convey a precise meaning. Additionally, "the good stuff" is vague and informal, which detracts from the academic tone expected in an IELTS essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should replace vague phrases with more specific terms. For example, instead of "dignify liberalism," consider using "promote individual freedoms." Furthermore, instead of "the good stuff," a more formal phrase such as "positive values" or "beneficial principles" would be more appropriate.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact the overall quality. For instance, "Marry Curry" should be "Marie Curie," and "displaying their appreciation" is missing a space after the comma. Additionally, "obstruct the development of not only the young generation but also the nation" could be clearer with better punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing writing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "While some believe that the young ought to inherit their forefathers’ cultures, others think that they can live independently and dignify liberalism." This showcases the writer’s ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional or inversion forms, which could enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "In addition," the writer could use alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "Additionally." Including conditional sentences (e.g., "If young people embrace traditions, they may…") could also add depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the globalization permits the youth to open mind" should be "globalization permits youth to have an open mind." Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas (e.g., "the value of bowing to their seniors,displaying their appreciation"), hinder readability. The phrase "the importance of traditions they should adhere to outweighs" lacks clarity and could be rephrased for better comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing the correct use of articles (e.g., "the globalization" vs. "globalization") and ensuring proper noun forms (e.g., "youth" instead of "the youth") will strengthen the writing. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma placement, will improve the flow of sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The preservation of traditional customs has attracted attention from society. While some believe that young people should inherit their forefathers’ cultures, others argue that they should be free to behave as individuals and embrace liberal values. From my perspective, the involvement of young people in traditional practices is necessary and should be enhanced.

Admittedly, acting independently can bring several benefits. Firstly, the freedom of choice may foster creativity, resulting in innovation. Globalization permits the youth to be open-minded and gain diverse perspectives from many civilizations worldwide. Adopting advanced and new technologies in their own way promotes personal autonomy and self-expression. Additionally, some traditions, which may be considered obsolete or even oppressive in the present context, can obstruct the development of not only the younger generation but also the nation. For example, during the feudal period, significant gender imbalances existed, and the traditional mindset that women were solely responsible for housework inhibited their potential. However, today, gender equality has gained prominence due to the growing awareness and contributions of women in various fields, exemplified by figures like Meryl Streep.

On the other hand, traditional education also plays a crucial role. Cultural heritage helps young people foster and nurture good values and manners. In Vietnam, there is a set of rules built on positive principles that have been passed down through generations. Mindful parents and teachers instill in children the importance of bowing to their elders, displaying appreciation and respect, which will shape their character and attitudes towards hospitality in the future. Moreover, customs are symbolic and represent a society’s identity. Traditions, accumulated by past generations, encompass all conventional practices and principles that reflect the society’s long-standing values and standards. Thus, maintaining traditions means preserving social unity and historical properties.

In conclusion, while living freely as individuals can provide young people with benefits related to intelligence and creativity, the importance of adhering to traditions outweighs these advantages.